SF Chapter 133: Merry Thanksgiving II
After Phil had made the call to arrange everything for Luke's birthday, Dani returned to Malibu.
He was working on the third Percy Jackson book, while Alan was watching television.
Then Charlie walked in through the kitchen door.
"Change of plans," he said, carrying a big turkey in his arms. "We're gonna have a big family dinner right here."
"What?" Alan stared at him in disbelief.
"We're gonna have a family Thanksgiving here!" Charlie clarified.
Dani was the one who asked, "And whose big family were you planning on inviting?"
"You know, you, me, Alan, Jake, Mom, turkey - just like the good old days."
Alan stared at him. "What good old days?"
"It's just an expression," Charlie dismissed. "Don't get hung up on it."
"Let me guess," Dani chimed in again, "Lisa is also part of this?"
Charlie paused for a moment, then confirmed, "Yeah, that's the idea."
"Okay, what is going on?" Alan turned off the television and turned to Charlie, who had sat down on the couch with a giant turkey on his lap.
"I need to show Lisa that I'm a family guy," Charlie explained.
Alan scoffed, "But you're not."
"That's not the point. She's about to move to London," Charlie revealed. "Lisa got an incredible job offer, and she might go there for good. So I need to show her I'm a family guy - and convince her to stay."
"I get it - you're Satan."
"Alan, this is serious," Charlie defended himself. "I could lose her forever."
"Wow, and you care?"
"I love her, Alan. As I told you before, she's the only one I ever thought I might 'eventually wind up with'."
"I get it, bro," Dani said, unlike Alan, who scoffed again.
"But Jake is with his mother. There's a high chance that if you want him here, you'll have to invite her as well."
He continued his analysis. "Mom, Judith, probably Berta, since someone needs to handle the food and the preparations… and if you're unlucky, Rose."
"Doesn't seem like the best plan... hard to believe no one is going to screw you over."
Charlie turned to him. "Do you have a better one?"
"Well, Sis and Phil are planning to throw a big party for Luke, since his birthday usually falls on Thanksgiving and sometimes gets forgotten," Dani said.
Charlie looked at him in disbelief. "You want me to take Lisa to a kid's birthday party?"
"Bro, nothing says 'family guy' more than surviving a full day at a party full of kids."
"That... makes sense," his brother muttered.
Alan just kept glaring at his two brothers. "You know you're going to hell, right?"
"Alan, we know Mom and our aunts," Charlie said sarcastically, "when we get there, we'll already know the president and the people who run the place!"
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Two days later, on Thanksgiving morning, Phil was giving orders about where to place all the entertainment equipment.
"Phil, do we really need all of this?" Claire looked around, as their house seemed to have turned into an amusement park.
"Sweetie, that's a rock wall. Is that even safe?" She looked at the truck that was lifting a new piece of equipment.
"Honey, relax," Phil dismissed. "Hey, has anyone ever gotten hurt on one of these things?" he asked one of the workers.
The man with a blue cap replied, "I don't know, man. It's my first day."
"See?" Phil tried to reassure his wife. "Just relax, Claire, nothing's going to go wrong. Now go grab a snow cone."
"There's a snow cone machine?"
"Yeah."
Haley and Alex walked up to their parents. The older one said to her mom, "Mom, just so you know, Dylan can't have mayonnaise."
Claire raised an eyebrow. "That's random. Why are you telling me that?"
"'Cause he's coming to the party."
"Is that absolutely necessary?" Claire inquired, making a disapproving face. She was still against her daughter's boyfriend.
But Alex was the one who answered, with her usual sassy remark. "Yes, because she can't go ten minutes without her boyfriend's tongue in her mouth."
"It's like he's feeding a baby bird," she added with a snort.
"Don't be so jealous," Haley shot back. "I'm sure you'll meet someone super hot at computer camp."
Then Dani appeared beside the birthday boy, both of them looking like Rambo, with several toy weapons strapped to their bodies.
"We're back!" Dani struck a pose, then immediately started shooting at his nieces when he saw them bickering.
"Dani!" they both complained.
"What's all of that?" Claire asked, staring at the duo.
"Uncle Dan bought these awesome Nerf guns and a bunch of other stuff," Luke replied happily.
"What?" Dani played innocently, noticing his sister's expression. "You told me not to overdo it. So I only bought two of each kind of gun we found."
"It's not my fault Nerf makes like a dozen different kinds," he defended himself.
"That's too much!" Claire scoffed.
"Relax, Sis. If anything, Luke can donate them as part of your Christmas family tradition," Dani kept arguing.
He went on, "Besides, they're safe. At most, they just annoy people."
He proved it by shooting Alex again, hitting her right on the nose. Luke did the same to Haley.
Soon, there were two boys running from two very angry girls.
Phil just smiled at the sight and gestured toward the small boxes his wife was holding. "So, what do you got there?"
Claire spoke excitedly. "Oh. These are supplies for the crafts table. I finally figured out what we're gonna be making."
"Kids bored?" Phil chuckled.
But then he quickly added, "I'm teasing, I'm teasing," noticing his wife's not-so-friendly expression. "It looks good. What is it?"
"Comb sheaths," Claire said, pulling one covered in colorful little stones out of her pocket.
"I know, I know," she went on. "But we made them when I was 11 years old at Donna Rigby's birthday party. At first we thought it was really stupid, and then we had a blast, so-"
"How could you not? You combined two things that kids love the most - combs and sheaths," Phil joked.
Claire just frowned and walked away.
[Claire and Dani commentary]
"Where's my comb? Oh!" Claire exclaimed, pulling out the colorful comb sheath. "Here it is - in my incredibly convenient beaded comb sheath... that I made at Luke's awesome birthday party."
"Hole in one, Mrs. Dunphy," she said as she combed her hair, "hole in one."
Dani looked at his sister. "I think the only kid you could get interested in something like that would be someone like a kid version of Alan."
[Commentary ends]
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