Did I expect this to happen?
No.
I'll be honest, jumping onto the back of a giant robot snake was perhaps not my smartest idea.
My luck hadn't treated me wrong so far, though, so I decided to hail mary it, even if I wasn't expecting… this.
"YIPPEE-KI-YAY, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I screamed as the Amazo snake roared and soared through the air, my two villainous compatriots taking potshots from its back.
Did I regret it?
Absolutely fucking not.
I fired my gun at the monster. It did jack shit, but it fulfilled some tiny, neglected part of my soul. The childhood dream of being a cowboy was screaming with joy.
Although riding a super-advanced robot snake was probably a step removed from that.
Oh, who was I kidding? It was even fucking better.
Another guttural roar ripped out of the monster, more from annoyance than pain.
Despite the quite literally legendary luck blessing me and the random supervillains, the bastard hadn't taken any real damage at all.
He had been wrapped in some kind of green jumpsuit at first, but as the fight dragged on, more and more of his body revealed itself. Protrusions of bone jutted from rippling gray skin stretched over a mountain of muscle. For a second, I thought he was a demon, because holy shit, the dude looked evil.
He swung one arm, and the air seemed to vibrate around it as it passed. Luckily, the monster was more focused on us than on his footing, and his heel slipped against the ruined floor.
A dozen bangs rang out as Peacemaker and Bloodsport both opened fire. I saw sparks land against the thing's eyes, but they didn't do shit. Even the tentacles smashing into him barely seemed to matter.
The damn thing was barely winded as it got back up.
What the hell was this thing even made of?
His strength and durability were insane, and maybe I was imagining it, but was he getting stronger?
Captain Cold fired another beam from his Cold Gun. Unlike before, when it had managed to encase him, the beam barely seemed to touch his skin. I could see the ice literally slough off him before it could take hold.
A deep roar shook the room, and the beast leapt toward us like a goddamn bullet.
"Dive, dive, dive!"
The snake dipped hard, its body twisting and morphing as the monster sailed over us and smashed into a building, kicking up a wave of dust and debris.
Scratch that.
He was definitely getting stronger.
What the hell?
I eyed the fight and couldn't help but grimace. Even with luck on our side, we were barely distracting him anymore.
Shit, should I run?
The Bat kids were gone, leaving me with a random assortment of villains. I was honestly surprised they were still fighting, but I wasn't going to question the miracle.
But I couldn't let this thing get into Gotham. Whatever its ability was, it was too dangerous—
Wait.
Ability.
"Do the thing!" I slapped the Amazo's back.
The serpent robot roared, dipped low to the floor, and flicked us off its back.
I hit the ground hard, rolling just in time to watch the golden machine charge toward the monster as it strode out from the dust.
Midair, the golden snake morphed. Familiar-looking metal protrusions shifted and folded into place, its serpentine body compressing and reshaping until a humanoid frame emerged from the twisting gold coils.
Then the bot and the monster met fist to fist.
The impact cracked through the room like thunder, their fists crashing together with enough force to shake dust from the ceiling.
"HAHA, IT WORKED!" I raised both hands in victory.
The monster's head snapped toward me, even as Amazo drove a series of explosive punches into its gut.
"Shit." I backed up. "Guys, shoot him up!"
The two kept trading blows, each hit detonating through the room in heavy bursts of force, but the monster's eyes stayed locked on me.
No shots came.
I glanced back and found all those fuckers already booking it.
…You know what? I wasn't even mad.
In retrospect, that was probably the smart move.
"Krrrk… yooou…" The monster's voice came out garbled and broken, its eyes never leaving me even as Amazo continued to batter it. "KILL YOU!"
The monster leapt again, and I almost couldn't react as it came at me like a bullet.
A golden tentacle lashed out and smacked into its side, barely knocking it off course. The monster missed me by inches, close enough that I felt the wind of its passing tear across my face.
I felt a warm drop of blood come down my face.
Another roar tore out behind me, followed by the thunder of the monster's steps as it gave chase.
Right.
New plan.
Fucking run.
—
Desaad hid his contempt as he eyed the squadron gathered in front of him.
The transfer zone was filled with a dozen experimental and modified races he had molded himself. Unique and expensive warbeasts personally developed over centuries, each one easily surpassing the classic parademon template. An amusing project, if not always an effective one.
Creating more powerful or specialized slaves was hardly cost-effective. It was less efficient than simply producing more parademons or forcing lesser beings to become Darkseid's pawns.
Despite that, Desaad had developed a certain fondness for his unique creations. So many torturous, wondrous memories came from those early days of production, but beyond that, they did little more than sit in his labs.
He would have been pleased to see them used in Darkseid's name, if not for one contemptible factor.
Kalibak stood in front of the squadron with an arrogant smirk, a mighty axe strapped across his back. Darkseid's firstborn sneered with all the unearned confidence of a brute too stupid to recognize his own limits. A mindless, useless pawn whose only good grace was his relation to Lord Darkseid.
"You send such toys to complete Father's task, Desaad?" Kalibak snorted. "No wonder Father went into seclusion. His disappointment in your failures must have been truly immense."
Desaad did not bother to acknowledge the insult as he calculated the coordinates for the Boom Tube.
Godfrey, the spindly coward, had actually been useful for once in offering the location of the being who dared interfere with Lord Darkseid.
"Have you nothing to say, you incompetent fool?" Kalibak fumed, his childish attempt at provocation failing to draw even the slightest reaction. "Steppenwolf's disappearance lies at your feet. Your petty little mortal plans have cost Apokolips."
"Is there something you desire, Prince Kalibak?" Desaad input the final coordinates into the Boom Tube. It should connect properly, allowing him to send the warbeasts to probe the mortal of this "Goonion," as Darkseid willed it.
"Of course." Kalibak sneered. "I intend to fix your failures. I will head to Earth myself and—"
"No."
Kalibak froze.
Desaad did not even look at him as he finished the last sequence.
The prince's face twisted with rage. "On what grounds do you defy me, you overstepping—?"
"You will do no such thing," Desaad said. "Lord Darkseid specifically commanded me to send no known Apokoliptian force."
Kalibak flinched.
Desaad allowed himself the faintest scoff.
The Boom Tube opened with a roar of light, tearing a hole between worlds. Desaad turned, ready to order the prince away and send the warbeasts down to Earth.
Before he could speak, something leapt through from the other side.
Both Desaad and Kalibak stared.
It was a mortal.
Specifically… the mortal he had been preparing to attack.
How?
"Oh, thank fuck…" The mortal panted as he hit the ground and sprawled across the floor. "Nearly got killed there. Perfect timing, bud."
"HAHA!" Kalibak's laughter boomed through the transfer zone as he strode forward and leered down at him. "How fortunate that you would offer yourself up, mortal. Bow before your new—"
"KILLLLL!"
A titanic gray mass came leaping through the portal, nearly crushing the mortal beneath it. The thing missed by inches and smashed straight into Kalibak instead.
The impact sent the prince flying.
He crashed through the far wall with enough force to shatter stone, metal, and several nearby Apokoliptian structures in a thunderous chain of destruction.
Desaad's expression tightened.
How dare this creature desecrate Apokolips!
"Forward, my slaves!"
The squadron of warbeasts stirred at his command and charged.
He knew not what scheme this was, but not even Kalibak could handle them all let alone a mortal. Dozens of modified races surged forward, each carrying alterations he had spent centuries refining. Unique bodies, powers, and weapons molded through pain, science, and his own genius.
The mortal whistled.
Another shape burst through the Boom Tube.
Gold metal flashed under the harsh light of Apokolips as a golden android, its body now marked with similar spikes, came roaring through the portal. One of the warbeasts lunged first, all teeth and bladed limbs, but the machine simply caught it with ease.
Its limbs morphed and extended.
Then it ripped the creature apart.
The machine barely slowed as its body began to shift. Its arms warped, plating splitting and reforming as familiar traits from the warbeasts appeared across its frame.
"Enjoy!" the mortal called, smiling brightly.
Then he ran toward the Boom Tube.
Desaad snapped his hand out to close it.
A golden tentacle smashed into him before the command could finish.
The strike folded him across the floor, blood spilling from his mouth as bright, humiliating pain tore through his body. Desaad could do nothing but tremble against the metal beneath him, hatred burning through every nerve.
He could only watch as the wretched mortal fled back through the Boom Tube.
Desaad would not let this indignity stand.
"You will suffer a thousand agonies for such—"
A shadow fell over him.
Desaad's words died in his throat as he slowly looked up.
A gigantic golden fist hung above his body, blotting out the burning light of Apokolips.
"Ah."
***
A little delayed, sorry folks!
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I have advanced chapters on my Pa tre on/daisyberry if you wanna read ahead.