Hey guys!
I'm so deadass when I say this, I was on rule 34 to try gooning to Blackwhiplash and instead I saw a video of a dude shooting himself in the fucking head with a shotgun. I really had to sit there and just question what the fuck did I just see? It's deleted now and the comments said that it was fake, but holy shit, it was really just a reset moment for my brain.
Enough of my yapping though, enjoy the show!
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Hell sucks
I know, I know, fork found in kitchen, Goku found training, Ryuji yelling about the phantom thieves ass take, but hear me out. I saw it when I first walked to the hotel with Niffty, but my God, it is absolute abysmal dogshit down here.
I saw a dude get caught lacking by 4 other sinners at gunpoint, got given honey, and was told to pour the honey on himself and twerk…And he did it! Hell, just on the walk here I saw a little person act like a kid at a lemonade stand where he admitted the lemonade was piss and still sold it at 20 souls a pop to the overwhelming homeless population.
I was really naive to not realize it before, but just beating up criminals won't completely help people. Don't get me wrong, it definitely helps a bunch, but all of the underlying issues will lead people to continue to do crime and continue to get themselves in situations where I just beat them up as the Knight.
I don't know a lot about any of this, but I know that I have the power to do something about it.
Speaking of which, who owns all of these houses? I would assume a bunch of sinner landlords who like extorting people along with other Overlords, so I think I have an idea. If I just give those people enough money so they can screw off somewhere else, I could control the housing and just make it free.
I could use alchemy from Full Metal Alchemist to make or fix houses along with creating the souls to pay off the guys. It's not a perfect solution at all, with it still not addressing the drug problem, or the general machiavellianism of the public, but it's a good start by my standards.
Well, moving onto a much less depressing topic, I'm gonna try using B2A for the first time. To keep up appearances, I'm still gonna use my shadow armor to emulate my Roaring Knight disguise, but the inherent armor is now gone alongside one ability slot.
I've also limited the pool of rolls to cursed energy, alchemy, Chakra, Danganronpa, and Steven Universe. Now you may see that and rightfully think, 'Danganronpa and Steven Universe don't have power systems' and you'd be right…I have no idea why they're there.
I knew that I could somehow pull on them and I honestly just did it for the vine, I thought it'd be hella funny if I did and it would cure my curiosity about them anyway.
Alright, B2A, rock your body right!
RolLiNg…RolLiNg…
Alchemy, Full Metal Alchemist… Greed's Ultimate Shield.
…Wow.
In just a moment, my mind was beamed with everything a standard state alchemist should know along with Greed's powers. Greed had the ultimate shield, the ability to make his body into a carbon-like substance that was as hard as diamond. Combined with the knowledge of the base components of things like water, steel, and basic things, I was pretty damn strong.
Of course, all state alchemists had things they specialized in that I couldn't do at all. I couldn't transmute fire as well as Mustang nor could I use clap alchemy like Edward, but I could do things that neither of them could do well like using fire in the rain or transmuting sand.
However, what I did need was a transmutation circle. I already knew how to make one, but I figured that I could just use my shadow armor to have it inscribed onto my hands when I transform into the Knight.
Something else I wondered was if I could create philosopher stones. In the original series, philosopher stones could only be created through thousands of souls being sacrificed, but that was only because people in Full-Metal didn't have energy like mana or ki or whatever, in fact, they used tectonic plates to fuel their alchemy.
Y'know, thinking of all of this makes me wonder if I could access the gate of truth and Truth itself. I know there has to be a God or god-like figure that existed to make literal hell, so did I just inadvertently bring one here through my stand?
All of those are questions for another day, as I have a meeting to attend to.
"Alright, Hubby." Niffty said as we came across a very industrial warehouse. She had already told me that these meetings usually took place at Carmilla Carmine's, a known weapons dealer of angelic steel. Why we were meeting in the warehouse of a woman who had control over the one thing used to kill people permanently is beyond me, but I guess I'm just missing something. "When we get inside here, no matter what, you can't show weakness and you can't speak until Carmilla comes in. You'll know her when you see her."
"Yeah, that makes sense. From how you describe these guys, they might as well be Jeffery Dahmer's disciples, one instance of disrespect and they'll . Also, Hubby? Thanks for the nickname, Niff'." I responded back, pinching her blushing cheeks (The face ones, but I'm not opposed to the others) and began my transformation.
ALCHEMY X KNIGHT
I slick my hair back, grabbing and admiring my face in an invisible mirror before my helmet snapped over me.
I beat my chest, thumping like a monkey and with a final hit, my chestpiece fully manifested. I clapped my hands together, slowly pulling them apart before balling them up into fists and slamming them against each other, causing sparks of alchemical energy from the transmutation circle to leak out a bit.
I drop down to the ground before launching myself up in a backflip, my legs now coming in as I landed in a superhero pose.
…If I wasn't a literal demon, I'd say that was hell on my knees.
ALCHEMY X KNIGHT
Now that I wasn't aura-farming with my transformation, Niffty and I walked inside of the warehouse to get to business. While we walked in, it was pretty obvious to see that Carmilla ran his place like a damn Amazon workhouse. It was stacked to the ceilings with miscellaneous boxes along with hundreds of workers who looked like their souls were sucked out.
Not unlike me last night, Heyo!
…Nobody?
"We'll take the elevator please." Niffty said in a sweet tone, speaking to one of the older workers who immediately bowed.
"O-of course, Ms. Niffty, right this way!" He said wayyy too enthusiastically before guiding us to the elevator.
What the hell was that Xiania stuff? Is Niffty a jade beauty that I lucked into dating? Am I gonna get harassed by a young master who'll ask me to prostrate and cripple my cultivation in exchange for only breaking 205 bones instead of 206? Heh, maybe I am the protagonist, after all, I coveted the secret supreme "Fuck-you-nigga" technique from a mysterious benefactor.
This is my story!
Reincarnated into the Hazbin Hotel with the interdimensional Gacha System!
…Nah, that'd be a pretty crappy title.
Snapping back to reality, soon we came across a solid wall that the worker placed a single hand on and soon it crumbled away, revealing a massive elevator. The both of us stepped in, and without even pressing any buttons, we were taken up.
After a few seconds, somehow Niffty reached behind her and pulled out a…Water bottle? It was big too, it looked like it could hold a liter or somewhere around there. "Hey, Hubby… Can you take off your armor real fast?"
"Sure, what's up?" I say, de-summoning my armor.
***5 MINUTES LATER***
The elevator soon came to a stop after a surprisingly long ride, my armor reappearing back on me as I walked out slightly embarrassed while Niffty walked out looking refreshed, sipping on a water bottle full of a liter of my…
All I'm gonna say is that I wonder if cows feel that good when they get milked.
Disregarding my drunken fluids, we soon came across a room with a single long table at the head and dozens of other chairs. Along with the table there were guns along the wall where the head of the table was along with windows that could peer out into the rest of Sin City, completely above it.
Though, I couldn't really take in the architecture of the place when there were literal fantastic beasts and I found them in hell.
Right now I'm looking at a pink dinosaur woman with a green mane and a crop top with ripped jeans. In another time, in another life in another universe, I would've called this woman a dino-mommy and requested for her to step on me, however, I am a changed man.
I have a girlfriend, I sip matcha, I quit playing League of Legends and Dead by Daylight, I read feminist literature in my free time and spend day after day figuring out how to cure women from period cramps…I'm 6'8 by the way.
There was also another guy who was literally just a skull in blue fire that was also in a suit. Speaking of suits, why are there so many people in suits down here? When we were walking over here, I saw like 8 guys in suits and not a single one of them actually pulled it off. Except for this guy though, he had that shit on I'm not gonna lie.
For some reason though, as soon as Zeezi and Niffty locked eyes, they both just stared at each other, are they having an aura-off or something?
After their little haki-clash, they both stuck their noses up at each other and sat down, not even looking at each other. The dino-woman took out her phone and started playing a game while Niffty clicked her teeth and started to drink her (or my) milk.
I just sat there in silence cuz I'm low-key a bitch.
While we waited, more and more fresh faces came in. The first one was Vox himself who came in and sat down in the opposite seat of mine. He smiled at me and I did it back, using my body language instead of my face he couldn't see.
After that, a woman with grey skin and black eyes came in with a huge red hat and a muted red dress. She sat on my side as I waved at her, but she smiled back, literally showing all of her sharpened 32 teeth.
Was…Was that supposed to be scary? Ooohhhh, shiver me timbers, that shit was corny as hell.
Everyone sat down and waited for a couple minutes for Carmilla to show up. I heard that this was some respectable thing, making your guests wait and be late yourself to assert dominance or something. I thought and still do think it's stupid, since it just makes you look like a shitty host, not someone that deserves respect.
Regardless of my thoughts, however, after about 10 minutes, she finally showed up.
Carmila also had very grey skin, but with normal brown eyes unlike the "scary" woman. She had her hair fashioned in two oversized horns on her head along with her huge meaty claws she called hands. She had on a black suit with white highlights and honestly seemed tired of everything.
"I am the host of this Overlord meeting this month." She said, having a slight Spanish accent. "We all know the rules, but since we have a new Overlord, we'll go over them just for him." She looked straight at me when she said that and began going over the rules…
Which I did not listen to because
IT
WAS
SO
BBBBOOOOORRRRRIIIIIINNNNNGGGGGG!!!!
It didn't stop either, the rest of the meeting was boring as hell too.
****10 MINUTES LATER***
🎵So what can I say except, you're welcome? For the tides, the sun, the sky!🎵
****20 MINUTES LATER****
🎵Here we are again
Just me and you, comedian, right?
With your blasters, your flashing eye
You should better be prepared because soon
Your last hour strikes🎵
****30 MINUTES LATER****
You see, what Vox is doing here is an ancient technique from Tibet that is called Dark Mango Psychology it involved inflating his ego according to all 34 rules of sigma males.
If you want to know more, look up rule 34 inflation.
****40 MINUTES LATER***
Make…It…Stop!
"Knight!" Niffty said through gritted teeth as she shook me a little bit. Coming out of my boredom induced coma, I see the entire table staring at me in anticipation.
"Wait, what's happening?"
"Oh, it's nothing, Knighty, can I call you Knighty?"
"no."
"Knighty, all I did was just ask you to do a little turf war with me."
"...What the hell is a turf war?" I asked, noting that everybody seemed to go silent. I also saw some kind of energy build up around both me and Vox, but I couldn't tell what exactly it was.
"Aw, it's nothing, we both fight over a little spot of land with our subordinates and after that, we shake hands and go about our ways."
"Why don't you just go over and claim the land yourself?" I asked, noting that Niffty's hands were balling up into fists.
"Hell is weird, you know? Can't do a lot of things without some sort of permission from it." He put his hands up with a small smile. "Don't worry, you can't use any lethal force or anything, just a normal fight with all of our souls.
He put a hand up to his chin, which was just the bottom of his screen. "How about…The Silver Serpent District?" He asked, putting out a hand for me to shake.
Alright, now although I do recognize that this is a deal, I can't really figure out his angle. By his own words, we're just fighting over land and we can't even kill each other, so just what does he want? Y'know what, I'll just play along.
"...Sure." I say, standing up and reaching over the table to shake his hand. In an instant, a flash of lightning appeared behind him, really making the red swirling eye pop and–
Wait a minute, red swirling eye? He didn't have that before.
Before I could call him out on it though, he gave a devious smile and fixed up his bowtie. "Alright then, see you in a week, Knight." He said before in a flash of lightning, he disappeared.
I saw the dinosaur woman go to say something, but before she could, I felt a tugging on the collar of my shirt. Niffty had stood up and grabbed me, dragging me to the window where she simply broke it with a kick and jumped out of it with me in tow, both of us turning into bugs in mid-air and teleporting out of there.
However, just before we turned into bugs, the black ticket flashed me…Not like that.
[1x Gold ticket: Have a girl drink your cum in a room with many powerful people]
[1x Gold ticket: Get into a war with another Overlord]
[1x Silver ticket: Complete your first soul bet]
[Adept Total Concentration Breathing]
|Elite Skill|
Demon Slayer - You are an adept in the way of the Total Concentration Breathing technique, a specialized breathing technique that allows you to increase the concentration of oxygen in your blood and activate your muscles better, giving you a superhuman physique as long as you maintain the breathing. As an adept, you can easily maintain the breathing technique during a fight without additional strain and even use maintain it during daily life as long as you are not exhausted or excessively distracted. You can also use this technique to stop your own bleeding and increase your recovery speed.
[Bag of Ore]
|Rare Item|
A duffel bag the size of an average human's torso that you can pull 33 kilograms of any mundane ore out of every 24 hours.
[Child Friendly]
|Common Trait|
Let's keep it PG, allows you to activate a filter that makes you more presentable to a younger audience, placing a censor on your privates, getting rid of gore on your body, etc.
The last thought I had as I read the gacha was simple:
What was that eye?
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THE END
I'm gonna be honest, I think this is my best chapter of anything. I think it's the funniest along with good (in my opinion) foreshadowing, inner monologue and the dynamic between James and Niffty was alright by my standards.
Also, I didn't look at the rolls when I put them in, so I'll be just as surprised as y'all if it's stupid OP.
Ok bbbyyyyeeee!