SF Chapter 64: Friends Pilot
Jay and Gloria traveled early the next morning.
In the day's newspapers, Mean Girls was featured on the front page of the entertainment section in most of them, highlighting how a teen comedy had surpassed the 30 million mark in its opening week.
A few days later, Daniel was lounging lazily at Central Perk, the café where his cousin Monica and her friends always gathered.
Monica was dismissing her friends. "There's nothing to tell. It's just some guy I work with." She added, "This isn't even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and not having sex."
Chandler remarked with his usual sarcasm, "Sounds like a date to me."
Daniel stared at the two of them. "No sex? What is wrong with New Yorkers?" He made a judgmental face. "Are you in middle school or something?"
"Hey, did you forget about me?" Joey opened his arms. "The problem is these two."
"What are you two doing, Daniel and Phoebe?" Monica looked at her friend strangely as she made gestures around her cousin's head.
"She's cleansing my aura," Daniel remarked, "so I can be more awesome!"
"I can see incredible talent and confidence, but also some bad thoughts," Phoebe continued, still making gestures.
"See?" He pointed at Phoebe. "She's incredible. Got everything right!"
Monica made a face at the duo.
[Daniel commentary]
Daniel was sitting on the couch at Monica's apartment. "I liked Phoebe and Chandler, even though I've only known them for a short time." He smiled.
"Chandler is like Charlie, but without the women, money and musical talent." He made a thoughtful face. "Oh well, maybe they're only similar in the sarcasm. But he's funny."
"Phoebe is from another world. She's totally chaotic. I love it!"
[Commentary ends]
Ross walked in looking completely unmotivated by life. "Hi," he said, almost muttering.
Joey, who was sitting in the armchair, made a gesture with his hand toward him. "This guy says 'hello,' I wanna kill myself," he commented.
"Are you okay, sweetie?" Monica asked with a bit of concern.
"I feel like someone grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth… and tied it around my neck," Ross continued, still in his gloomy mood.
His sister explained the reason for the drama. "Carol moved her stuff out today."
"She moved her stuff?" Daniel looked surprised. "I thought Ross was the one who got kicked out of the house."
The siblings shot him a look.
Ross went to sit on the couch next to Phoebe. She turned from Daniel to him and began making the same gestures around his head.
"No. No, don't! Stop cleansing my aura." He grew irritated. "Just leave my aura alone, okay?"
"I'll be fine, all right? I hope she'll be very happy," he added.
Monica, who had gone to get some coffee for her brother, said from the counter, "No, you don't."
"No, I don't. To hell with her. She left me!" He spoke his true feelings.
"And you never knew she was a lesbian," Joey said, looking at him.
"No! Okay?" Ross became even more annoyed. "Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know. How was I supposed to know?"
"Hey, Ross," Daniel got an idea, "you can start a support group with Alan: My ex-wife got into chicks."
Joey and Chandler laughed, while Ross shot him another look.
"I'm laughing because of the name of the group, but who is Alan?" Chandler asked.
"My brother. Ross and Monica's cousin."
"Whoa, it runs in the family."
Joey joined the conversation. "All right, Ross. Look, you're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?"
His friend nodded.
"Strip clubs!" Joey smirked, making Ross turn his head in frustration. Monica made a disapproving face as well.
On the other hand, Daniel stood up, much more excited. "Hey, Joey is right!"
"That I don't hear much around here..." Chandler pointed out.
Daniel continued, "If you don't want little hoes, we can find you a girl. I'll be your wingman!"
Then offered a consolation. "You're already doing better than my brother, who, for some unknown reason, thinks he can get back together with his ambivalent ex-wife."
"We're gonna play 'Have you met Ross?' with the next beautiful lady who walks in," Daniel finished, pointing his hand toward the entrance of the café.
"It's a nice game," Joey encouraged. "Come on, you're single. Have some hormones."
Ross continued to ignore his friend and his cousin. "See, I don't want to be single, okay? I just want to be married again."
Then a blonde woman in a wedding dress appeared at the entrance.
A mix of emotions crossed Daniel's face. First, he glanced dramatically from side to side at the ridiculously perfect timing.
Second, he twitched slightly at the sight of how beautiful she was, then muttered, "For the family! And a bro always keeps his word!" like it was some kind of motto.
Finally, he approached the woman who had just walked in and immediately said, "Hey, haaave you met Ross?"
The blonde looked confused, glanced at the guy Daniel was pointing at, and answered without thinking much. "Yes."
"Yes?" Daniel stared at her in disbelief. "No, no, no. You can't say 'yes.' Otherwise, where do I fit into all this?"
"Let's try again," he said, looking at her. "Haaav-"
Monica interrupted and pushed him aside. "Rachel?" She widened her eyes when she realized who was the woman in the wedding dress.
"Oh, God, Monica!" Rachel exclaimed, relieved and excited when she saw her friend's face. "Thank God! I went to your building and this guy with a hammer said..."
"...that you might be here, and you are."
Monica pulled her friend to stand in front of everyone. "Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor."
"Survivor?" Chandler asked oddly. "Did she survive a bunch of guys hitting on her and extreme popularity?" he inquired dryly, clearly noticing how beautiful Rachel was.
"Maybe she got the Cinderella package," Daniel chimed in. "The beauty, the dress… but then she turns modern and says, 'Screw you, fairy godmother. I'm not getting married!'"
Monica made a face but continued with the introductions. "This is Chandler, and my cousin Daniel."
She pointed to the others. "That's Phoebe and Joey... and Ross, who it seems you remember."
[Monica commentary]
Monica started the story. "Rachel and I have been friends since we were six years old. We grew up on the same street."
"In high school, we were inseparable. Well... aside from her time with the popular group and the cheerleaders..."
"We drifted apart after high school. I mean, we both got busy."
"But I would have invited her… if I had been the one getting married," she added.
[Commentary ends]
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