Chapter 26: Yukari-Brand, Original Flavor, XX
Yukari Yakumo had entered a state of profound existential doubt about her life as a yōkai.
How was it possible that a new member who had been in the Group for two or three days had already accumulated more Points than her?
She stared at the 50 Points sitting in her balance and sank into contemplation.
Who had stolen this sage's fortune?
She had the distinct feeling that some yōkai was out there specifically sabotaging the luck of one young, beautiful, flower-season maiden.
Was there a yōkai in Gensōkyō that could manipulate fortune? She couldn't quite remember.
It was the Daily Sign-In's fault. All of it. Worthless Sign-In. Destroyer of youth.
"This one's luck cannot possibly be this bad," she muttered to herself. "At Fish-Man Island, I was the first to locate the target. That proves my luck should be excellent."
She puzzled over it. "Why is it that every time Sign-In arrives, my luck evaporates completely? Like a curse activated on schedule."
"It's obviously a bug in the Sign-In system. Yes. That must be it."
Having decisively dumped all blame onto the Dimensional Chat Group's Daily Sign-In function, Yukari's mood lifted marginally. The confusion and grievance on her face, however, remained entirely legible to anyone who happened to glance her way.
Ran, doing housework a short distance away, found this deeply puzzling. For some reason, she had been increasingly convinced lately that the Sage of Gensōkyō's brain was operating below its usual standard. All this muttering to herself. Something was clearly off.
The Eternally Seventeen-Year-Old Maiden: Can Points be transferred between members? If so, this one is willing to pay cash for them!
RawrSoFierce: Definitely not. Also, do you even have money… your world's currency is useless in every other world. Even if transfers were allowed, you'd need to offer something worth taking.
RawrSoFierce: That said — while direct transfers aren't permitted, you can stuff Points into a Gift Package and send it that way. Minor loophole.
The Eternally Seventeen-Year-Old Maiden: Currency won't work… how about trading this one's just-removed, original-flavor white thigh-high stockings for 100 Points? [Image]
The Eternally Seventeen-Year-Old Maiden: Also, Ran's original-flavor blue-and-white-striped underwear — available for 500 Points~ [Image/Mosaic Edition]
RawrSoFierce: …This ancient woman is seriously wearing that kind of thing?!
Kaguya-sama: *shaking*
Crazy Diamond: *shaking*
The Little Wandering Planet: *shaking*
Edward Newgate: *shaking*
Ryū's eye twitched.
In the current climate of heightened content moderation, this Gap Yōkai was openly flouting every guideline in existence.
And the Group contained minors. Technically three of them.
Kaguya Shinomiya was sixteen. Josuke Higashikata was sixteen. Ryū himself was seventeen this lifetime — and while his soul was fully adult, his body was still technically underage. Which meant that by strict classification, even the Admin of the Dimensional Chat Group was, in the eyes of the law, an innocent and pure minor.
As the oldest minor in the Group, Ryū felt a certain responsibility to protect its more tender members.
He performed a short, efficient sequence of taps.
[ Group Member 'The Eternally Seventeen-Year-Old Maiden' has been muted by the Admin for 10 minutes. ]
Silence fell over the Dimensional Chat Group.
Total, immediate, ringing silence.
For about fifteen seconds.
Kaguya-sama: Pfft — Admin-dono's mute function. I think that's the first time it's ever been used. Turns out steering the conversation in that direction really does get you muted.
Kaguya-sama: Poor Yukari nee-sama, locked in the timeout corner.
Kaguya-sama: Though why do I suddenly feel a completely shameless amount of satisfaction about this?
Crazy Diamond: I am a trained professional. Under normal circumstances I do not laugh. Only when I absolutely cannot hold it any longer — PFFHAHAHAHAHA!
The Little Wandering Planet: I can picture Yukari's face right now…
The Little Wandering Planet: Unsafe driving hurts the ones you love~
Kaguya-sama: Unsafe driving hurts the ones you love~
Edward Newgate: Unsafe driving hurts the ones you love~
RawrSoFierce: Unsafe driving hurts the ones you love~
Crazy Diamond: Unsafe driving hurts the ones you love~
The Group descended once again into copy-paste mode. Because whether you were human or a planet, certain truths of existence were immovable: the Law of Actually That's Pretty Good, the Law of Actually That's Pretty Good, and the Law of Actually That's Pretty Good.
And as The Little Wandering Planet had predicted, Yukari's expression at that moment was spectacular.
Muted for ten minutes, she couldn't say a word. Couldn't even send an image. All she could do was watch everyone else chat freely while she sat in complete enforced silence.
The feeling was uniquely, specifically, deeply unpleasant.
She grabbed the pillow next to her.
One punch. Two. Three. Four. Five —
"This pillow is the Admin… this pillow is the Admin… this pillow is the Admin…"
She muttered something incomprehensible while continuing to rain blows upon it.
Ran, watching from across the room, had now upgraded her concern to something approaching alarm. Yukari's behavior was always unconventional, but broadly, the baseline had been functional. This — punching a pillow while mumbling — this was not the baseline. This was something new and worrying.
The thought crossed Ran's mind: was something actually wrong with her brain?
Yukari, lost in her pillow-punching, was not aware of Ran's diagnosis. She had already reframed the pillow entirely — it was no longer a pillow. It was a certain Admin of unforgivable crimes, gross abuse of power, and crimes against the dignity of sages.
Each punch seemed to ease the frustration by a small but measurable amount.
The worlds were separate, after all. She couldn't reach through the connection to get to him. The Dimensional Chat Group didn't appear to operate on any kind of cable she could trace.
She punched the pillow for a while longer, then paused to estimate the time elapsed.
"…Why has only one minute passed? Time always used to move so quickly. Why does it feel like it's slowed to a crawl?"