I looked at the scattered crowd on the street, and a sense of loss welled up in my heart.
Shanghai's nightlife was just beginning at this hour. Most young people were in the bars, drawn by temptation, while a few would stroll along The Bund.
Most middle-aged people hadn't finished work yet, and even if they had, they were busy with social engagements, flitting between high-end hotels and restaurants.
Thinking about it this way, I realized I wasn't the only one in Shanghai who felt like they didn't belong. Most people were the same, always hustling on the front lines of life every day.
"Ding dong."
I didn't know who would send me a message on this long and boring night. Maybe it was WeChat Sports, maybe Tencent News, perhaps...
In short, I was already used to not having anyone to talk to in the long, dark nights. I always consoled myself, what's so bad about being a cold man?
Without any expectations, I took out my phone and swiped up lightly. Immediately, a message popped up from someone called "Secrets in the Depths of the Deer Forest."
I don't remember having this person in my contacts, and I hadn't even set a note, but the message immediately told me it was Yang Fei.
"Deliver it to the Cainiao Post Station behind the Shanghai Theatre Academy's female dorm tomorrow."
"Huh? Shanghai Theatre Academy? Is Yang Fei still studying?" I thought to myself.
Then, mechanically, I opened the message bar and simply replied, "OK." I closed my phone and put it back in my pocket.
I gradually felt sleepy. It wasn't that I really wanted to sleep, but the fatigue from a day's work, both physically and mentally, plus the pain from my scraped knees, made me not want to take another step. I just wanted to lie on the bed and space out.
I picked up the key in my hand and then pressed the unlock button.
I pulled open the car door with a groan and sat in the driver's seat. Feng Feng's Haval H5 was a used one, so the price was surprisingly cheap. There weren't any major problems, but minor issues were unavoidable.
I pressed the radio button, and Zhao Lei's "Southern Girl" started playing.
"A Southern girl lives in a Northern village, she always likes to wear a flowered dress and stand by the roadside, she doesn't talk much, but her smile is so calm and elegant, what is in her gentle eyes, is the sadness of longing..."
Yes, just like the song, her eyes held the sadness of longing.
"Drip... drip..." I didn't know where the car was making that sound again. Then I saw that the steering wheel surface was already soaked. My mouth tasted faintly salty, and it was then that I realized I was shedding tears of regret.
That's right, I thought of Mi Xinxin. I remembered taking her to Harbin to see the aurora. She knew I liked to listen to folk songs and would always play Zhao Lei's "Southern Girl" for me.
She always said she was the girl in the song. At the time, I always refuted her, saying that as a local Shanghai girl, she was optimistic and cheerful and wouldn't have the sadness of longing.
But four years later, I regretted it. I didn't understand her sadness back then, always saying she was too sensitive. But after losing her four years later, wasn't I the same?
"She chewed gum and talked about her ideals to the wall."
Yes, back then, she would always imitate the songs, chewing gum and telling me about her dreams for the future. But during the two years we ran away together, she never mentioned dreams, only told me about the joys of everyday life. Wasn't that also her love for me?
I used to complain that she couldn't spend more time with me, complain that she was too close to other men. But she was also doing it so we could live happily in Shanghai.
It's a pity it's all too late. No one will ever hum Sunny Day in my ear again; no one will ever make me a hot bowl of porridge when my stomach hurts in the middle of the night; no one will ever pull me to wander aimlessly in the park for an afternoon.
Only tears of regret accompany me now. I regret why I couldn't understand why she was leaving me back then, why I couldn't hold her hands tightly and tell her that without her, I would have nothing.
I can only attribute all of this to God's punishment.
I drove to The Bund. Gazing at the surging river, my longing for Mi Xinxin reached its peak. I missed her so much. I wished she would come back and be with me, even if it was just to see me. I would be content.
"Xinxin!...Xinxin!" I shouted Mi Xinxin's name almost desperately. I hoped my voice could ride the rolling river, carrying it to her. If she were still in Shanghai, even in an inconspicuous corner, she could hear my call.
"Xinxin! I beg you, come and see me!" Until my throat was completely hoarse, until my tears were completely dried, until I could... no longer rekindle my love and longing for her!
No, it won't be like that. I will always love her, even if she forgets me; even if she deliberately left me to punish me; even if she becomes... becomes... becomes someone else's wife, someone else's mother, I... I will still love her.
Even though my tears have dried; even though my eyes are red from crying; even though my heart has been pierced by the steel needle of her silent departure, I won't blame her, because I still love her!
My whole body was soaked with the sour sweat, and I no longer had any energy to call out to her. I was tired, yes, I was tired!
Although my actions annoyed the passersby, I still ignored their various stares and curses.
Because they don't understand love! Yes, they don't understand!
They don't understand the pain of loving someone to the bone; they don't understand the sourness of missing someone so much at night that your stomach bleeds; they don't understand the true love engraved in DNA!
In their eyes, I'm a madman howling by the Huangpu River at midnight, a weirdo whose behavior is strange and frightening, but I want to tell them! It's not me who's sick, it's them! It's this reality, this numb society!
I was completely exhausted, with not a bit of strength left in my body. I simply found a chair and lay down to sleep.
I don't know how long it had been, but I felt someone calling my name, someone touching my face.
No, this isn't a dream, it's real!
Could it be Mi Xinxin heard my cries and came back to find me?
With intense longing, I instantly opened my eyes. I saw the silhouette of a woman, ethereal like a celestial being, bending down to look at me.
"Xinxin... you're finally back!"
"Do you know... do you know how much I love you?" I cried, almost choking on my sobs.
"Ruan Qi, are you crazy!"
I immediately snapped out of the virtual world and realized the woman in front of me wasn't Mi Xinxin, but Yang Fei. My heart plummeted from a mountaintop to the depths of a valley at that moment.
"Talk!" Yang Fei had straightened up, her arms crossed over her chest. Her face was contorted with anger as she glared at me, seemingly furious at my silence.
I hadn't fully recovered from the heartbreaking, exhausting feeling, so I lit a cigarette and remained silent.
...
Until Feng Feng's message broke the peace.
"You've got some skills, kid! You hit 100,000 in sales in just an afternoon! But why did you transfer me another 60,000?"
"What do you mean? I just got 60,000! Which painting did you sell?"
"The one you were so fond of, Peng Xiaoxiao's painting!"
I was startled by this sudden news, because the painting I was planning to sell to Yang Fei was precisely that famous piece by Peng Xiaoxiao.
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