Chapter 248: I'll Call You Dad
"Rounds one and two are already done… and the third round is in one day? That's a fairly short gap. The field survival stage probably didn't produce many serious injuries, so one day of recovery is enough."
Ryū shook his head when the news arrived, resigned but not unhappy about it. Sooner started, sooner finished.
As a designated judge, he had access to all the first-hand information — participant counts, names, the works.
One hundred and twenty genin had entered the Chūnin Exams between Konoha and the visiting villages.
A remarkable number, though not surprising on reflection. This was the first examination held since the war's end, and every ambitious genin on the continent wanted to make their name at an occasion with that kind of symbolic weight.
Of those 120, the number who had survived to the third round was twenty.
The other hundred had mostly made their exits during the second-round field stage — either spooked by the ruthlessness of the elite candidates and withdrawn rather than press their luck, or clear-eyed enough about their own limitations to recognise that theoretical knowledge alone wouldn't carry them and that a graceful withdrawal was better than a humiliating defeat. A small remainder had been ruled out for various other reasons; the exams weren't going to wait two weeks for them to recover, and so they were logged as withdrawals.
What remained was the cream of the original field.
Konoha held ten of the twenty spots. Rock held three. Sand held two. The remaining five were distributed across the smaller villages.
The big villages had, predictably, hoarded the bracket. Only two candidates from smaller villages had made it through — and those two, Ryū reflected, were doing something genuinely impressive given the resource disparity between what a major hidden village could invest in its talent and what a minor one could manage.
That disparity was a structural problem with no clean solution. Strong villages got stronger; small ones got weaker. The only alternative was to attach yourself to a major village as a subordinate faction and hope they shared enough resources to matter — though the more likely outcome was that the major village extracted everything useful and expanded its own borders.
The Naruto world had always operated this way.
As for the names on the list — Ryū didn't recognize a single one.
He ran his eyes down the full roster of twenty. No names that rang a bell, canonical or otherwise. Not from Konoha, not from anywhere else. Whatever generation of characters the original story had made famous, they were nowhere in this cohort.
Not one recognizable face. This exam is going to be deeply anonymous.
He set the list aside.
An ANBU operative had delivered it in person — as was only appropriate. The idea of Ryū walking over to pick it up himself was not something that was going to happen.
He pushed the whole subject to the back of his mind. His role was simple: stand at the edge of the tournament stage, watch the young teenagers hit each other, and make sure no one accidentally killed anyone. Genin in the twelve-to-fifteen range with something to prove had a well-documented tendency toward escalation. The enthusiasm of youth did not naturally come with a calibrated off switch.
His awareness drifted into the Chat Group. The third round didn't begin until tomorrow morning — no need to rush.
Little Sakura of the Tohsaka: ［image］ Ran-nee helped me bake this. It's my first time so it's not very good, and I accidentally put in too much sugar.
Eternally Seventeen: Not a problem at all — the sweetness is perfect!
Eternally Seventeen:hic — I may have absent-mindedly eaten half the cake. Fortunately I don't gain weight, otherwise I'd need to consider a diet.
Kaguya-sama: The mental image of a chubby Yukari-nee is deeply wrong somehow.
My True Form Is Cola: I tried to picture it and immediately felt I couldn't accept that version of reality. Why did you have to bring that up?! Now it's in my head and I can't get it out!
Edward Newgate: Gurararara — weight hardly matters, does it? An interesting soul is worth more than any physique.
My True Form Is Cola: Whitebeard-ojii-sama, with respect, you don't understand girls. For girls, weight is literally the most catastrophic thing. Before I joined the Chat Group, even though I was a full-time indoor junk-food enthusiast, I still made myself exercise!
Edward Newgate: Gurararara — girls really are complicated. This makes me think of my late wife.
RawrSoFierce: …Yours was a compulsory diet, wasn't it?
My True Form Is Cola: Ahem, ahem… it's still a diet either way. Close enough.
RawrSoFierce: By the way, @Little Sakura of the Tohsaka — how are you settling in at Gensokyo? No female youkai trying to lead you astray?
Little Sakura of the Tohsaka: Mm, no one's led me astray. Yukari-nee and Ran-nee are both taking very good care of me.
Eternally Seventeen: Little Sakura-chan, just for that one "nee-san," I'll bake you a cake personally!
RawrSoFierce: You're going to bake a cake? Pfft. Are you sure you know how to cook?
Eternally Seventeen: Just because Ran does everything around the house doesn't make me helpless, Admin-sama! A cake? Child's play!
"…"
Ryū paused on that.
This ancient youkai sage. Genuinely claimed she could bake.
He was not convinced. Ran had presumably been serving as Yukari's domestic support for — well, Ryū wasn't sure exactly how long, but he'd estimate somewhere in the region of a thousand years. A thousand years of someone doing everything for you, followed by the crushing disillusionment of the Lunar War defeat, followed by her transformation into a millennial salted fish.
In that context: could Yukari actually produce edible food? Would it kill anyone? And even if it cleared the "non-lethal" threshold — what were the bathroom-related consequences?
He had already constructed, with vivid clarity, the image of little Sakura politely eating whatever Yukari set in front of her and then spending the remainder of the day not leaving the toilet.
Eternally Seventeen: I just sneezed for absolutely no reason. Admin-sama, are you talking about me behind my back? Unacceptable!! How dare you question my culinary abilities, you perpetually single dog!
RawrSoFierce: …Fine. If you can actually produce a edible cake, I'll call you Dad.
Eternally Seventeen: You have a deal! Prepare yourself to call me Dad, Admin-sama! Ahahahaha! I was a renowned chef in the youkai world back a thousand years ago!
Kaguya-sama: Yukari-nee… you just announced your age (very quietly)
Eternally Seventeen: Ahem… a slip of the tongue, a slip of the tongue — ten years ago, I mean. I was Gensokyo's most celebrated chef from the age of seven.
Eternally Seventeen: Wait — hold on — something's off!
Eternally Seventeen:Call you Dad? Unacceptable — Admin-sama, you single dog, you nearly ran a scheme on me! Good thing I caught that before it got by me!
RawrSoFierce: Hm? So your brain is working normally after all.
Eternally Seventeen: Pfft — what gave you the impression it wasn't?!
Crazy Diamond: And we're back to the daily entertainment of watching the two Permissions Hounds trade insults.
Crazy Diamond: The greatest pleasure of this Chat Group is watching Admin-sama bully Yukari-senpai every day.
Eternally Seventeen: ???
Eternally Seventeen: Sweet little Josuke. I see you've been walking a very narrow road lately.
Crazy Diamond: …S— sorry!!!
Crazy Diamond: I was wrong!!!!
"…"
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