Brienne was trembling as she made her way back to her own chamber. She didn't want to think about Jaime Lannister anymore, but she couldn't control the direction of her own thoughts. She believed him when he said he was no longer in love with Cersei. She believed him when he said he had gone to King's Landing to end Cersei's life. But none of that really mattered. Regardless of his intentions, Jaime had ripped out her heart and torn it to pieces. He had treated her like some helpless female who wasn't strong enough to know the truth, wasn't strong enough to protect herself, and that alone was enough to make Brienne never want to see him again.
She felt like such a fool. For the first time in her life, she had finally opened herself up to someone, let someone see just how truly vulnerable she was, and it had ended in betrayal and heartbreak. Not only had Jaime lied to her about his reasons for returning to King's Landing, but after he'd survived and fled the Red Keep, he'd kept his very existence a secret from her—for her own good! Brienne was still reeling from the revelation that Jaime was alive, and she had yet to even begin coming to terms with what she was feeling. She still grieved for the man she had lost, the man she had loved, the man she wasn't sure had ever really existed at all.
When Brienne finally reached her room, she bolted the door and slumped back against it, forcing herself to take a slow, deep breath. She was still shaking. She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the door, desperately trying to calm her frayed nerves. In the refuge of her own mind, she pictured herself on the battlefield, about to face a particularly challenging opponent. At her side, she curled her hand around the hilt of an imaginary sword to ground herself. After a few more deep breaths, her body finally began to relax and she knew it was safe to open her eyes.
Brienne pushed herself away from the door and began stripping off her clothes. Once she was down to just her long linen undertunic, she crawled into bed and willed herself to sleep, refusing to spare a single thought for the man who had broken her heart.
***
The next morning, Brienne awoke still feeling unsettled, but she did her best to ignore her unease. She took her time getting dressed and eating breakfast before heading to the small council chamber for the morning meeting. She was dreading seeing Jaime again, but she had a duty to perform, and her duty was more important than her aversion to Jaime Lannister.
When Brienne reached the small council chamber, Jaime was already there, in the company of Sam and Ser Davos. He was sitting fully upright in his chair—her chair, though she refused to ever sit in it again—chatting amiably with the other men. His demeanor was markedly different from the previous morning. He wasn't hunched over in his seat, looking like he didn't even deserve to be there. Oh, no, he looked like the privileged nobleman that he was, the new Lord of Casterly Rock and Lord Paramount of the Westerlands. Had circumstances been different, Brienne would have been happy for him. But as things stood at the moment, she found his recent stroke of good fortune slightly irritating.
As Brienne stepped into the room, Ser Davos called out to her, "Good morning, Ser Brienne."
"Good morning, Ser Davos," she said with a congenial nod in his direction. Then, she turned her attention to Sam. "Good morning, Grand Maester."
"Good morning, Lord Commander."
Brienne made a point of not greeting Jaime. Instead, she continued to the table and sat down across from him, keeping her shoulders back and her head held high.
He met her gaze directly and said, "And don't I get a good morning, Ser Brienne?"
"It seems from the smug look on your face that you're already having a good morning, so you certainly don't need me to wish you one."
"Oh, but I would much prefer it if you would."
"You can prefer what you like, but I only reserve my well-wishes for my friends, and as you know, I no longer count you among them."
"Ouch," Jaime exclaimed, clutching his chest in mock pain. "I don't think I quite deserved that. I was hoping you would say, Good morning, Ser Jaime, so that I could say, Good morning, Ser Brienne. See how pleasant that sounds? So much nicer than being petty and childish, don't you think?"
Jaime was right, of course. She was being petty and childish, and she was better than that.
"My apologies, Lord Jaime," Brienne said, using his new title even though he hadn't. "You are right. It was small of me to deny you my good wishes. So I say, good morning, Lord Jaime. I hope you are well this glorious day."
The corner of Jaime's mouth quirked in a half smile. "Good morning to you, Lady Brienne. I hope this day brings you great happiness."
"Oh, for fuck's sake," Bronn's voice carried through the doorway as he and Tyrion entered the room. "Please don't tell me we're gonna have to spend the rest of our lives watching these two flirt with each other every damn morning. If we are, gods help me, I'm going to need a hell of a lot more wine."
"You and me both," Tyrion rejoined.
Jaime glared at his brother, and Brienne wished she had the freedom to do the same, but Tyrion Lannister was still Hand of the King, and she had no desire to get on his bad side.
Bronn pulled out the chair next to Jaime's and plopped himself down into it. He stretched out his legs in front of him and crossed his arms over his chest as if he were sitting in a tavern waiting for a drink and not in the small council chamber waiting for the morning meeting to begin.
Tyrion, for his part, pulled himself up into his chair at the head of the table and tried his best to look dignified.
"We're not flirting," Jaime answered before Brienne could reply.
"Oh, you're not?" Bronn asked. "Then what would you call it? Eye fucking?"
Sam snorted, and Brienne turned her head to glare at him.
"Sorry," he said sheepishly, his head down, his cheeks turning red. "I didn't mean to laugh."
Jaime turned his attention back to Tyrion. "Can we please just get on with the small council meeting?"
Tyrion sat up a little taller and awkwardly shuffled some papers in front of him. "Of course. We've got a lot to cover this morning, and the sooner we get started, the better."
"Now, wait a minute," Bronn said, leaning forward in his chair. "I wanna settle this first before we get started."
Brienne clenched her hands beneath the table. If she'd thought she could get away with it, she would have punched Bronn in the face.
"You don't really want to do that," Jaime said, his voice holding more than just a friendly warning.
"'Course, I do. I think we all need to know what's going on between you two so we can all work effectively together as a small council."
"Horseshit," Brienne said, unable to hold her tongue any longer.
Everyone at the table turned to look at her.
Bronn laughed. "Do you have somethin' to say, Ser Brienne?"
"This has nothing to do with the small council. You just can't keep your nose out of other people's business."
Bronn shrugged. "Maybe. Still doesn't change the fact that I wanna know what's going on. So—"
"That's enough," Jaime warned.
"Oh, is it?" Bronn asked, raising a brow in challenge. "I don't think so. It's obvious to everyone here that you want to fuck Ser Brienne. Now, I know you've fucked her before—"
"She's Lord Commander of the Kingsguard. She's taken a vow of celibacy. For you to even suggest—"
Bronn laughed again. "Really, is that what you think?"
Tyrion cleared his throat loudly. "That's enough of this. We will not continue arguing the matter. I think we can all agree to disagree."
"Well, I can't," Bronn replied.
"And neither can I," said Jaime.
Tyrion sighed heavily. "In that case, we will take a vote on the matter. Everyone here who thinks that the Master of War wants to fuck the Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, and vice versa, say aye."
A volley of hands went up around the table, and Brienne's cheeks flamed hotly. Everyone voted except for her and Jaime, and she was utterly mortified.
"Ser Davos!" Brienne scolded, having believed that at least the Onion Knight respected her enough not to play Tyrion's games.
"I'm sorry, my lady," he said with a hint of shame in his voice, "but the Hand of the King asked for my opinion and I could not lie. My apologies."
Davos lowered his hand, and the other council members did the same.
"Now," Tyrion continued, "all those who don't think—"
"Yes, we get the idea," Jaime said, cutting him off and raising his hand to cast his vote.
Even though it was the stupidest, most juvenile thing Brienne had ever done in her life, she raised her own hand, determined to defend herself.
"Fine," Tyrion said. "Four votes for and two votes against. Therefore, Lord Jaime, Ser Brienne," he nodded to each of them in turn, "you must concede that you both want to fuck each other, so that we can get on with the small council meeting."
"I concede nothing," Brienne answered. "In fact, I propose we take another vote."
"Another vote? That's highly unorthodox."
"All of this is highly unorthodox, and frankly, a bit insulting." Without waiting for Tyrion's permission, Brienne polled the council. "All those who think the Lord Hand secretly wants to fuck the Queen in the North, say aye."
Tyrion's face paled as every hand at the table went up, except for his and Sam's.
Tyrion turned away from Brienne and looked at the Grand Maester. "Thank you, Sam. At least someone here understands that my admiration for the queen is purely innocent."
"Oh, it isn't that, my lord," Sam said with a nervous laugh. "It's just that Lady Brienne said secretly, and to be honest, it's not really a secret."
Bronn howled with laughter, and Tyrion turned bright red. For a moment, Brienne felt quite satisfied with herself, and when her eyes inadvertently met Jaime's, the smile he gave her told her he appreciated the effort.
Brienne quickly broke his gaze and turned her attention back to Tyrion. When the laughter finally died down, he said, "I think that's enough nonsense for one morning. The next person here who talks about fucking is getting thrown out of the small council chamber."
"Is that a promise?" Bronn asked. "'Cause if it is, I've got better places to be than this."
"Enough!"
Tyrion's frustration only elicited more chuckling from those around him, but finally, the council settled down and the meeting began in earnest.
Brienne tried to concentrate on the meeting but found Jaime's presence highly distracting. Even though he never once met her gaze or spoke to her directly, she was keenly aware of him. She struggled not to look in his direction, but it was difficult. Bronn's teasing had been wholly uncalled for, but it had made her wonder, did Jaime still want her? He had denied it, of course, but had he been telling the truth, or had he just been trying to protect her honor? Although Brienne had sworn there would never be anything between them again, she was curious to know how Jaime felt about her. Had he made use of the girls in the fishing village where he had spent the past six months, or had he remained faithful to her even though he'd thought never to see her again?
Brienne felt the heat rise in her cheeks, and she shifted her gaze down the table to focus her attention on Tyrion. He was going on about grain stores or something of the sort, and Brienne tried her best to concentrate on what he was saying. She saw Tyrion's mouth move, heard his voice, but his words didn't penetrate her brain. Instead, her thoughts once again strayed to Jaime.
When Jaime had argued with Bronn, he'd asserted that she'd taken a vow of celibacy. Is that what he thought? That she had sworn off men because of her position in the Kingsguard? Clearly, he didn't know that the vows had been changed, and Brienne was certain it was for the best. Jaime thought she was forbidden to take a lover, which meant he would not come to her again.
Brienne knew she should be thankful for that, but even so, she couldn't help but feel the slightest pang of regret. Jaime Lannister was the only man who had ever seen her as a woman, a real woman, beautiful and sexual and desirable. His touch had made her feel wanted and loved, and she knew she would never experience that again. And it hurt. If Jaime hadn't taken a lover yet, he would eventually. He was too young and too handsome to spend the rest of his life celibate. And when he did take a lover, it would be right there in King's Landing, maybe right there in the Red Keep, and Brienne would hear every sordid detail through the palace gossip. And it would break her heart. But she had already chosen her path, and she would not change course now, no matter how much her heart was tempted.
The nights Jaime had spent in Brienne's bed had been glorious! Although she had often imagined what it would be like to lie with a man, she had never truly let herself believe that it would happen. It had always been a silly fantasy, the one feminine thing she had allowed herself. And then, the night after they had defeated the Night King, Jaime had come to her chamber, just a little bit drunk, and had made all her dreams come true.
That night, Brienne had thought her joy would only last until the sunrise, but the next morning, Jaime had still been by her side, and he had remained by her side until the night he had left her crying in the yard.
Brienne shook herself, chasing away the memory. She could feel tears threatening behind her eyes, and she knew she had to quell them quickly, lest any of the men at the table see her weakness. If Ser Bronn detected even a hint of moisture in her eyes, he'd rib her mercilessly for it.
The meeting ended without further incident, and Brienne was more than a little relieved. As she rose from the table, she accidentally caught Jaime's eye, and they stared at each other for a moment, Brienne's heart beating wildly beneath her breast.
"Jaime," Tyrion's voice broke the silence between them. "Do you have a minute?"
Jaime turned to look at his brother, and Brienne exhaled a sigh of relief. She didn't stay long enough to hear Jaime's answer. She just slipped from the room as quietly as she could, glad that she had somehow survived yet another encounter with Jaime Lannister.