"...What ?"
That word summed up everyone's reaction pretty well. To say this confession was unexpected would be a criminal understatement.
They hoped it was a joke, but seeing as the culprit didn't clarify, and that the situation was special, that hypothesis was slowly ruled out.
After all, they were about to die. Lying felt sort of pointless right now.
"You... Killed someone."
"... Yes."
That clarification really took its time.
Capcsium broke first.
"Well we're gonna need an explanation ! You can't just throw that out there ! Who was it ? How did it happen ?"
"Why aren't you in jail is also a good question." Baoba interrupted.
Urtica laughed lightly with an almost tired expression. "Right, I guess that's not nearly enough. I sort of hoped I wouldn't have to lay out the whole story. It's quite long, you see."
"Don't worry, we have enough time." Pando was calmly looking at him. They shared a very short moment of eye contact as he dared to look her in the eyes. He lowered back his gaze and stayed silent for a few second.
He sighed and said : "Well, then I guess I should start from the beginning. The others know a bit of the first part, but I know Captain is curious about it, so I'll try to be exhaustive.
"My blessing allows me to infuse chemicals directly into an animal's body. This poses a danger to myself and others around me, so it was thankfully detected and sealed during the blessing quarantine. I only got it back at twelve, when I was able to realize if I was doing something strange. I knew the risks, so I hardly ever used it.
"Then I started learning about chemistry. I discovered quickly enough that I was capable of feeling potential molecular structures, and knew I was just a step away from actually producing them. So I first tested with water. Creating H2O was relatively easy and pretty harmless, it only hydrated my blood. With this, I almost never had to drink any water.
"I started taking a real interest in chemistry. Not only was it necessary to use my blessing, but I was also naturally talented and otherwise fascinated by uncovering the mysteries of the small world. It felt like I was meant to go down this path.
"And so, I studied more. I enrolled in a specialized academy, one where basically all the work is autonomous. And that, is where I encountered Lenpo Solaris, a friendly noble who-"
"Wait, hold on, time out. Solaris ?" Capcsium interrupted. "Like Pando's name ?"
'Oh yeah, that's right.'
Pando was a noble of the Solaris family. The first time Baoba heard her name, he purposely dismissed it from his memory because of his hatred of the concept of privilege, and then it was rarely mentioned later. Pando herself didn't bring it up that often, and the training grounds were supposed to be a place of absolute equality.
That's how a nobody foreigner like him ended up ranked above a noble like the great Pando Solaris.
That had actually been a really impactful controversy back in Medio. In Saltus, only noble elves got to have a family name, the others had to come up with a creative enough first name to at least be unique in their city. The aristocracy put a lot of importance on being distinct from the people.
And even among the many noble clans, only three had significant political power. They were the royal family Lunare, the Tierral family, and the Solaris family.
And not only was Pando from one of those clans, she was also actually competent and humble.
Therefore, even though Baoba had come first in basically every metric, the nobles had a hard time accepting that a lowly, situation-less dark elf like him was chosen rather than the best of the high society.
This was also the reason the previously planned vote didn't happen. It would just have turned in a political struggle wich Pando would have won instantly, without contest.
Anyway, Baoba was suddenly reminded of his scout's high status as her prestigious family name appeared in Urtica's story.
'The problem is, this is not a story that ends well, and this timing.. could it be..'
Pando nodded and explained curtly : "He was my older brother."
'There it is.'
Was.
Now Baoba really wondered how Urtica was walking free.
Luckily, he was started talking again : "Yes, he was Pando's brother, and he was truly a genius. He was older than me, but we ended up in the same division because he had never stopped studying."
A light smile showed on his lips he he recounted wistfully : "He and I always used to compete for first place, except I was all in on chemistry, and he was taking five courses at the same time. After each exam, we would meet up at a bar and immediately find out who won by remembering each question and our answers. Then we would talk for hours as we made promises and challenges for the future..." He chuckled, and added : "In the end, It was always just the two of us, dead drunk, after everyone else went home, and the bartender would have to force us out if he wanted to close..."
He calmly raised his head, looking at the ceiling pensively. "As I got better, I started using my power for more cases. For example, I could use caffeine to study longer, sugar for my brain and muscles, different hormones to help with focus..."
Then he closed his eyes, and said with great difficulty : "And, when I didn't have anything to do... different ... substances.. also caught my eye."
When he opened his eyes, they were empty. Not litterally, of course, but there was not a single trace of emotion in them. Urtica's face was usually inexpressive, but now...
Now it was like his soul had died.
He kept this air as he spoke : "Alcohol or nicotine were just some of them. I always did it alone, because I had a feeling this was illegal. Extremely aware of the consequences on my body, it was only ever small doses, it was very strict with myself about that.
"But then, I eventually felt safe about it, and I wanted to brag. They were complicated compounds, and to produce them in enough quantity to even have a little effect, I had to visualise them very clearly." He chuckled ironically as he said the last sentence : "I was pretty happy with myself."
"I of course didn't want to talk about it to my parents, so, naturally, I shared this habit of mine with my best friend : Lenpo. He was startled at first, but quickly saw the potential.
"It was then that we started doing everything together. We studied together, had fun together, ate together..." He glanced at Pando. "He even often invited me to his family estate, which seemed to displease his parents very much."
While reminiscing, he took out his metal trinket for his pocket. He admired it, then finally showed it to his partners.
It was a broken zinc pendant, representing a sun with about twenty rays coming off it in a circle. It looked like that circle could revolve freely around the center, making the sound Baoba always heard as Urtica played with it.
Five buttons could be discerned on the surface of the sun, and if one could press on them, they would realise they didn't do anything. The chain of the pendant had snapped, but the two ends were attached separately, so they weren't lost.
Urtica smiled and explained : "It's like a pass. The Solaris family is the only one that can fabricate this specific object, with all its hidden intricacies. He gave it to me as a proof that I was allowed on their grounds,that I was a friend of the family. He said that with it, I would be able to visit him as I pleased. And so I did : almost every day we would see each other and drive his esteemed parents mad.
"During this period, I started practicing how to use my blessing on another person with him. He always asked for all kinds of doses, and I was more than happy to oblige, then follow him.
"We... really had a lot of fun during those times."
He gently caressed the surface of his sun. His eyes had recovered a bit of emotion, and his lips were curling ever so slightly upwards.
But, even this meager expression of nostalgia died soon.
"Unfortunately, I didn't notice that our dosage was getting less and less reasonable. At least, I pretended not to notice, because I didn't want those times to end. It just buried my head in the sand, as if it closing my eyes would make the problem disappear. It continued on like this, and the more I started feeling the side effects, the harder I convinced myself everything was fine.
"I had long known that my company dragged down his grades, his reputation, his family situation, and even his bank account. But I was too weak to stop this foolish descent."
His face looked like he was tearing up, but his eyes had never been this dry. These pitch black eyes were glued to the pendant as he continued recounting.
"One night, while I was already under the influence, I decided to try a new compound. According to my theories, it was going to be a better version of one of our favorites, one we had already developped a resistance to. Overwhelmed by undeserved confidence, I decided it would be a ' better trip ' if we went all in on the first try. I said, "Watch this", put my hand on his shoulder, like I always did, and severely misjudged the dosage.
"His convulsions didn't even last a minute. That was the night I killed him."
No one talked for a while.
Urtica still held his pendant. He held it by the broken chain, his fingers at the longest distance possible. It was as if he was scared of burning his hands on the pure radiance of a symbolic sun, or as if he wanted to keep the souvenir as pure as possible, unsullied by his bloody fingers.
His eyes were still fixated on it. If he paid attention, Baoba could discern in them a hint of profound shame, pain, and guilt. Despite it all, his gaze was locked on the proof of his sin.
No fire could have dispersed the chill that was in the air right now. Talking seemed even harder than before.
What was there to say ?
The poor guy was clearly blaming himself enough already. And since it actually was his fault, Baoba didn't feel that consoling him would be appropriate either.
So what was there to say ?
"Thank you."
Urtica's eyes regained a semblance of humanity as he raised his gaze to meet Capcsium's. She clarified :
"For sharing. I'm sure that was tough for you, too."
Urtica let out a bit of air from his nose. With a faint smile, he responded with an almost inaudible voice.
"Don't thank me."
Outside, the vision of hell continued. It was getting late, and the little light that could pierce through the thick smoke cloud was dimming.
Five seconds and a sigh later, he started answering the questions his team didn't dare to ask.
"For the Solaris family, the matter of their rebellious son dying of drug abuse was troubling. They tried hard to sweep it under the rug, and didn't pursue charges. The official version claimed he disappeared after a quick walk in the forest. His corpse was denied a proper burial, too. That is the reason I was allowed to walk free."
Despite the rising heat, he shuddered.
"They... They even tried to bribe me for my silence..."
The fire wall to his right covered his face in thousand different shades of red and black. The contrast between its majestic, colourful beauty and Urtica's deathly pale face with his jet black eyes and hair was almost disarming.
Next to the sound of branches cracking and the wind flowing, the silent cavity was like another world.
Urtica turned his dark eyes towards Venus.
"In the cave, I didn't exactly lie. I actually was afraid to hit you, it was just that this fear I've developed is more of a phobia. For months after the fact, I couldn't look at the colour purple. For years after, I didn't use my blessing, even just for water. I started wearing gloves just to make sure I didn't accidentally touch and kill somebody.
"When the hunt was announced, and they were looking for volunteers, I thought, maybe, if I managed to save even one person, maybe this guilt would go away. I was fleeing still. The only reason I'm here is because of my cowardice. I eventually grew more skillful, and became able to coat my sword in a thick layer of violent poison too, which is how I've been killing monsters all this time.
"But when I saw my weapon come this close to you... All those memories came flooding back, and I fled once again. What shook me even more is that after calming down, I realised that I almost took a second life just then. If that arrow hadn't come, and my weakness had stolen your life too, Venus, I.. I don't know what I would've done."
He couldn't bear to hold her gaze anymore. His dark eyes went back to the same spot on the ground he had been focusing on.
Venus chuckled and smiled, like she always did.
At that moment, her smile was almost brighter than the flames.
"Hah ! You couldn't hit me if you tried ! You can't worry about accidentally hurting me ! Trust me, it's not happening. I'm just too good."
Thanks to her, the atmostphere lightened up a bit.
'She's really good at this. Every time it gets too heavy, she jumps in like this... Meanwhile, I can only manage to do this.'
He turned and addressed Urtica. "You're wrong about one thing. Cowardice is not the reason you're here. Well, not the only one, at least.
"You're here because I said so. I chose you because you're an incredibly good fighter. Because I saw how you always trained alone almost as much as I did. Because your mind is sharp and your blade is clean.
"Don't forget that. You're worthy."
As Urtica showed a rare surprised face, Capcsium also added her two cents : "Yeah, you've been kind of carrying us so far. You talk about being a coward a lot, but you haven't backed down in front of any beast or challenge. If you're doing all that while scared, that's even more impressive !"
In a similar situation just before, Baoba had been extremely confused and required an explanation.
But Urtica simply closed his eyes, put his solar pendant back into his pocket, and smiled. His expression, much like the rock he was sitting on, was warming up.
He opened his mouth, and spoke from the very bottom of his heart.
"Thank you."
Tonight, these words seemed to hold more meaning than usual.