When the going gets tough, Obaachan usually said "If a deer runs away from a lion, does that make it trash? If a hermit crab hides in fear of being eaten, is it a coward? They're all just trying to survive. You're hiding to survive, too."
I squeeze my sweaty palms together by my sides and adjust the red frames perched on my nose. "Inhale Sayaka" I remind myself but my arms shake and my fingertips tingle with swarming anxiety. I clench my right arm where it felt like worms were squirming and pumped a couple times. What if they saw how nervous I was? Would they really accept me?
"Exhale Sy" I let out the big breath that I had kept in my chest for way too long, I was starting to look like a pufferfish. I look down the empty hallway, if only there was a bathroom and my knees wobbled just from the thought.
"*Ahem* That being said, let us introduce the new recruit" My announcer said on the other said of the white wooden door. Everything looked so spic and span, like a hospital room. I didn't even have to strain my nose to catch a whiff of Iodine. As expected of the top industry in the market. China always surpassed all. Its economy had grown from being one of the poorest countries globally to a dominant force in global trade and investment. Deng Xiaoping reforms marked the beginning of China's economic transformation, leading to sustained growth averaging nearly 10% annually from 1979 to 2017.
If I want to mark my foot in new soil, this pristine building was just the place. With one last final breath, I push back my glasses for the umpteenth time and straighten out the black pencil pants I had managed to find on an online thrift store.
"大家好,很高興能和大家一起工作.我叫沙耶香" (Hello, everyone. It is my pleasure to be with you. My name is Sayaka) I do a full bow till my shoulders were below my hips. When I raised my head up, I expected eloquence and for everyone to turn around and get back to work. Oooh~ A workplace bully drama. Wait! That's my life, I don't want that. I mentally slapped myself and internally winced.
Before I could get too lost in the world of C-dramas I loved to binge watch, I was deafened by rounds of claps and cheers as the older people welcomed me.
"She speaks Chinese very well despite her young age"
"As expected of the top scorer on our tests. In the 5 years I've been here, I've never heard of anyone scoring near-perfect marks"
"Do you play sports? Look at that bow!" A lady rushed over and gasped with a zealousness akin to a child. "We don't get that many recruits, let's treat each other like family"
My heart swelled blossomed with warmth. Perhaps, my anxiety wasn't only a fear of rejection but also fear of being dismissed as a talented person.
I silently sniffle and straighten my back. Of course! Since I was six years old and heard of the growing economic stability of China's industry, I made it my life goal to find a good job here. Every textbook was directed towards getting into the top school and when Japan couldn't meet up with certain Chinese college expectations, I rebounded and relearnt. My passion, my eyes, my heart, my hands. EVERYTHING was to get into this building. And I had no doubt in my heart that I would make it into the top chain. I won't be a little fish. I swear it.
Right after salutations and minor meetings, we all decided to go for my welcome party. My first ever welcome part at 22 years old. Pressing my lips together, I clench my fingers around the cold glass of the golden fizzling liquid. My first drink as well. I look around the long wooden table to see the happy faces of my chatting colleagues. My first hang out. All at work. My eyes stung and I bite my lips hard to stop any sounds from escaping.
"Ah- What's the matter Miss Sayaka?" A man's startled voice drew attention to me. Everyone turned their head to me and an instant helplessness pitted itself in my gut. Worried murmurs came from neighbouring dinning table.
"N-n-nothing" I managed to say after a while. "It's just that, I moved to here all by myself, I was worried about how drastic of a decision that was. Then I realized our cultural differences and worried I won't be included in the work of the office. でも('Demo')" My voice cracked. Should I really be so vulnerable on my first day?
"Poor girl. You're still just a kid" The soft voice of a lady spoke from behind me. Her warm hand patted my back and reminded me of grandma's loving embrace. I swiftly turned around to see a beautiful lady. She was the type of beauty to not exist in such an industry...not tryna be sexist or anything.
"But you're one of us now." She said after I had gained some composure. I cleared my eyes and quickly nodded. If we were in a C-drama, I knew this scene would paint out to be a beautiful princess comforting her clumsy ugly duckling maid. SCORE!
I heave out another breath and offer her a nod of appreciation "But- You all welcomed me so openly. I won't back out of anything." I promised with a wide grin and boisterous cheers evaporated whatever awkward tension my earlier spectacle created.
Mission Success: Get into a heartfelt speech and use my tears to win the affection of my colleagues. I almost couldn't help the smug smirk that came over my face as I was greeted multiple times by both men and women alike. Now, if anyone tried bullying me, they'd have to think twice of the repercussion of targeting a young immigrant in search of a better life. Heh-
"Welcome to the family" The man slammed the gold booze on the table, making all the metal cutleries tingle against each other. The faint scent of pork, smoked barbecue and freshly chopped spring onions danced in the air. Ahh- Was this the meaning of life?
I take a glance at the dark mahogany used for the interior of this local restaurant place. My eyes catch a waitress cleaning a glass window and I lean back on my chair as i try to catch a glimpse of the silver moon.
"Mister Yúzé , you've said that at least five time in the past 30 minutes" I would have become exasperated but I was rather satisfied that even in his drunken state, he subconsciously welcomed me. I'll let him keep going, so when he wakes up, he'll think he wants to be cordial.
"Yeah? Well..." Before he could finish his sentence, his watch rang out and he roughly hit his palm like as if to catch a fly. Tsking, he groaned and stood up.
"Where are you going?" Ehh, was he going back to his wife? Was this the life of a married man? I saw no ring but perhaps he wanted to remain professional. I already liked him. "Going home?" Perhaps to a wife and three kids, I almost snickered.
"Home?" He rubbed the back of his head and shoved his hand to the pockets of his pants. He put on the teal string of our ID cards provided by the company hung over his head and I tilted my head to the side as I noticed everyone else do the same. I fumbled for my ID card. Was the company going to cover the expenses for us? Oh, where did i put mine? I hope I didn't forget min-
"We're going back to work" He said as he bent backward until his back popped. Eh?
"But- we just clocked off 2 hours ago?" I said as I looked at the time. It was 8:30pm. Don't work offices end at 5? Ours only ended so late because they're the best in the industry. Right? Right Mister Yúzé?
"Ahh- that was the longest break I've had in a week" The croaky voice of Smoker Mister Hàorán chuckled. His eyes turned sunken as if he remembered something "I'm very glad you joined the team but Sayaka make sure not to slow down or you could get workover load till next week. I don't want to see another newbie end up in the ER" He said and bent down to grab his suitcase. WTF? Was he threatening me or something?
Boss, tryna pick a fight with me on my first day?
The forlorn look on Hàorán's face told me he everything I needed to know. Shit- they were serious. I scramble to my feet and fetch my bag and ID card from it.*Skeert* My pants ripped but it was like none of the them had noticed the sound as they all filed out in a single line back to the tall, pristine K building like zombies.
My heart thumped and I raced towards them. I stayed at the end of the line to avoid any preying eyes of my co-workers as they all mundanely walked across the empty road cross sign. When I finally settled in my desk, I made sure to avoid any sudden movement so the material won't rip further. Before I could even hope to ask for a pair of pants, a stack of work taller than a year old baby caught my attention "We're a family?" I scoffed "I moved to China for a better life. Pleased to meet you. Hope to work well with you?" I scoffed even more. I wasn't the trickster. I was the one tricked.
**8 Years later**
"That week, I barely made it to my apartment after 4 days of consistent work. Of course, with so much youth and ambitions still coursing through my blood, I returned to work with an energetic spring. I needed to keep my job after all and those 4 days weren't so bad." I swiveled on the coffee stained chair as I looked at the set of new recruits with a loopsided smirk. I could see the same fresh blood pumping through their supple skin. Ahh- Youth.
"So, you're saying this job isn't even worth it?" Someone asked. Uh- uh Akara? Hakeem? Akira- Akira Tendo was his name. I squint through my black framed glasses. Should I say, turns out that just like in Japan, China has it's own hands tied with overtime underpaid hours? I let out a small chuckle. Underpaid? We were barely paid on a regular day.
"No, not that bad. You get to have 2 free vacations each year and your yearly salary goes up when you become full time." I say leisurely while sipping my 4th cup of black coffee. This tasted like shit. I look down at the coffee, being careful to conceal my disdain
"Oh? So like...2 whole months or something?" A blonde chirped in and I look up from my coffee. Ah international students. The easy targets.
"Two months?" I repeated and hit the jerk occupying the next stall "Neh- neh- The new recruits asked if our vacation days were two months. Not even two weekends. She asked for months!" I could barely tell the joke without laughing. Anyone that hadn't passed out from sheer exhaustion or perhaps death joined in with me. Soon, the office was filled with tired snickering and empty chuckles. Ahh- Youth.
"Oh, dear." I wipe the tears from my eyes. "Months? You'll be happy to even get half a day here. But don't worry, if you make it big, you get to go on actual vacation."
"How long does that take?" She fires immediately. My eyes trail to the beauty walking passed her. The gorgeous lady from my first night. My first scapegoat. Yes, that little trickster. I watch her walk to the chairman's office and before she can even keep up the disgusting roleplay fetish he projects on her, the balding old chairman grabs her and pulls her into office. I grimace and look away.
That's right, we were both hired around the same time. She was a hired a week before I was but only with average scores. However, her killer body and smile made her the Chairman's lap dog. I clench my fist around my hot mug and unclench it once I've regained some sense. Yet, here I was stuck at the bottom, losing my youth while she was lavished upon and climbed up ranks.
"Welcome to the family" My wicked smile slipped out and the new recruits shivered in their boots.
Basically, my first workplace right after graduation was actually a scam.