I opened my phone immediately.
For one second my heart actually sped up.
I thought it was Max.
But it wasn't.
It was Arvin.
"Heyyy."
And honestly?
I didn't feel disappointed.
I felt relieved.
Because I needed someone to talk to.
Not because I forgot about Max.
Not because I moved on.
But because I was tired.
Tired of checking my phone.
Tired of waiting.
Tired of pretending things didn't hurt.
So I replied.
"Oh hii."
He replied almost immediately.
We started talking normally.
Nothing deep.
Nothing dramatic.
Just random questions.
Then suddenly he asked—
"What's your hobby?"
I thought for a second.
"Well… I love playing guitar."
He replied—
"Ohhh. I used to play guitar too but then I got bored."
I stared at the screen.
Bored?
How do people get bored of guitar?
For me guitar wasn't even a hobby.
It was therapy.
Whenever I felt bad, I played.
Whenever I felt angry, I played.
Whenever I couldn't explain things, I played.
I replied—
"I don't think I can ever get bored of guitar."
He laughed.
Then we kept talking.
And honestly…
it felt easy.
No overthinking.
No hidden meanings.
No trying to understand whether someone loves me or not.
No waiting.
Just conversation.
Then while scrolling stories, I saw Aria's story.
Birthday countdown.
I mentioned her back casually.
Nothing serious.
Then—
My phone buzzed.
I looked.
And froze.
Max replied.
I stared for a few seconds.
After two whole fucking days.
After school.
After Katie.
After Kate.
After that voice note.
After disappearing.
He finally texted.
And the annoying thing?
My heart still reacted.
I hated that.
I literally spent two days convincing myself I don't care.
And now just seeing his name made me excited.
Embarrassing.
I didn't open the chat immediately.
I waited.
One minute.
Then another.
I don't know why.
Maybe self respect.
Maybe ego.
Maybe I wanted him to wait too.
Then I opened.
His message—
"When is your birthday?"
I stared.
That was it?
No hi.
No explanation.
No "how are you."
Nothing.
Just—
When is your birthday?
I wanted to talk normally.
Like friends.
Like his voice note didn't hurt.
Like school didn't happen.
Like I didn't see him smiling at Kate.
So I replied—
"29."
He replied—
"This month?"
"Yeah."
I thought conversation over.
Then—
"Why aren't you messaging nowadays?"
I looked at the screen.
Excuse me?
Why does he care?
You disappeared.
You stopped talking.
You acted distant.
Now you're asking me?
I wanted to say—
Why can't you let me go peacefully?
Why do you appear every time I start accepting reality?
Instead—
"You aren't messaging as well."
After a few seconds—
"Sorry."
I stared.
He apologized.
That wasn't what I expected.
Suddenly I felt rude.
Maybe too rude.
Maybe he was trying.
Maybe—
No.
Stop making excuses.
Still…
I asked—
"By the way… how are things going?"
He replied—
"My day is fucked up."
I sighed.
Kate.
Obviously.
Still I asked—
"Why?"
Then he replied—
"Nothing. Just about someone I met at gym and she's behaving all different."
I frowned.
Gym?
Wait.
What gym girl?
Doesn't he already have a girlfriend?
At this point I was genuinely confused.
I got irritated.
I replied—
"Bruhh bro just do whatever you want."
He replied—
"Hn."
Then—
Voice note.
I looked at it.
Why does every important thing happen in voice notes?
I pressed play.
His voice sounded tired.
And then—
He started talking about Kate.
Not gym.
Kate.
Again.
He said—
"She's behaving different… she's saying she'll go to her village where her ex lives… maybe she'll get into relationship with him… maybe she'll sleep with him…"
I paused.
Replayed.
Paused again.
What.
I stared at my screen.
Why is she saying this to him?
And why is he telling ME this?
I felt weird.
Not jealous.
Just…
weird.
I replied—
"Bro that's so cringe don't tell me all this eww 😭"
He replied—
"ok."
And disappeared.
Again.
No goodnight.
No extra messages.
Nothing.
Offline.
I stared at the chat.
Then locked my phone.
Then unlocked it.
Still nothing.
And suddenly I realised something.
Every time he came back—
he never came back because he missed me.
He came back because something happened.
Because he wanted to talk.
Because he wanted someone to listen.
And somehow—
I always became that person.
I listened.
I understood.
I waited.
Even after getting hurt.
Even after saying I won't.
I opened our old chat.
Scrolled up.
"I love you."
"I'll wait."
"You deserve someone better."
I laughed.
Because suddenly everything felt stupid.
How can someone say all those things and still act like nothing happened?
I looked at my ceiling.
And for the first time—
I didn't miss him.
I missed the version of him I created in my head.
The one who chose me.
The one who meant those words.
The one who never existed.
My phone stayed silent.
And this time—
I didn't check it again.
But before sleeping…
I still whispered—
"Goodnight."
My head was recalling all those moments i had with him last year , the way he used to tease me about my ex and made fun of me also how he used to randomly punch my back for no reason...
I was scared of him back then and after he pulled my hair and got into relationship with Kate I started hating him and can't help myself from ignoring him until he confessed and I realised...
What I feel for him
How much I love him
How much I wanted to be loved by him
But then I remembered , i way he was admiring Kate and the way he was laughing with Katie , I felt like I don't even exist to him like all those things-
Confession
Care
Love
They were just lie...
Tears rolled down my cheeks
I just can't accept the fact that he didn't messaged me fir whole fucking days and didn't seemed like care...
What if I was just a 2nd option like if she will leave he will have someone with him...