*Warning: Strong depictions of graphic violence and gore. Proceed with caution. *
Woe to those who call evil good
And good evil;
Who put darkness for light,
And light for dark;
Who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter.
Isaiah 5:20
***
The nightmare came to me again. I saw the kitchen door from my parents' home. The door is similar to any other old door, its hinges rusting a dark brown, the white paint peeling to reveal the yellow interior wood (the door used to have pink flowers and yellow paint before it was painted its white color). Its size is still larger than me. Hollering can be heard behind the closed door, but it is indistinguishable from gibberish. I stepped closer to the door and placed my ear onto it. I still couldn't differentiate the noise.
Whoosh. Swish. Crash.
The sound changed. It was no longer yelling but the sound of crashing waves. Confused as I was, I kept my ear to the door.
Squeak...
I pull my head back. The door is opening. My heart is racing. Usually I'd wake up by now, but I didn't. Little by little the door slowly opened until it exposed the other side.
A pitch-black darkness. The color of midnight.
Whoosh. Swish. Crash.
The waves are louder. Drowned by the overwhelming waves, I couldn't feel or hear my heartbeat. I felt calm for the first time. I stepped into the void and felt the trickle of liquid between my toes. Did I forget my shoes? The ground is made of an unknown liquid but solid to keep me from falling. I see a light switch in the distance, the only light in this pitch of dark. I walked towards the switch. Though the switch seemed close at first, it was further than anticipated. Every step took me further and further from the entrance. I felt lighter with each step I took, like a feather falling from the sky. The switch is floating from the ground, yet familiar in its distorted yellow color. Before I decided to flip the switch, I looked around. The entrance is gone, and the darkness engulfed my vision. I flipped the switch, and suddenly everything shifted again.
An endless plain of sand. A couple of seagulls flying in the orange and blue sky. The pomegranate blue shore[1] reflects the spectrum of warm colors off the sun. The seagrass makes a vulgar smell of sulfur or rusting nails. The tall grass blows in the wind.
I could live here. I could watch the sunset and the starry night appear with its unnamed stars and planets and universes. The crabs would come and search for others and food and shelter. Whoosh. Swish. Crash. The waves hit harder on the grain. Soon, the sun would come again and the seagulls too. The fish jumps beyond the ceiling to discover the world above their own. I would be old by the time I'd get up and go home. It's too beautiful to leave behind. While daydreaming the world revolving around me, the ocean revealed something different: a lump of flesh formed from the flesh of a human.
Its body, covered in seaweed and sand and water, is slumped on its side. The eyes were gouged from their socket. The once-known location of its hair instead reveals the blood-stained lining of the skull. The jugular slit is from ear to ear, draining the blood from its veins. The mandible dislocated from its socket to show the gaping mouth. The arms are blades shaped from the bone of the humerus with no limbs beyond the elbow. The legs are folded outward in a direction that would make a loud snap and shatter the joint. The cleavage and breast had no visible wound nor bruising. The abdomen has a large gash to reveal the string of intestines and organs. The umbilical cord stretches into the ocean. The once blue ocean became a deep purple, tainted with the corpse's blood.
I sat up in shock. This is the first time seeing a corpse (and a gruesome one). It seemed familiar to me, but something made my head itch, and I couldn't remember what was familiar about it. It lay there motionless. All I could do was do nothing, so I stood there frozen.
Whoosh. Swish. Crash. The waves only got louder as the sun began to hide away behind the horizon. It's dark now. I don't know how long it's been, but nothing has changed ever since the corpse washed up from the shore. I finally had enough courage to approach it. The corpse continued to lay motionless in the sandy plain. Had no response. It's clearly deceased... but something else told me it wasn't dead. I can hear the sound of the waves, the moving sand, my respiration, and my heartbeat. But if I listened closely, I could barely hear another breath, one that was grasping for air. I also heard the sound of another heartbeat beyond my own. I could hear rustling from the sand. The corpse is moving.
Its face turns slowly to look up at me. The mouth moves as if it's trying to mimic a sound that it can't replicate. The corpse is being pulled from its umbilical cord as if something is attempting to drag it under the surface. The corpse squirms like a worm covered in salt. Squeal. The torso throws itself onto me. As terrified as I was, I couldn't move. The corpse continued to be dragged into the ocean along with me. What could I do? I was stunned and couldn't move. I wanted to scream for help and squirm in terror, but I lay motionless as the bloody corpse continued to be dragged into the ocean. I was hopeless.
My peripheral vision is covered by the ocean with no color to distinguish direction. The corpse is drifting away and pulled deeper into the ocean; at least that's what I hope. I could only hear the waves as they crashed over and over into the sandy beach. I have drifted away from my paradise and into an abyss that I can't foresee. Am I truly alive? Is this what death is like? No. This is the ocean that was so beautiful and captivating; now it drowns my lungs. I closed my eyes and thought about the paradise again. It would have been so wonderful if it just stayed that way forever.
"Do you really think paradise will last forever, my son?" The waves answered my call with a familiar feminine voice.
"Wake from your slumber, my child. You still have much left to do."
I feel the shower rain on my face, and the water invades my lungs. I fell asleep in the shower again. I coughed and coughed until the irritation in my chest went away. I sat there wondering how I got there. It was peaceful once more.
Knock. Knock.
"Bel, it's almost time to go to work! You don't want to be late again, do you?"
The peace didn't last as long as I hoped. I had to go to work. I don't want to work. I never do.
[1] The pomegranate blue shore