"Hatse make waste."
I'd heard that expression more than once. But I never thought it would apply to me like this.
Winter, ice… It probably wouldn't have been so humiliating if I'd just slipped and gotten hit by a car. But the fact that I managed to spin my car out on an empty road… Even with studded tires.
Yeah, that doesn't reflect well on me. I could probably try to justify it by saying I was in a hurry for a good reason. Though, who cares anymore? It won't help Marina, and it won't help me…
And certainly not those blurry figures on the roadside, hurrying towards me through half-meter snowdrifts. It's cold… So cold.
Is it because I'm dying, or because a tree pierced the windshield? Though, what's the difference, right?
My chest ached, and I coughed. It hurt even more. Not from the blood-red stains I was coughing up onto the light-colored plastic of the mangled dashboard. But from a massive piece of wood that had pierced my chest on the right side.
"Buddy, hang in there!" one of the blurred shadows shouted at me in the voice of an elderly man. "What were you doing… Where, where are you young idiots rushing off to?"
I really wanted to tell him where I was rushing off to.
And tell him about Marina, and everything… I just wanted to get it all out before I died, I guess?
It's getting dark. How long have I been lying here? When I went off the road, it was barely past nine… Oh, I guess I am dying.
What a shame. Aimless, inglorious… Alright, I need to conserve my strength. The man said to hang in there. I need to believe him — I'm the one who went off the road, not him. I need to trust experienced people…
For some reason, it felt a little warmer. And brighter. And the pain was gone somewhere. The darkened world filled with colors. Mostly blue and red. Flashing right below me from time to time.
Wait a minute, those are flashing lights! And here come the angels in blue uniforms with red crosses. And the traffic cops in vests, scurrying around the car. Oh, even rescuers! What is that thing they're holding? Oh, so it's hydraulic cutters! I've only seen those on TV news.
Hey-hey-hey, guys! I'm here, I'm right nearby… Literally, about ten meters above you.
What?!
"Had enough?"
That's exactly how the Voice addressed me the first time.
Honestly, I was even bored by the hopelessness, watching my bleeding body being pried out of what had been a brand-new European sedan just six months ago. Yeah, that's the praised quality for you. The steering rack got jammed like hell. And the wheels locked up… It seems I messed something up during my race with fate.
But it doesn't matter anymore. I don't care anymore: I see the ambulance doctor shaking his head. Shaking it negatively.
"Uh-huh," I waved my hand at the Voice without looking, as if to say, come on over, don't be shy. Two ghosts will be more fun. "Come on over, be my guest."
The Voice looked like a ball of light, white mist. So… warming, warm, maybe… I don't know how to describe it.
"I'm really just a guest," the Voice admitted. "But as you can see, you have no place here anymore either."
"I see," I replied. "What a shame…"
"A shame you died?" the Voice clarified.
"A shame I rushed," I confessed. "Now I'd surely be with Marina already."
"You know you couldn't have helped her," the informed Voice said. "It's not within human power. Not within your power. Medicine is only a small part of success. The surgery…"
"But I would have been there. And the surgery would have been successful, for sure. But without the medicine… They don't have it at the hospital. I let her down, and myself… I don't care about myself anymore. I feel sorry for Marina. I couldn't…"
"Caring for your neighbor is commendable," the Voice agreed. "For those who are younger. Weaker…"
"She's my first love," I confessed. "Consider, ten years together… 'Like a stone wall,' uh-huh…"
The Voice was silent. For some reason, curious as I was, I didn't care at all about what was happening. I promised Marina I'd make it. And I couldn't.
"Flight delay, long security check, snow and rain outside, sharp drop in temperature," the Voice listed everything I'd been cursing since dawn. "Are you sure it's only about you?"
"It's always about oneself," I said. "At least in this case. If only I had a second chance…"
"And what would you do?" the Voice became interested. Did it seem to me, or was it speaking rather… quickly? In a hurry somewhere?
"I would have done everything right. If I knew everything I know now. I wouldn't have come home from work and gone to sleep a month ago, which is why I couldn't order the medicine on time, but I would have sat down at this damn computer and done it all!" I got angry. "If only I knew…"
"And what if I told you that what happened can be fixed?" the Voice suddenly asked.
"Go on, divine entity," I laughed from powerlessness. "Turn it all back. Where do I sign in blood to go back a month?"
"Here… I can't help anymore," the Voice said. "But some things are within my power."
"Oh, really?" I was surprised.
Blinking, I realized that everything around me had disappeared. The snow, the car, the people… Even the flashing lights.
Only me, a white clump, like cotton wool soaked in water, and the darkness around us.
"I can save her," the Voice said. Where is its mouth, anyway? What is this unknown…
"Save Marina?" I became wary.
"Exactly," the Voice assured me. "You'll help me, I'll help you. A mutually beneficial deal."
"And how will you help me if you don't bring me back to life?" It seems I hit my head hard, not just me.
"Your body died," the Voice said. "I can't help you personally in this world anymore. But, while there's still time, I can heal your beloved. Not just from the illness that's killing her. But I'll make it so she can become a mother. I'll fulfill her most cherished dream…"
"Our dream," I corrected automatically.
"Yours," the Voice agreed. "But, in return, you will go to a place where someone needs to be saved… something… a difficult language, why did you create it like that?"
"Get to the point, cotton ball," I wanted to grab it by the lapels, but… It's a cloud. If you grab a fluffy part, will it like it? "I'll die, but she'll live and be happy, right? My Marina?"
"Yes. In return, you will go… to a familiar place. Where difficulties and a mission await you."
"I don't care, do it."
"You will have enemies…"
"I don't care, just do it."
"Possibly — friends."
"Where's the ear I need to shout into?!"
"You will never return here," the Voice warned.
"But, she will be happy?" I clarified.
"Yes," the Voice said somewhat distractedly. "Somehow you… agree quickly. The others… they don't care, they want something else… And here. Did you have to sacrifice yourself often?"
"None of your business, cotton ball," I don't need any philosophical psychologists in the dark here. "Come on, do your dark deed, Bus-sama. Let's go. Where do I need to save a dragon and a princess…"
And then darkness fell. Complete, impenetrable. Without flying through glowing tunnels and phantasmagoric visions.
The Voice simply disappeared.
And I…