"Bro! Are you sure this guy won't get a stomachache from eating twice-fried pork?" Shen Yibin couldn't even imagine what the crime for feeding a Panda to death would be. 'If anyone finds out, I probably won't have to worry about paying for food or a house for the rest of my life, right?'
"Pandas are from Sichuan. Since it's from Sichuan, isn't it perfectly normal for it to like twice-fried pork?" the Future Pet Shop replied with its usual nonchalance, utterly despising Shen Xiaobin for being so unsophisticated.
'You make a good point. I'm actually speechless.' Perhaps the Panda had heard him say the three words "twice-fried pork," because it suddenly got excited. Its cute, black-ringed eyes stared at him, full of longing. It even started licking his pants faster, and Shen Yibin could feel the thing's drool getting more and more copious.
"You don't actually want to eat twice-fried pork, do you?" Shen Yibin couldn't help but ask. He hadn't expected the creature to understand, but to his shock, the Panda nodded repeatedly after hearing him, which nearly scared the piss out of him. 'Holy shit, this thing can understand human speech?' He quickly explained the situation to the Future Pet Shop.
"I've told you before, we are the Future Pet Shop. The pets we provide are all extremely intelligent. If a pet can't understand its owner's intentions, what's the use of it? This Panda has the intelligence of a six or seven-year-old child, much smarter than the huskies of your era," the Future Pet Shop explained patiently.
'Being smarter than a husky doesn't seem like much to brag about, does it?' Shen Yibin thought, recalling the dopey husky his family used to have. The Panda, meanwhile, was getting more restless. It started climbing up his leg, apparently trying to get to the snacks Shen Yibin had left on the table.
'Those snacks can't be good for it.' Shen Yibin quickly squatted down and hugged the Panda. It was better to feed it twice-fried pork like the shop said than let it eat spicy junk food. "Hang on, I'll order some takeout for you right now." Shen Yibin didn't dare go outside, so ordering in was his only option. Plus, he'd have to hide this guy when the delivery person arrived. If anyone found out, he was screwed.
After speaking, Shen Yibin immediately opened a food delivery app, chose a restaurant with the fastest delivery time, and pulled up a picture of twice-fried pork to show the Panda. "How does this look? Is it to your liking? How many portions do you need for one meal?" 'Since its intelligence is supposed to be like a six or seven-year-old's, it should be able to understand this, right?'
"Nnngh~ Nnngh~" The Panda's noises sounded a bit like a human's "uh-huh" with a thick, nasal tone, just as cute as its appearance. As it made the sounds, it nodded repeatedly, its drool about to drip onto Shen Yibin's phone.
Okay, now that the dish was chosen, it was time to decide on the quantity. 'Pandas seem to have huge appetites.' Shen Yibin had seen a news video about two giant pandas eating 150 jin of spring bamboo shoots in a single day. If this little guy ate that much twice-fried pork, he would definitely go bankrupt. He thought for a moment, then held up three fingers. "Is three portions enough?"
"Unh-unh~" The Panda shook its head repeatedly.
"How about five portions?" Shen Yibin held up an open hand.
"Unh-unh~" The Panda continued to shake its head.
"Eight portions?" One order of twice-fried pork cost 20 yuan, so eight would be 160. Shen Yibin felt his heart bleed. The Panda, however, continued to shake its head. It wasn't until Shen Yibin held up all ten of his fingers that the Panda finally, reluctantly, nodded.
'200 yuan for a single meal. Damn it, after subtracting the cost of my first batch of inventory, I only have 16,000 yuan left. At two meals a day, ten portions each, I can only afford to feed this thing for a little over a month!' Shen Yibin was on the verge of tears.
"Be good, sit tight. I'll get your food now." Suppressing his sorrow, Shen Yibin selected ten portions of twice-fried pork, placed the order, and paid. The restaurant's response was incredibly fast; his phone rang less than a minute later.
"Hello, was it you who just ordered ten portions of twice-fried pork? Did you make a mistake?" Anyone would find such a bizarre order strange, right? The restaurant owner thought he had accidentally ordered ten portions instead of one.
"That's right, I want ten portions of twice-fried pork," Shen Yibin replied, feeling like a complete idiot himself.
"Why're ya orderin' like that? How 'bout you try somethin' else? Our poached sliced pork, salt-fried pork, and spicy chicken are all mighty fine," the owner coaxed, speaking in a thick Sichuan accent.
Seeing the Panda shake its head repeatedly, Shen Yibin directly refused the man's kind offer. "No thanks, we just really like this one. Please send it over quickly."
Since the customer insisted, what else was there to say? The owner mumbled a few words and hung up. The Panda seemed to understand that it would soon have a full belly, so it tilted its head and looked at Shen Yibin, blinking its eyes adorably.
"You look just like a little 'Hah'Er'," Shen Yibin couldn't resist mimicking the restaurant owner's Sichuan accent. In the Sichuan dialect, "Hah'Er" means "fool" or "simpleton," but it usually isn't an insult; rather, it carries a sense of endearment. Shen Yibin had learned the word as a child from watching the TV series *Commander Hah'Er*.
"Nnngh~" The Panda seemed to be mulling over the word, a dazed look on its face. It appeared to find the name "Hah'Er" exceptionally endearing.
'You can't be serious. You actually like this word?' Shen Yibin was stunned for a moment, then said tentatively, "How about I call you 'Hah'Er' from now on? Hah'Er, come over here." The creature's silly, chubby look did bear some resemblance to that "Commander Hah'Er."
"M-hm! M-hm!" The Panda seemed extremely satisfied with this name. It moved its little short legs, scampering and tumbling over to Shen Yibin before hugging his leg again.
"Hah'Er, go over there and bring me the broom," Shen Yibin said, thoroughly amused by the little guy. He started trying to give it simple commands.
"Huh?" Hah'Er paused, chewing on its paw, before looking in the direction Shen Yibin was pointing. It then seemed to understand something, letting out two excited "nngh" sounds. It slowly ambled over to where the broom was, and then... bit down on the dustpan next to it, presenting it to Shen Yibin as if it were a treasure.
Shen Yibin slapped a palm to his forehead. 'Damn it, what happened to being smarter than a husky? This is just as goofy as a husky!'
But then Hah'Er copied him, raising its right paw to scratch its head, leaving Shen Yibin utterly speechless.
"Hah'Er, roll over."
"Hah'Er, spin in a circle."
"Hah'Er..." He had to admit, teasing the Panda and watching it act cute was absolutely adorable. No wonder some people considered being a panda keeper the happiest job in the world. If he weren't afraid of being arrested, Shen Yibin would have taken pictures to post on his social media.
After playing with the Panda for over twenty minutes, his phone rang. "Hello, your takeout has arrived."
"Okay, I'll be right out to get it." After hanging up, Shen Yibin said to Hah'Er, "Be good, I'm going to get your food. You sit here and don't you dare run off, okay?"