The walk back to the dorm was quiet, the snow crunching beneath my boots as the chill settled into my bones. I repeated Mr. Farrow's words in my head, the weight of what he and Elias were asking pressing down on me with each step. It wasn't just a favor—they were asking me to face him again, to relive every horrible moment I'd spent trying to bury.
When I finally reached the dorm, the warm air inside hit me like a wall, but it did little to thaw the ice in my chest. Maya's side of the room was dim, her curtains drawn, but I could make out her figure curled up on her bed, headphones on, and a textbook in front of her. She didn't look up when I walked in, and for that, I was grateful.
I set my bag down and kicked off my boots, the sound of them landing on the floor louder than I intended. Maya glanced up, her green eyes briefly meeting mine.
"Hey," she said, pulling out one earbud. "You good?"
"Yeah," I lied, shrugging off my coat. "Just tired."
She nodded, seemingly satisfied, and turned back to her book. I couldn't tell if it was genuine concern or politeness, but I wasn't in the mood to decipher it.
After plugging my phone into its charger, I sat on the edge of my bed, my fingers curling into the blanket. The room felt stifling despite the cold draft coming from the window. My mind was a warzone—conflicted between fear and the faint hope that maybe, just maybe, this plan could work.
I thought about James and Lily, their faces flashing in my mind like a slideshow I couldn't turn off. James had been quiet but kind, his concern for me often hidden behind his shy nature. And Lily... sweet, innocent Lily. She deserved better. They both did.
But could I do this? Could I face him again, knowing the risks?
My phone buzzed on the nightstand, breaking through the haze. I glanced at the screen, half-expecting another text from Elias, but it was just a notification reminding me about tomorrow's class. I sighed, pulling the blanket over me as I lay back.
"Whatever you're thinking about, it's not worth losing sleep over," Maya said suddenly, her voice softer now.
I glanced at her, surprised. "Easier said than done."
She smiled faintly. "You'll figure it out. You always do."
I didn't respond, but her words lingered as I closed my eyes, hoping for a sleep that wouldn't come.
The next day dragged on in a blur of half-finished thoughts and an overwhelming sense of dread. By the time my afternoon class rolled around, I was already exhausted. I didn't expect to see Aiden—he rarely showed up these days, and honestly, I wasn't sure if I wanted him to. Things had felt... distant between us lately, though I couldn't figure out why.
As I walked into the lecture hall, I spotted him almost immediately. He was sitting near the back, his head down as he fiddled with his pen. Something about him looked... off. His usually bright and easygoing demeanor was replaced by something quieter, almost withdrawn.
I hesitated before walking over, my heart pounding in a way I didn't quite understand. "Hey," I said softly, sliding into the seat beside him. "Didn't think I'd see you here."
He glanced up, his brown eyes meeting mine briefly before looking away. "Yeah, well... thought I'd surprise you," he said with a weak smile.
"You okay?" I asked, leaning closer. "You look... tired."
"I'm fine," he said quickly, too quickly. "Just had a bit of a fever, but I'm good now."
A lie. I could see it in the way his gaze darted away from mine, the way he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. But I didn't press him. If he didn't want to talk about it, that was his choice.
"You sure?" I asked, my tone softer now.
He nodded, forcing another smile. "Yeah. Don't worry about me."
The professor's voice cut through the room, signaling the start of class. I sat back, trying to focus, but my mind kept drifting to Aiden. His hands were fidgeting with his pen, his leg bouncing slightly under the desk. He wasn't fine—not even close.
~
When the lecture ended, I turned to him again. "You heading out?" I asked.
"Yeah," he said, standing and slinging his bag over his shoulder. "You?"
I nodded, falling into step beside him as we walked out of the building. The cold air hit us immediately, and I wrapped my arms around myself as we made our way toward the bus stop.
We walked side by side toward the bus stop, the crisp November air biting at my cheeks. The silence between us wasn't heavy, but it wasn't comfortable either. Aiden's hands were shoved deep in his pockets, and every few steps, he'd glance at me as if trying to decide whether to say something. I was doing the same.
Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. "You know," I said, breaking the silence. "You don't have to pretend with me."
He turned to me, his brow furrowing slightly. "What do you mean?"
"I mean..." I hesitated, gathering the courage to continue. "If something's wrong, you can talk to me. You don't have to keep it to yourself."
Aiden looked away, his jaw tightening. "I'm fine, Raven. Really."
I sighed, frustration mingling with worry. "Okay," I said softly, knowing I wasn't going to get anywhere with him today. "But if you ever need to talk... You know where to find me."
He slowed his pace slightly, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye. "But Raven," he said, his voice quieter now, "you don't tell me anything either."
I froze for a moment, his words hitting me harder than I expected. He wasn't wrong. I'd spent so long keeping everything locked inside, even from the people who showed that they cared about me. I swallowed, my throat suddenly dry. "It's... harder for me," I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. "But that doesn't mean I don't worry about you."
Aiden stopped walking, turning fully to face me. "I know, Raven," he said, his tone gentler now. "I'm sorry if I came off wrong." He stepped closer, his height making the distance between us feel smaller somehow. His hand reached out, and before I could react, he ruffled my hair lightly, a faint smile tugging at his lips. "Tell you what—why don't I buy you dinner later today? My treat."
For a second, I wanted to say yes. The words were on the tip of my tongue, ready to spill out. But then I remembered my therapy session with Dr. Hayes. The thought of lying to Aiden about where I'd been—and why—made my stomach twist. "I can't," I said finally, looking away. "I already have plans."
"Oh." His voice was neutral, but I caught the slight dip in his expression before he quickly masked it. "What kind of plans?"
"Just... something I need to take care of," I said, trying to sound casual. "It's not a big deal."
"Right," he said, nodding slowly. "I guess... some other time, then."
The guilt hit me instantly, sharp and unwelcome. I didn't want to leave things like this. "How about lunch?" I blurted out before I could stop myself. "I don't have any classes this afternoon."
Aiden paused, the faintest hint of a smile returning to his lips. "Text me after your next class," he said. "We'll figure it out."
I nodded, relief washing over me. "I'll be done by one."
"Good." He stepped back, his hand briefly brushing my shoulder as he turned to leave. "Don't forget, okay?"
"I won't," I called after him, watching as he walked away.
But even as I stood there, shivering slightly in the cold, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was hiding too much from him. Aiden had always been there for me in ways I hadn't fully appreciated before. And now, with everything going on, I wondered how much longer I could keep him at arm's length before he started pulling away for good.
I sat at the back of the lecture hall, watching the professor pace back and forth as he explained the intricacies of cognitive bias in decision-making. My notebook sat open in front of me, but the notes I'd taken earlier had devolved into mindless doodles in the margins. It wasn't that I wasn't interested—on any other day, I'd probably have been engrossed—but my mind was scattered, like too many tabs open on a computer screen.
The faint buzz of my phone snapped me out of my daze. I glanced at the screen and saw a notification from Dr. Fayes.
Dr. Fayes: Hi Raven, just a reminder about our session this evening. Looking forward to seeing you.
My stomach flipped. I hadn't forgotten, but the reminder still made me uneasy. I wasn't sure what to expect from the second session, and part of me wanted to cancel, but another part—the part Elias and Mr. Farrow had managed to appeal to—reminded me why I'd agreed in the first place. I sighed and shoved my phone back into my pocket, forcing myself to focus on the lecture.
After class ended, I gathered my things, slinging my bag over my shoulder and heading out into the cold. The sharp air nipped at my cheeks as I stepped outside, but it helped clear my head. Pulling out my phone, I saw two new messages waiting for me—one from Aiden and one from Elias.
I opened Aiden's first. It was short and to the point, as always.
Aiden: Meet me at the café near the library for lunch.
A small smile tugged at the corners of my mouth. Aiden was never one for long texts or unnecessary words, but his straightforwardness was part of what made him… him. I typed out a quick reply.
Me: Sure. I'll be there in 20 minutes.
I switched to Elias's message next, and the smile on my face turned into something closer to an exasperated laugh.
Elias: Miss me yet? Don't answer that—I already know you do.
Elias (seconds later): But seriously, let me know when you're free. I've got an idea, and it involves me, you, and maybe something spontaneous. Don't worry, it's legal. Probably.
I rolled my eyes, my fingers hovering over the keyboard as I considered how to respond. With Elias, it was hard to tell where the teasing ended and the sincerity began. He had a way of weaving them together so seamlessly that I didn't know if he was joking or not.
Me: You're exhausting, you know that?
His reply came almost instantly.
Elias: Only for you, sunshine.
I shook my head, laughing quietly to myself as I slid my phone back into my pocket and made my way to the café.
Inside, the warm air greeted me like a much-needed hug, a stark contrast to the biting chill outside. The café wasn't too crowded, and I spotted Aiden immediately, sitting at a corner table near the window. He had his laptop open, his brow furrowed slightly as he typed. I hesitated for a moment, watching him before he noticed me and waved me over.
"Hey," I said, sliding into the seat across from him. "Sorry if I kept you waiting."
"You didn't," he replied, shutting his laptop and leaning back in his chair. "I just got here."
We ordered our food—something light, given that neither of us seemed in the mood for anything too heavy—and settled into a comfortable rhythm of conversation. It was nice, sitting there with him, the noise of the café providing a gentle hum in the background.
Lunch with Aiden was… nice. The café's warmth was a welcome break from the November chill, and sitting across from him felt comfortable, like a momentary escape from everything else weighing on me. Yet, I couldn't ignore the lingering tension in the way he carried himself—how he avoided looking at me for too long or the way his fingers fidgeted with the edge of his napkin.
I set my fork down, leaning forward slightly. "Aiden," I began softly, catching his attention. His blue-gray eyes met mine, guarded but questioning. "Are you… really okay? You've been acting a little off."
His brows furrowed, and for a moment, I thought he might open up. Instead, he shrugged, a small, forced smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"
"You tell me," I said, studying his face. "I mean… You don't have to pretend with me."
His smile faltered, and he looked away, staring out the window as if searching for an escape. "Raven. I'm fine."
It wasn't convincing, not even a little, but I could tell he wasn't going to give me more than that. I sighed, deciding to let it go—for now. "Okay," I said quietly. "But if you ever want to talk, you know where to find me."
He glanced back at me, his expression softening slightly. "Thanks."
The conversation shifted after that, easing into something lighter, and I was grateful for the change. Aiden leaned back in his chair, his posture more relaxed now as he gestured with his water glass. "At least the presentation is over. No more late-night work or scrambling for last-minute ideas."
"True," I agreed, smiling. "But you know, that doesn't mean we have to stop talking like we did before."
Aiden raised an eyebrow, a teasing glint in his eyes. "Oh? Did we talk before? Pretty sure I only said a few things here and there."
I rolled my eyes. "You know what I mean. We were still talking."
"Kinda," he said with a small laugh. "But if I'm being honest, back then, if I so much as looked at you or tried to get closer, you looked like you'd disappear on me. So, technically, the presentation brought us together."
I bit my lip, feeling a twinge of guilt because he wasn't wrong. I had been more closed off then, always finding ways to keep people at a distance. "Yeah, maybe," I admitted. "But it doesn't have to be the only reason. We're friends now, right?"
He blinked, surprised by my directness, and then chuckled, raising his glass. "Friends, huh? Okay, cheers to that. Cheers to getting closer."
I picked up my glass and clinked it lightly against his, smiling. "Cheers."
For a while, the conversation stayed light—banter about the professor's quirks, random jokes about the café's music choices—but then Aiden shifted in his seat, his expression turning a little more serious.
"Well, Raven," he began, his tone careful, "if I were to say that I felt or—"
Before he could finish, my phone buzzed on the table, cutting him off. I glanced at the screen and saw Elias's name flashing. "Sorry," I said quickly, holding up a finger as I answered. "Hi, Elias."
"Hey, sunshine," came his familiar teasing tone, and I could almost hear the grin in his voice. "Remember that text I sent earlier? I wanted to discuss something with you, but since you didn't respond, I decided to take matters into my own hands."
I frowned slightly. "What are you talking about?"
"I'm on your campus," he said casually, as if it were the most normal thing in the world. "And I'm taking you to your session with Dr. Fayes."
"Elias, seriously?" I couldn't help but laugh, even though I knew he wasn't joking. "You didn't have to do that."
"Maybe not, but I wanted to. Don't keep me waiting too long, okay?"
"Okay, okay," I said, still smiling. "I'm on my way."
When I hung up, I turned back to Aiden, feeling a little guilty. "Sorry about that. You were saying?"
He shook his head, his expression unreadable. "Never mind. It wasn't important." He leaned back in his chair, his hands resting on the table. "Looks like you've got somewhere to be."
"Yeah." I stood, grabbing my jacket and bag. "Thanks for lunch, Aiden. I'll text you later."
As I started to turn, I thought I heard him mutter something under his breath. "No, you won't."
I froze, glancing back at him. "Huh? Did you say something?"
He shook his head, his lips curving into a faint, almost resigned smile. "Nope. Nothing. Run along now—Elias is waiting."
Something about the way he said it made my chest tighten. "It's not like that, Aiden," I said quietly, not entirely sure what I was trying to explain. "I'm sorry if it seemed—"
"What way?" he interrupted, his tone light, but there was a flicker of something else beneath it. "It's fine, Raven. You can have other friends. Run along now. See ya."
"Thanks again," I said softly, hesitating for a moment before walking away. As I stepped outside into the cold, I couldn't shake the feeling that I'd left something unresolved.
Elias was waiting by his car, leaning casually against the hood with his hands stuffed into the pockets of his coat. His sandyblonde hair was tousled by the light breeze, and when his eyes landed on me, a teasing grin spread across his face. I didn't return the smile, and my steps were slower than usual as I approached.