SF Chapter 89: The Dumpling Paradox
Daniel was at his cousin's apartment the following evening.
"So, Sheldon, what about your girlfriend?" Daniel asked as he sat down in the armchair.
"Pomona is not my girlfriend. She is barely my friend," Sheldon said making a face. "And she keeps trying to get us to engage in coitus again."
Leonard and Raj, who were sitting nearby, turned to look at him.
"Sheldon is probably the only guy in the world who thinks that's a problem," Leonard joked.
His roommate ignored him and continued. "If Pomona and I ever decide to bring new life into this world, it will be accomplished clinically, with fertility experts in a lab using petri dishes."
"Wow, that's still this option?" Raj asked in surprise.
"Well, she is correct that our genetic material has the potential to produce the first in a line of intellectually superior offspring," Sheldon remarked.
He finished, "Besides, having two PhDs encouraging the child from the very beginning could improve the results even further."
Leonard joked again. "Future society might condemn us if a second Sheldon is born."
"Huh." Dani thought for a second. "Isn't she the one who took your V-card, Sheldon?" He paused before adding, "That reminds me of when I lost mine."
"Who was it?" Raj asked curiously.
"Her name was Prudence. She was gorgeous. I met her on a trip I took two years ago. We ended up fooling around and losing our V-cards together," Daniel said with a smirk.
"Can we stop talking about meaningless things and get on with Halo night?" Sheldon scoffed. "We were supposed to start at 7. It's now 7:06."
"So we'll start now," Leonard remarked while handing out the four wired Xbox controllers to everyone.
Sheldon pointed out, "We still need to decide whether those lost six minutes will come out of game time, bathroom time, or the pizza break."
"We could split it two, two, and two," Raj proposed.
"Talking about deciding something," Daniel suddenly remembered, "I got three tickets to The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King premiere."
Even Sheldon stopped and stared at him.
"I'm your only family here," Leonard was the first to bargain.
Dani pointed at him. "You got one. Family comes first!"
Leonard made a very smug face.
"I'm the one who supports you the most here," Raj tried to argue his case.
"Hold on a second," Sheldon interrupted this time. "As the only person in this room intellectually capable of fully appreciating Tolkien's work, one of the tickets clearly should be mine."
[Daniel commentary]
"Yeah, to tell the truth, our H&P studio received four invitations to the LOTR premiere," Dani revealed while sitting down on Lexi's couch, which had just been cleaned earlier that day.
"Dad has no interest. And I saved one for my bro Phil. The rest of the family might be interested for one reason or another, but not that much. Same thing with Penny and Lexi."
"Different from these guys - Raj, Leonard, Howard, and Sheldon - who would treasure this forever."
He concluded. "And I could probably get a few more in the future."
[Commentary ends]
"Wow, incredible negotiation skills," Leonard said dryly about the way Sheldon asked.
But before the argument could continue any further, someone knocked on the door, and a moment later Penny walked in.
"Hi again, guys," she said as she entered the apartment. "I'm now regretting helping you, Dani." Penny gave him a sarcastic smile.
"What?" he asked.
"Well, um, Howard and Christy are kind of hooking up in my bedroom."
"Ugh. But are you sure?"
"Look, I grew up on a farm, okay?" Penny replied. "From what I heard, they're either having sex or Howard's caught in a milking machine."
[Penny and Daniel commentary]
"I was in Nebraska, and I ran into Christy," Penny began explaining.
"She's kind of family... Christy was engaged to my cousin while sleeping with my brother."
Daniel didn't show any reaction to that.
Penny went on, "She has absolutely no standards. So I decided to invite her to stay a few days in California and set her up with Howard."
"Even if I don't like him, I feel a little bad seeing him so down," she finished.
"Well, I also had promised him," Dani added.
[Commentary ends]
Sheldon joined the conversation again. "Can we get back to what actually matters instead of discussing the delightfully folksy tale of the whore of Omaha?"
"Oh... I don't think she's a whore," Leonard corrected him.
"No, yeah, she's definitely a whore," Penny sided with Sheldon.
"Let's talk back about how I'm clearly the most appropriate person to go to the premiere."
"What?" Penny asked in confusion.
"I got tickets to The Lord of the Rings premiere. So you and Leonard also have leverage to ask the boys for 'favors,'" Dani explained to her.
"Oh, that three-hour movie about little guys running around for a ring?"
Even Daniel gasped in outrage.
"That is so... so-" Sheldon was left speechless by the sheer level of disgust, while a nervous twitch appeared in his eye.
"Hang on," Penny interrupted him. "Someone's calling me." She picked up her phone and stepped outside to talk.
The quartet started playing Halo, with Sheldon occasionally nagging everyone about the ticket.
After a while, Penny suddenly burst through the door and screamed, "I have good news and bad news!"
She immediately jumped onto Dani as soon as he walked over to her.
"Which one do you want to hear first?"
But Sheldon interrupted. "Statistically, the optimal order depends on the emotional resilience of the recipient. Receiving the bad news first allows the brain to process relief afterward, creating a net positive emotional recovery curve. However-"
"Good news first!" Dani ignored C-3PO.
"I got the role for One Tree Hill!" Penny revealed before giving him a deep kiss.
"But the bad news is that I need to move to another city..." she finished.
"What?"
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Author's Note: Prudence (Two and a Half Men) – Megan Fox: She will not be the dumb girl like she was in the show.
Penny will still come back from time to time.
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