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Chapter 23: Perfect Shota Bell-kun and Alfia-Mama
Orario was a city drowning in its own echoes. The air was
thick with the scent of ozone and charred stone, a byproduct of the Dark
Faction's relentless assault. Amidst the screams of the dying and the crumbling
of legends, a new kind of madness had taken root—one fueled not by the fires of
war, but by the scandalous ink of a doujinshi. The bold decision to use the
"Silent" Alfia as a model for a lewd book was an act so profane it
had the gods of the Greek pantheon shivering in their divine seats.
Yet, for the gods who didn't know the Hera Familia's wrath,
the book was a gift from the heavens. A masterpiece where a peerless beauty
fulfilled the most specific of desires.
"Man, the author of this book is a visionary!"
"I just want Alfia-mama to 'there, there' me while I
cry! Is that too much to ask?!"
"Waaaaah! Mama! Mama!"
It was a hellscape of depravity. Watching gods and mortals
alike reduced to such unsightly displays of lust made me genuinely terrified of
what I'd unleashed. I'd planned to launch the new volume yesterday, but Zard's
sudden raid had forced a change in schedule. Still, I had escaped, and Volume 2
was now flying off the shelves as the city's most degenerate
"investors" practically threw Valis at me.
Then, there was the customer currently loitering at the
front of my stall: the Evil God Erebus.
"Hm? Oh, don't mind me," Erebus said, flipping
through a copy with an unreadable expression. "I just wanted to see the
person who had either the gall of a hero or the brain-rot of a fool to pick a
fight with Alfia like this. Also, I'll take this".
"That'll be 500 Valis."
The price was a blatant ripoff, but Erebus paid it without a
single word of negotiation. He seemed to have more on his mind, but the moment
he opened the book, his eyes glazed over. Around him, the other customers—gods
and killers alike—ignored the "Evil God" entirely, their focus solely
on the pages.
"Fumu, so this is the 'Sex Education'..."
The plot was simple but effective. Seven-year-old Bell-kun
wakes up in the middle of the night, only to encounter a freshly bathed Alfia-mama.
Confused by his own biological reaction, the boy panics, convinced he's dying
of some rare disease.
『Mama! Something's wrong! It's all stiff and weird!』
『—I see. You are already seven, after all. Come here,
little Bell. I shall teach you the proper way to handle this.』
"—Gah! My nose!"
"I have a handkerchief if you need one, Lord
Erebus."
The image of a towel-clad Alfia leading Bell toward the bed
had caused Erebus's nose to erupt like a fountain. Watching him, I couldn't
help but wonder if this primordial deity was actually just a lonely virgin at
heart.
"Ahem! I'll finish the rest of this in the privacy of
my own home," Erebus said, attempting to regain his dignity while wiping
blood off his face with my handkerchief. "But seriously—why? This isn't
justice or evil. It's either pure madness or a suicide attempt. You realize
you've turned Orario into a circus of chaos, right?"
"You're trying to act like a cool, menacing god, but
you literally just had a nosebleed over my smut," I replied, my voice
flat. "And you're still holding my handkerchief..."
The "cool god" act crumbled. Erebus collapsed
face-down on the pavement, his face glowing a humiliating shade of crimson.
"No! You don't understand!" he shouted, scrambling
up and waving his arms frantically. "I just ate too much Dungeon Cacao! It
has nothing to do with Alfia-mama's alluring curves or the 'honka-donka' vibes
coming off those bath panels! I swear!"
I gave him the brightest, most condescending smile I could
muster. "It's okay. You're just a growing boy, after all♪"
"I AM NOOOOOOT!!!!"
The primordial god of the underworld was being treated like
a toddler by a mortal. If Hermes saw this, Erebus wouldn't hear the end of it
for ten thousand years.
"Haa... wheeze... look, I'm supposed to be the Evil God
orchestrating the end of an era," Erebus panted. "Why am I being
pushed around by a doujinshi artist?"
"Probably because I'm the person who threw Orario into
a frenzy, made the 'Gluttony' Zard turn pale, and made the 'Silent' Alfia see
red," I said, puffing out my chest.
Erebus stared at me, a dry, tired laugh escaping his lips.
"Right... I suppose that's true".
"As for your question," I continued, "I have
no regrets. After all, my own Goddess would surely forgive me with a
smile".
"...Wait," Erebus paused, his eyes narrowing as he
scrutinized me. "Is your Goddess... by any chance... obsessed with
water?"
"That's a—se-cret♪"
I dodged the question with a playful wink. But the
lighthearted atmosphere vanished in a heartbeat as Erebus suddenly turned his
back to me, his posture stiffening.
"Well, as long as you aren't getting in the way of the
'Great Resistance,' I'll let it slide," he said. "But if you keep
moving this loudly, Alfia won't stay quiet. Just look over there".
I followed his gaze. Far down the avenue, the air was
shimmering as if from a heatwave—but it wasn't heat. It was a localized storm
of killing intent so dense it looked like a physical distortion. Alfia was
walking toward me, her presence so terrifying she looked like a vengeful demon
coming to harvest my soul.
"Store's closed for the day!!!"
I abandoned my inventory and sprinted for my life. A split
second later, the remaining books were shredded into confetti by Alfia's magic,
and the customers who had been lingering—Erebus included—were unceremoniously
blasted into the nearby walls. The entire process took exactly two seconds.
"You will not escape. Gospel."
"KYAAAAAAH!!!"
The magic that tore through the street behind me was far
more potent than what she'd used before. She had clearly deactivated her
[Silentium Eden] seal just to ensure my death.
"Are you insane?!" I yelled as I skidded around a
crater. "You're going to die before you can be the stepping stone for the
next generation of heroes if you keep pushing yourself like this!"
"Silence! I will not ask how you know our
secrets," Alfia snarled, her eyes snapping open as she unleashed a literal
bullet-hell of magic. "But you can rot in the deepest pits of hell
alongside Zeus!!!"
She was like a final boss in an unfair arcade shooter. I was
dodging by millimeters, knowing that a single trip meant instant death. On top
of that, she wasn't just "walking" like some horror movie killer
anymore; she was in a full-blown Olympic sprint.
"Save the effort for someone else—! Ow!"
"Tch... I missed."
A piece of debris from a collapsing building clipped my
head. If I were still Level 1, I'd be in a coma, but my daily
"training"—which was really just running for my life—had clearly paid
off. Fine then, I thought, feeling the lump forming on my head. If I survive
this, I'm drawing a manga where Alfia becomes a blushing maiden and gets
wall-slammed by a handsome Erebus saying 'Interesting woman' ♡.
"You... what were you just thinking?"
"Nothing but survival and seeing the sun
tomorrow!!!"
Terrified that she could apparently read my thoughts, I
skidded onto a main street, only to find myself in the middle of a literal war
zone.
"Hahahaha! What's wrong, adventurers of Orario?!"
Valletta was cackling as she cut people down. "Resist more! Let me hear
your pathetic death—?"
"Ahaha, hey there! Good luck with that!"
I zipped past her with a grin. Under normal circumstances,
her presence would have made me freeze, but the woman behind me was infinitely
more terrifying. A moment later, I heard Valletta's scream as she was caught in
the magical crossfire intended for me. One more evil purged from the world, I
prayed silently.
"Burn, Orario!!"
"I'd worry about yourself first if I were you!"
I sprinted past the "White-Haired Oni" Olivus. He
stood there blinking in confusion for a second before a stray Gospel blast sent
him flying. I gave a sharp salute to the "meat shield" who had just
saved my life and kept running.
As we tore through the city, the Dark Faction's frontline
began to crumble—not because of the adventurers, but because their strongest
commanders were being accidentally obliterated by Alfia's obsession with a
doujinshi author.
"God, I'm at my limit," I wheezed. "Five days
without sleep... and I drew two books while running... I can't...".
My body was screaming for rest. I knew that if I fell
asleep, I'd return to my original time, but finding a safe place to nap was
impossible with a literal goddess of destruction leveling buildings behind me.
Finally, I saw a flicker of hope.
"—!!"
"Finally... the limit!"
Alfia, who I thought would never stop until she had my head,
suddenly lurched to a halt and vomited a massive spray of blood. She had pushed
her failing body too hard, firing too many unsealed [Satanas Verion] blasts
while sprinting at full speed. It was a predictable outcome, but a life-saving
one for me.
"Sorry, but I'm taking my win and leaving," I
said, panting as I looked back at her. "We won't be meeting again. Because
I·have·de-cid·ed·it·so·".
"—Wait!"
I didn't answer. I slipped into a vacant house, my
consciousness already beginning to fray. As soon as I hit the bed, I was out.
My existence began to blur, sinking into a muddy darkness as the world of the
past faded away.
—————
The "irregularity" had returned to her own time.
As she vanished, the memory of her existence began to bleed out of the minds of
mortals and gods alike. Yet, the "scars" she left behind—literary and
otherwise—remained.
"So, I guess this is all that's left of someone
everyone forgot?"
In a quiet house in a rural village, two gods sat across
from one another. Hermes waited while Zeus read a book with an
uncharacteristically serious expression.
"Dammit, Zeus. I know that book is a masterpiece, but
can we get to the point?"
"Quiet! I'm enjoying the 'lewd-and-blushing' version of
Alfia!" Zeus barked, though he eventually closed the book with a sigh.
"Now, about the author... I have absolutely no idea how they knew about
Bell".
"If you don't know, no one does," Hermes muttered.
"They must have been a time traveler caught in the
chaos," Zeus mused. "Either way, is this all you found? If there are
more, don't hold out on me".
"That's it," Hermes sighed. "I searched all
of Orario for a Volume 3, but found nothing".
Zeus looked down at a specific panel in the book: 『See?
It feels good in Mama's hands, doesn't it? ♡』
"This author is a genius!!!" Zeus cheered.
"You're getting excited over your own grandson's
smut," Hermes noted with a look of pure disgust. "That's dark, even
for a god".
"Nonsense! Incest is a staple of divinity!" Zeus
laughed, though his expression softened. "If this author ever appears in
the future, Hermes... protect them".
"Of course," Hermes replied. "A creator of
such 'essential nutrients' for the soul must be guarded at all costs".
"I'm home~! Grandpa, where are you?"
"Ah, Bell's back," Zeus said, a mischievous glint
in his eye. "Maybe I should show him this?"
"Don't you dare," Hermes warned as he stood to
leave. "Just hide the book before Alfia finds a way to kill you from the
grave".
Hermes began his journey back to Orario, the distant sound
of an explosion serving as his background music.
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