Day-26
...
Today, we didn't do or encounter anything particularly special. As usual, we went to Damroww, hunted a few goblins, and returned to sell what we had gotten today.
Just another ordinary day like yesterday.
After that, everyone went their separate ways. Some went to the inn, while others went to the tavern, and here I was, walking alone through the narrow alleys of Ortana.
Looking at the towering tower, it was a landmark for me. Trying to explore the city, searching for an answer to something meaningless that I was trying to find.
Whatever it was, I just wanted to find it.
By then, it was already dark.
So dark that it made me a little afraid.
Passing through that alley led me to another branch in the road. I followed it, not knowing where it would take me.
Even though I knew where I was heading, I didn't really know where I was walking.
In the darkness of the night, I looked like a blind man.
With only the red moon illuminating my path, I could see a little.
"What am I actually doing?" The question escaped my mouth.
But it would never be answered, just one of thousands of questions like it.
I kept walking, following the path ahead of me, while lowering my gaze, trying to see the road clearly.
The wind blew against me, touching my skin, making me feel cold.
After walking for quite some time, I finally saw the place I was heading toward.
It was a hill, with a fairly tall tower standing there, the place where we first arrived, or you could say it was the grave of someone I knew.
When I got closer, for some reason my steps felt so heavy. Was this laziness? Or was it simply that I didn't want to go?
Unknown, incomprehensible, I was like a fool walking toward a graveyard in the middle of the night.
What was I even going to do there?
It was rather funny if I thought about it, wasn't it?
Ah, had these difficult times lately made me crazy?
Slap...
I slapped my own cheek hard.
No—
"—I guess... I've always been like this from the beginning."
I've always been the same person, whether back then or now.
I was never great, and I was never too bad. I was just an ordinary person who was always stuck somewhere between good and bad.
Thinking about it, this world had created an illusion of change for me.
It really felt different until I realized that it was actually the same thing.
How foolish of me... Deceived by an illusion created by myself.
"What is it that I actually want?"
My steps continued up the slightly sloping path.
A dirt path, cold beneath my feet.
From here, I could see rows of gravestones covering half of the hill.
When I arrived, I approached a certain grave. An acquaintance, someone precious, someone I was jealous of.
There, I crouched down, smiling slightly, even in the darkness.
The silence remained undisturbed there. There weren't many sounds, only the humming of insects and the sounds of birds.
"... Hey, Manato." I spoke softly. "I'm here, to see you."
"You know? Things have been really difficult for us lately. The days have been boring without you. Oh yeah, there's a new member who joined us. She's a priest just like you, her name is Mary. Well, even though that girl is pretty cold, I guess there's a reason for it. It's the same as you inviting me to join without the others' permission. We invited her without telling Yume and Shihoru, too. Now things between all of us feel so awkward. It's even so difficult to talk to each other."
"Hey, Manato..."
The words wouldn't come out. I had already thought about what I wanted to say, but for some reason, it felt like something was stuck in my throat.
What was happening? Why couldn't I just say it? What was so difficult about it?
It was easy, but it wasn't easy. That's what it felt like.
I gritted my teeth, frustrated with myself, anger welling up from inside.
A coward, truly a coward. I couldn't even say a single word that should have been so easy to say.
Ah... This was why I hated myself.
"Haaahh..." I exhaled.
Calming myself down.
"Hey, Manato... I've always wanted to say this since that time, I-I..."
My voice trembled.
"Manato..."
"I'm sorry, for not being able to save you..." The words finally came out.
I felt something flowing down my face.
"Is it raining?" I thought.
I used my arm to wipe it away.
Then I looked up at the dark sky above, slightly greenish in color, with the bright red moon.
Then I turned around, my back facing the grave, before starting to walk again.
But not long after, my steps stopped. I looked back, a smile appearing on my face.
"Hey, Manato," I called out. "I'll take care of them. Even though I'm not that great, you can leave this to me."
Then I continued walking.
With my shadow accompanying me, the moon shining upon me, and darkness surrounding me.
The path felt so clear even though I couldn't see it.
I didn't really know whether I was capable of doing it.
But—the most important thing was to keep going.
Just as I had promised.
That—
"—I will protect all of them..."
...
-
Lately, I've been feeling truly exhausted, which is why the motivation to write just hasn't been coming. There's no need to worry—I've experienced this often in the past, and I know that trying to write during times like this usually doesn't yield results I'm happy with. Even so, I'm going to keep at it; I've had a goal ever since I started this fanfiction—to finish it—so I'll do my very best.