Christmas arrived quietly that year.
And with it came something I wasn't used to.
Distance.
Cypher had gone back to his family home for the holidays, while I returned to mine. For the first time since our relationship had started, there was a real space between us.
Not emotional distance.
Just physical distance.
And even that didn't feel like much, because we still spoke every day.
Our calls continued.
Our messages never stopped.
Little texts throughout the day reminding me he was still thinking about me. Still checking on me. Still present in my life.
Those small moments reassured me.
They made the distance feel temporary.
They made me believe that nothing between us had really changed.
At home, my family moved through the holiday the way they always did. Conversations around the house. Small routines that felt familiar. The comfort of being surrounded by people who loved me.
But part of my mind was always somewhere else.
With him.
Waiting for the next message.
Waiting for the next call.
Every vibration from my phone made my heart jump.
And whenever he told me he was coming into town for errands, something inside me would light up with excitement.
Those were the moments I looked forward to the most.
But meeting him wasn't always simple.
I couldn't tell my family the truth about where I was going.
So sometimes, I stretched the truth.
I would tell my mother I needed to go out because of school assignments.
Or that I had something important to finish.
Small lies that felt harmless in the moment.
Small lies I convinced myself were necessary.
Each time I stepped out of the house, my heart raced.
Part of me felt nervous.
Part of me felt guilty.
But another part of me felt something else entirely.
Excitement.
The thrill of knowing I was about to see him.
The anticipation of those stolen hours we would spend together before I had to return home like nothing had happened.
Those moments felt intense.
Alive.
Like the world outside didn't matter as long as we had those little pockets of time together.
Looking back now, I realize how young I was.
How easily I convinced myself that love was worth any risk.
At that time, I didn't think much about the consequences of those small secrets.
I didn't think about how lying to the people who trusted me would eventually weigh on my heart.
I didn't think about how quickly small choices could lead to bigger ones.
All I thought about was him.
He was my first love.
My first everything.
And when you experience something for the first time, it feels powerful enough to shape your entire world.
I wasn't thinking about protecting myself.
I was thinking about protecting what we had.
Because losing him felt more frightening than any lie I had to tell.
But life has a quiet way of teaching lessons we aren't ready to understand.
And sometimes, the smallest decisions — the lies we tell to protect love — become the moments that shape everything that comes after.
At the time, I didn't know it.
But that holiday…
was the beginning of something that would change my life forever