[On the screen, the three Genin glared at their tardy teacher.
"Oh, a black cat crossed my path."
Kakashi pointed to the side, trying to brush it off with such an excuse, but the three kids still stared at him angrily, seemingly not distracted at all.
"Cough, cough..."
Kakashi coughed awkwardly. Ignoring their judgment, he walked over to a stump, set a timer on an alarm clock, and began today's briefing.
"Today's training is simple. You have until noon to take these bells from me."
He held up two small silver bells.
"Those who fail to get a bell get no lunch. Not only that, they will be tied to the stumps while I eat my lunch in front of them."
"But wait," Sakura pointed out. "There are only two bells."
"Exactly," Kakashi smiled, his eye closing pleasantly. "At least one of you will fail. That person will be sent back to the Academy."
The atmosphere instantly turned heavy. At least one, and at most three, would fail.
"You can use shuriken. You can use any means necessary. If you don't come at me with the intent to kill, you won't be able to take them."
As a Jonin, dealing with these fresh graduates was child's play.]
[That's Obito's line!]
[Obito's old excuse for being late has now become Kakashi's catchphrase. It hurts my heart.]
[So the rumors are true? Kakashi is slowly living his life as a monument to Obito.]
[Kakashi came so late... did he go to visit the Memorial Stone?]
[Not letting them eat breakfast was just a psychological trap to make them hungry and irritable.]
[Three people but only two bells; he planted the seeds of distrust right from the start. He wants to break their teamwork.]
[Onoki: Is this Konoha's assessment? They've already graduated, yet they have to be tested again? Seems inefficient.]
[Rasa: It's a bit redundant; these principles should have been drilled into them at the Academy.]
[Tsunade: Snatching bells? Old man, these are ancient rules from the founding era. They really haven't changed a bit.]
[Hiruzen Sarutobi: If it isn't broken, don't fix it. This is an excellent training exercise for determining aptitude.]
"Is this Konoha's special training exercise?"
"Write it down! Hurry, write it down!"
"Even though I don't fully understand the psychology, if the famous Copy Ninja uses it, it must be brilliant!"
Across the Ninja World, instructors from smaller villages were eagerly taking notes on the Sky Screen's content. To them, Kakashi Hatake was a world-renowned powerhouse. His teaching methods must contain some profound secret to becoming strong.
They didn't realize he was just hazing them.
["Ready... Start!"]
[After Kakashi gave the command, Sasuke and Sakura vanished instantly.
"The foundation of a Ninja is hiding one's presence," Kakashi murmured, glancing around the empty clearing. "It seems everyone has hidden well."
He nodded in satisfaction. Sasuke was in a tree; Sakura was under a bush. Basic, but effective.
However...
"Come on! Let's settle this!"
Naruto didn't hide. Instead, he stood boldly right in front of Kakashi, arms crossed, shouting at the top of his lungs.
"Eh?" Kakashi blinked, looking at the orange blob in front of him. "Is there something wrong with your head?"
Naruto's actions left even the elite Jonin confused. They were Ninjas, not samurai. Was he planning to just brawl head-to-head?
"You're the one with the problem! Take this!"
Naruto roared and launched a frontal assault.
But he was merely a clumsy Genin. Against an elite Jonin, the gap was insurmountable.
Kakashi didn't even look up. He reached into his pouch, pulled out a book—Icha Icha Paradise—and began to read.
With one hand holding his smutty novel, Kakashi effortlessly blocked, dodged, and parried every single one of Naruto's attacks.
"A Ninja shouldn't always show their back to others, idiot."
Suddenly, Kakashi vanished and reappeared directly behind Naruto. He crouched low.
His hands came together.
The Tiger Seal.
Sasuke and Sakura, watching from hiding, felt their hearts stop. That hand seal! That stance!
"A Fire Style Jutsu?!" Sakura thought, panicked. "He's going to roast Naruto!"
"Naruto! Get out of there! You're gonna die!" Sakura screamed.
"It's too late," Kakashi's eye glinted. "Konoha's Secret Taijutsu Technique..."
He thrust his fingers forward.
"THOUSAND YEARS OF DEATH!"
POKE.
"Gyaaaaaah!"
Kakashi's fingers connected with devastating precision right in Naruto's rear end. The force launched the boy into the air like a rocket, sending him splashing miserably into the nearby river.
"Big idiots... both of them," Sasuke muttered, slapping his forehead against the tree bark. He hadn't expected his cool, serious teacher to be a massive troll.]
[Hahaha, I'm dying of laughter!]
[A classic scene! The legend begins!]
[The Thousand Years of Death is here!]
[High energy ahead! Keep your children away!]
[Konoha's Secret Taijutsu Technique! My sides hurt!]
[Brother Ka, you hypocrite! You wouldn't use Sexy Jutsu, but you'll do this?]
[Question: What is actually written in Icha Icha Paradise?]
[Erotica. Pure filth.]
[Not necessarily; Jiraiya claims it's high-art literature... just with a lot of 'moist' descriptions.]
[When will the contents of Icha Icha be revealed? I need to know!]
[Compared to the Hokage's secrets, I'm more curious about that book.]
[LSPs (Lewd people) detected in the chat.]
[Hahaha, Sasuke and Sakura thought it was a Fireball Jutsu!]
[To deal with the current Naruto, Kakashi doesn't need Ninjutsu. A finger is enough.]
[Secret Technique: Three Years of Hemorrhoids!]
[It is pretty funny, but poor Naruto!]
"Eww!"
In the real world, Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura looked at Kakashi with unparalleled disgust. They silently took three synchronized steps backward, distancing themselves from him.
"No, wait, let me explain..."
Kakashi raised his hands, sweating. "That is... a legitimate technique to disrupt the enemy's center of gravity..."
But his students weren't listening.
What made Kakashi feel the true weight of "Social Death," however, wasn't the trio in front of him. It was the noise from the village outside the window.
"That person is Kakashi?"
"Does the serious-looking Copy Ninja actually act like that?"
"Where did you see him being serious? He reads porn in public!"
"Thousand Years of Death... what a vicious and humiliating Ninjutsu!"
"He used it on a child! How cruel!"
The villagers of Konoha fixed their gazes on the Hokage Tower. Kakashi Hatake's reputation as a cool, mysterious elite was crumbling in real-time.
[Onoki: Cough, cough. Is this the famous 'Konoha Technician'? The man who copied a thousand jutsu? And this is the one he chooses?]
[Rasa: Who said Kakashi only knows how to copy? This move must be his own original creation, right? We in Sunagakure certainly wouldn't teach such... tactics.]
[A: Konoha's 'Secret Taijutsu'? Is there something wrong with your village's martial arts curriculum?]
[Mei Terumi: Oh my... how embarrassing. Showing the whole world this kind of technique. Is this how Konoha men flirt?]
[Onoki: Konoha's Ninjutsu is indeed curious. If it's not the Sexy Jutsu, it's the Thousand Years of Death. Can't you guys develop some serious techniques?]
[Rasa: Noted. In the future, I will instruct Suna Ninjas to defend their... backsides... when fighting Konoha.]
[Hiruzen Sarutobi: Cough, cough. Well... a Ninja must be ruthless toward their enemies. It exploits a psychological and physical weakness. For low-level Ninjas, this is indeed a very... practical method.]
[A: Hokage, just stop. You've really grown old; you've truly lost all sense of shame trying to defend this.]
On the screen, the Kages were having a field day, their words filled with mockery.
A joyful atmosphere filled the Ninja World. A world where everyone was laughing, and only Kakashi was hurt, had finally been achieved!