◆◆
I sprang upright from the bed.
The dream that had felt as warm as being held in my mother's arms vanished like a mirage the moment I opened my eyes.
Only the pale glow of indirect lighting illuminated the dark room.
I looked toward the empty space beside the bed.
Had he already left?
I hurriedly gathered the scattered clothes and dressed myself, then carefully opened the door like a thief. After confirming that no one was in the corridor, I quickly slipped out of the room.
Just as I was about to enter the banquet hall, Head Maid Kim Sera blocked my path.
"You finished cleaning His Highness's room properly?"
Cleaning?
I was startled by the sudden question, but I quickly answered with a short "Yes."
His Highness truly was meticulous enough to leave behind even the perfect excuse.
Kim Sera, who had clearly been trying to test me, turned away without asking anything further after hearing my bland response.
The banquet hall was already beginning to settle down. Secretaries were busy carrying away their drunken employers, while several people looked exhausted from the endless battle of social maneuvering. The maids, too, were gradually beginning to clean up the hall.
That was when I saw him.
Crown Prince Gowon.
He stood among the crowd, smiling. It was only the faintest lift at the corner of his lips, and yet the people around him smiled even more brightly because of it.
People naturally flowed around him.
I quietly watched him.
He looked far too different from the man I had seen only moments earlier.
Those eyes that had hesitated, unable to choose their words. A man who should have remained cold and unmoving, shaken for just a single moment.
Completely different from the person standing there now.
"Then why… am I shaken by someone who has nothing?"
The moment I remembered his words, my breath caught slightly.
Now, his eyes were not trembling at all. They were perfect. So perfect that no one could doubt him. So flawless that no one could ever find an opening.
For some reason, seeing him stand there so unaffected made him feel strangely… distant.
The next day, I headed straight toward the detached palace. Even though I knew my footsteps had grown quicker, I deliberately didn't slow down.
He was already there.
As always, Go Chaeha stood leisurely in the indoor garden, basking in the sunlight. A few buttons of his light linen shirt were undone, and his golden hair reflected the sunlight, scattering softly like summer itself.
Leaning against the window, he slowly closed and opened his brown eyes while admiring the flowers.
As always, he looked like someone untouched by trouble.
I bit down hard on my lip and stepped forward. That single movement carried all the anger I had been suppressing.
Hearing my footsteps, Go Chaeha turned his head and greeted me casually.
"How was the party yesterday? Did you enjoy yourself?"
The filthy hands that had touched me the night before flashed through my mind again.
Smack.
The reason my hand struck his cheek wasn't courage or recklessness.
It was simply anger in that moment.
I immediately lowered my hand again, apologized, and bowed my head.
He looked surprised for a brief second before suddenly bursting into laughter like a madman.
"You really are a special woman, Seonmi. I've never found someone this interesting before. Usually, if I torment people even a little, they kneel and beg… It stopped being interesting and became boring."
Go Chaeha slowly circled around me as he continued speaking.
"To someone like me, who once lived an ordinary life, the rules of the royal family felt like shackles. But you treat me so casually, as if we've known each other forever."
He stepped close enough that I could feel his breath, then whispered:
"That's probably why I keep looking for you."
His voice no longer sounded sweet.
It only sent chills crawling over my body, like a snake coiling itself around me.
"Stop spewing nonsense and tell me why you sent me to President Kang last night."
He didn't answer immediately. Instead, he tilted his head slightly.
"What are you talking about?"
I stared directly at the face pretending not to know.
His expression remained soft.
But something in his eyes had changed.
They had become clearer somehow.
"So now I can't even joke around? You're staring at me so frighteningly."
My shoulders trembled slightly, and the emotions I had barely managed to suppress finally surfaced across my face.
Go Chaeha.
Who exactly are you?
The warm impression he once gave off slowly cooled, replaced by a chilling allure that settled thinly across his face.
"You were easy enough to handle, and pitiful enough that Gowon would naturally be drawn to you… At first, you were nothing more than another woman to sleep with. But you turned out to be surprisingly interesting."
It was cruel.
Utterly cruel.
To him, devouring me had been nothing more than entertainment.
My chest hurt sharply, as though the cells inside me were being sliced apart—the exact weight of how much I had leaned my heart on him.
I kept being deceived, over and over again.
Perhaps my heart would never know peace.
I clenched my fists tightly, forcing myself to endure the pain.
"Hearing it directly makes it even more disgusting."
He smiled softly again, but his eyes held a selfishness completely devoid of consideration for another person's emotions.
"I like you."
"Stop saying insane things."
"Maybe I'm used to being called insane. Words like that don't bother me anymore."
"Do you think I'm funny?"
"No."
When he casually grabbed both of my arms, I violently shook him off, but before I could escape he pulled me into his embrace.
"What exactly are you trying to do? Why are you doing this to me?!"
"If your mistake was getting involved with Gowon, then perhaps that really was your mistake."
"I never intended to get caught between you and him in the first place."
Go Chaeha let out a short scoff and twisted the corner of his lips upward.
Then, almost as if speaking to himself, he muttered:
"Stupid woman…"
"..."
"You were always just a piece placed on a prepared chessboard."
The realization that I had merely been dancing along on a board they had already arranged left me speechless.
I couldn't tell where the truth ended and the lies began anymore. I couldn't even distinguish what was real and what was a dream.
Everything inside my head twisted into chaos.
Everything I had seen, everything I had heard, every word I had believed, even the judgments I had made myself—it all felt as though it had existed inside someone else's intentions from the very beginning.
Even the moments I thought were my own choices…
perhaps I had only been walking along a path already decided for me.
The thought made the ground beneath my feet feel empty.
The royal family.
Inside that massive structure, I was nothing more than a single disposable piece.
Something that could be replaced.
Something that could be discarded.
That truth suddenly became painfully clear.
The world they saw and the place where I stood had been different from the very beginning.
That was why I could never understand.
And why I had been so easily used.
Then, suddenly, Gowon came to mind.
The eyes that had looked down at me in his office. The careful restraint in his voice. The way he had looked as though he genuinely cared about my wellbeing.
Could even that have been real?
Or had he also simply been another person playing this game?
The moment that thought crossed my mind, my chest sank.
I didn't want to believe it.
"You seem deep in thought. That's understandable… I felt the same way when I first entered this palace against my will."
"If that's true, then why are you telling me all of this?"
"Because I like you? And because I wanted to give you a hint."
"I can't trust you anymore, Chaeha."
"Then who in this palace can you trust? I can't exactly call myself a good person either… but at least I can stand on your side. Keeping me close will help you."
"Or poison me."
"That's true. But if you play your cards well, perhaps you'll end up controlling me instead."
My thoughts were already in complete chaos.
The royal family.
Truth and lies.
Gowon.
And Go Chaeha.
Had entering this palace really been nothing more than coincidence?
While I remained unable to distinguish what was real and what wasn't, he continued slipping perfectly into the cracks of my confusion.
The faint curve of Go Chaeha's lips. His relaxed eyes. On the surface, he looked gentle, but it was impossible to read the emotions hidden inside.
His brown eyes still stared directly at me.
Eyes that revealed absolutely nothing of what he was thinking.
I knew I should look away.
And yet, for some reason, I kept meeting his gaze.
I tried to step back.
Just slightly.
But he didn't miss even that tiny movement.
His hand reached up first, gently holding my chin. His thick tongue pushed through the forced contact of our lips.
I immediately bit down hard on his lip as I jerked my head upward. Our roughened breaths scattered between us.
As I tried to step back, he pulled me toward him again. His touch wasn't violent, but it held a force impossible to escape from.
Go Chaeha tilted my chin upward and licked the blood at the corner of his mouth.
Then swallowed it as though tasting sweet wine.
"Situations like this only excite me more…"
"Do people know you're this kind of person? You're truly the worst."
Staring directly into my clearly shaken eyes, he answered calmly.
"Are you venting your anger? Or perhaps trying to make me lose interest in you? I'm not sure."
"Please… just stay away from me from now on."
"You think there was ever affection there to lose? Sorry, but there wasn't. I'm only just starting to grow attached to you now."
"Let go of me!"
I kicked his shin and ran.
Without looking back, I sprinted past the detached palace, through the outer garden, all the way to the edge of the forest.
A silent place where nothing could be heard except birdsong and my ragged breathing.
The moment I arrived there, the strength drained from my legs.
What did I do wrong?
The answer was simple.
I had done nothing wrong.
And the reason this had happened to me was even simpler.
I had no power.
The palace does not protect the powerless.
For people without power, nothing remains except exploitation and sacrifice.
A strange sound rose from my throat.
I couldn't tell whether it was laughter or crying.
I hurriedly covered my mouth with the back of my hand. I was afraid someone might hear. Afraid that if someone turned to look at me, I would feel even more humiliated.
But no one was there.
And somehow, that hurt even more.
I stood there for a moment before collapsing to the ground again.
Tears fell, leaving small dark spots on the dirt.
Soon, those spots would dry and disappear.
And perhaps my heart would someday disappear the same way too.
◆
Knock knock.
The door opened alongside the sound of knocking.
The sound of the opening door felt strangely clear.
I lifted my head.
She stood there.
"Your Highness. Preparations for the reception have been completed."
She looked the same as always.
Her hair was neatly arranged, her clothing perfectly in place. On the surface, nothing looked different.
But something was different.
The corners of her eyes were red.
Whether she had cried—or struggled desperately not to cry—the faint moisture lingering at the edges of her lashes told me enough.
A thin veil, as though tears had stopped just before falling.
I could tell how carefully she was controlling her breathing to keep those tears from finally spilling over.
I didn't look away.
When my gaze remained fixed on her, she finally spoke.
"Lady Hong Yeonhwa is waiting. Please—"
"Where did you go?"
"…What?"
"You don't look well."
"I'm… fine."
A short answer.
A familiar answer.
And yet it was the answer of someone who clearly wasn't fine at all.
A stubborn woman who refused to reveal her feelings no matter what.
I tilted my head ever so slightly and looked at her again.
Then spoke once more.
"I'll ask again."
I saw her breathing stop for just a fraction of a second.
Keeping my eyes fixed on her, I repeated:
"Where did you go?"
"Your Highness. Lady Yeonhwa is waiting."
"I will remain here until you answer me."
"…I went to the forest for a while."
"Before that."
"I was… in the dormitory."
It seemed she knew perfectly well that I could see through her lies.
So why did she continue?
I rose from my chair and slowly approached her.
A scent brushed past me.
Faint, but unmistakable.
Not a scent easily found within the palace.
I inhaled shallowly again, as if confirming it.
And then I realized.
Go Chaeha.
It was his scent.
I didn't take my eyes off her.
Seonmi looked back at me with reddened eyes, pretending not to know anything.
I stepped closer.
Her breathing wavered slightly.
The scent became clearer.
Another man's trace lingering somewhere in her clothes, somewhere between the strands of her hair.
Not anger.
Not mere suspicion.
Something far more unpleasant stirred deep inside my chest.
"…Strange."
The moment I spoke, her shoulders stiffened slightly.
I inhaled once more, slowly.
And became certain.
This wasn't some scent accidentally transferred by coincidence.
"You know…"
"..."
"I hate the fact that you smell like Go Chaeha."