I sat down, looking up at the empty sky. Even the stars were missing.
Same as me, missing and empty.
My mind was overwhelmed at that time, and the truth was, I couldn't tell anyone of the secrets I had just found.
With the silence returning, I felt relaxed, though only a little.
A breeze blew through. I saw it brushing several hedges before it reached me. I couldn't help but secretly wish it could carry my worries with me the way it carried scents, good or bad.
Feeling its cool touch on my skin filled me with the familiarity of night.
I heard its gentle voice in my ears; Forget the past and future. Just remain in the moment.
The wind never spoke. It was just my subconscious reminding me where I was.
Don't think too much.
The night was supposed to be my solace, so I had to enjoy this safe space.
Maybe an hour passed, maybe it was two, or even three, and I just stayed there, trying to enjoy the night I came out for.
"So it really is nytphilia."
Maybe it was because of the happenings from before, but I wasn't surprised anymore when Lily popped up beside me.
She sat down next to me, gazing into the emptiness as well.
"What will you do now?" she asked.
"Stay." I only said that one word.
"Why?" she pursued, which didn't seem like the Lily I knew from the start.
"No choice," two words this time.
"Are you scared?"
"I think so," three words now.
She seemed to hesitate this time, before continuing. "I...don't hate you. I think I want to know you."
In that moment, I felt a strange sensation flood my body. Relief? Tension? Pleasure? Excitement? It was a strong, yet subtle feeling that arose after she said those words.
"I want to know..." I wasn't loud, so she asked me to repeat my words.
"Can I ask you something?"
"You're curious." A statement, not a question.
"Yes, I want to understand...you..."
"I'm complicated, not the same as the others. He prefers to use the word Kivuli because he believes we're to eternally live in the shadow of you, humans. I could be human."
"You can't be one of us."
"I know."
The way she answered made me realize how cruel my words sounded. I didn't even ask why she said that.
"I saw a word, Vesper."
"Vesper. I know it, it means twilight. Why?"
"Twilight isn't a part of the day, and it's not part of the night. It seems appropriate."
Once again, I was being told things I shouldn't be allowed to know. I thought she should be telling me about herself, so I would tell her about myself. She wanted to know me. But unlike her complicated background and strange existence, I was a simple human with nothing great to share. It made me feel guilty, but in the same way, I never asked her to share.
She continued without my urging.
"My kind has certain abilities, but I have only a few. Those younger than me are far mightier than I am. This could just mean I have latent abilities, which is normal. We all believed that, till my first ability appeared. Why do you think I slapped you when we met?"
"Taylor told me you couldn't read me."
"Talor?" She asked. Maybe she wanted to be sure, I thought.
"Yes, your dad. But you said I was blank."
She remained silent for a moment, and it wasn't until far later that I learned why she reacted that way.
"What did you mean when you said I was blank?" This was one thing I'd been thinking a lot about.
My ability lets me see the true nature of those around me: vampires and humans. My kind despised me because my ability is connected to your kind, almost as if I should be living amongst humans."
I finally understood her acceptance of Vesper.
She continued.
"I once saw other creatures, and they were all blank. With the exception of the first creation and second creation, all other creatures are blank to me, which frightens me."
I looked at her this time, disbelief painting my face. It seemed impossible for her to be afraid of something.
She turned to me, expressionless as usual, but another emotion was clear within those eyes.
"You've seen the adze. There are far more frightening and dangerous creatures. Those scare me."
She said it so clearly, and without any emotion, there wasn't any hint of fear, but I had to believe her. She sounded sincere.
"When I saw you that first time, you were blank, which scared me, so I...did that."
I finally understood. Her actions could be justified that way, but I still...understanding it didn't mean I agreed with it.
I had another question to ask.
"I know what you want to ask," she stopped me before I uttered a sound.
"My b—He told you of my disappearance after our first meeting. You want to know where I went."
I nodded, even though she wasn't asking. She could tell, which made me wonder if...
"No, I can't see through you still. I just guessed. It's how you'll ask...I just know."
I looked away, unable to keep my eyes locked on hers for too long. It wasn't unpleasant, just slightly uncomfortable.
"I went to search for answers. I was looking for what kind of creature you could be. But after searching for so long, I couldn't get any answers, so I went back home. I didn't tell him about you, but he found out for himself. He has his ways."
The guilt returned.
Who am I to know all this?
It didn't seem right, nor fair. It wasn't fair to her because I don't have information of the same value to share, and it didn't seem fair to me. I was being forced to know all this without any choice to decline.
I was curious, but knowing all this was still unsafe. I once read a proverb that fit my situation perfectly.
"A common man is innocent; his crime is possessing a jade"