He didn't know where he was headed, just letting his feet carry him past the Ancient Ent watching from the wall, past the trio of trees having their quiet conversation, before he found himself at the hybrid patch. The one where nothing ever grew before the scream flowers and nothing after. Where he'd been too focused on trying to grow something from what he already had, too hesitant to try and grow something experimental because he didn't want to make another mistake. Not trusting himself to grow something without guidance even without truly realizing it.
Sera followed a short while after, clearly the argument with Korr having ended as he trailed a few moments after. Her expression seemed unreadable, his seemed pensive. They were watching, he realized, because of course they'd been watching.
"What are you doing?" Sera finally asked, her tone still frustrated yet faint hints of concern carried over.
Chris didn't look up. Instead, he focused on what he was doing, his hands already working the soil and clearing the patch clean. "Growing," he said simply, his tone cold. Had he been looking at her, he would have seen her flinch slightly, possibly more from what she felt than from his tone.
Korr stepped forward now, his tone clipped as he spoke, either not noticing or not caring about his tone. "We have a plan for what still needs to be done. The defenses are nearly complete but can still be improved. The plants you've been growing are working well. I am unsure what you intend to grow, but we likely won't need it. It would be better to listen to our suggestions rather than ris—"
"This isn't about what you need!" Chris's voice came out sharper and higher than he intended as he finally looked up. "It's about what I need this time."
Standing, he began to brush the dirt from his knees, his hands visibly shaking from anger, anxiety, or nerves. He wasn't sure, and if he were honest, he didn't really care.
Sera stepped forward now toward him. "Chris—"
"I realized something during our spar earlier," he cut her off, his voice shaking now. "I'm tired of watching other people do things for me. I needed the old man to settle things when I got here. I needed him to save my first sprout. Somewhere since getting here I began to just follow everyone else, letting them decide and choose while I get left behind or just do as I'm told. I all but know it started when I got scared about making my own choices. Started from my first sprout when I needed the old man to fix my mistake. That's probably when I stopped trying to think for myself, stopped trusting myself. I had greed, sure, but even that was more through the actions of others than my own."
Sera's brow furrowed as she listened to his words, feeling something stir inside that she couldn't quite explain.
He gestured at the walls, the bamboo rows, the kill zones. "This is all from you and Korr. I grew it, sure, but by following your instructions and suggestions, having the plants moved to where I was told and growing what you suggested I grow." His voice began to steadily rise. "But it's not mine. None of this is mine. I'm just the one who grows the stuff, which let's be honest, anyone could do that if they had the seeds I have or the soil I had or even just the soil the medical plants created for us."
Korr's eyes narrowed. "That's not what I meant or my intention."
"I know what you meant." Chris snapped as he turned to face him. "You were being kind. You were giving me credit for what I can do. But you just don't seem to get it. Neither of you do."
His mind drifted back to his old life against his will. The shows he'd watched on a screen in a room that no longer existed and the various comics and manga that he lost himself in. The stories where heroes always knew what to do, always had the answers, always won, were always the ones in control even when they didn't seem like they were. The way he'd stood in that white room, demanding power like it was owed to him, and how the old god had laughed and instead given him nothing but seeds and dirt. Then the promise he made to himself after the old man passed, to do things his own way. He began to wonder when his words and promises meant so little.
'And look at you now.' The voice gently drifted through his mind again. 'Still following orders. Still waiting for someone to tell you what to do. You said you'd do things your way, but when have you done anything like that at all? When did you stop trying and become someone who just takes orders and follows others like an affection-starved puppy?'
He didn't try to shove the voice down this time. He didn't try to fight it either, simply closing his eyes and accepting the truth of its words, because for once, it wasn't wrong.
"When I started being afraid of failing," he said aloud, getting confused looks from the pair. His words though weren't for them. Rather, they were directed to the voice and toward himself, realization finally settling in.
Sera's expression shifted, confusion making way to mild frustration as she clearly couldn't make out his feelings or intent anymore for some reason, while Korr seemed to hold a mix of amusement and curiosity in his gaze, interested in this sudden change.
Chris turned back to the hybrid patch before leaving and returning a few moments later with the last of the special soil that the old god had given him. He'd been hoarding it. Saving it. Too scared to use it because what if something happened and he needed it? What if he used it only to make a mistake and waste it? What if he grew something that made everything worse and it was the only thing that could stop it? Such thoughts being why he hoarded and kept it back like he had. The last of the best for an emergency.
'You really think growing something will change anything? That it will magically make everything better?' The voice again. Different this time. Not mocking, but rather cautious. 'Are you really going to just stop being afraid and instead do what you want? What if it goes like the world tree? There's no one to fix your mistake this time.'
"What do you think you're doing?" Korr asked, not demanding but clearly wanting an answer.
Chris didn't answer though. Instead, he poured the last of the special soil over the patch and watched as it mixed with the earth, dark and rich, the last of what had started all of this, before showing a single seed in his hand. Sera and Korr both easily recognized it as one of the special seeds of his, the type that could grow any plant when mixed with the special soil or, to a lesser degree, the medical grass's soil. He gently laid the seed atop the soil, pressing very lightly but still leaving it visible.
He wasn't even sure what he wanted to grow. His mind ran through various old stories, things he'd read about in novels and manga that had kept him up far too late, watched in shows that had made him forget about finals and deadlines and a world that no longer existed. He wanted not a guardian that waited at the walls like the Ancient Ent or something with unlimited potential that could create a sanctuary like the world tree, but rather something that could stand beside its grower. A partner that moved when he moved, struck when he struck. Something that would grow with him rather than for him, that would both protect him and fight with him. Something that, for once, would be HIS and only his.
He didn't want anything godly. It didn't need to be. But he also didn't want it to be something that would demand his blood or even his life. Just something that would remind him that this was still his village. That he was still the one who had built it. That he wasn't just following orders but could still make his own choices and grow things for himself, without needing guidance or needing to listen to others.
The soil shimmered, something Sera and Korr both easily noticed, yet he was too focused, too lost in his desire and desperation to notice it. The past growths hadn't reacted in such a way. The seed seemed to let out a loud crack that rang through the air, a thin white root sinking into the ground.
Sera was near instantly at his side as soon as she managed to wake from her stupor, kneeling in the dirt beside him as she placed a hand onto his shoulder. "Chris." Her voice was quiet now, the frustration replaced by concern and, if she were honest, a tiny amount of fear. "Talk to me."
He didn't look at her. Instead, his sights were focused solely on the soil in front of him, eyes having opened to see the tiny sprout pushing upward. Small and fragile, yet alive in a way he couldn't explain. His own feelings and thoughts settled as it seemed to tentatively reach out to him with a coiled leaf. "I've been following your plans. Your suggestions and your guidance up till now." His voice was steady now. The shaking had stopped. "And I really am grateful for all of it. This place is stronger because of you. Because of both of you and how you have been directing things." He paused, gently bringing his other hand over and lightly rubbing the coiled leaf. "But I'm not going to continue spending my life waiting for someone to tell me what to grow or be in control of things anymore. I realize that now. I need to start making my own choices and decisions. Make my own path and dreams."
He looked up at her now. "This is my skill, its real potential. This is what I can really do. And I've been so scared after my first mistake in using it and what followed that I let other people tell me what to do with it and all but guide my choices since then."
Sera's jaw tightened. "I wasn't trying to—"
"I know." He cut her off with a small smile, his tone far gentler this time. "It's not what you were trying to do and never your intent. And I will gladly say this place is far safer and better defended and prepared now than I could have ever imagined. You gave me guidance and formed plans when I had none. Forced choices when I was too focused on weighing options." He looked at the sprout. "But I can't continue like that. And even the changes we've made? I will be doing far more from now on, because it's far from enough. If all we do is defend, eventually something will break through, and then what? We end up abandoning what we made here? I would need to abandon my plants if that were to happen, and I can't do that. I grew them and they trust me. No, we will need to be able to strike back at threats. To make whatever comes at us regret it, regardless if it's the dungeon or a god. I want us to strike back as hard as they wish to strike us."
Korr stepped forward now, his curiosity fading into something much firmer as his voice came out low and measured. "You're talking about offense rather than keeping a solid defense?"
"I'm talking about being more than a target that can be worn down." Chris told him as he stood. The leaf reluctantly let go of his finger as the seed seemed to bury itself into the ground till it was barely visible besides a thin green thread pushing out the top of the dark soil. But even if they couldn't see how it was growing, he could feel it steadily growing, shaping and finding out for itself what it wanted to be, trying to become exactly what he needed. "I'll still take your advice and listen to your suggestions. But this is still my village, and it's going to grow the way I want it to grow from now on. Not just defensively. Not just waiting to be attacked, but ready to be the one who attacks and retaliates."
Sera studied him for a long moment. Her face was unreadable, but something behind her eyes had shifted. Maybe recognition or even acknowledgment. It could have just been exhaustion from having to deal with his stubbornness though.
"You're an idiot," she said finally with a sigh.
Chris almost smiled at that. "Yeah, I probably am. But that won't be enough to stop me. Not anymore."
She stepped back, her arms crossed as she looked intently at him. "Then show us what you can do, mister grower. Put your money where your mouth is," she said challengingly.
Korr remained silent through the exchange. He didn't argue or give any hints of approval or disagreement. He simply watched, those red eyes fixed on the sprout pushing through the soil before turning toward him, seemingly piercing through him. Yet Chris felt more solid this time, calmer and more confident as he met his gaze. Korr seemed to find what he was looking for since he simply nodded before turning and walking away, muttering under his breath about changed plans and layouts.
The little world tree's root soon came out of the ground before wrapping around his wrist in what had become a comforting and familiar manner, giving him a small squeeze not in comfort this time but rather approval.
For the first time in weeks, Chris felt like he was finally moving forward, no longer just going through the motions. It wasn't a large move forward. Just... not stuck anymore. Brought about by the first real choice he had made for himself in a really long time. Whether it was a blessing or curse though had yet to be seen.