It was the last day of my night shift and I was just lying in bed, I was thinking how disappointing the day previously was, well the night. I couldn't help going back on what happened in the day and what I hoped would happen but never did. It made me feel like not getting up.
Perhaps I got my hopes too high. Perhaps I was a fool for believing or perhaps I was a fool for hoping.
Hope is what you do when you want to sink. There's an old saying, "Hope don't float."
I wonder, was it the one who came up with that statement or saying, if you prefer, going to something similar, or did he actually name his boat "Hope and Sink"?
It gives me the strange realisation that I'm too trusting or perhaps too naive.
I forced myself.
I actually managed to get up, get changed, got ready, packed lunch, I skipped breakfast, and i'll get something on the way.
As I exit the door I notice the change in the weather was quite cloudy.
The sun was close to the horizon; it looks like winter is close.
The chill will soon start and set in but that the chill is winter in my heart has numbed me to everything and I can't quite put into words the feelings inside.
After I cleared the staircase and the parking lot, I'm going to continue on towards work with one little stop.
Wherever I'm feeling particularly down there's one place I always go to.
It's a small shop close by and they're generally closing soon because they're only open half the day. I'm going to enter the gold look aluminium doors with frosted glass of a Happy Cafe, which is what it was called. I entered and the smell of coffee, entered my nose, and I almost felt reinvigorated. Coffee, my saviour, coffee, my love. It makes me feel alive again.
Walking to a counter with a frown on my face that seemed to be fading at a record pace. I looked at the glass in the display and ordered three bagels with bacon. These bacon bagels are to die for and of course I ordered a coffee to go. I ate one before I went, before I left, and kept the two for later.
You're probably thinking bagels and bacon are a odd combo but that's what this place specialises in. Happy Cafe, happy oddities. Best thing in the world.
After finishing and having my coffee, I kept sitting, staring out the window and each time I looked for a moment I thought I saw her.
The girl whose image had been so plastered in my mind that it caught me in the hope that I might see again, after her, saying, "See you soon."
Perhaps I jumped the gun but if she didn't see me soon, well, it's only been two days really, but I keep seeing her in places, wondering, "Have I again revisited the foolish notion of love where there is none?"
This train of thought was quite dangerous as it brought to my memory, which I tried to push aside.
I had my coffee, chugged the last half.
I munched on the last piece of my bagel and bacon, which of course the bacon flew out and I had to eat that first. Typical, the cheese was so sticky and long strings of cheese made it challenging to eat cleanly, it was to die for.
Despite how I had to eat the bacon, without hands once it was in my mouth, with cheese strings I had to keep at a distance while eating the bacon, to keep my clothing clean I loved it!
My mind was clear for a while but halfway to work the past memory came back.
It was from when I was in primary school, first grade. The memory starts with me walking into the classroom and a random girl coming up and giving me a kiss on the cheek. That's where the dream ends. When I wake up I mistakenly believe I was kissed by someone who likes me, which started my first crush, which was rather sad. None the less this thought kept on bobbing in my head; it was quite annoying. I tried to drown it out by thinking of bagels and bacon, beer, bread, even roller coasters, which I hadn't been on in a while, but nothing seemed to work.
Then again I thought I saw her again but there was a difference: the hair on this girl was shorter; she was more plump. She noticed I was staring and she looked at me angrily, which of course had me look away and continue on.
Just before the door I spotted someone I knew, someone I did not really want to see at this point and as you can guess it was our dear Tim, bushy brows the one.
He waved excitedly as he saw me.
How annoying I thought to myself.
Still I greeted him good morning but it's evening so good evening. He laughed it off, patted me on the shoulder, and said, "Yes, good morning." We headed inside, got changed, and started the day. So far so good although I'm still slightly depressed. What to do or what to think?
The result of my disappointing start to the day was that I ended up gettng more than I should in terms of the number of bagels with bacon and cheese but it's not a bad thing. The day had been quite quiet and now that the night was starting we pulled back the concertina with the mural upon it to reveal the bar and all its barlike glory, perhaps, and continued on as we normally would.
It started off slow as it did usually. People were getting off work, going to the bar, having something to drink. Most of them had already had lunch or dinner. Some still bought cake at this odd hour, which is basically what the shop is known for: cake, beer, and of course coffee, the main attraction.
At night cake was sort of the main menu as well as various types of ice cream and some other cold beverages such as a frozen banana. I think it's probably tequila poured all over it but hey whatever you like is what you like.
Nothing much changed throughout the day. Serving here, serving there. Sometimes you have people coming just for coffee and some who would come in, linger, stay, and leave. They would come back with friends, obviously waiting for them, didn't want to come in alone, strange people.
There was one particular person sitting at the bar today that looked as depressed as I felt so of course, doing as you do as you always see in the movies, you go up to them while cleaning a glass and ask what is on their mind.
What I was told was quite shocking. He said, "Hey buddy, just because I look sad doesn't mean I am. In this case I am. I'm very sad." He mumbled on a bit and then it turned out he was getting a divorce.
His wife had cheated on him, no surprise with a face like that. I'm sure she would. It's one of the things I personally fear about relationships; it bothers me. If someone's unhappy why don't they say so? He kept rambling on about this and that but it came down to that he was just too busy and that was the biggest problem.
He continued on about how he met his wife, how they met at a bar similar to this one. To which I said to him, "This is also a café; keep that in mind so come in the mornings as well." Which caused him to look at me with a rather strange look, like he was dumbfounded. To which I just smiled. I was hoping that that little segway would cause him to stop talking but alas it did not. He just continued.
Turned out the way he found out about this cheating situation was not in the way you'd expect.
He got home early for work, saw that she wasn't there, and decided to go to their favourite restaurant, to which he sent her a message saying he would meet her there since she wasn't home.
When she never replied he didn't think much of it.
He just kept on walking.
When he arrived he found her in the arms of another man kissing, which of course would shock most people.
He said he was shocked, dumbfounded, hurt, broken by this. Didn't approach them; he just sent her a message saying "I see that's how it is" and with that he left. Apparently that happened just today.
That's when I asked, "Well can I get you another beer?" His reply was no. "You want something stronger?"
"Double whiskey on the rocks". He said.
I went and grabbed a little tumbler under the table, with the tumbler in hand, I threw some ice in, three big rocks as you're supposed to, and of course I put two tots of the Club Whisky, which is the usual go-to for a place like this.
Placed it before him; he chugged his beer, said thanks, and proceeded to sip on the whiskey. His face started to cloud over, like the effect of alcohol was taking hold.
He was leaning down on his arms when he said the next and strange thing: "Even though I never confronted her about this, now that I know it's happening, I don't want to go home. It hurts too much."
Despite the noise around us there was silence between the two of us as we took in what he just said. A few minutes later he received a ping on his phone. I assumed so; I didn't hear it but he reached for his pocket and pulled out his phone and viewed something.
His face clouded over again. He looked like he was in pain. He said to me, "She replied, 'She doesn't know what I'm talking about.'" He said, his voice breaking a lot but its his face that made it look like he's breaking. That's when I saw him pounding on the phone, I assume he typed his message. That's when he paid and left, right out the door without a single word.
I was still for a few minutes i waited a while before I went to this customer.
This brought to mind the disappointment I felt. Must be true, like attracts like.
Two people feeling the same disappointment would generally be drawn to speak to one another and that was an interesting thing that happened that day thus far. As for now I'll take a rest and have two bagels with lots of bacon and at least two cups of coffee for the next hour and I will relax.