Keifer's POV:
I came back home.
Funny how a place can still feel unfamiliar when your mind is somewhere else.
The walls are the same.
The lights are the same.
Even the clock still ticks with that annoying sound I used to hate.
But somehow… everything feels heavier now.
Life is unpredictable.
One moment you think you finally understand your own heart, and the next moment it tears itself apart in front of you.
Sam's voice keeps echoing inside my head.
Every word.
Every expression.
Every damn silence between those words.
I hate him.
Or maybe I want to hate him because it's easier than accepting the truth.
Because deep down… none of this was really his fault.
And maybe that's what hurts the most.
It wasn't my fault either.
I didn't choose to love Jayjay this much.
I didn't wake up one day and decide,
"Yeah, let me ruin my own peace by loving someone with every broken part of me."
It just happened.
Slowly.
Quietly.
Then all at once.
Now every little thing reminds me of her.
The way she talks when she's sleepy.
The way her eyes soften when she's pretending not to care.
The way she says my name when she's angry, but still worried about me underneath it all.
God.
I'm already fighting Yuri, and now life decided to throw another competitor in front of me like some cruel joke.
At this point I wouldn't even be surprised if fate itself personally hates me.
Agh.
The worst part is…
I know Jay loves me.
I know it.
Not the temporary kind.
Not the careless kind.
I mean the terrifying kind of love that reaches your soul and stays there no matter how much damage it causes.
And I love her too.
Probably more than I should.
More than what's healthy.
More than what my sanity can survive.
That's why this hurts so much.
Because if I truly love her… shouldn't I let her go if someone else can make her happier?
I keep asking myself that question over and over again like a madman.
But every time I imagine her walking away from me…
my chest feels like it's collapsing.
I can't breathe.
I can't think.
I can't even picture a future without her in it.
So what does that make me?
Selfish?
Pathetic?
In love?
Maybe all three.
Arghh.
My mind is more confusing than Shakespeare's writing.
At least his tragedies had proper endings.
Mine just feels unfinished.
I keep acting strong in front of everyone.
Making sarcastic comments.
Rolling my eyes.
Pretending I'm still in control.
But honestly?
The moment I'm alone, everything crashes down.
Because loving someone is easy.
The hard part is realizing you might lose them while they're still standing right in front of you.
And the scary thing is…
I don't think Jayjay realizes how much power she has over me.
One smile from her can fix my entire day.
One cold look from her can destroy it.
That's dangerous.
Yet here I am anyway.
Still loving her.
Still waiting for her.
Still hoping that somehow, in this messy complicated life… she'll choose me in the end.
Well…
what can I say?
My life was never meant to be simple.
Sam was her past.
A chapter filled with memories, pain, attachment, and things she once couldn't let go of.
But I…
I'm standing here now.
I'm the one who stays when her voice shakes.
The one who notices when her smile is fake.
The one who memorized the silence behind her words.
Maybe Sam knew the old version of her.
Maybe he held her heart once.
Maybe a part of her will always remember him.
And honestly?
That thought kills me sometimes.
Because no matter how hard I try, I can't erase someone who once mattered to her.
But then I realize something.
The past can only look back.
It can't walk beside her anymore.
I'm her present.
The one holding her hand now.
The one fighting for her now.
The one dreaming about a future with her in it.
And maybe…
just maybe…
that future belongs to me too.
Because love isn't only about who came first.
It's about who stays.
Who understands the broken pieces without running away.
Who keeps choosing the same person even after seeing their worst side.
Sam was a memory.
But I want to become her home.
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Woohoo I'm alive and kicking, sorry for not writing...
If u r angry, here have a 🍬🍬candy🍭🍭..
Btw check my other books, love y'all