Emilia's Proactive Kiss (Part 1)
「"Emilia…"」
「Hikigaya Hachiman reached out, placing his hands on the girl's slumped shoulders. "Lift your head. Look at me, Emilia."」
「His steady voice was slightly hoarse, slightly trembling… What he had expected was that the act of having Puck break the contract would invite resentment, but he had never imagined that by now, in this girl's heart, his trust, his expectations, and his approval had already reached such a heavy weight.」
「So heavy that they had become a part of Emilia; so heavy that they could be compared to Puck; so heavy that they could tear this girl's heart asunder.」
「And so—」
「"Listen to me carefully, Emilia."」
「She didn't want to listen, she didn't want to look, but even if she was full of resentment, even if she was in pain, even if she was discouraged—the moment she heard him plead like this, she couldn't control the urge to take him seriously, to look properly at Hikigaya Hachiman, to look properly at her knight.」
「Carrying tears of despondency and self-deprecation, Emilia mournfully raised her head.」
「"I have always believed in you, I have always held all sorts of expectations for you, I have always recognized you, and every word of praise I've given you has been sincere."」
「Without a mental script, his mouth moved faster than his brain. It wasn't logic; it was a speech composed entirely of emotion. Hikigaya Hachiman's eyes shone with intensity as he spoke earnestly: "Look at me, Emilia. I will not lie to you, I will not deceive you. I am your knight."」
「"If once isn't enough, then three times; if three times isn't enough, then five, ten, a hundred times. Even if your memories are sealed, even if you are shaking with fear, if it's you, you can definitely endure. Sooner or later, the day will come when you succeed. I am convinced of it."」
「"Then why—"」
「"But have you considered my feelings, Emilia?"」
「Her questioning was interrupted. Emilia stared with startled eyes. "I haven't… considered your feelings?"」
「"That's right." Hikigaya Hachiman furrowed his brows, placed his left hand over his chest, and took a deep breath.」
「Every single time—every single time in Return by Death that he saw the panic and self-reproach caused by her failure to challenge the trial, those scenes where Emilia was so scared she wailed—every single time, he etched them into his heart. Every single time, it felt like a knife carving into his soul.」
「"If once isn't enough, then ten times; if ten times isn't enough, then a hundred. Challenging the trial is painful, uncomfortable, and terrifying. You can endure it, facing these things over and over and over again. But—"」
「Hikigaya Hachiman bit his teeth, his face full of bitterness. "For me, who can hardly bear to see you shed even a single tear, have you ever considered how much I suffer seeing you fall into that state because of the trial?!"」
「"The one crying because the trial is scary isn't me, it's you!"」
「Facing his rebuke, Emilia also argued back loudly: "You took Puck… you took him… the trial is nothing! Compared to losing Puck, the trial is nothing!"」
「"That is your selfishness—that you would rather be tortured by the trial over and over than lose Puck." Hikigaya Hachiman shook his head gently. "But I have my own selfishness too—that I would rather you pay the price of losing Puck than see you tortured over and over."」
「"I never asked you to make that decision for me!" Emilia was incredibly agitated. "And the idea that losing Puck and restoring my memories means I'll definitely pass the trial immediately—that's too cunning!"」
「She curled up tremblingly, hugging her shoulders, filled with unease. "Strange memories keep surfacing in my mind. What are they? What is all of this… I don't understand, I don't understand at all! With all those strange memories, if I know them, can I really succeed? If I know them, am I still me? If I know them, will I become happier, or more miserable?"」
「"It's just wishful thinking! You don't know my—"」
「"I know!"」
「Raising his volume, the aggressive Hikigaya Hachiman interrupted the girl once again. He spoke with total conviction, wanting to give her that same confidence to dispel her hesitation: "I know, Emilia. Your past."」
「"It is a very beautiful past. You had the best family, the best childhood, the best memories. Everything was the best. Although there was an accident at the end that is hard to accept, believe me…"」
「"Accept your past, your memories. You are still you. The you from back then is just as cute and just as kind as you are now. I can make a pact with you; I predict that when you recall the past, you won't be able to help but show a sweet smile. In that moment, you will be happy, blessed, and fulfilled."」
「"There's no need for unease, no need for fear. If I weren't certain, I wouldn't have taken matters into my own hands… Emilia is the most precious treasure in the world, one of a kind. I would not risk making you more miserable or causing you to stop being yourself just to have you accept these."」
「Grabbing her delicate small hand to transmit that sincere warmth, Hikigaya Hachiman looked into her eyes and said softly: "I won't lie to you. Your knight will not deceive you. Trust me just as I trust you, Emilia!"」
「Emilia stared blankly at Hikigaya Hachiman. In his pupils, she saw her own reflection.」
「"Saying such things… it's too cunning…"」
「"Maybe you think it's cunning, but I am truly certain." Hikigaya Hachiman was beyond resolute; he had absolute faith in Geuse, Fortuna, Archi, and everyone in the forest. "That is definitely the memory you wish to obtain, the past you wish to own, Emilia."」
「She held back tears, murmuring, "Even if you say that… Puck…"」
「"It's just breaking a contract; Puck isn't going to leave you." Hikigaya Hachiman said decisively. "Just as I won't give up on you, Puck will absolutely never leave you. Although he said he would fall into a slumber, as the culprit behind this, I will definitely find a way to wake him up."」
「He crouched down gently, looking face-to-face at the girl who, after being lost and helpless, was now soothed by his certainty, as if she had found hope again.」
「Hikigaya Hachiman spoke once more: "Accept the past, face reality. Trust me, Emilia."」
「Emilia bit her lower lip hard. She was deeply shaken, her eyes flickering. "I… if I… I'm willing to believe you, to believe Hachiman. But I'm scared, truly scared… Just for today, stay with me today, Hachiman, please. I know you're busy, I know I'm being selfish and self-centered, but I—"」
「"Regarding that, I have already said it. I cannot grant that, Emilia."」
「"—"」