Meera's POV
The doorbell rang mid-morning.
I wasn't expecting anyone.
Amma was at the market.
Appa at work.
Karthik at some friend's house.
I opened the door.
And screamed.
"Kayal!"
She screamed back.
We jumped up and down like idiots.
Hugging.
Laughing.
Almost crying.
Kayalvizhi.
My best friend from school.
The one who knew all my secrets.
The one who held my hair when I was sick.
The one who made the last year of twelfth grade bearable.
"What are you doing here? How did you find me? Why didn't you tell me?"
She laughed.
Pushed past me into the flat.
"Your mother invited me. Said you were here and needed cheering up. So here I am. Cheer."
I hugged her again.
So tight.
So grateful.
Someone normal.
Someone safe.
Someone who didn't know about Ethan.
About any of it.
---
We talked for hours.
Lying on my bed.
Like old times.
She told me about college.
About the boy she liked.
About the fights with her parents.
Normal things.
Simple things.
Things that reminded me who I was.
Then she asked.
"So. Any boys in America?"
I hesitated.
Too long.
She noticed.
Immediately.
"Meera. Meera Narayanan. You're hiding something."
"No I'm not."
"Yes you are. Your face is doing that thing. The thing where you try to look normal but actually look guilty."
I laughed.
Couldn't help it.
She knew me too well.
"There was... someone."
Her eyes went wide.
"Someone? Like a boy someone? Like romantic someone?"
"I don't know what he was. That's the problem."
---
I told her everything.
Well.
Not everything.
Not the basement.
Not the torture.
Not the blood.
But the rest.
The obsession.
The lies.
The touch.
The almost.
The leaving.
She listened.
Eyes getting wider.
Mouth opening and closing.
When I finished, she was silent for a long time.
Then.
"Wow."
"Yeah."
"That's... a lot."
"I know."
"And you left him?"
"I had to."
"But you still... feel something?"
I didn't answer.
Couldn't.
She saw.
Of course she saw.
"You still love him."
"I don't know if it's love. I don't know what I feel. I don't know anything anymore."
---
She sat up.
Grabbed my hands.
"Okay. We need to fix this. We need to figure out what you feel."
"How?"
She grinned.
Evil grin.
The one that always meant trouble.
"Have you ever watched porn?"
I choked.
"What?"
"Porn. Dirty videos. People doing it. Have you watched?"
"No! Of course not! I'm a good girl!"
She laughed.
"So was I. Until last year. Come on. It's educational."
"Kayal—"
"Trust me. You need to see what's out there. Compare. Understand. If you still want him after seeing other options, then you know it's real."
I should have said no.
Should have been scandalized.
Should have maintained my innocence.
But curiosity burned.
And maybe she was right.
Maybe I needed to understand.
---
She pulled out her phone.
Found a website.
Covered my eyes dramatically.
"Okay. Ready?"
"No."
"Too bad."
She removed her hands.
And I saw.
Men.
Bodies.
Acts.
Things I had never imagined.
Things that made my cheeks burn.
Things that should have made me feel something.
But they didn't.
I watched.
Waited for the heat.
The pull.
The want.
Nothing.
Just clinical observation.
Just detached awareness.
Just... nothing.
---
Kayal watched me watching.
Waited.
Then.
"Well?"
I shook my head.
"Nothing?"
"Nothing."
She scrolled.
Found another video.
Different men.
Different bodies.
Different acts.
I watched.
Felt nothing.
Another.
Nothing.
Another.
Nothing.
After ten videos, she turned to me.
Confused.
"Meera, these are hot men. Really hot. And you feel nothing?"
"I feel... nothing. Like watching cooking videos. Just information."
"That's not normal."
"I know."
---
She thought for a moment.
Then softly.
"It's him, isn't it? Your monster. Your Ethan. Your body only responds to him."
I didn't answer.
Didn't need to.
We both knew.
Whatever this feeling was.
Lust or love or obsession or fate.
It was only for him.
Only ever for him.
No other man could make me feel it.
No other body could wake mine up.
He had ruined me for everyone else.
Or saved me.
I didn't know which.
---
The next day was Pongal fair.
Kayal dragged me.
Forced me out of the house.
Forced me into a bright new saree.
Forced me to be normal.
The fair was chaos.
Crowds.
Stalls.
Food.
Lights.
Music.
Children running.
Families laughing.
Everything bright and loud and alive.
We walked through.
Eating sugar cane.
Watching puppet shows.
Being stupid.
Being young.
Being normal.
---
Then he appeared.
A boy.
Maybe twenty.
Tall.
Good looking.
Traditional veshti and shirt.
Smiling at me.
"Vanakkam, akka. You look beautiful today."
Kayal nudged me.
Whispered.
"Southie flirts with you. Classic."
I smiled politely.
Nodded.
Tried to walk past.
He followed.
"Just one minute, akka. Can I get your number? Or your name? Anything?"
He was handsome.
Really handsome.
Dark skin like mine.
Warm eyes.
Friendly smile.
Everything a good Tamil girl should want.
I felt nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
---
Kayal watched.
Curious.
Testing.
I talked to him for a few minutes.
Let him flirt.
Let him try.
He was charming.
Respectful.
Funny even.
Everything right.
But my heart stayed quiet.
My body stayed cold.
My skin didn't tingle.
My pulse didn't quicken.
Nothing.
When we finally walked away, Kayal grabbed my arm.
"Nothing?"
"Nothing."
"Not even a little?"
"Not even a tiny bit."
"But he was so cute! And nice! And clearly interested!"
"I know."
"And nothing?"
"Nothing."
---
She was quiet for a moment.
Then.
"It's really just him, isn't it? Your monster."
I nodded.
Slow.
Admitting.
"Only him. Ever since I saw him in that shower. Ever since my body woke up. It's only been for him. No one else. Not in those videos. Not in that fair. Not anywhere."
"That's... intense."
"I know."
"But also kind of beautiful?"
I looked at her.
"Is it?"
"I think so. Your body chose him. Your heart is choosing him. Even when your mind is fighting. That's not nothing, Meera. That's everything."
---
We walked back through the fair.
Past more people.
More couples.
More families.
I thought about what she said.
My body chose him.
My heart was choosing him.
Even after everything.
Even after the lies.
The pain.
The almost destruction.
Something in me still wanted him.
Still reached for him.
Still loved him.
Maybe it was love.
Maybe it was lust.
Maybe it was something in between.
But it was real.
And it was only for him.
---
That night, Kayal left.
Hugged me tight.
Whispered in my ear.
"Stop fighting it. If it's only him, then it's only him. Go get your monster."
I laughed.
Cried a little.
Hugged her harder.
After she left, I sat on my bed.
Thinking.
Remembering.
Feeling.
I touched my hip.
Where his fingers had been in my dream.
I touched my stomach.
Where he traced circles.
I touched my navel.
Where he worshipped.
Then I got up.
Walked to the window.
Opened it.
Looked out at the night.
At the shadows.
At the darkness where he hid.
"I know you're there."
Quiet.
Nothing.
"I know you came. I know you watched. I know you touched me while I slept."
Silence.
"I should be angry. I should be terrified. I should call the police."
Still nothing.
"But I'm not."
A breath.
Somewhere in the dark.
"I don't know if I love you. I don't know if what I feel is real. But I know it's only you. Only ever you. No one else makes me feel this. No one else ever could."
Movement.
Shadows shifting.
"I'm not ready. Not yet. But I'm... getting there. So wait. Like you said you would. Wait for me."
A long pause.
Then from the darkness.
Soft.
Barely there.
"Always, little star."
My heart stopped.
My breath caught.
He was there.
Listening.
Waiting.
Loving.
I smiled.
Closed the window.
Went back to bed.
And for the first time in weeks.
I slept peacefully.
Knowing he was near.
Knowing he was waiting.
Knowing that maybe, just maybe, we would find our way back to each other.
Because some things were worth fighting for.
And some monsters were worth loving.