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Chapter 48: Banquet!!
The root cause of the death-match between Esune and Luffy was apparently me, the guy everyone thought was dead. So, naturally, my sudden reappearance brought their fight to a grinding halt.
Man, thank goodness. That was way too close. If I had arrived on Sabaody even one day later, one or both of them might have ended up seriously injured.
"Luffy-san. I'm sorry..."
"Shishishi! It's fine. It's my fault for telling you Line was dead in the first place. I'm just glad he's alive!"
"...Yes!"
They bowed and apologized to each other, fully patching things up. Yep. All's well that ends well... Except for one tiny problem...
"U-Umm, excuse me... Esune...?"
"Yes. Is something the matter, Brother?"
"Well... it's just, you know, do you think you could let me out now...?"
"No. ♡"
Flashing a terrifyingly sweet smile, she would squish and knead me aggressively against her chest, cooing in a sickly sweet voice...
"Brother... please don't leave...♡ Stay inside Esune forever...♡"
"Obababa!? E-Esune...! S-Stop moving like that...! I-I'm gonna accidentally discharge again... Ah!"
"Eh~? Exactly what is going to discharge? Esune doesn't understand♡"
"Stop playing dumb!? You know exactly what! What!"
"What is what? Tell me...♡ Come on, Brother, say it♡ While wrapped up in Esune... deep inside Esune, say it♡"
She wasn't some naive Kuja warrior from Amazon Lily; I knew she knew exactly what I was talking about! Ugh... I had already misfired twelve times. In terms of sheer stamina, I still had plenty in the tank... but I really wanted a change of underwear...
"Line! You lucky bastard! Dammit, I wish I was a dwarf...!!"
Sanji was pounding the ground in sheer, unadulterated jealousy. From my perspective, I'd much rather have his height!
—————
Anyway, back to the Straw Hat Pirates.
Currently, out of the nine members, five had already gathered on the Sabaody Archipelago: Luffy, Sanji, Usopp, Chopper, and Franky. Zoro, Nami, Robin, and Brook had yet to arrive.
"Eeeh!? I don't care about the moss-head or the skeleton, but Nami-san and Robin-chan aren't here yet!? ...Gasp! Could it be they're taking extra time to dress up just for me!? Oh geez, what a tease. Nhohohoho♡"
Puffing heart-shaped smoke rings from his cigarette, Sanji let out an incredibly creepy giggle. Esune watched him with an expression of pure disgust.
"...I wish sexual desire would just vanish from every male on the planet, except for Brother..."
She was saying some pretty extreme stuff... Wait, does that mean my sexual desire gets a pass? Did she really trust me that much as her brother? ...Even though I was actively misfiring inside her cleavage right at that very moment...
"Alright! Let's go hit up the amusement park until everyone else gets here!!"
Luffy threw his arms in the air and cheered. ...He seriously loved Sabaody Park, didn't he?
"Luffy-san. Wait just a moment," Esune called out to him.
"Hm? What's up, Esune? You wanna come too? Sure!"
"No, that's not it... I'd like to properly apologize for attacking you earlier..."
"Ah, don't worry about it. We're cool."
"...Are you sure? I was thinking I could treat everyone to a huge feast at our place to celebrate Brother coming home, too—"
"Alright! Listen up, you guys! The amusement park can wait!! First up is food!! It's time for a banquet!!"
...Luffy was a man who lived purely by his desires. Not that I had much room to talk.
"Hehehe, understood. In that case... let's order a mountain of high-class ingredients!"
Esune smiled brightly... wait, hold on a second!
"Esune! A mountain of high-class ingredients is a bad idea!"
"? Why is that, Brother?"
"Unlike me, Luffy eats a ridiculous amount! He can easily polish off 100 servings by himself! If you order nothing but high-class ingredients... the b-bill is going to be astronomical..."
"Oh, don't worry about the money. Despite how I look, I'm actually quite wealthy now."
"Huh...?"
Right, Esune had become a bounty hunter. And apparently a pretty famous one...
"H-Hey, Esune. Just how much did you earn over this past year?"
"Hmm... I currently have roughly 5.3 billion Berries on hand."
"Five-point-three billioooooon!!?"
What the hell kind of astronomical number was that!? Frieza's combat power looked like a speck of dust in comparison!
"Ehehe, I actually had a bit more... but I donated a bunch to orphanages, buying the freedom of commoners who were captured as slaves, and covered Ray-san's gambling tabs, so it dwindled down a bit."
"No, no, no!! That's plenty! That's more than enough!! You could live multiple lifetimes of luxury with that kind of cash!!"
Suddenly, the two years I spent working for free at Shakky's bar just to pay off a measly 4-million Berry debt felt incredibly pathetic! ...Also, Ray-san, stop mooching off your daughter to fund your gambling habits!
"Ehehe♡ If there's anything you want, Brother, just say the word! I'll buy you whatever your heart desires♡"
"...Esune, you're going to end up spoiling a man rotten and creating a deadbeat at this rate..."
Please don't get conned by some shady guy in the future...
—————
And so, we all headed back to Shakky's Rip-off Bar to hold our banquet.
"Oh! A banquet? Sounds good! Line is finally back, so let's break out the good stuff!"
"Hehe, this looks like fun. Let's just close the shop for the day."
Surprisingly, Ray-san and Shakky were totally on board with the banquet. ...I guess you can take the pirate out of the Roger Pirates, but you can't take the Roger Pirates out of the pirate.
I did feel a slight twinge of guilt partying it up while Dressrosa was in such a terrible state... but since everyone was going out of their way to throw a "Line is Alive Celebration" just for me, I decided to unapologetically enjoy myself. You gotta have a good work-life balance, after all.
The attendees included me, Esune, Densuke, Ray-san, and Shakky. Add the five Straw Hats currently present... plus the octopus Fish-Man Hatchan, Camie the mermaid, and Pappag the starfish, who had all swung by. It had been a whole year since I'd seen those three, too.
"Man! It really... has been a long time, hasn't it, nurabecha!"
Yep, yep. It sure ha—
"Wait, who the hell are you!!?"
A random blonde guy I had never seen before had naturally slipped into our party. I immediately called him out.
"Who am I...? I'm Duval! The most handsome man in the world!! That's me, nura~!"
"What do you mean, most handso—uwaaaaaah, he's actually incredibly handsome!!?"
I practically barked. This guy calling himself Duval... his face was absurdly flawless! Not only was he ridiculously handsome... he was also incredibly tall!! Somewhere around four and a half meters!! And if that wasn't enough, his voice was incredibly deep and cool! He sounded like some badass ninja master. ...What was with this guy? Was he the ultimate lifeform?
"D-Damn it... you tall, handsome bastard...!"
"Eh? Did you just call me handsome?"
"I did!! What is your deal!? You're tall and handsome!? I'm so jealous it hurts! You handsome bastard!"
"Wow! I mean, I know I'm handsome, but having someone say it straight to my face still makes me blush, nura!"
When I asked what his deal was, it turned out this Duval guy was an acquaintance of Luffy's crew who owed Sanji a massive debt of gratitude. To repay that debt, he and Hachi had spent the entire year protecting the Straw Hats' abandoned pirate ship.
"You're tall, handsome, and deeply loyal...!? Your existence is too perfect!! You're irritatingly close to my absolute ideal human form!! Ahhh, I'm so jealous!! Being that tall and handsome means girls must be throwing themselves at you all the time!! It's not fair! It's not fair!"
"Uhahahaha! Getting praised this honestly feels amazing, nurabecha!!"
And he was a beacon of pure positivity! So friggin' annoooooying!! As I stamped my tiny feet in pure frustration—
"You're far more handsome and wonderful, Brother♡" whisper
Esune leaned in and whispered directly into my ear.
Fwheaah~! My heart just skipped a beat...! S-Stop it...! You're my sister... I'm going to end up falling for you if you keep this up...!
Pant, pant...! Esune, Densuke... I'm surrounded by girls I'm not allowed to fall for...! Pant, pant...!
Esune was cute, she always hyped me up, she had huge boobs, and I definitely caught myself looking at her with dirty thoughts every now and then... but I couldn't forget! She was my sister!!
She was absolutely not someone I was allowed to fall in love with.
I had to carve that fact deep into my soul.
I needed to maintain my grip on my sanity...!
—————
"Alright. So, as you can see... it is I, Line. I'm alive. I'm sorry for causing everyone so much worry and trouble. Anyway, uh, long speeches are boring, so... Cheers!"
""""Cheers!!""""
And just like that, the banquet began. The feast was prepared by Shakky, Esune, Sanji, and... Hatchan.
I was surprised to learn Hatchan could cook, but he ended up making nothing but massive piles of takoyaki. Is it ethically okay for an octopus Fish-Man to cook octopus? It is? Alright then.
"Nyu~, I made some mini-sized takoyaki just for you, Line."
"Thanks for the trouble. Don't mind if I do."
I popped one of Hatchan's mini takoyaki into my mouth. I don't think I've eaten takoyaki since my past life. Let's see how good his skills really are... chew...
"Nom... Ah! Hot! Haff, hoff, gulp... Nnho!? So good!? What is this!? This is amazing!!"
"See? See? Hacchin's takoyaki is the best in the world, right!?"
Camie looked far more ecstatic about my reaction than Hatchan did. Dammit... Hatchan... you scored yourself a great girlfriend... But seriously, this takoyaki was incredible.
"Brother! Brother! Try my food, too! I made oysters, eel, and mountain yam! It's delicious!"
"Oh, thanks. Munch, munch."
"Eat up, you guys! It's the secret Newkama 99 Recipe I mastered during my hellish training! Ahhh, I wish Nami-san and Robin-chan were here to eat it too~"
"Ohhh! Sanji! Keep 'em coming! Meat! I need more meat!!"
"...!! ...!!"
"Chopper's choking! Somebody get some water over here!"
"Dahaha! Have some cola!"
"Eh? Did someone call me handsome?"
Munch munch, chomp chomp, clatter clatter♪
Man, what a lively party! This was great. No shady okamas lurking in the background trying to force me into a dress, just pure, unadulterated relaxation.
Since Franky was downing cola, I poured myself a rum and cola.
"Gulp, gulp, puhaaah! Hehehe! By the way... Franky. Have you... gotten bigger since last year?"
"Ow! I'm the NEW me, packed full of a man's romance and even more SUPER than before!!"
"...You've somehow gotten even more perverted-looking."
"Hey now, stop flattering me~!"
"That wasn't a compliment!?"
Was he another manifestation of pure positivity like Duval?
"Usopp... did you get more muscular?"
"Yeah! It was a close call, but my diet finished right on time!"
"Diet...? Just what exactly were you doing for the past year...?"
"Man~, it was rough... Surviving life-or-death situations on the Boing-Boing Archipelago..."
"Boing-Boing Archipelago? Y-You don't mean... an island filled with boing-boing, huge-breasted beauties!?"
"Huge-breasted beauties!? Is that true, Usopp!?"
"No! And you don't need to react to that, Sanji!!"
According to Usopp, the Boin Archipelago was a terrifying island covered in carnivorous plants. ...I was actually a little interested.
"Covered in plants...? What kind of plants?"
"Hmm~? Well, for starters, the Boin Archipelago has these weird plants called Pop Greens that grow instantly the moment they're planted!"
"Huh? Grow instantly? A plant? Yeah right, liar."
"I'm not lying!!"
"Yes you are! You're Usopp the liar, after all!"
I was a Tontatta. We prided ourselves on knowing literally everything there was to know about plants. Which was why I could state with absolute certainty: there was no such thing as a plant that grew instantly!
Take the morning glory, for example! It's famous for growing quickly, but it still takes 40 to 60 days to bloom. With a Tontatta's expertise, you could speed that up to about a week... but "instantly" was biologically impossible.
"I admit I'm a liar, but I'm telling the truth about this!"
"You got proof~?"
"You little brat! Just watch! Green Star!!"
Usopp grabbed the slingshot strapped to his back and fired a small, seed-like object with a fwip.
Poof! Rrrmble, rrrmble!
Unbelievably, the seed instantly underwent a massive growth spurt, transforming into—
"Bweeeegh!! It stiiiiinks!!"
"Kyaaaa!!"
"M-My nose! My nose is rotting!!"
"Usopp, you bastard! What the hell did you just put on the dining table... bwweeeeeeghh!!"
"I'm soooorrrryyyy!! Bweeeggghh...!"
The Rafflesia... known as the smelliest flower in the world... had bloomed right in the middle of our banquet. Bweegh...
—————
Thanks to Usopp (though I suppose I share some of the blame), the banquet was thrown into momentary chaos... but Franky quickly breathed a stream of fire from his mouth and incinerated the Rafflesia, saving us all. Oh man, that reeked.
After that, the party went back to being a normal, fun time. We ate our fill, drank our fill, and were completely satisfied. We even had a talent show.
"Number 1! Luffy! I'm gonna do a funny face! Bwehhh~!"
"Gyahahaha!!"
"Uhaha!"
"Fuhahaha~!"
Using his rubber powers, Luffy stretched his jaw out and wrapped it entirely around his own face. It was impossible not to laugh at that!
"Gyahaha! Alright, Number 2! Usopp! I'm doing the Limbo Dance!"
Next up was Usopp. Using one of those fast-growing Pop Green seeds, he spawned some bamboo with a poof and assembled a makeshift limbo pole. Then, he started to limbo!
"Hey! Limbo! Limbo!"
"Nice limbo!"
"Do the limbo Usopp!"
However, his long nose ended up snagging on the bamboo pole, causing him to fail. Everyone burst out laughing.
""""Ahahahahaha!!""""
"Hehehe! You're no good at this, Usopp. Let me show you how a real limbo is done. See? Easy."
"Line! You're just walking under it normally! That's cheating, you dwarf~!"
""""Wahahaha!!""""
"Alright, alright. Then I'll show you my signature trick. Number 3! Line! I'm taking off! Tontatta Combat! Tail Copter!"
Just like always, I spun my tail like a propeller, took to the air, and performed a dazzling aerial display.
"Look at him go, Line!"
Whistle, whistle!
"Fly higher~!!"
As I zipped around the room, vwoom, vwoom, Esune suddenly stood up. Hm? What's she doing?
"Number 4! Esune! I'm flying with Brother!"
"...Huh?"
"Rabbit-Rabbit Combat! Ear Copter!"
Just like my tail, Esune started spinning the rabbit ears on top of her head like propellers, and then...
""""She's flying—!?""""
"Ehehe~"
Esune actually flew up to meet me in the air. Even I was shocked by this one. What was she, Usada Hikaru!?
"E-Esune! What are you doing!? H-How does that even work!? You have a Rabbit Devil Fruit, right? Why are you flying..."
"Ufufu, Brother. Do you know how rabbits are officially categorized?"
"...? They're mammals, right?"
"In some old counting systems, they're actually counted the same way as birds! That means they're practically birds!"
"Eeeh!?"
"That's just the kind of creature a rabbit is."
"I never knew...!"
I legitimately had no idea...!
"No rabbit in the world works like that."
Usopp delivered a deadpan, perfectly logical counter, but since she was literally flying right in front of us, I guess that was just how rabbits worked. You learn something new every day.
The talent show continued to be a massive hit. Chopper transformed into a giant furball and then back into a reindeer, showing off all his different forms... and not to be outdone, Franky started rapidly reconfiguring his hairstyle into all sorts of bizarre shapes. It was genuinely entertaining, and I gave them both a round of applause.
"Stare~. Number 7, Densuke!" Poof!
"Oh, Densuke's doing a trick too?"
"Nhin."
""""The Transponder Snail turned into a human—!!????""""
Seemingly trying to compete with Chopper and Franky's transformations, Densuke shifted into her Angel Mode. Seeing Densuke's human form for the first time, everyone except me and Sanji practically had their eyes pop out of their sockets. ...Actually, Sanji's eyes popped out too, but in the shape of hearts.
"Stare—. Densuke is going to climb the wall."
With an eerie, slow, gravity-defying crawl, Densuke began scaling the walls and ceiling. Seriously, why do you still cling to walls like a snail even when you're an angel...?
"That's so cooool!! This is awesome~~!! You three! The snail, Line, and Esune! You guys really gotta join my crew!!"
"I told you, we're not joining, Luffy."
"If Brother isn't joining, neither am I. ♡"
"Densuke is Master's pet."
And so, the banquet carried on deep into the night.
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