Taesung
I've done it again.
I know I shouldn't be here. Barging in here at night without an invitation is an invasion of privacy, but I had to do it. The noises used to disturb me and stop me from sleeping, but now I know what they are, I just want to help him.
I lean over his bed, wearing only the bottom half of the clothes I hastily threw on.
He mumbles something in his sleep and is covered in sweat.
I reach out to him, ready to wake him from the nightmare tormenting him. I touch his shoulder and shake him.
„Hey, wake up," I whisper, shaking his body, but nothing happens. He just growls and clenches his hands into fists. „Get up, it's just a dream," I say in a normal voice, but even that doesn't help. When he finally speaks, I initially think he's awake, but then I realise he's still trapped in that terrible dream.
He's begging.
He's begging someone not to do it, to let him live. I don't know who he's talking about, but when I see him, I can't bear to watch him suffer. „Hyunjin?" I call his name. „Hyunjin, wake up." I shake him and, before I know it, he's sitting up in bed pointing a gun at me. Before I can react, he pulls the trigger and fires. I freeze and look behind me at the hole in the wall.
„What the fuck are you doing here?" The question is directed at me. I try not to shake, I almost died. Again. In the last two months, drugs and fish have almost killed me, and now the head of the Yakuza wants me dead. Ultimately, it will be Hyunjin himself who kills me.
I turn around at him, he runs hand through his hair and reach for the lamp to turn it on.
„Well, I...," I begin to apologise, but am interrupted by a commotion in the hallway. I hear someone stomping up the stairs and, from the sound of Hyunjin's name being called, I realise that it's Taeju. I had left the door ajar when I came in and now Taeju is standing there, shirtless and holding a gun, ready to shoot.
„What the fuck is going on here?" His tattooed chest rises and falls with deep breaths.
„E-eh," I whisper.
„Nothing, everything's fine. You can go," Hyunjin reassures him. Taeju looks at him for a moment, then his gaze shifts to me and I can't help but notice a glint in his eyes. He closes the door slowly and leaves.
„I should go too." I point to the closed door and start to leave.
„Stop!" I freeze at his command, stopping in mid-step. I look back at him sitting there with his head in his palms, his body glistening with sweat in the lamplight. Seeing him like this is making me feel seriously weak. He raises his head and looks at me. He looks vulnerable and it shocks me. „Stay." It sounds half like an order and half like a plea.
„Well, I don't think that's a good idea." Not after what almost happened between us a few days ago, not after I kissed him on the cheek and ran away like a coward. I still don't understand why I did that. What was I thinking?
„What are you afraid of? Do you think I'm going to force you to do anything?" He waits for my answer, but it doesn't come. What did I expect? Was I really afraid that he might want sex? He frowns and, before he can say anything, I decide to speak up. I don't want him to get the wrong idea.
„Of course not." But I don't think these words have done much to dispel his assumptions. In fact, I'm getting more and more nervous in his presence.
„I won't touch you without your permission. I just want the opportunity to sleep." I'm not sure he's fully aware of what he's saying to me. I don't fully realise the significance of this conversation either. Are we really having it? I've never seen him like this before. I don't recognise him. The mobster he usually is has disappeared tonight. Tonight, he's just Hyunjin who's had a nightmare.
I nod, walk around the bed and sit down on the edge. Hyunjin shifts to the other side to make room for me and offers me his blanket. I crawl under the covers, lie on my back and fold my arms across my chest. I hear Hyunjin start fidgeting next to me and turn my head towards him. I see that he is sitting on the edge of the bed.
„What are you doing?" I ask him in surprise. Is he about to leave? After he had persuaded me to lie down next to him?
He turns his head so that I can only see his profile. „I'm going to get something to wear. I usually sleep naked."
„Oh," I sigh. I understand the need — I sleep naked myself. In Seoul's night-time heat, it's hard to sleep with clothes on. He sits there for a moment, as if waiting for something, then gets up. The blanket slips off him, revealing his naked body.
I open my mouth in shock, even though this isn't the first time I've seen him in all his naked glory. My gaze wanders to the ceiling, but then returns to his naked body.
I realise why he waited a moment before getting up. He had given me time to turn around, so that I wouldn't have to look at his naked bottom. After all, he had promised he wouldn't try anything on me. I decide to watch him as he disappears around the corner into the bathroom, and then returns a moment later already dressed in boxer shorts. I watch him crawl back under the covers.
My heart is pounding wildly in my chest, it feels strange to be lying in bed with my boss. I believe him. I believe that he won't try anything on me. But somehow I can't calm down.
„I know you feel uncomfortable and nervous. If you really want to, you can leave." His voice breaks the silence.
„No, I'm fine. I don't mind." I don't sound very convincing.
„Really?"
„Hmm," I agree.
„It's just that the whole bed shakes." Why can't I calm down? It's no big deal. I'm here for moral support.
I feel the bed sink. I turn my head and my gaze falls on his figure. He's propped up on his elbow, looking at me. „I'm sorry, Taesung," he begins. For a moment, I think he's going to break his promise, but then he says, „It was a bad idea. I shouldn't have asked you to do that. You should...," Before I realise it, my finger rests on his lips, stopping the rest of his sentence. Why did I do that? What keeps pushing me towards this intimacy between us? It's driving me crazy.
„It's OK. You need emotional support right now. I'll stay here with you." I blurt out, not fully realising what I've said.
„What?" he asks, shocked.
„No, I didn't mean it that way."
„What do you mean that way?"
„I didn't mean that you're weak or anything. I just meant that I understand what it's like to wake up from a nightmare and...," I feel pressure on my chest as he puts his hand there and pushes me back onto the bed.
„If you've decided to stay, you'd better go to sleep." He lies on his back and reaches for the lamp. I notice a red knitted bracelet tied around his wrist that I've never seen before and my brain starts racing again. He puts one hand behind his head and the other on his stomach. All I can hear is his steady breathing.
I start to think about the meaning of his bracelet. From what I've read, it can have more than one meaning.
In Asian mythology, for example, it is called the „red thread of fate" – bulgeun sil – and people believe that soulmates, who are destined to become partners have an invisible red thread tied around their wrists that connects them. This thread must never be broken, otherwise their souls will never meet again in the afterlife or after reincarnation. If the thread between two people is broken, it means that one of them has committed suicide, thereby hurting not only themselves, but also their destined partner.
It could also be a wish bracelet. These are bracelets that someone gives you, and when you tie one on, you make a wish. Your wish will only come true if the bracelet falls off your wrist by itself, which can take several years. You must not remove it yourself, otherwise, the wish will not come true.
I wonder if Hyunjin has a wish he's waiting for to come true, or if he's found his soulmate who committed suicide, or if he's wearing it in memory of someone who was killed.
I remember Byuin, whom he briefly mentioned to me. Was he his soulmate, or was he just a friend?
I close my eyes, let my arms fall to my sides and try to forget the last few minutes. My nervousness slowly leaves me and I fall asleep quite quickly. I have a strange dream, but it vanishes immediately after I am woken by a loud bang from downstairs.
... ༺༻ ...
BLOOD DEBT (피의 빚)