Four years later.
It was the summer before high school.
People didn't ask questions anymore.
Andrew.
That name came easily now.
Too easily.
I answered to it without thinking.
Without reacting.
Like it had always been mine.
I had changed.
That much was obvious.
Taller.
Stronger.
Built.
My shoulders sat wider now.
My arms were solid.
Defined.
Even in loose clothes…
it showed.
The training never stopped.
Morning.
Evening.
Routine.
"Again."
I did it again.
No hesitation.
No emotion.
Just movement.
That's all it was now.
Move.
Correct.
Repeat.
I didn't question anything anymore.
I didn't feel like it mattered.
That was the difference.
At some point…
everything just went quiet.
Not peaceful.
Just… quiet.
Even my voice changed.
"Yeah."
Lower.
Flat.
I didn't talk much.
Didn't need to.
People didn't expect more.
That made things easier.
My clothes stayed the same.
Loose.
Layered.
Safe.
I didn't use the tape anymore.
I stopped a long time ago.
Didn't think about it.
Or at least…
I tried not to.
Still…
some habits never left.
Adjusting my shirt.
Standing a certain way.
Avoiding certain angles.
Small things.
Controlled things.
The kind no one notices.
Except me.
I stood in front of the mirror.
For a second…
I didn't move.
Just stared.
The reflection stared back.
Same face.
Same body.
But something felt… off.
Not wrong.
Just… unfamiliar.
Like I was looking at someone I knew.
But didn't remember.
My chest tightened slightly.
I blinked.
And it was gone.
Just like that.
That's how it always happened.
Small.
Quick.
Easy to ignore.
I adjusted my shirt.
Turned away.
That was enough.
Thinking too much made it worse.
And I didn't do that anymore.
At least…
not during the day.
Nights were different.
That's when it came back.
The quiet felt louder.
Thoughts I didn't ask for.
Memories I didn't want.
Andrea.
The name didn't feel real anymore.
But it didn't feel gone either.
It just… existed.
Somewhere in the background.
Like a voice I stopped listening to.
But could still hear.
Sometimes…
I'd sit there.
Doing nothing.
Not on my phone.
Not sleeping.
Just… sitting.
Time would pass.
Minutes.
Maybe longer.
I wouldn't notice.
Until something snapped me out of it.
A sound.
A movement.
Then I'd just… continue.
Like nothing happened.
Like it didn't matter.
Because it didn't.
Nothing did.
Downstairs, my bags were already packed.
Of course they were.
Neat.
Organized.
Ready.
Boarding school.
A new place.
New people.
A place where no one knew anything.
Or questioned anything.
Exactly how it was supposed to be.
My phone buzzed.
I looked at it.
No name.
For a second…
I almost opened it.
Then I locked it.
Didn't matter.
Most things didn't anymore.
"Andrew."
My mom's voice.
I turned immediately.
"Coming."
Flat.
Controlled.
I walked out.
No hesitation.
No second thoughts.
Just movement.
Just routine.
Because that's what I was now.
Not confused.
Not emotional.
Just…
functioning.