I looked at the light, and though I knew following orders was the rule, I still chose to ask.
"What is this?"
"Everything Christopher is. You are burning away your identity to fully become damned. No one will remember you."
My heart thumped, and I glanced at Lily. There were only two people I cared for in this world. They were Lily and my mother.
It would be better to die than for them to be gone from my life.
"She is damned as you are, so she won't forget you. And shouldn't you prioritize the other person's safety over remembrance?"
I looked at Te first ascended, surprised that he was saying something to calm my nerves. Lily would remember me, and though Mom will forget, she will be safe.
It made me relax slightly, and I made up my mind.
"You truly are disgustingly selfish," he said to me in a harsh tone that made me shudder.
Selfish? Maybe that was true, but I wouldn't change my thoughts because someone pointed out the obvious.
I raised my hand, and flames appeared, burning gently, but emitting no warmth.
I could hesitate, but it won't change a thing. This was inevitable.
Lily shouted my name again, but I didn't turn. We were connected, so I knew her thoughts sometimes better than she did.
Lily didn't have anything to lose. She'd always been rejected by her family for being the odd one, so it would have been best if she paid this price.
This should have made me choose her, and to stop making it seem I was losing so much just to be with her, but I knew better.
I was asked to burn this because my flames had the ability to do so. This was the punishment I could receive, and the sacrifice only I could make.
If she were to step forward, they'd make her sacrifice something just as valuable, if not more.
Lily called again, and I heard her footsteps. he glanced behind me, ready to act, but I chose to do it instead.
I waved my hand, and a wall of flames stood behind me, stopping her advance.
"They truly are disgusting," one of the ascended scoffed.
"They deserve death. I swear to give them that and remove their tainting existence from our ranks."
"Death is still too forgiving."
I understood them. We deserved all that, but I won't allow them to do that.
"Burn it," he commanded me.
I raised my hand higher, and the flames flared brighter. With a single gesture, all the flames shot into the light, slowly consuming it.
It burned slowly, and I hated that I couldn't say goodbye to my mother. She won't even remember me, nor miss me.
Something disturbed me more than what I was losing.
"What is ascend?"
I wasn't loud, but he heard me, probably before I said it.
"Only through destruction can the soul become pure."
It didn't sound like a clear answer, but it made my chest tighten.
A strange feeling of familiarity surfaced.
I had heard those words before.
A fire burned in my eyes. Green flames.
A sharp knife dug into my skull, and I felt like digging into my head with my fingers.
I remembered.
I remember!
Several voices started to chant in my head.
"Accept the truth and ascend!"
I screamed.
The pain cut deeper and sharper.
"The body is but a vessel..."
I screamed louder.
They were staring at me, chanting with fervor that could never be found anywhere else.
I painted a dead man.
An ugly voice exploded in my ears. It sounded like an animal screaming as it died. It was disgusting and terrifying.
The sound kept getting louder in my ears, unbearable.
I fell to the ground, desperate to get rid of it all.
I slammed my head against the ground again and again.
Something warm ran down my face, yet the voice was louder than ever.
It felt like an hour had passed when I realized...
There was no dying animal, and no ugly creature screaming. That was my voice.
I was screaming, and it was unbearable.
"Kill me!!!"
My voice was so ugly and pathetic.
I heard laughter around me.
"This is worth it," I heard someone.
Blood filled my mouth as memories flooded my mind.
A cathedral, perfect for a second, then in ruins the next.
I stood before a dying man, grinning like a devil, wanting to archive his last moments.
So many wails filled my ears, yet I only felt ecstasy, wanting to immortalize them in my books.
The world was dying, and the hand that killed them all reached to crush the earth's core.
This was what happened during ascension.
My screams were louder and filled with blood, yet I felt detached from my body. I was self-aware in my mind, sifting through the memories that flooded me.
Memories of my past life, and who I was.
I stood before a blurred image of my past life, staring at the maniacal archivist, who valued immortalizing death more than his own life.
I am disgusting. He smiled at me, and I grinned back, feeling the same emotions he did.
I now understand why death didn't unnerve me so much, and why I loved drawing dead animals.
His joy, fascination, and hunger felt natural to me.
"This world will die too," I told myself.
I stared at myself. "You'll lose her eventually. It's my fate."
Something about what I said to me excited me.
To be specific, thinking about Lily dying and me documenting her last moments made me gleeful. I could immortalize her.
I laughed, but as I looked at my laughing image, I looked disgusting, yet that was me, and my thoughts became clearer.
Lily would die one day, just as everything dies.
I shouldn't fear that future. It would be better to preserve her.
Why not make her last moments beautiful?
"I should kill her."
I agreed with myself, laughing as the thought made me itch all over.
A scream tore through my thoughts, shattering my mind.
I was cold, and the blood tasted bitter.
I was screaming my heart out, rejecting the thought of killing Lily.
I opened my eyes and choked on the blood in my mouth instantly.
I stared blankly at Lily, who was trying to speak calmly to me.
"He won't kill me," she said calmly.
Him?
I shuddered because there wasn't any of him.
I was gripping her neck tightly, trying to split it.
I wanted to kill Lily.