I turned to Eirene.
"Where… are we?"
"The Wasteland of the Black Serpent," Eirene said without inflection, like she was reading a weather report.I stopped walking and stared at her.
"Wh-what a scary-sounding place to drop me off."
She didn't even glance back.
"If you're expecting sympathy, save your breath. I'm only here for assistance and very troublesome babysitting. Make no moves on me. None. Zero. I will not hesitate to report every inappropriate thought to Goddess Asherah."
Like she won't like that, that pervert.
But I still raised both hands in surrender.
"I wasn't going to! Geez. You really think I'm that kind of guy?"
"I think you're a mortal with a functioning reproductive organs and a doting goddess who calls you Yan-Yan. That's more than enough reason to be cautious."
I sighed and kept walking.
We walked.
And walked.
And walked some more.
The sun never seemed to move. The cracked ground never changed. No trees, no rivers, no birds. Just heat, dust, and the occasional dry wind that tasted like rust.
After what felt like days—maybe it actually was days—I finally spoke up.
"Uhm… is it weird that I don't feel like using the toilet?"
Eirene stopped dead.
Her silver eyes slid toward me. The disgust on her normally expressionless face was so vivid it almost looked painful.
"Hey! Don't look at me like that!" I complained, cheeks heating. "I had to ask! It's been forever and nothing's happening down there!"
She exhaled slowly through her nose.
"When you were brought into Euphoria, your existence was rewritten. You are no longer baseline human. You've been promoted to Arch-human—half spirit. Bodily excretion is now entirely optional. You only need to do it if you personally feel like it."
I blinked.
"So… I can just… never poop again?"
"That is correct."
A long silence came.
Then she deadpanned:
"Worry not. I won't judge. If you suddenly feel the urge to dump your bodily waste, I'll wait for you. C'mon. Hurry."
"Stop making fun of me!"
She resumed walking without another word.
I grumbled under my breath and followed.
A few hours (or maybe days—who could tell anymore?) later, I froze.
A faint sound drifted across the wasteland—high-pitched, desperate, human.
"Someone, help!"
I turned toward it instantly. It was quite faint, but I could somehow hear it.
"Finally!" I said, grinning. "Someone other than my abusive babysitter!"
Eirene tilted her head, listening.
"It appears to be a lady in trouble."
"Perfect. I want to help her."
She gave me a long look. "…Fine. Reluctantly."
The moment she agreed, something inside my head clicked.
A translucent dashboard shimmered into existence right in the center of my vision, like a video game HUD that nobody asked for.
[Shirogane Yanen – AV Star]
[Soul Level – 5000]
[Magic Level – Nil]
I stared at it.
"What does 'AV Star' mean?" I asked, voice perfectly calm despite the vein pulsing in my temple.
Eirene didn't even turn around.
"It means Adult Video Star."
"No, I know what it means… But I want to know what it means..."
She kept walking. "…Let's just go and lend a hand to the slut over there."
"Hey—!"
She moved, ignoring me.
One second she was beside me; the next she was a silver blur tearing across the wasteland.
I yelped and sprinted after her.
The speed was insane.
Rocks and small hills blurred past. Heat waves distorted the horizon. My legs pumped faster than I'd ever moved in my life—yet I wasn't even breathing hard. Super Stamina, I guess. We covered half a mile in under forty seconds.
When we skidded to a stop, I finally saw her.
And my brain short-circuited.
'Ohhhh! F-Finally… I've seen my heroine in life. My soulmate!'
She was breathtaking.
Brown skin that glowed like sun-warmed caramel under the harsh light. Long silver hair cascaded down her back in silky waves, catching every stray beam and turning it into molten moonlight.
Huge, luminous blue eyes wide with fear and defiance. Long, elegantly pointed ears that marked her unmistakably as—
[Dark Elf]
Her outfit was pure fantasy fanservice.
A fantasy-style dress, yes—but so short it barely qualified as clothing. The top was little more than two triangular scraps of dark fabric that tied behind her neck and around her back, leaving her toned midriff completely bare.
The material was thin, almost sheer in places, clinging desperately to the generous swell of her breasts. Every heaving breath threatened to spill them free.
Her nipples were faintly outlined against the cloth—hard from fear or adrenaline or both.
Below that, a pleated skirt—if you could call it that—barely reached the tops of her thighs. It fluttered with every movement, flashing smooth, thick thighs and the barest hint of black lace underneath.
Her hips flared dramatically, curving into an ass so round and plump it looked sculpted. Long, toned legs ended in delicate sandals that were already scuffed and torn from running.
She was cornered against a jagged boulder, clutching a broken staff, facing down something enormous.
A cat...
But not any other regular cat; this one was a truck-sized black panther with glowing red eyes and fangs longer than my forearm.
It snarled, low and rumbling, muscles rippling under glossy midnight fur.
The dark elf girl shouted something in a language I didn't recognize—yet somehow understood perfectly.
Polymath at work, I guess.
***