"My two Peters, you must have both suffered so much, right? Being Spider-Man is never easy, is it...?"
Peter and Noir Peter sat on either side of Aunt May. She kept reaching out, touching the scar on Noir Peter's face, then the burn mark on the back of Peter's hand.
That burn had come from when Peter overloaded the electromagnetic pulse device before. Even though two months had already passed, the injury still had not healed. It was strange, because with Spider-Man's recovery abilities, something like that should have disappeared long ago.
Peter simply did not want it to heal.
It was because of his recklessness that his best friend Harry had lost an arm. He wanted that scar to stay on his body forever, as a reminder to never drag the people around him into danger again.
"I'm doing alright, Aunt May. I'm a private detective now, so I deal with criminals all day. Honestly, I'd like to relax once in a while too..." Noir Peter nodded.
"Sometimes I do feel tired, but I can't stop. There are things I have to do, and there are people I have to protect."
Peter nodded, then shook his head. Sitting here with Aunt May, speaking openly like this, made him feel much less weighed down.
Even if this was Aunt May from another universe, she was still his Aunt May.
"Life must be exhausting for you, sweetheart. Sometimes Spider-Man needs to stop and rest for a while too," Aunt May said softly.
"You don't have to carry everything. Maybe what you really need is to face your own life more honestly, don't you think?"
Feeling the warmth of her care, even Noir Peter, who had already seen far too much and stopped caring about most things in the world, felt his eyes turn red.
"Aunt May, I missed you so much. I'm sorry... I couldn't protect you."
"I know. It's alright, sweetheart. Everything will be okay. She loved you, you know. She wouldn't have blamed you."
"By the way, Aunt May, this is going to sound ridiculous, but we really are Spider-Men from other universes. We came here through some strange quantum wormhole, and this morning I even snuck out through the window..."
Peter looked a little embarrassed as he said it. Sneaking out of another universe's version of his own house like a burglar really was awkward.
"Sweetheart, I know. I heard the noise in the room this morning. By the time I opened the door, the window was already open. I wanted so badly to believe my Peter hadn't really..."
Aunt May's expression crumpled. She began sobbing again, her shoulders shaking, tears falling like broken strings of pearls.
She had not been doing well lately.
Peter had been like a son to her. For more than twenty years, she and Ben had poured all their love, time, and care into raising him.
They had completely treated Peter like their own child. Sometimes Aunt May had even felt a little unhappy whenever Peter brought up his biological parents.
Because Peter was her child.
For twenty years, she had been the one raising him, giving him all the love in her heart. She and Ben had even chosen not to have a child of their own so they could focus completely on Peter.
And now that she had lost him, she was alone.
Looking at Aunt May crying like this, Peter, Noir Peter, and Mary Jane all fell silent.
Peter especially stared at her with a complicated expression.
If, in his own universe, he really had turned into the Lizard and died out of control, then Aunt May and Uncle Ben would probably have been just as heartbroken.
Before he could finish chasing that thought, his spider-sense flared violently, making him jolt upright.
Noir Peter reacted at the same time, rising immediately into a guarded stance.
As the spider-sense grew stronger and stronger, the door opened.
Then in walked a massive red-and-blue EVA-style robot.
And from inside it came the voice of a little girl.
"Are you Spider-Men too?!"
Peter felt like his worldview was about to shatter.
He had already thought the Japanese live-action version of Spider-Man was crazy enough, and now this was somehow even wilder.
A completely anime-style character, piloting an EVA mecha...
And you were telling him this was Spider-Man?
Who would believe that?
Clack.
The cockpit opened, and a girl in a school uniform skirt jumped out.
"Ah, sorry about that. My name is Peni Parker. I'm half Japanese, half American. This is my partner, SP//dr. Nice to meet you." The little girl bowed politely.
Even through his shock, Peter immediately recognized who she was from her introduction.
Alright, so this was yet another Spider-Man from a parallel universe, and this one was a mecha-piloting spider girl.
Aunt May's eyes curved into warm crescents.
She got up from the couch, walked over to Peni, stroked her little head, then took her hand.
"Peni, right? Come on, sit down first. You can tell us everything slowly."
Peni obediently let Aunt May lead her over to the couch. After glancing at Peter and Noir Peter, she prepared to explain herself.
At that moment, the kitchen suddenly erupted with loud crashing sounds.
Peter motioned for everyone to stay where they were, then rushed straight into the kitchen. He did not even bother checking first. He just launched in with a flying kick and started beating the intruder senseless.
The screams coming from the kitchen were horrific, the kind that made people who heard them want to cry.
Peter kept at it for a full ten minutes before finally dragging the thief back out, looking quite satisfied.
"A pig got into the kitchen. Should I just butcher it and make some bacon rolls?"
Seeing the red-and-blue suit, the mask in its hoof, and the swollen pig face that had clearly been beaten half to death, Noir Peter twitched at the corner of his mouth.
"Don't tell me a pig can be Spider-Man too."
"Who knows? But do you think Spider-Man pork tastes better?"
Peter shrugged, his eyes full of pure desire for bacon.
"You can't eat me! I was just hungry and wanted something to eat! Some weird feeling drew me here! And I'm a superhero too, Spider-Ham! Peter Porker! A friendly neighborhood hero shouldn't be treated like this..."
Peter kicked the pig straight across the room.
To his surprise, the pig fired a strand of webbing, swung around the room, and landed squarely on the couch, where he started greeting everyone like nothing had happened.
"Wow! What a cute little piggy!" Peni reached out both hands eagerly. "Hi, little piggy, I'm Peni Parker, and that's my wonderful partner SP//dr. Nice to meet you!"
Spider-Ham glanced down at Peni and grinned.
"Little Peni, I'm Peter Porker. Looks like we're the same kind of people~"
"These days even pigs can be Spider-Man. Suddenly being Spider-Man feels like a pretty hopeless career path."
Peter went back to the couch, shoved aside the pig who was taking up half of it with his backside, then sat down and sighed heavily.
The EVA Spider-Girl had already been enough to crack his worldview.
Now a pig was Spider-Man too, and that pretty much finished the job.
Fine then.
Everything can be Spider-Man.
What an absolutely unhinged concept.
At this point there were already four Spider-Men in the room, so they might as well introduce themselves properly.
Spider-Man Noir, full name Peter Benjamin Parker, came from 1939, just after the Great Depression.
Uncle Ben had been murdered by Osborn for organizing a strike.
Ben Urich of the Daily Bugle took advantage of Noir Peter's anger and hired him as a reporter.
While investigating Osborn's smuggling operation, he was bitten by a spider hidden inside an artifact. During the coma that followed, he saw the Spider-God Anansi and gained spider powers.
Later, he discovered the dirty connection between Urich and Osborn, quit the paper, became a private detective, and began his path of fighting greedy capitalists and corrupt officials.
He had gained his spider powers in 1933 and had been fighting for six years. He was a Spider-Man with a great deal of combat experience.
Peni Parker, also known as the spider mecha girl, was fourteen.
She inherited her spider mech, SP//dr, from her father after his accidental death. In her world, Uncle Ben and Aunt May were both scientists and had once been her father's partners as well as combat support for her.
Spider-Ham had originally been a humanoid spider, until the Aunt May of his universe, an anthropomorphic pig, bit him and turned him into what he was now.
Apparently, Pig Aunt May had been trying to dominate the hairstyling industry, so she developed an atomic hair dryer. When the atomic energy leaked, she went berserk and bit poor little Peter.
After becoming a pig, Spider-Ham kept some of the abilities he had possessed when he was still a spider, except he lost a pair of arms and ended up with the four-limbed body of a pig.
The one thing Peter still could not understand was how a humanoid spider could have a pig relative in the first place. Were there no biological barriers in that universe?
Oh, God.
He really was trying to apply science to a cartoon character.
As always, Peter stayed cautious.
Even while introducing himself and explaining how he had become Spider-Man, he mixed truth with lies. He basically copied Tobey Maguire Spider-Man's origin story word for word, only changing college to high school.
Of course, he told some truths as well.
For example, in his universe, Uncle Ben was still alive and happy with Aunt May.
And he was honest about the way he viewed things and the methods he used to solve problems, because he believed that was what made him stand out among all the Peter Parkers.
He did not want to be just another Peter among countless others.
He wanted to be his own Peter Parker.
(End of Chapter)
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