Chapter 243: Now Hiring: One Maid
"Is… is this a joke? Can a human being actually eat that much? He's like a humanoid Tailed Beast. That one person just put away at least a hundred servings by himself. And — does he even chew? It looked like he was just swallowing whole, like a snake."
Sarutobi Hiruzen had lived past fifty years, and as the Professor of Ninjutsu, he had seen things that would make lesser men question reality.
But after witnessing Ryū's appetite today — truly, genuinely terrifying — Hiruzen found his brain quietly refusing to process what his eyes were telling him. If not for the conspicuous absence of any chakra signature, he'd have suspected Orochimaru was behind this somehow.
Given how much Orochimaru loved snakes, and how thoroughly Ryū had just been swallowing without chewing — the resemblance wasn't entirely unreasonable.
At one point he watched Ryū take less than two minutes to finish an entire roasted suckling pig.
Well — almost entire. To be fair, the man had seemed to regard the nose and the rear end with visible contempt, and those parts had been left behind.
But that was still more or less the entire pig, which remained deeply, deeply alarming.
Was this person actually human?
Was this not a humanoid Tailed Beast in a young man's clothing?
He just swallowed it whole!
And by the looks of it, he still has room left. Meaning he's eaten the equivalent of a hundred servings and still isn't at full capacity.
Hiruzen could not suppress the expression on his face. No amount of composure — and he had cultivated a great deal of it over fifty-some years — was up to the task. The bewilderment made it all the way to the surface and stayed there.
That the "Professor of Shinobi" himself was wearing this expression was probably a first.
Danzō was not present to witness any of this. He had declined Minato's invitation and departed the moment the meeting concluded, which meant he had unfortunately missed the floor show entirely.
Tsunade, seated beside Ryū, was staring forward with chopsticks in hand and a slightly vacant expression.
She quietly swallowed, then reached over and poked Ryū on the shoulder. When he turned with a questioning look, she finally let out the question she'd been sitting on for the past several minutes. "Doesn't eating that much hurt you? The volume of what you just consumed is physically larger than your entire body."
This was, without exception, the question on every mind in the room — everyone except Minato and Ryū himself.
Minato had seen this before and was well past surprise. Ryū, naturally, was not about to be startled by his own eating habits.
Everyone else was sitting with the expression of someone who had just watched a dog meow. Several of the visiting jōnin representatives had come very close to literally dropping their chopsticks.
Under the collective stare of the room, Ryū unhurriedly poured himself a glass of sparkling fruit juice and took a sip.
Then he let out a small carbonated burp, and said, "About eighty percent full, I'd say? I could probably keep going for a while yet, but too much isn't good for you either. I'll stop here for today."
He dabbed his mouth with a napkin, pushed back his chair, and rose from the table at a leisurely pace.
His stomach was, as always, completely flat. No visible evidence of any of it. That was Life Return's contribution — without it, an eighty-percent feeding would at least have produced a slight bulge.
These parting words somehow left the room more confused than before.
Every pair of eyes followed him as he walked out of the dining hall, watching until his figure receded through the doors and disappeared from sight.
A full ten-something seconds of dazed silence passed.
Then someone managed, haltingly: "That… that young man is a… a mon— a monster, isn't he?"
It was the elderly Sand jōnin representative.
Another delegate from a different village shook his head in quiet wonder. "Konoha truly does produce remarkable individuals. A person who can consume that quantity of food would have to possess extraordinary physical power."
"Are they all like this in Konoha? Surely there's only the one?"
"He ate over a hundred servings and called it eighty percent. Does that mean he needs two hundred servings to be completely satisfied?!"
"Unbelievable. Lord Fourth Hokage — forgive the intrusion — but before the meeting began, you said that young man was Konoha's strongest. Did you mean… the strongest in terms of combat ability?"
"…"
Minato smiled politely at the assembled faces. "While it isn't exactly classified information, Ryū-kun prefers to keep a low profile. Given that, I'm afraid you'll have to look elsewhere for answers."
He hadn't confirmed anything in words.
He didn't need to.
A man that young — the strongest in Konoha?
Out of anyone else's mouth it would have been laughable.
But the speaker was the Fourth Hokage.
Which left them with no choice but to think very carefully indeed.
Whatever was unfolding in the dining hall behind him, Ryū had no idea, and no particular desire to use Observation Haki to eavesdrop. There was no need.
He was already outside, breathing the open air.
Such as it was. With Konoha still in reconstruction, the air was carrying a respectable quantity of dust. Not exactly fresh.
He retraced his route back to his front door. Next door, Might Guy's house was locked up — he was out. Guy was a chūnin with the combat output of a jōnin; being busy was to be expected.
Ryū stepped inside.
First order of business: clean this place.
He hadn't touched it since the Mid-Autumn festival joint gathering. It showed.
"Phew… finally done." He exhaled, surveying the result. "Should I just hire a maid? Or maybe poach one from the Chat Group? Kaguya could work… Umaru could work… no, wait — Umaru is too much of a couch potato, basically the same as me. If I brought her over, who'd be looking after whom?"
He'd lost count of how many times he'd brought up the maid idea at this point. Somewhere along the way it had become a verbal habit, a thing he said almost reflexively.
When had he become someone who talked a big game and did absolutely nothing about it?
Ryū tossed the broom into a corner and collapsed onto the long sofa, stretching out to let the afternoon's meal settle. His mind drifted, naturally and without much effort, into the Dimensional Chat Group.
RawrSoFierce: The dashing Admin of the Dimensional Chat Group is now accepting applications for ONE (1) maid position! Requirements: cooking and meal prep, laundry, cleaning, gaming proficiency, general interest in anime/2D culture, and being light on your feet and easy to get along with!
RawrSoFierce: No salary. Powered by passion alone. One vacancy. First come, first served.
My True Form Is Cola: Huh?! A maid recruitment post?? Admin-sama needs a maid for housework? Does Admin-sama live alone?
RawrSoFierce: Unfortunately yes. Sweeping floors every day like a particularly domesticated salted fish.
Eternally Seventeen: Admin-sama, you've just announced to the entire group that you're single. The evidence being: one person, one house. What else would you call that?
Eternally Seventeen: Also, a maid recruitment. Eugh. Are you sure you're not hiring a weapon?
Kaguya-sama: I'll admit the beginning got my attention a little, but then I got to the end, and… "light on your feet and easy to get along with"? Pfft. Is this genuinely a maid posting?
Crazy Diamond: ME! Me, me, me! Cooking, laundry, all of it, I can do it!
I'm Rolling In It: Kid, aren't you male?
Crazy Diamond: For the chance to latch onto Admin-sama's coattails, a little gender transition is a small price to pay!
I'm Rolling In It: (°д°)!!
I'm Rolling In It: Uncle Tony tips his hat to exactly one person today and it's you.
Roar of the Evil Dragon: I would, but I've got Kobayashi to take care of over here.
Street-Corner Illustrator: ADMIN-SAMA! ME! ME! I CAN DO IT!
Street-Corner Illustrator: Just cover the cross-world transit Points and I'm there! I'm basically the one running my household already, my parents have both seen my special abilities firsthand, leaving for a stretch is completely fine!
Terrible Tornado: Eriri, are you trying to compete with Yukari-senpai and Little Kaguya for the same man?
Street-Corner Illustrator: Wha— eh? Eh?? Oh. Oh no. Sorry! I didn't say anything just now! Nothing at all! I said absolutely nothing!
Street-Corner Illustrator:quietly submerging…
"…"
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