Since I and Imoen had already pre-scouted the entire network of caves, we could lead the whole party through the network of the ice walls without issue.
Next up, another mage! I had seen the telltale signs of ankhegs underground, so I pre-warned my party beforehand.
Garan the 9/9 mage/thief starts with Mirror Images pre-casted, and will open with Shadow Door before casting showstoppers like Confusion and Horror.
"Newcomers, stop where you are!" Garan said as soon as he saw the four adventurers. "I have questions to pose to you, and you will answer them swiftly and accurately, or you will be killed. I will want you now that I possess powerful magics, and will be able to discern almost any lie that you try to tell."
The Calimshite at the front of the group held out a scrap of paper and said, "I am Dinklemus Littlelog, and have come here in search of the holy groundhog."
The pink-haired woman nearby let out a giggle.
Garan blinked. Did he just read out that stupid response? His face twisted in anger. "Your joke will be the last that you ever make, now you D-AAAAIIIIEEE!!!!"
4 Ankhegs erupted out of the ground around us, and Garan would have smiled had my Dagger of Venom +2 not just gone right up his butt.
Garan was probably expecting his Mirror Images to protect him. Too bad for him. Imoen finished the job with her Shortsword+3 into Garan's back.
Neera and Imoen then cast Sleep on each pair of Ankhegs, putting them to sleep. And that was that for Garan and ankhegs.
---
The next mage was a bit less aggressive. At first, at least.
"Please don't kill me! Please, please, please, please, please!" Cuchol pleaded to the brown-haired half-elf warrior.
"As long as you don't give us reason to harm you," Jaheira said, wary. Considering how the previous encounters went, who could blame her?
"Why are you here? You weren't sent to kill poor Cuchol?" the mage pleaded.
"We're merely here to retrieve an item. We'll be on your way as soon as we can find it," Jaheira explained.
"Are you not trapped here? I Cuchol, the Scoruage of Lachom! The Ravisher of Surkh! Even with my fell powers, I cannot escape," Cuchol ranted. He seemed to come more and more unhinged the more he spoke.
"We have our ways, Cuchol Have you seen a cloak, perhaps?"
"A ward! Of course!" Cuchol snapped his fingers. "My friends, I have been trapped here for too long. Think of my reputation! Cuchol, they'll say, 'What kind of mystical magic man are you?' Then I'll say, 'It's not my fault! It's that stupid ice!' Then they'll say 'You're a loser Cuchol. A real Fool, if you catch my drift.' Can't you see? My reputation! I must have that ward! I must escape!"
Ward? He must mean the cloak. But we hadn't picked it up yet, and certainly weren't going to give it to him.
"We can't help you, Cuchol. We need to leave this place ourselves," Jaheira said. She motioned to the rest, and their hands slowly reached for their weapons.
"But it's so cold! Don't you see? It's cold! Why does Cuchol bother with these wretches?" Cuchol snarled, and raised his hands towards Jaheira, mythical energy starting to form. "Very well, I MUST have the ward!"
What he got was a major anal fissure! Double, actually.
I and Imoen wiped our magic weapons on Cuchol's clothes right after as he twitched on the ground in pain.
"Kind of gross," Imoen said, holding her nose with the other hand.
"You didn't have to follow suit," I said, holding my own nose as well.
"And let you have all the fun? No way!"
To my frustration, so far, not one of the mages here had been poisoned by my Dagger of Venom. Are buttocks resistant to poison? I considered switching back to my trusty Quarterstaff+3 for pure damage, but decided to keep at it since Imoen was backing me up anyway.
---
Yet another insane mage, yay.
"Hehahee-he-heeee… Been here long?" Tellan asked Jaheira.
"No, and I don't intend to stay here long, either," Jaheira said. There was no malice in her voice, but her weapon was already drawn.
"No, no, none of us do, none of us do… Did you think I wanted this place? Did you think I wanted to languish here for years, Tellan Altru'ar, once the shining light of Tethyr?! No, no, hehahee-he-heee, not I, not I. now give me that wardstone, Buttercup, or I shall pluck your petals and watch ye rot!"
He started incanting his opening spell, Mirror Image. I and Imoen cast our spell, Double Major Haemorrhoids, faster.
"Hehahee-he-heeee. At least you can still pee!" I said while standing over him as he recoiled from the unholy pain in his butt.
Tellan is actually a VERY high level mage, level 13, with a huge assortment of nasty spells including Horror and Confusion. He had started with Protection from Normal Missiles, but it didn't really help him much.
---
The final mage was quite a bit more lucid. This was Dezkiel and he was a mage of no small power.
"Now now now, hello there. And you might be who? Another wayward spellslinger looking for a way out? Or just another power-hungry fool trying to force the doors from the wrong side?" he asked the man at the front of the group. "Tell me, warrior, why is it that whatever you seek is always in the last place you look?"
"Um, because you find it?" the Calimshite said.
"Ha! The commonsense answer, in a place uncommon where sense does not rule the day. You are looking for something here: something of power and value. I am sure I know just what it is, and for whom you seek it. I do not wish to relinquish it. What do you have to say to that."
"How do you know these things of me?" Khalid asked.
"The others here are like me, in that they do not understand this place. I doubt the place itself could tell its own purpose were it able to answer questions. Suffice it that I am not so quick to turn to desperation as the others, and I do not fear the unknown quite so much. I this place draws magical energies to it, and I am here at the center, then it draws magical energy to me by default. In time I will harness it, and in time I will leave. Already I know more of things here than any other. I can see things… things others cannot."
"And what can you see? What is this place?"
"I see why you are here. I see that I have what you seek. I see that we must fight and the victor shall leave. What is this place? Many things. Today it is a dueling pit. Tomorrow it is a graveyard. Yesterday it was… what? I cannot say. If it is natural, it is an abomination. If it is divine, it is utterly cruel. We are all many things, including obtuse and unclear," Dezkiel said, and raised his hands to start incanting. "Do what you will. If I win, I am released. If I lose, I am released."
"I release you," I said, and I and Imoen cast our own spell, Double Anal Penetration.
Dezkiel fell to the ground, twitching in pain.
Neera scratched the back of her head. "Uh, you realize he's still alive, right? I mean, he won't be for long, butt..."
I started rubbing the back of my head too. "Oh. Damn, that's my bad. Got carried away with all the butt jokes."
I still had a Cure Light Wounds left, but he did say he wanted to die. Maybe I should mercy kill him instead? Better than let him suffer longer from Double Anal Penetration?
Gosh, I really felt bad about this either way. "Sorry, Dezkiel!"
As he said, Dezkiel was in fact carrying the special cloak that Shandalar had asked us to retrieve. He also had some notes like the earlier mage.
"Scribble scribble scribble, as every mage must do.
These walls will hold your power fast, unless I walk right through. A boat I bade from birch and bark, but burned I did at morn. Rather I gather in this held spot, than suffer my hands get worn.
Fools this place has, and many more to come. I will greet and take what will, and in the end will I have all? Oh, I think so. I mock your prison, Ao, as though you would care to listen. Are you even behind the walls? I see your symbols in the sky, but others too. Mystra, goddess of magic, my magical maiden, why do you treat your children so? Do you give the sparkle of magic only so it cannot be used? A lesson in humility for those on the verge of true power? Drop your robes and wands and staves, or forever be trapped with your self-importance and pride? Perhaps, but I will not shed what I have earned just to walk the skies again. I shall profit from this; I will play outside your rules. This place will bring it all to me in time, though I can't take it elsewhere. No, you can't take it with you, but you can stay with it, and hold it tight. Perhaps with outside help? Bah! None but those who have learned can find this place again, and they will not interrupt the teaching. I will not bend; I will snap and strike back in time. Humility is so...humiliating, and I will not suffer more. Power impotent is still preferable to power lost.
Of course, perhaps the walls do not listen to such musings, and my writing is pointless. No matter, for tomorrow I shall wipe this clean and write anew. My verse gets better. One must have hobbies."
With Shandalar's cloak, all we had to do was travel back up to the surface and await Shandalar's teleportation magic to whisk us away.
I had prepared a whole host of counters in case we flub the backstabs. Detect Invisibility for all the Shadow Door casting mages, Silence for each encounter. I did make use of the Invisibility spells, but otherwise me and Imoen butt-stabbing everyone was the best counter to all these mages, as it turns out.
---
Let me tell you, even knowing it was coming, we were all relieved to be teleported back to Ulgoth's Beard by Shandalar's magic. After all the talk about teleportation magic failing, the party had some doubts it would work.
Shandalar was actually glad to see us. "You return! Excellent! And you are little the worse for wear, in a relative sense. An excellent measure of your worth, I think. You have proven yourself quite capable. I will just retrieve you of that item and be on my way."
"What was that place?" we asked even as we passed him back his cloak.
"It is an odd place, to be sure. Teleportations are affected most drastically, in effect trapping the occasional passing mage. Those that are there will find their way off in time. Those that are not there anymore have found their own way off. I think you will agree that the ones that you met were not included to work together and effect their won release. An excellent judge of character in a supposedly natural phenomenon, wouldn't you say? I must be off. Fare ye well."
I would complain for a lack of reward, had Shandalar not already donated all his belongings to me earlier.
---
Some players will attempt to kill Shandalar. This is a rather difficult prospect since he is a quest giver and thus has been granted obnoxious defences so that players cannot lock themselves out of the grand adventure on Ice Island. He has AC-20, 1 in every saving throw, 100% elemental resistance, 80% physical resistance, and 96hp. He's worth a ton of experience points, 26k, as he is a level 29 mage. I wouldn't recommend it, since unlike Drizzt he doesn't carry anything one can't get elsewhere, but for those seeking a challenge I will say he has no poison resistance (Cloudkill) nor magic damage resistance (Magic Missile and Skull Trap).