Chapter 67
Yang Jian retracted his gaze and turned to the others. "How's the new home feeling?"
Coulson adjusted his suit collar—though he had already changed into a new one.
He smiled: "Ten times better than S.H.I.E.L.D. dorms. May says she wants to apply for permanent residence here."
Melinda was sipping tea. Hearing this, she looked up.
"Fine, Coulson's right—at least there are no cockroaches. Last time in the Bahrain safehouse, my toothbrush was…"
"Used as a bridal suite by cockroaches!"
Deadpool suddenly appeared between them. "I get it, I get it! Back in Mexico—"
Melinda's dagger instantly pressed against Deadpool's throat.
"One more word and you'll experience a Bahrain-style greeting."
Deadpool mimed zipping his mouth and tiptoed over to Wanda.
"Red Witch lady, look—they're bullying me."
Wanda's chaos magic instantly formed a red hand that grabbed Deadpool by the ear and lifted him into the air.
"Want me to replace your vocal cords? Plastic ones sound good?"
"Ow! Gentle!"
Deadpool flailed mid-air. "This is workplace bullying! I'm reporting to HR!"
Echo couldn't hold back a laugh: "Where's our HR?"
"I can double as HR!"
Deadpool suddenly turned serious. "I personally hold a Level 2 Human Resources Management certificate—though the Deadpool Legion took the exam as a group."
Yang Jian rubbed his temples. A bio-field isolated part of the noise.
He walked to the sofa. New York's skyline glowed golden in the sunset outside the window.
"I should get going."
The room suddenly fell quiet.
Deadpool dropped from Wanda's magic grip and landed on his butt—rarely not complaining about pain.
Coulson reacted first: "We'll build the surveillance network as planned."
He glanced at the smart tablet: "May's already started."
Melinda added briefly: "Trust me—it'll be reliable."
Wanda and Echo exchanged a glance, then smiled.
"We'll protect this universe."
Deadpool suddenly rushed in front of Yang Jian, his mask's white eye-pieces stretched wide in exaggeration.
"Wait! You're abandoning us? Just like my dad abandoned me and Mom? Though that was actually my uncle."
Yang Jian pressed a hand on his head and pushed him away.
"You coming with me to our universe, or continuing your multiverse tour?"
"Whoa!"
Deadpool instantly forgot his tragic act. "Is this an invitation to join the harem? Though I'd rather be the main wife."
Dangerous red light flared in Yang Jian's eyes: "You can only join my faction—not the harem."
"Faction? Harem?" Deadpool counted on his fingers.
"Is it the X-Men? Faction or harem? Avengers are clearly a harem—just look at Iron Man and Cap's chemistry."
Shoo!
This time Wanda, Echo, and Melinda attacked simultaneously.
Deadpool was pinned to the wall with chaos magic, sonic waves, and a dagger—like a specimen.
"Wait! I'm going! Trust me!"
Deadpool struggled to raise one hand: "This universe is too violent! I'm eloping with Superman!"
Yang Jian shook his head and waved open a portal.
Golden sparks swirled into a ring. The other side faintly showed another world's scenery.
"Take care." He nodded to the group.
Deadpool finally broke free, lunged at Echo for a French cheek kiss—got blasted away by sonic waves.
He turned to hug Wanda—got bound into a cocoon by red chaos ropes.
Finally he could only blow flying kisses at Coulson and Melinda. "Remember to miss me! I'll be livestreaming on YouTube! Room number is…"
Yang Jian grabbed Deadpool by the collar and dragged him toward the portal like a suitcase.
Deadpool's legs kicked wildly in the air: "Don't forget to vote! Deadpool & Superman: Cross-Universe Honeymoon reality show coming soon!"
"Finally quiet."
Wanda let out a long breath and collapsed onto the sofa.
Echo retracted her sonic energy and rubbed her ears: "I'd rather fight ten more zombie Caps."
Coulson smiled and pulled up the holographic map: "Seriously—there's trouble in Queens district. Gwen's already there."
Melinda wiped her dagger and added: "A few anomalous energy spikes need checking too."
...
S.H.I.E.L.D. Headquarters – Conference Room
The holographic screen displayed satellite imagery of a site in Brazil. The Hulk raged across the frame, battling military forces.
Coulson stood at the screen, hands braced on the table, expression grave.
"Hulk's lost control again—this time in Brazil."
He looked around the room: "We need to discuss whether to intervene, or try inviting him to join S.H.I.E.L.D."
Natasha Romanoff crossed her arms and began cool analysis.
"Hulk's combat power is undeniable. If we can stabilize his emotions, he'd be a powerful asset."
Steve Rogers nodded in agreement: "Bruce Banner isn't the enemy. He just needs help."
Clint Barton leaned back in his chair and shrugged.
"You decide. I just execute missions."
Maria Hill stood off to the side, hands in pockets, eyes scanning the group before settling on Coulson.
"You're the director. You decide."
Coulson was just about to speak.
Buzz!
A golden portal suddenly opened in the center of the conference room, energy sparks flying.
Everyone instantly entered combat stance. Clint already had his weapon ready, Natasha's hands on her waist holsters, Steve raised his vibranium shield.
"Whoa! This S.H.I.E.L.D. HQ? Nice decor!"
A man in a red bodysuit with dual katanas strutted out casually. The white eye-pieces on his mask stretched wide in exaggeration.
"Coulson! Old buddy! So good to see you!"
Deadpool opened his arms and charged straight at Coulson.
Coulson froze, instinctively stepping back half a pace: "Uh… do we know each other?"
Deadpool already wrapped him in a hug and patted his back hard.
"Of course we know each other! We fought side by side! Sure, in another universe—but feelings don't care about dimensions!"
Natasha frowned: "Who the hell is this guy?"
Deadpool immediately released Coulson and turned to her: "Natasha! Wow, real life is even sexier than the movies!"
He leaned in to examine her: "So you really… mmph!"
Natasha's hand-blade chopped toward his throat. Deadpool agilely leaned back to dodge.
"Whoa! Temper still so fiery!"
He turned to Captain America: "Steve! That perky butt really lives up to the legend! Can you sign an autograph? Just right on—"
Dong!
Captain America's shield slammed into his face. Deadpool staggered a few steps, mask crooked—but he didn't care, excitedly straightening it.
"Sweet! That's Captain America's personal autograph!"
Clint narrowed his eyes: "Is this guy insane?"
Deadpool instantly turned to him: "Clint! Your aim's so sharp! By the way, heard you have a daughter? Isn't she called—"
"Enough!"
Yang Jian finally stepped out of the portal, grabbed Deadpool by the back of his collar, and dragged him back.
"One more word and I lock you in the Mirror Dimension for solitary."
Deadpool immediately mimed zipping his mouth shut—but less than two seconds later he couldn't resist again.
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