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Chapter 45: Is It Wrong to Sell Bell-kun Dakimakura?
I've been in a total slump lately. I can't come up with a single idea for a new erotic manga.
It feels like my content has gotten stuck in a rut. If all I'm doing is having Bell-kun and the heroines flirt, get all lovey-dovey, and then jump straight to bumping uglies, honestly, even a monkey or a goblin could draw that.
Still, I like to consider myself a creator, even if just a humble one. If I'm going to start churning out cheap, formulaic garbage, I'd rather put down my pen for good.
But right now, our Familia's finances are completely in the red.
And the reason for that is—
"I'm so sorry!!"
Our idiot goddess blew all our funds at the casino and had the sheer audacity to come home saddled with debt. Normally, a debt like that should be paid off by the idiot goddess who racked it up, but it turns out the people she borrowed from were loan sharks. She'd been stupid enough to accept a predatory, sky-high interest rate. So, I had to drain all the shared Familia funds I'd earned from my Bell-kun doujinshi to pay it off, putting our finances on the brink of collapse.
"I'm really, really sorry!"
Ignoring the apologies of the goddess currently rolled up in a straw mat and suspended from the ceiling, I racked my brain trying to figure out how to recoup our decimated shared funds. Well, even without this whole mess, I wanted to stay active. Even if I haven't come up with any solid ideas for my writing yet, the urge to express something is just part of a creator's nature.
"That said, I feel like I've already tapped out most of the erotic tropes from my past life. If I go for a situational hook, maybe I could use a setting where Raul and Aki-chan from the Loki Familia start dating, and Bell-kun takes Aki-chan—whoa!? What's this chill...!?"
For some reason, I'm getting a terrible premonition of a Rated-R, gore-filled game of Tom and Jerry playing out without the kids' filter... No, it's not because I chickened out! I'm just not doing it because it doesn't fit Bell-kun's image! D-Don't get the wrong idea!!
"Well, churning out a low-quality doujinshi is my absolute last resort. What else can I do...?"
"Yaaawn. Hey, are you going to untie me soon? I wanna sleep in my bed~."
A voice in the back of my mind whispers that I should commit the mortal sin of deicide and punish this goddess enough to send her packing back to the Celestial World, but I somehow manage to suppress it. I spend about six seconds managing my anger, forcing down the urge to smack her upside the head, when suddenly, an idea hits me.
"Hmm? Sleep, bed... a pillow!? That's it! Why didn't I think of that!!!"
"Eh, um...? Hey! Hold on!? Let me down before you go outside!! Wait! Don't leave me behind~!!!"
Desperate to give my sudden inspiration shape, I abandon the mat-rolled goddess and sprint out of the room. I rush straight to the home of a certain Familia and greet their patron god.
"Good afternoon, Lord Amanohazuchi."
"Ah, welcome. Good to see you."
Smiling despite the sudden visit is a male deity from the Far East named Amanohazuchi, the god of weaving. The Amanohazuchi Familia he runs is a production-class faction that specializes in making clothing and accessories. I discreetly slip a souvenir book from my sleeve and hand it to him.
"...For you."
"Oh! I see, what is your request?"
His surprise lasts only a fraction of a second before he smoothly tucks the book into his robes, ensuring no one else catches a glimpse. Now, if any of you readers think I just handed him an erotic book, you are sadly mistaken! That was a supplementary design book containing sketches for a Hyper-Lewd Mystic Code, frantically drawn on the very day I decided to become an erotic manga artist. My Fate-inspired designs, which could easily surpass the artistic sense of the gods in this world, seem to have caught Lord Amanohazuchi's eye, earning me VIP treatment as I'm ushered into the back room.
"—So, I was hoping you could manufacture this for me. As for the quantity... how about a hundred to start?"
"Hmm, I see. However, considering his current popularity in Orario, wouldn't a hundred be too few? Let's start with five hundred. I'd say that's a reasonable baseline."
"In that case, I'll trust you with five hundred. I'll reach out again once they sell."
"Understood. I will prepare the exact amount you requested. You can pay me upon completion—is that acceptable?"
"Yes, that works perfectly."
Just as I stand up to leave, considering the deal concluded, Lord Amanohazuchi stops me.
"Wait a moment. Have you actually obtained Rabbit Foot's permission for this?"
"...Lord. It's only a crime if you get caught."
I press my index finger to my lips in a shh gesture and turn to leave. I don't see Lord Amanohazuchi's expression, but the stifled chuckle I hear behind me tells me he's more than willing to be my accomplice.
Now, for the perceptive readers—or rather, those who actually bothered to read the subtitle of this chapter—you've probably already guessed what I commissioned. Yes, it's an order for Bell-kun dakimakura. The Amanohazuchi Familia will handle production, and I'll take care of the sales.
And I didn't just order a dakimakura cover featuring Bell-kun in his standard adventurer gear. I also gave Lord Amanohazuchi the design sketches for a singular, limited-edition Fem-Bell dakimakura—the crossdressing version that made an appearance in my Hedin book. With two different types of dakimakura on offer, I plan to sell them for 20,000 Valis a pop. Even after factoring in production costs, if we sell out all 500, I'll be raking in several million Valis.
"This should be enough to cover our Familia's deficit. Besides, the goddess who spurred this brilliant idea has probably reflected on her actions by now. I suppose I can forgive her—"
Zzz...
When I return to my room, I find the goddess, still rolled up in a straw mat and suspended from the ceiling, sleeping skillfully upside down with a snot bubble expanding from her nose and drool trailing down her chin. I'm so dumbfounded by the sight that I don't even say a word, just quietly close the door and walk away.
It wasn't until the next morning that our goddess finally felt solid ground again.
Over the next few days, I informed the rest of the Familia about the dakimakura scheme. They desperately dove into the Dungeon, scraping together every last drop of funds to pay the production costs to the Amanohazuchi Familia. Meanwhile, I snuck around the Pleasure Quarter, discreetly spreading the word: Bell-kun and Fem-Bell dakimakura will be available soon!
And today, I received the finished shipment from the Amanohazuchi Familia. Down in our usual spot in the Pleasure Quarter, I set up shop to sell the limited run of 500 Bell-kun and Fem-Bell body pillows.
The front of the adventurer-style Bell-kun cover features him in his standard gear. On the back, his equipment is stripped away, and his shirt is hiked up just enough to expose his collarbones, his cheeks flushed in a bashful blush.
The Fem-Bell cover, on the other hand, depicts him in a crossdressing outfit so convincing you'd mistake him for a florist's daughter. The back side features a peek of his navel, with his long skirt lifted just enough to barely conceal the male appendage between his legs.
The moment I set up the samples in the display cases next to my stall, a massive line forms instantly.
"Um, I'll take one of those Bell-kun pillows, please."
"I'll take both..."
"O-One Fem-Bell dakimakura for me!"
As you can see, sales are booming, and the customer base is incredibly diverse. We had obvious mob-character female adventurers, otaku-looking female merchants, and heavily breathing men wrapped in cloaks. Naturally, there are gods lined up in the crowd as well. Among them, I spot a twin-tailed, busty loli wearing sunglasses and a mask, along with a silver-haired goddess of beauty whose disguise fools absolutely no one. They both purchase the dual set of Bell-kun and Fem-Bell pillows. I wonder who Anonymous-tia and Anonymous-ya could possibly be?
----
That very day, a massive brawl broke out between a goddess and her dependent within the Hestia Familia.
"After all your raging about 'Bell-sama's copyright infringement' and 'invasion of privacy,' is this what you left to go do!?"
Liliruca was currently lecturing Hestia, who was groaning in frustration while aggressively smacking the Bell-kun and Fem-Bell dakimakura. However, despite her scolding, Lili had her own arms firmly wrapped around the pillows with zero intention of letting go. Finally, Hestia's patience reached its limit.
"Gahhh!! What's your problem, Supporter-kun!? Look at you, shamelessly hugging Bell-kun's dakimakura with both arms! I'm the one who bought those!!!"
"Mugyu! Stop pressing your uselessly massive chest against them!"
The two of them began squabbling like children, playfully swatting at each other as they fought over the Bell-kun and Fem-Bell pillows. Yes, it was an incredibly childish fight. To any outside observer, it was just their usual, unapologetic display of raw jealousy.
Drawn by the commotion, Haruhime entered the room and witnessed the entire spectacle.
"Umm, what exactly is all this noise—w-what is that!?"
Haruhime stared in shock at the dakimakura Lili and Hestia were fighting over. And understandably so. The pillows featured high-quality prints of her beloved Bell-kun. While the familiar adventurer-style Bell-kun immediately caught her eye, she found herself deeply intrigued by the Fem-Bell pillow, realizing just how perfectly he pulled off the crossdressing look.
"Mmm! Is Haruhime-kun joining the fray!?"
"Guh! This is all happening because you're making such a racket, Hestia-sama!!"
"Are you blaming me!? This wouldn't be an issue if you hadn't shamelessly swiped the Bell-kun pillows I bought while you were lecturing me!"
Just as the argument was about to reignite, Haruhime smoothly slipped in and grabbed the Bell dakimakura right out of Lili's arms.
"If Lili-sama and Hestia-sama keep fighting, Bell-sama's pillows might tear. I shall hold onto them for safekeeping."
"You say that, but you're just planning to casually walk off with them, aren't you!?"
"This is exactly why you can never let your guard down around a closet pervert fox!"
"Kon!?"
Well, it was practically inevitable. The hostility between Lili and Hestia immediately shifted toward the opportunistic Haruhime. Hestia quickly moved behind the flustered fox, and in that brief moment of distraction, Lili slammed the back side of the Bell-kun dakimakura squarely into Haruhime's face.
"Hawawawa!? B-Bell-sama's collarbones~"
""----!!""
The innocent, secretly perverted fox couldn't handle taking a zero-distance hit of her beloved's exposed collarbones, even if it was just a pillow. Her eyes rolled back into her head, and she collapsed flat onto the floor.
The remaining two women exchanged a silent high-five.
A few days later, rumors spread through Orario. Some claimed they saw Bell-kun dakimakura drying on laundry lines alongside regular clothes. Others reported finding parts of a Fem-Bell dakimakura discarded in the trash, sporting a highly suspicious, meaningful hole.
The Ganesha Familia is apparently conducting an ongoing investigation to find the culprits who disrupted the city's public morals. However, the women suspected of these incidents remain at large.
[Author's Note: What if the protagonist had been reincarnated in Orario fifteen years ago? I was receiving all sorts of ideas and working on a Christmas 'Orario Merry' and Xenos book when this concept struck me like a divine revelation, so I wrote it on impulse. What would have happened during that golden era when humanity's strongest factions—the Hera and Zeus Familias—were still alive and well? If you're curious, you should see for yourself. This is merely a tale of predictions and possibilities. Even if it deviates from actual history, I write this to show that an author can birth a new era from their delusions. Now, let the ridiculous farce begin.]
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