I woke up to a guild receptionist snoring away in my face… I looked around, trying to remember where I WAS… IN MY ROOM!! Okay, so I didn't go into the wrong room or sleep in the wrong bed. BUT she is here… IN MY BED!? THAT I HAD PAID HER FOR!?
I'd ponder the thought of kicking her off the bed, until I stopped to stare at her rest, and I smiled while adjusting the sheet over her gently. I'd comb my hair and quietly put on my armor and my gear without making too much noise as I snuck out of my room to go downstairs.
The beam of the dawn sunlight had shown through the windows as the guild maids were already preparing breakfast, and the guild master was staring at the request forms intently while trying to avoid eye contact with me.
Tim and Tina were already up. Tim was trying to scuff down an egg pancake and choking horribly, while his sister Tina helped him by patting his back.
One of the guild maids then hands me an Apple drink. As I was about to hand her a coin, she declined and informed me the drink was on the house.
It didn't bother me; I drank it regardless.
I stared at the empty Request board.
"Nothing's up there until she gets her big butt out of bed!" the guild master yelled jokingly as he smacked his fan on the receptionist's desk.
With nothing to do, I took my equipment and sat next to Tim and Tina, taking out a whetstone to sharpen my copper sword.
"So, Miss, where are we going today?" Tim asks nervously.
I gave them a confused look, "We?"
"That's right." Tina giggled.
Since when did that happen? When was there a "we" in my book? DID I MISS SOMETHING HERE?
I looked at the two in disgust, but changed my look when I realized that their other two friends were still injured and they were still recovering from their injuries.
Annoyed like an older sister, "I believe we'll have to wait until the missus with the big behind gets up to update the request board." I winked and smiled at Tim and Tina, while sharpening my copper sword.
It takes another hour or so before the Guild receptionist wakes up in a panic and realizes she OVERSLEPT.
In the meantime, the two bored siblings decided to play Rock-Paper-Scissors to pass the time.
I was intrigued by the game and watched them play.
The two would teach me the rules to play it.
"Rock beats Scissors, Scissors beats Paper, and Paper beats Rock," Tim explained.
"What happens if I choose the same thing?" I asked.
"It becomes a draw," Tina explains, "The score usually is best out of 3 rounds." She smiled.
3 different patterns to win, best of 3 rounds, and 3 weapons to choose from.
Have those 3 stooges ever played this game before?
"Oh, you lost. Paper, beats rock!" Tim exclaims.
I wasn't paying attention and lost…
"Next round!" Tina declared.
This time, I got him. Scissors are great, scissors will cut ANYTHING!
"YAY, I won!" Tim celebrated after picking a rock.
Who'd guess he'd pick rock?
"Ugh, I lost…" I uttered in disappointment, "What would you want?"
Tim put his hand on his chin to think, then asked, "Missy, do you have a boyfriend?"
"Eh?" My brain froze. My hand froze. Even my ears froze.
Of all the things he could've asked for—candy. A copper coin. A rematch. A piggyback ride. But no. He wanted to know if I had a boyfriend. I blinked rapidly, trying to reboot my entire existence.
"Wh–why would you ask that!?" I snapped, a little too loudly.
Tim shrugged innocently. "Because you're pretty."
Tina smacked him. "TIM!"
I nearly choked on my own breath.
Pretty? ME?
I wanted to crawl under the table and die. My ears twitched uncontrollably. I could feel heat crawling up my neck like a fever.
Pretty. Pretty. Pretty. The word echoed in my skull like someone had cast a spell on me.
"I–I'm not— I mean— that's not— you can't just—" I was malfunctioning.
Tina buried her face in her hands. "Tim, you can't just SAY things like that!"
"Why not?" Tim asked, genuinely confused. "She is pretty."
I nearly dropped my sword…
"Alright, you two, isn't it time for you to find request forms?!" The guild receptionist snapped at Tim and Tina as they both stood and ran to find their respective request forms on the board.
What's a boyfriend? I've never heard of one before.
I stared at the space where the kids had been sitting, my face still burning.
A… boyfriend.
The word rolled around in my head like a loose marble. I whispered it under my breath, testing it. "Boy… friend." It sounded like some rare monster. Or a type of food. Or a rank above Platinum.
The receptionist paused mid‑stretch, looking at me like she'd just heard a crime. "…Wait," she said slowly, "do you seriously not know what a boyfriend is?"
I stiffened. "Is it… a type of weapon?"
She choked on her own spit. Trying to hold back her laughter, "Oh, it CAN be a weapon, if you master it."
Something tells me she's about to pull the rug underneath my feet.
The receptionist scooted closer, eyes sparkling with the kind of mischief that meant I was in mortal danger.
"A boyfriend," she said, drawing out the word like she was unveiling a forbidden spell, "isn't a weapon. It's a person."
I blinked. "A… person weapon?"
She slapped her forehead. "No! Someone you like. Someone who likes you back. Someone you… You know… spend time with."
I stared at her, horrified. "Why would anyone do that on purpose?"
She burst out laughing so hard she nearly fell out of her chair.
"Oh gods," she wheezed, wiping tears from her eyes, "Noobie is going to have a FIELD DAY with you."
My ears shot straight up. "WHAT DOES NOOBIE HAVE TO DO WITH THIS!?"
She grinned like a demon. "Nothing. Yet."
"So can you be my boyfriend?" I asked in curiosity.
"M-Me? N-n-no! We're both girls and both elves, you silly little…" She paused to collect herself, taking in a deep breath like her life depended on it. "A boyfriend must be a BOY or a MALE!" the Guild receptionist explained with her face all flustered.
I tilted my head. "So… a boyfriend has to be a boy?"
"Yes!" she squeaked, still red. "A male! A man! Someone you— you know— date!"
"Date?"
Another new word. Another problem.
She groaned into her hands. "Oh gods, you're hopeless…"
I frowned. "I'm not hopeless. I don't understand why someone would want a… boyfriend."
She peeked at me through her fingers. "Because you like them."
"Like… how?" I tilted my head, thinking of ways this would make sense.
She made a strangled noise. "Like— LIKE like! As in— romantic!"
I blinked. "Is that different from normal liking?" I tilted my head to the other side.
She slumped forward onto the table. "I can't do this before breakfast."
I poked her shoulder. "So… if a boyfriend is a boy you like, and he likes you back… how do you know?" I believed I got it down to the Tee.
She lifted her head just enough to glare at me through her hair. "You feel it."
"Feel… what?" I felt more confused than before.
She groaned again. "Butterflies."
I frowned. "Why would insects be involved?" This was confusing me more.
She slammed her forehead back onto the table. "I swear," she muttered into the wood, "you're going to kill me faster than any monster."
I crossed my arms. "I'm trying to learn."
She lifted her head just enough to squint at me. "You're trying to learn the wrong things at the wrong time."
I huffed. "You're the one who brought up Noobie."
She froze. I froze. The air froze. Her eyes narrowed into a slow, evil smile.
"Oh?" she purred. "So you were thinking about him."
My ears shot straight up. "I WAS NOT—"
"You said his name first." Her smile widens from ear to ear.
"That's because YOU—" I stammer, my ears turning red.
"You're blushing." She stares at my ears.
"I AM NOT—" I protested weakly, wishing to bury myself 6 feet under anything.
"You are absolutely blushing." She continued to tease me.
I slapped my hands over my face. "STOP LOOKING AT ME." I felt like a little child caught red-handed doing God knows what.
She leaned back in her chair, smug as a cat in the sun. "I swear, you're going to make that poor boy's life very interesting one day."
I peeked through my fingers. "Why would I make his life interesting?"
She snorted. "Because you're adorable."
I died. Right there. On the spot. My soul, if anyone could see, had left my body, ready to reincarnate into its next life.
"Oh, by the way, the guild sent you this for apprehending those crooks yesterday, who harmed Tim and Tina's friends." She hands me a rather heavy envelope.
I stared at the envelope while trying to hide my beet-red face. I took a breath and opened the envelope to find a letter addressed to me, commending me for apprehending 4 convicts. I was promoted to silver rank Adventurer while also receiving 70 gold coins, awarded as compensation for the time, damage, and protection of the lower adventurers under me.
My hands trembled as I held the envelope:
Silver rank. Seventy gold coins. A commendation letter with my name on it. My name. Not "monster." Not "boss." Not "threat."
Just… me.
I swallowed hard, trying to ignore the heat still clinging to my cheeks.
The receptionist watched me with a soft smile — not teasing this time, not smug, just… proud.
"Congratulations," she said gently. "You earned it."
I stared at the letter again, unsure what to do with the strange tightness in my chest.
Was this… happiness?
Or was I still dying from earlier? Hard to tell.
Ah, that's right, I still wanted to find something to give Noobie before they head out to face the dragon.
I left the Guild Tavern in a hurry for the market area. Surely anything will do, I thought to myself. Something that will aid him in battle.
I thought of all the possibilities that I could buy for him.
Then the 3 stooges happened to be at the market looking for supplies as well, they all complimented each other on the craftsmanship of the items and such, and kept going along.
I decided to sneak and stalk them to see what they were up to.
Turns out the 3 Stooges were once again shopping for items to pile up in Noobie's inventory.
"We need more food, we might get stuck in a blizzard," Noobie advised as he quickly filled his purchase window.
"We have food! For at least another 4 months!" Kit yelled back.
"If you ask me, we should buy more water to extinguish flames, since dragons' breath is flame." Exile nodded in approval at his own comment.
Then something catches my eye.
Noobie stops hoarding the food as he empties his purchase window. He caresses one of the flowers gently as if it were a sight of something he'd remember. He then dismisses it as he tells Exile and Kit that he has some other things to tend to.
The other two dismiss him as they continue to stall around the marketplace.
While he separates from the duo, I follow him. He walks at a slow pace. Stalking him was not difficult at all, but the fool keeps staring back to see if anyone is following him, CONSTANTLY.
I followed him far into the countryside. It was nighttime when I reached a small rural village not far from the city.
Seemed as though the place was honest and small living.
He arrived at a small house and gave a coded knock on the door, keeping his eyes peeled for followers.
What's he doing? I wondered.
Then the door opened, and he proceeded in.
Curious, I followed to the window and slowly peeked inside, as it was slightly open, to hear them.
"Noobie," the woman in the chair said, "You're not hurt, are you?"
He-he has a wife. Oh my god, how stupid can you be!? Of course, he's married.
Noobie kneels, bowing low with his head down, his cosmetics off, revealing his rough shape.
"My Queen…" Noobie answers, dignified.
I gasp, and a stick snaps underneath my feet.
Immediately, Noobie comes outside and draws Mist Edge, pointing it at my neck.
"Turn around…" Noobie demanded.
I slowly turned around with tears in my eyes.
Noobie sheathes his sword quickly, then says slowly, "Y-you…"
I faint from the adrenaline rush and pass out. I forgot to breathe. I didn't even know when I was holding my breath.