ROMAN'S POV
He knows I killed someone.
That's the part I can't stop thinking about.
Not that Gary is gone. Not that Khalid made him disappear. Not that I'm safe for the first time in six years.
Just—he knows.
He knows the worst thing I've ever done and he looked at me and said "I would have done the same thing."
Like it was simple. Like it wasn't the thing I've been carrying for six years. Like it didn't matter.
How is that possible?
---
I've been lying awake for three nights replaying it.
The hotel room. Gary on the couch. My hands shaking.
"Tell me."
I couldn't. Physically could not get the words out.
But he waited. Didn't push. Just—waited.
And when I finally told him, when I said "I stabbed him," his face didn't change.
Not disgust. Not horror. Not judgment.
Just—acceptance.
"In self-defense."
"He was going to kill Gary."
"Then you did what you had to do."
That's it. That's all he said.
Like I hadn't just confessed to murder.
---
Gary's face when Khalid walked in.
Confident. Smug. Like he was still in control.
Then Khalid said "I can make you disappear. Legally or otherwise."
And Gary's face changed.
Because he believed him.
Because Khalid said it like it was already decided. Like Gary's existence was optional and Khalid was deciding whether to end it.
I've never seen anyone look at Khalid like that before.
Like he was dangerous. Actually dangerous.
And the thing is—he is.
---
"There is nothing I won't do for you."
He said that so calmly. Like it was a fact. Like there was no debate.
"Nothing. Legal or not. Moral or not."
I should have been horrified.
I wasn't horrified.
I was—
Turned on? Scared? Safe?
All three simultaneously.
Because the man I love just told me he'd break laws for me. Commit crimes for me. Cross any line for me.
And I believed him.
---
Gary is gone.
Two days after the hotel, Khalid's lawyer confirmed it.
"He won't be back."
"How do you know?"
"Because we came to an understanding."
I didn't ask what kind of understanding.
I don't want to know.
I think I know anyway.
---
The way Khalid looked at Gary.
Cold. Flat. Like he was looking at something that needed to be removed.
Not a person. An obstacle.
I've seen him possessive. Jealous. Obsessed.
I've never seen him like that. Dangerous.
Gary saw it too. That's why he left.
Because whatever Khalid told him—whatever "understanding" they reached—Gary believed it.
Believed Khalid would actually make him disappear if he stayed.
---
I told Khalid I loved him after Gary left.
"I love you in a way that means I would have let Gary take the money and take me if it meant you were safe."
He pulled me close. "But you don't have to. Because I'm handling it."
"By making him disappear."
"If that's what it takes."
He said it so casually. Like disappearing a person was no big deal.
Like he'd done it before.
Has he? Done it before?
I don't know.
I don't want to know.
---
I've been with men who said they'd do anything for me.
They meant: buy you things. Take you places. Be seen with you.
Khalid means: commit crimes. Break laws. Make threats disappear.
Actually disappear.
That's a different level of devotion.
That's—
I don't even know what that is.
---
The scariest part?
I'm not scared.
I should be terrified. The man I love just made someone leave the city under threat. Just told me there's no line he won't cross for me.
I should be running.
Instead I feel—safe.
For the first time in six years, safe.
Because Gary is gone. Because Khalid knows my worst secret and stayed. Because I finally understand how far he'll actually go.
All the way.
He'll go all the way.
---
Avery called yesterday.
"Are you okay? I saw something about a meeting—"
"I'm fine."
"Roman—"
"I'm fine. It's handled."
"What's handled?"
"Nothing. Just—someone from my past showed up. Khalid handled it."
Silence. Then: "Handled it how?"
"I don't know. He just—made the problem go away."
"That's not ominous at all."
"I'm safe. That's what matters."
She didn't sound convinced.
I don't blame her.
---
Here's what I'm realizing:
I've given him everything.
Not just my time or my body or my love. I've given him the power to destroy me.
He knows about the murder. He knows about Gary. He knows every secret I've been carrying.
If he wanted to, he could ruin me. One phone call. One conversation with the police.
But he won't.
Because he loves me.
Because he'd sooner destroy himself than hurt me.
That's either the most romantic thing I've ever heard or the most terrifying.
Both, probably.
---
I caught myself yesterday thinking: what else would he do?
If someone hurt me, what would Khalid do?
I know the answer. I saw it in the hotel room. Saw it in his eyes when he looked at Gary.
He'd make them disappear.
Actually make them disappear.
Not metaphorically. Actually.
And the scary part? I'm okay with that.
I'm okay with having someone who loves me enough to cross that line.
What does that say about me?
---
The knife.
I've been thinking about the knife.
The one I used six years ago. The one Gary wiped. The one that disappeared.
I killed someone with that knife.
And Khalid knows. Khalid saw that part of me—the desperate, violent, survival part—and he didn't flinch.
He said he would have done the same thing.
Would have killed for me.
Would have buried the body himself.
I believe him.
---
We were lying in bed last night and I said:
"You made Gary disappear."
"Yes."
"What did you do?"
"What I needed to do."
"Khalid—"
"You don't want details. Trust me."
He's right. I don't want details.
I just want to know Gary is gone. That he won't come back. That I'm safe.
And I am safe.
Because Khalid made sure of it.
---
Here's what I'm scared of:
That I'm becoming dependent on his protection.
That I'm letting him be dangerous for me because it's easier than being dangerous for myself.
That I'm losing the version of me that could survive alone.
But also—
Maybe I don't want to survive alone.
Maybe having someone who'll commit crimes for you is worth the dependency.
Maybe this is what love looks like when it's real.
Dangerous and protective and all-consuming.
---
I keep replaying the moment he walked into the hotel room.
The way his eyes went to me first. Making sure I was okay before even acknowledging Gary.
The way he stood between us without thinking about it. Like his body moved automatically to protect me.
The way he said "I'm calling my lawyer" like it was already decided. Like there was no universe where Gary was winning this.
He didn't ask what I wanted. Didn't negotiate. Didn't hesitate.
Just—handled it.
That's what I needed. Someone to handle it.
Someone strong enough and dangerous enough and devoted enough to make my problem go away.
And he did.
---
Leny asked how I was doing yesterday.
"Good."
"Really?"
"Someone from my past showed up. Khalid made sure they left."
"That sounds—"
"I know how it sounds. But I'm safe. That's what matters."
"Safe from what?"
I didn't answer.
Couldn't explain that I killed someone six years ago and the only witness showed up demanding money and my boyfriend made him disappear.
Couldn't explain any of it.
So I just said: "Khalid takes care of me."
Leny didn't look convinced.
---
It's 3 AM.
Khalid is asleep next to me. Arm around my waist.
I'm lying here thinking about the fact that he knows I'm a murderer and he loves me anyway.
That he's probably committed crimes to protect me.
That there's no line he won't cross for me.
And instead of being terrified, I feel—
Chosen.
He's seen the absolute worst of me. The violence. The desperation. The survival instinct that made me stab someone.
And he stayed.
More than stayed. He matched it.
Showed me he's capable of the same violence. The same desperation. The same survival instinct.
We're the same.
That's what I'm realizing.
We're both capable of terrible things for each other.
And maybe that's not healthy. Maybe that's not normal. Maybe that's not what love is supposed to look like.
But it's what we have.
And I'm keeping it.