Five years before Encounter. (TW: Description of Anxiety)
Beating red lights, swerving off his lane, not signalling his intentions, illegal turns, was what he could be convicted for by the traffic police under reckless driving. Though that thought never crossed his mind because Hamin had to drive as fast as he could back to their apartment, "Yah! Hamin! Where the fuck are you the show is about to start! Your fans are waiting! Where are you going?!" His manager at the time huffed out. Hamin was about to perform his comeback stage 10 minutes ago.
"Sorry, manager-nim. I need to rush home. Please postpone the show please. I can't think anymore. I'm sorry, okay I'll call later..." He couldn't even hang up. "Fuck! Why are there so many red lights?!" He ranted before he hung up the call with his manager. Hamin was about to start his comeback show when he received a text from Si Woo.
SI Woo Hyung
'I can't take this anymore.
Let's break up.'
Hamin, who whipped his phone out to text Si Woo so that he won't miss the concert, was beyond flabbergasted when he saw the text. "No... No.. No this can't be happening." He breathes out in disbelief. Hamin started hyperventilating, moving frantically around the room, as if he was looking for something and his behaviour got his stylist's attention.
She was the first to notice him having trouble breathing and it didn't take long for her to rush to him. "Someone go fetch us water!" She screamed. Hamin is now crouched down, eyes widened with his hand on his chest trying to regulate his breathing. This wasn't the first time he had a panic attack, as someone that has been working with Hamin for a little over 2 years, she was able to build trust with Hamin and know a little bit more than the rest of the other ones involved in the styling team.
No, no, not now. Not ever. Not after all I've prepared for you.
He looked up, with his palms to his face while everyone made a commotion around him. Trying to calm him down. The world at this point was spinning in his eyes. "Why am I here?" He said, which confuses the staff and his manager.
Hamin started tearing, his tears rolling down his cheeks. This is not the first time Si Woo asked for a break up, but why? Why does he feel that he would really be gone this time? What is this gut-wrenching feeling? He scans the room once again, and finally decides to take a leap of faith and rush for his bag. "I'm so sorry I really have to go."
He rips his in-ear monitor off his ears, takes off the receiver before tossing it on the sofa and grabs his car keys.
Which brought us to him driving frantically, missing red lights and honking every car obstructing his way. Once he reached their apartment complex, he threw his car keys to the security and told them to park for him. The tall male bolted to the staircase and climbed the stairs as fast as he could until he reached their floor. Damn, he's fucking exhausted. His schedule has been packed for a month, he's barely eating and he sleeps like it's a nap.
Then – his only breath of fresh air just demanded that they go separate ways to which he didn't even reply because he was busy rushing to their newly rented apartment. Which they just paid for its deposit. Hamin suddenly thought of the day they were preparing the house. It was so good then, so why now?
He barges into their two-room apartment and rushes to find Siwoo, packing a few luggages full of his belongings. "Hyung, what happened?" The black haired male glanced at his lover with no emotions. He looked so numb, so serious and definitely seemed like he was in a rush.
"Did you read my text?" Siwoo asked nonchalantly and did not even spare Hamin a glance. Hamin removed his hands from the door handle and walked toward Siwoo slowly. "Yes.. I saw. What was that about? I was about to text you that I'll be on air. What happened this time?" As he walked closer to Siwoo, he reached out to hold his hand. Si Woo shrugs his hands off and shouted, "Don't touch me!"
Hamin, who was so stunned , took a step back and looked at Siwoo with his eyes wide. "Hyung...". Hamin removes his hands from the door handle and walks to Siwoo slowly. As he walked closer to Siwoo, he reached out to hold his hand. Siwoo shrugs his hands off and shouted, "Don't touch me!" Hamin, who was so stunned , took a step back and looked at Siwoo wide eyed. "Hyung..."
"Fuck!" SI Woo cursed and rummaged his hair in frustration. "Don't you get it?I'm leaving!"
"No hyung, don't say that..."
"NO YOU LISTEN! You knew my feelings faded and you still tried – okay I really get it. But I don't see this going anywhere! We have our careers, our projects, our needs, and- Shit! I just can't stand all this anymore." Siwoo screamed. Hamin, who was just looking at him in shock, responded with: "But I told you I will be taking a break!"
"It's always about you. You! Hamin-ah! I don't love you anymore don't you fucking get it? Please for God's sake don't make this difficult for me." Hamin, with tears streaming down his cheeks, red swollen eyes, pleaded his partner to, "Take that back, you don't mean that at all right?" He walked closer, this time crouched down to look into his beloved's eyes. Hamin reached his hand out and held Siwoo's face gently. "Hmm?No.." he sobs. "You don't mean it. What's wrong? Tell me... You wouldn't throw me away like this."
Siwoo, who could feel his own tears welling up in his eyes, knew this was the final thing to be said, "I don't love you anymore, Please just let me go, Hamin-ah." Siwoo pulls his hand away and zips his last luggage. Hamin just stood there, stunned. He couldn't say anything anymore. The taller male watched his lover leave with clothes on his back and a luggage.
He's gone... Hamin realised his fear was about to turn into reality.
He instinctively ran out and yanked Siwoo's left arm so hard the other male looked at him wide-eyed. "Was all the time you told me youloved me a lie?" Silence. They were just standing in front of each other but they looked so distant at the same time. One gave up and the other is begging to stay. But how could they, it wasn't the right time to play house when their careers were both sky-rocketing and many eyes were on them. Looking for a sliver of hope that either of them has a weakness to be taken advantage of.
"It must be fucking easy for you, huh?" Hamin noticed Siwoo donning a suit and he finally understood what was going on after putting two and two together.
The parents... The damn parents and their obsession to marry off their heir. Hamin started laughing, not a chuckle, but a frantic one. One so loud their neighbours probably heard. No wonder, he kept saying he was too busy to join the comeback stage.
Si Woo remained silent, hands on his side, balling his fist to prevent himself from falling apart. He couldn't even look at Hamin which made the other scoff in disbelief, "Answer me. Was it all a lie?!" Hamin screams. "Yes it was!" The black haired male huffs out. Siwoo rips off his glasses and rummage his hair frustratingly. This was never his intention, but part of him believes that they needed time away, even if it rips both their hearts apart. "Is that what you wanted to hear? I fucking told you. Let me go!You're so persistent, damn it."
Hamin, shocked at the answer, pushes Siwoo back, "Okay! Okay go! I rushed here, left my career behind to get to you but apparently, it's still not enough for you! What more do you need, hyung?" Hamin retorts. He was fuming now. He had his fair share of hardship in this relationship but remained understanding because it's Siwoo. They have been together for 3 years... Surely they could overcome anything.
But everything became unbearable and love alone was never enough.
"Of course I knew. I knew I was the only one trying and the only one putting in the effort. The understanding one who stayed silent even when your parents kept setting you up on those dates. You definitely just came back from one too! Despite all that, I was fucking patient and ignored all that because I love you. Despite your parents' clear disapproval of me, I held my head high and loved you nonetheless." He confessed. Hamin knew that due to Si Woo's circumstances as the heir of an entertainment agency, he had a duty to fulfill. One that determines whether he is a filial son to his parents or a disgrace to the public eye.
"I drove as fast as I could to hear this bullshit. This was the comeback show I wanted to show the world before I go on a break." Hamin already bought plane tickets, cleared off his schedule and planned his comeback promotions prior to today. All he needed to seal his comeback was this show and fan meeting.
Hamin looks up, hands on his hips while holding back his tears that were welling up in his eyes since he barged into their house.
"I just have one more question. At the end of the day, did I not make it easy for you to love me?" Hamin was devastated, he felt his life crumble and the one that made it scatter is standing right in front of him, unapologetically – demanding a break up. Tossing three years of growth together away just like that.
Siwoo had nothing to say, no excuses this time. Hamin was right and definitely made sense.
Hamin, feeling utterly defeated, decides he'll let his lover go. Hamin rummaged through their alcohol stash and brought out a whiskey. He sat down on their veranda, fully giving up any hopes of reconciliation, and the sound of the bottle pops open. Siwoo was just watching him, 'yeah, this was the only way.' He thought to himself.
"Leave."
Hamin then swigs the drink in his system. He winced then wiped his mouth with his right arm. He couldn't believe what just happened. He looked towards Si Woo lifelessly, with solemn eyes and expression so cold Si Woo swore he wanted to run in his lover's arm and take back everything he said.
"Leave before I stop you." He said softly. Si Woo took this opportunity to go and didn't say a word. Hamin, who was looking down at the bottle, looks up in hopes he will see Si Woo standing there. However, he watches his lover's back, walking out on him. Walking out the door, leaving him alone, in their cold apartment.
| Breaking News: Singer-songwriter Go Hamin was last seen ditching his comeback show, fans stranded in an empty arena.
The idol allegedly was seen driving recklessly by fans who spotted his car. No proper evidence has been provided so far. We shall wait for the agency's explanation. |
Hamin then fell off the face of the media. His song was then released with no promotion, no media coverage, but it was doing wonders in the charts. However, he at this time, was getting so much hate from the industry, and was never seen again.