I don't know why I'm writing this now.
Maybe because I feel the need to organize my thoughts.
Or maybe because when you're happy, you start to fear losing what you have.
Anyway...
I think I want to talk about the people who changed my life.
About myself.
And about Michael.
And about Do-hyun.
If someone had told me years ago that my life would turn out like this, I would have laughed in their face.
I, who used to come home every night to an empty house.
I, who used to eat alone.
And wake up alone.
And cry alone.
Now I live in a house full of life.
Full of noise.
Full of the people I love.
Sometimes I still wake up in the middle of the night and it takes me a few seconds to remember that it's real.
That I'm not alone.
That there are people waiting for me to come home.
That there are people who care whether I've eaten or not.
And that there are those who get angry if I come home late.
Very simple things.
But they were once distant dreams for me.
As for Michael…
He is the most complex person I have ever known.
And the simplest at the same time.
Everyone knows his calm face.
The face of a doctor.
The man who saves lives.
The man who always seems in control.
But I know the other side too.
The side most people don't see.
And I know what he does when his day is over.
I know the places he goes.
And I know the people he pursues.
And I know the blood that sometimes comes back with him on his clothes or hands.
At first, I thought I would feel fear when I discovered the truth.
Or disgust.
Or anger.
But I felt none of that.
Perhaps because I have seen so much evil in my life.
And I have seen so many victims.
So many children who never got a chance.
So many people have had their lives ruined by people who never faced any consequences.
I'm not naive.
And I don't think violence is beautiful.
But I also couldn't hate him.
Not when I knew the kind of people he was preying on.
Not when I saw the weariness he carried alone.
Sometimes I'd see him come home very late.
He'd sit in silence.
He wouldn't speak.
He wouldn't ask for anything.
And I'd realize that was one of those bad nights.
One of those nights when the weight of the world was on his shoulders.
I'd just sit beside him.
And hold his hand.
Because some wounds can't be healed with words.
But the person who made me cry the most wasn't Michael.
It was Do-hyun.
Even now I remember that night so clearly.
The house was quiet when I heard the door.
I went downstairs to find Michael helping Do-hyun walk.
The moment I saw him, my heart stopped.
He was injured.
Blood covered part of his shirt.
His face was terrifyingly pale.
"What happened?"
I don't remember if I screamed or whispered.
All I remember is my hand starting to tremble.
But Do-hyun...
He smiled.
He really smiled.
He said,
"Hello."
Like he'd just come back from a shopping trip.
I almost killed him right then.
I helped him sit up.
I got the medical supplies.
I tried to concentrate.
I tried to be the doctor.
To be professional.
To act rationally.
But it was harder than I expected.
Because the person sitting in front of me wasn't just a patient.
He was my family.
The brother I chose myself.
The one who filled the house with noise and laughter.
The person who used to buy me ice cream when I was sad.
The person who was always there for me when I needed him.
And while he was treating my wounds...
I started to cry.
At first, I tried to stop.
But I couldn't.
I remember my tears falling as I worked.
And I remember the look of panic on Do-hyun's face.
"Why are you crying?"
"Shut up."
"I'm fine."
"Shut up."
"I really am fine."
"I said shut up."
And then I cried even more.
He looked ridiculously confused.
Like he didn't know how to deal with someone crying because of him.
And finally, he sat completely still until I was finished.
And the moment I put on the last bandage...
He hugged me.
Simply.
Without words.
Without joking.
Without laughing.
Just a short hug.
He said quietly,
"I'm sorry."
And I don't think he was just apologizing for the injury.
But for my fear.
For my anxiety.
For the tears I couldn't stop.
And from that day on, I watched them more closely.
Michael.
And Do-hyun.
The two men who carried so much darkness on their shoulders.
But they would come home and laugh with me as if the world were normal.
As if everything was alright.
And I think that's what made me love them even more.
Not because they were perfect.
But because they weren't.
Because they were tired.
And broken sometimes.
And full of flaws.
But even so...
They always came home.
To the place that became our little family.
And if you asked me today if I regret knowing all those secrets...
I would answer without hesitation.
No.
Because knowing the truth didn't make me love them less.
It made me understand them better.
And sometimes...
Understanding is the deepest form of love.