The next week, it was Cloud who decided to go first with their presentation. As they walked up to the front of the classroom, holding some paper in their hand, they pulled out a pair of reading glasses and began to read what was on the pages, while we all sat back and listened to them.
"As you all know, I'm non-binary. That means my gender doesn't fit neatly into the categories of male or female. Binary genders are usually understood as just those two options. Being non-binary means my gender exists outside of that system.
I was assigned female at birth, but I don't see myself as a woman and I also don't see myself as a man. For me, non-binary feels like the most accurate way to describe that experience. Other people experience non-binary differently, but this is what it means for me.
Some people feel their gender very strongly. Others don't. For me, it's more like I know what I am not, rather than having a strong feeling about what I am. That doesn't make my gender any less real, it's just how I experience it. "Now, just because I'm non-binary doesn't mean I don't have a gender expression. Gender identity is who you are on the inside. Gender expression is how you choose to present yourself to the world. My expression is masculine. I wear men's clothing, keep my hair short, and present myself in ways people usually read as masculine. That's how I'm comfortable expressing myself but it doesn't determine my gender."
I can see that Cloud is getting to the end of their papers.
"Now, let me ask you, Sonny, what ways do you like to express your gender?"
Cloud takes off their glasses and looks up at me.
"I like to wear women's clothing, I like to wear long haired wigs, I like to put on makeup, I like to be seen as feminine."
"That would be a feminine or fem gender expression. Now, let me ask you; does having a feminine gender expression mean that you are a woman?"
"Well, I thought so at first; I mean wanting to look like a woman must automatically mean I want to be a woman, right? But, based on what you said, that's probably wrong. I mean, just because you want to look and act masculine doesn't make you a guy; you're very clear on the fact that you're not a male or a female. So, me looking and acting feminine doesn't make me a trans woman."
"That's exactly right."
"I have questions though."
"Go right ahead and ask them."
"I assume being non-binary is a form of being transgender?"
"Many non-binary people consider themselves transgender, because their gender is different from the one they were assigned at birth. Some don't use the word 'trans' for themselves, and that's okay too. What matters is whether the label feels right to the person using it."
"You mentioned other genders besides male, female, and non-binary. What are they?"
"I can't possibly list all of them, trust me there are way too many to count, but to simplify it, there are genders like genderfluid, which means your gender changes on a frequent basis. One day you could feel like you're a guy, and the next day you could feel like you're a woman, and the next day after that, you could feel like you're non-binary; keep in mind, it can also last longer or shorter than that. Other gender examples are demi-genders, demi-boy and demi-girl being two of them. To explain demi-genders, it's like if you didn't fully align to being a man or a woman, but you still felt a strong pull towards one or the other. Like, I could be gender-fluid, but still feel like I'm mostly a woman or mostly a man. Gender is a complicated subject, but to best explain it, these are all just labels. Gender can be anything, it's whatever you feel is correct for you."
That last part really got to me. It's hard to explain it, but I don't always feel like I need to be a woman, which is why I've doubted it for so long. Hearing that I don't specifically have to be a trans woman, that I could be just about anything, just gives me this wonderful feeling of freedom.
"But I must ask. What if I can't find the right form of transgender for me? What if there is no label for what I am?"
"Then you come up with a label. Just because there isn't one that already exists, doesn't invalidate your own gender. For the longest time, stuff like genderfluid, non-binary, gender-neutral, demi-genders, and more didn't exist as labels. Someone felt that way about themselves and that was the label they came up with. You don't even have to assign a label to yourself, just be the person you want to be."
"Can I ask something, babes?" Asked Bella.
"Absolutely."
"What made you realize you were non-binary?"
"Not like you don't already know the answer to that, but to enlighten Sonny, I realized I was non-binary after a lot of soul searching. When I was growing up, I never felt comfortable being referred to as a woman. I always found any gender descriptions as applicable to me. I didn't really jive with any of them. I spent a lot of time wondering and when I eventually learned about the term non-binary, I almost instantly knew it was what I was. However , it took me years to actually come to terms with that. I didn't come out to myself until I was sixteen."
"Sixteen?" I asked. "Isn't that a bit young to decide what you are?"
"Absolutely not. Some children know what they are as young as three."
"As young as three?"
"Yeah." Said Keith. "I knew from my earliest memories that I saw myself as a boy. I remember expecting to grow a penis at some point before my parents explained how that worked."
"Well…" I started. "Now that you mention it, I have these memories, when I was a kid, I would dress up in my female cousin's clothes. I'd wear her princess outfit and run around the house thinking I was a pretty girl. My dad would always throw a fit when he saw me wearing it."
"That's cute." Said Cloud. "But, yes, that can be a sign of being a trans woman; at the same time it could just be your feminine gender expression coming out. At the end of the day, how you dress, your hair, what you make yourself look like doesn't dictate if you're trans or not."
"Then what does?"
"You do."
"What if I don't always feel one way or the other. Like, some days I feel more like I want to be a woman, but some days it doesn't matter to me. That doesn't mean I want to be a boy, it just means I don't necessarily care about being a woman."
"I'd say that sounds like being gender fluid. That's where your gender identity changes from day to day." Said Cloud.
That was the end of Cloud's presentation. Once she was done we all sat around and talked about what she said, how we felt about what she was saying, if we agreed or disagreed. It was a pleasant conversation.
After everything was said and done, Keith walked up to me and asked "Hey, wanna go have lunch with me in the park?"
"I didn't bring any lunch today, I usually just eat when I get home."
"Well, that's ok, I brought more than enough lunch to share it with you."
"Yeah, sounds good to me."
I said goodbye to Bella and Cloud and Keith and I took off downtown to the park. Although it was a colder day than it had been recently, I still didn't see the need to wear a jacket and it looked like Keith didn't either.
"You're not cold, right?"
"Oh, I never get cold."
"Never?"
"No, not really. At least I like to tell myself that."
"What?"
"So, like, it's totally a guy thing to not want to wear a.jacket, right?"
"What?!"
"You know. To pretend you're too cool to need a jacket, that the cold doesn't bother you."
"I don't know if that's a guy thing, it sounds more like an autistic thing to me."
"I don't think I'm autistic… but then again, I've never really been tested for autism. But, what I'm saying is that I like to pretend I'm stronger than the cold. I like to think it's something a lot of guys do."
"I guess guys like to pretend they're strong, maybe even strong enough to not feel cold. I don't really know."