Jay ✧
"Jay."
I blink.
"…Hmm?"
Gorya is looking at me.
Concerned.
"You've been staring at the same page for five minutes."
I look down.
Oh.
Right.
The book in my hands.
"I was reading," I say quickly.
"You weren't," MJ says from across the table.
"I was."
"You didn't even flip the page."
I pause.
"…I like this page."
Kavin snorts.
"Yeah," Thyme adds, leaning back.
"Must be very interesting."
I glare at them.
"I hate all of you."
"No, you don't," MJ grins.
I don't.
That's the problem.
Everything feels normal.
Too normal.
Like nothing changed.
Like I didn't see that photo.
Like last night didn't happen.
Like my heart isn't—
"Jay."
I look up.
Ren.
He's standing beside me now.
"When was the last time you ate?" he asks.
I blink.
"…I had breakfast."
"You didn't finish it."
Of course he noticed.
"I'm not hungry."
He doesn't respond immediately.
Just looks at me.
Not questioning.
Not forcing.
Just—
waiting.
I hate that.
Because it makes me want to tell him everything.
"I'm fine," I add quickly.
He nods.
"Okay."
Just that.
No pressure.
And somehow—
that makes it worse.
Because he trusts me.
Even when I'm clearly lying.
A few minutes pass.
Conversation continues around me.
Laughter.
Teasing.
Noise.
But it all sounds…
far away.
Like I'm not really here.
"Jay."
Ren again.
This time—
he gently places something in front of me.
A plate.
Food.
"…I said I'm not hungry."
"I know," he says calmly.
"Then why—"
"Just try."
I look at him.
He's not insisting.
Not pushing.
Just—
soft.
Like always.
I pick up the fork.
Take a small bite.
"…Happy?" I mumble.
"A little."
That makes me smile.
Just a little.
And for a second—
everything feels okay.
But then—
my phone buzzes.
My hand freezes.
I don't want to check it.
I already know what it might be.
Another photo.
Another post.
Another reminder.
"Jay?" Gorya says softly.
I shake my head.
"I'm fine."
I'm not.
But I unlock my phone anyway.
And there it is.
Again.
Same event.
Different angle.
Keifer.
And her.
Closer this time.
His hand still on her waist.
Like it belongs there.
My chest tightens.
"Jay…"
I don't realize I've gone still until Ren's voice reaches me.
"…Yeah," I say quickly, locking my phone.
Too quickly.
"Is everything okay?" he asks.
I nod.
"Yeah."
Lie.
He knows.
Of course he knows.
But he doesn't call me out.
Doesn't ask for my phone.
Doesn't push.
He just—
steps closer.
Not touching.
Just…
there.
And that—
that's what breaks me.
Because he's doing everything right.
Everything.
And still—
I can't breathe properly.
"I'm tired," I say suddenly, standing up.
Too fast.
The chair scrapes loudly.
Everyone looks at me.
"I think I'll go rest."
"Jay—" Gorya starts.
"I'm fine," I cut in quickly.
Again.
Always that word.
Fine.
I turn—
but before I can walk away—
"Jay."
Ren.
I stop.
"…Yeah?"
A pause.
Then—
"Do you want me to come with you?"
And that—
that almost breaks me completely.
Because he's not asking out of doubt.
Not out of control.
Just—
care.
I shake my head.
"No… it's okay."
A small smile.
Forced.
"I just need some rest."
He studies me for a second.
Then nods.
"Okay."
Always okay.
Always giving me space.
Always making it easier.
I hate it.
Because it makes leaving him—
impossible.
I walk away quickly.
Before anyone can say anything else.
Before I change my mind.
✧ Later ✧
The room is quiet.
Too quiet.
I sit on the edge of the bed.
Phone in my hand.
I stare at the screen again.
At him.
At them.
And for the first time—
I don't try to pretend.
"…Why does it still hurt?"
The question comes out broken.
Because it shouldn't.
It's over.
It has to be.
Right?
But my chest—
doesn't listen.
I press my lips together.
Then whisper—
so quietly I almost don't hear it myself—
"…Why is it still him?"
Silence answers me.
And somehow—
that's worse.
✨ END OF CHAPTER