Shen Lin Yue had always understood that she was unwanted in the shen house. She had been born on the seventh night of the seventh month, when magpies were said to bridge the heavens for star crossed lovers. The servants had whispered that it was an auspicious date.
Lady Han, Lord Shen's legal wife, declared it an ill omen. Born to the affluent Gao family, she leaned heavily on her father's prestige as the Grand Minister of Agriculture, to maintain control. She was beautiful with long, ink-black hair, a slender face, large, expressive eyes, and a smile that never quite reached them.
Lin Yue's mother, Concubine Wei, had once been the jewel of the Shen household, gentle, educated, with hands that could coax melodies from a qin like wind through silk. She had long black hair and eyes as dark as polished obsidian. But her beauty faded quickly; days of neglect caused deep shadows to appear under her eyes. After bearing only one daughter, she fell from favor.
The day Lin Yue was born, Lady Han did not come to see her.
"A girl?" Lady Han said flatly when Madam Zhou, Lady Han's close maid, told her."Pathetic woman what a waste."
Madam Zhou lowered her eyes. "She is still of Shen blood," she said softly.
Lady Han laughed hard. "Blood does not make legitimacy."
From that day forward, Lady Han made sure the household understood Lin Yue's place. Servants bowed to the legal wife, glanced at Lin Yue, and looked away. No one dared to get close to Lin Yue.
~~~~~~~~~♡
Lady Han had never made life easy for Concubine Wei. From the moment she had entered the Shen household, she had been pressed down, her place made clear.
Concubine Wei had been born into a fallen official family. At first, she believed Lord Shen had chosen her for her beauty, or perhaps her talent. She had married him happily, and Lady Han had welcomed her.
But that had all been her delusion.
He had only wanted her dowry. The land attached to it was fertile and valuable, more valuable than Concubine Wei had known.
She had tried to refuse to give up the land.
But refusal had never been a option, the Old Madam forced concubine Wei to kneel in the ancestral hall for four days and four nights.
Meanwhile, Lord Shen ruined Concubine Wei's family on a fabricated charge of embezzlement against her aging father. He wiped out her entire lineage, leaving the woman with nothing but the ruins of her name.
After the punishment ended Concubine Wei realized the man she loved had taken everything and left her with nothing. She understood then that she had no place, no floor beneath her feet, and no value in the Shen household.
She looked at Lady Han, who had secured her position with three children, and a desperate, hope took root. She believed a child would be her way to force Lord Shen to see her again.
Lin Yue's birth nearly killed her. She lay at the edge of death, the ceiling blurring in and out of focus as she waited for the one person who could make the agony worth it.
*He will come*, she told herself, clutching the damp sheets.
*He has to come*. But Lord Shen never came. Not to see the child, not to see the woman who had almost died birthing his child. Instead, the whispers of the servants carried his thoughts *a mistake* is all he said.
That word stayed with her longer than the physical pain. She tried to fight for fairness, tried to scream for her rights, but her words had no weight. She was a woman from a ruined house,with no value.
When the realization finally dawned on her that Lord Shen had used her. She stopped questioning the unfairness and started looking for someone to blame.
She couldn't bring herself to reach for Lin Yue when the infant cried. She let the servants handle the noise when they were willing, and when they were not, the sound of the her cries would fill the room.
Resentment grew in the dark spaces of her mind. She looked at the cradle and thought that if the child had never been born, she could have left. She could have escaped the chaos.
When she looked at the baby's face, the innocence, the thoughts became more intense. She knew the child wasn't to blame, but she hated her anyway.
Her life would have been better without this burden, this permanent reminder of her failure. So, she raised Lin Yue like a stray dog she was forced to keep in a corner. She trained her to stay quiet, to expect nothing,to be invisible.
But Lin Yue did not stay small. Even when she was mocked, even when she was cornered by her mother's shifting moods, she resisted.
~~~~~~~~♡
Lin Yue was not close to her four sisters.
Shen Yueran her eldest sister would approach cautiously, as if afraid to step too close.
"Did you eat?" she asked once, keeping a short distance.
Lin Yue nodded. "I did."
"If you need anything… you can tell me."
Lin Yue smiled. "Alright."
A maid suddenly came. Yueran's posture and way of speaking changed at once, the small closeness evaporating like steam. She ignored Lin Yue like she was a shadow.
~~~~~~~~~~~~♡
Shen Meilin did not care for subtlety. She leaned into Lin Yue's space with a grin.
"There she is," Meilin said, her voice almost playful. "Concubine born trash!"
Lin Yue's hands tightened at her sides.
"Why are you staring?" Meilin tilted her head. "Didn't you hear me?"
Lin Yue stayed silent.*I dont understand why she hates me....*
Meilin laughed getting slightly fustrated. "why aren't you saying anything back?"
The words were meant to wound, to draw a reaction. Lin Yue's stomach twisted. *Why is it always me?* She thought about all the times she had been cornered by words like this.
"My mother says people like you should know their place," Meilin continued,poking Lin Yue in the chest. "You're not even a real daughter."
*It's nothing new. It's been said before, and it's true to them, isn't it?* Lin Yue's mind flitted over all the small ways she had been reminded she didn't belong, each one pressing heavier than the last. *I am always wrong, always the thing they can push around.*
She lifted her eyes slowly, and met Meilin's briefly. "Is that all?"
Meilin blinked, caught off guard, then frowned. "What do you mean, 'is that all'?"
Lin Yue said nothing. *There's no point. I'm wrong no matter what I say.*
~~~~~~~~~~~♡
Shen Xiu was quieter. She lingered at the edges of the courtyard, watching Lin Yue without speaking.
"Third Sister," Lin Yue called once.
Xiu paused, then turned away, leaving immediately, like speaking to Lin Yue might cost her something.
*Why is it always this way?*
~~~~~~~~~~♡
Shen Lian was different. She sought out Lin Yue when no one else watched.
"Stand still," Lian said, grabbing Lin Yue's sleeve, yanking her into a corridor corner. Lin Yue stumbled, barely steadying herself before the first strike landed.
*Smack*
"You're always in the way," Lian said.
*Smack.* "Every time I see you, something goes wrong."
Lin Yue's hands curled at her sides. *There's no point fighting back, nothing changes. It's always like this.*
*Smack.*
"This is all you're made for," Lian continued, breath quickening. "So get used to it."
*I can't fight this. I can't fight any of this.*
~~~~~~~~~~~~♡
The courtyard Concubine Wei and lin Yue lived in was simple. Trimmed trees stood in even lines. Flowers were kept neat, their colors nothing special, nothing was allowed to grow out of place.
It was not a place anyone important visited, only the bare minimum was done to maintain the space.
And the servants knew it.
They bowed when required, but their eyes rolled as they passed. When they spoke, it was short. When they moved, no effort was put into it.
Lin Yue learned quickly that she wasn't like her sisters, who had servants that respected them.
"Move," one maid said, brushing past her without slowing.
Lin Yue hadn't been in the way, but she stepped aside anyway. Sometimes that wasn't enough.
A hand would grab at her hair on purpose, tugging just long enough to hurt before letting go.
"Watch where you're standing," another said.
Once, she was shoved from behind. Her balance slipped, and she hit the ground hard, her small palms scraping against the stone.
The maids would just laugh, no one came to help her up.
Lin Yue pushed herself up from the ground without speaking.
*If I say something, they won't leave.*
*If I fight back, It will just get worse.*
*Maybe if I stay quiet, I can vanish.*
So she stayed quiet.
Concubine Wei would speak up sometimes.
"What do you think you are doing? Stop," she said once, stepping forward, but her voice lacked force, to Lin Yue it felt hollow. "You will not treat her this way!"
One maid paused, then smiled faintly. "We mean no harm, Concubine Wei, we are just teaching miss."
Her tone carried no respect, just mockery.
~~~~~~~~~~♡
Nothing changed in that place.
Orders from Concubine Wei were ignored. The servants moved around her words like they were nothing.
Meals were delivered late. Clothes were handled roughly. Cups were set down with enough force to spill.
Concubine Wei said less over time, there was nothing she could do.
There was one memory she couldn't forget.
Lin Yue had just been born, a small bundle of cloth and skin, with big curious eyes.
A maid from Lady Han's courtyard had come to deliver something; Concubine Wei couldn't remember what. She had looked down at the child, then reached and picked her up without asking.
"Is this the one?" she said.
Before anyone could stop her, she lifted Lin Yue by the leg, holding her upside down for a moment, like she was inspecting meat at the market.
Concubine Wei's breath had caught. "Are you insane? Put her down."
The maid just chuckled and let her go.
Concubine Wei never spoke of it, and Lin Yue never knew.
~~~~~~~~~~~~♡
Concubine Wei sat inside her courtyard, the light through the lattice window falling in lines across the floor. Her eyes slid to Lin Yue, then to the embroidery in her lap, before settling again on the girl at her feet with a look of heavy, weary disgust.
*She is too quiet. I hate the way she sits there, just...breathing. Why is she always under my feet?*
Concubine Wei had thought about leaving more than once. To walk out of the gates and never look back. But she had no silver, no family to go back to. The thought always ended in a dead end.
She looked at Lin Yue again.
*I suppose I love her*
But the way Concubine Wei loved Lin Yue was the way one loves a weed that ruins the garden. Pretty to a stranger, perhaps, but she knew the truth.
*She is taking up the only space I have left.*
Lin Yue had been watching her mother's needle move, mesmerized by the silk butterfly slowly taking shape.
"Mother," Lin Yue whispered, her voice trembling. "Please...could you teach me?"
Concubine Wei didn't nod, she didn't smile. She just sighed, a long, sound that made Lin Yue flinch.
"You're doing it wrong. Sit properly, or don't bother."
Lin Yue sat up quickly, her small fingers shaking as she took the needle. She tried to mimic the movements, but the thread caught. The wings were mangled, one side was too big the others a mess of thread.
She stared at the ugly thing, her chest beginning to hurt with that familiar, hollow ache.
*Why is it so ugly? Why am I so stupid?*
Lin Yue huffed, her eyes stinging. She held the cloth out, her voice small and hopeful. "Mother... can you do it for me? Just this part?"
Concubine Wei's face, which had been neutral, suddenly switched to nothing but pure rage.
"No," she snapped, pulling her skirt away as if Lin Yue's touch were Filth. "Why are you so difficult? I've shown you a thousand times. You're just looking into things too much, being dramatic as always."
She didn't reach over to guide Lin Yue's hand. Instead, she slapped Lin Yue's hand away, she stood up abruptly, the embroidery frame clattering to the floor.
"I'm tired of looking at your face," Concubine Wei said, her voice rising. "If you can't do it right, don't do it at all. You're just like your grandmother, always wanting something for nothing. Get out of my sight, are you crying? Go find somewhere else to be sensitive!"
Lin Yue sat frozen, staring at the floor, her face as blank as she could manage. She tried to hold in her tears; she couldn't cry; she wasn't allowed to. She just waited for the yelling to stop.