"Meow."
Proctor, the tall officer from the R.I.P.D stared blankly at the orange cat on the counter.
Garfield stared back. "Meow."
Proctor hesitated, then slowly unrolled the massive scroll in her hands. Strange symbols glowed faintly across its surface.
She read, reread, then looked up again, carefully checking the details.
Left paw… strange ring.
Right paw… strange ring.
Neck… fat orange cat, collar included.
Everything matched. She swallowed.
"Sir…"
Garfield tilted his head. "Meow."
Proctor felt, with absolute certainty, that this was the most difficult task she had encountered since becoming a soul-state officer.
Behind her, Roy slipped into the shop. The moment he heard the exchange, a smile betrayed him.
This orange cat is evil, he thought.
"Sir, please look—"
"Meow."
"..."
"~o{nwn}"
The sound cut her off completely.
Proctor opened her mouth, closed it, then opened it again, only to be interrupted once more.
Rin discreetly clamped a hand over Kumatarō's mouth to stop him from laughing.
Lilith and Vivienne watched with wide, unblinking eyes, thoroughly enjoying the spectacle.
After several failed attempts, Proctor finally sagged.
Just as she was about to give up, Garfield spoke.
"Alright, sister," He said cheerfully. "I won't tease you anymore. What do you need from me?"
Proctor clutched her chest.
So he can speak human language… He was doing this on purpose.
Disgusting.
Furious, she spun around and stomped hard on Roy's foot.
"OW!" Roy hopped in pain. "What was that for?!"
Proctor glared at him.
"You knew," She snapped. "Why didn't you warn me?!"
Roy raised his hands innocently. "The Cat was clearly just joking with you! I'm an innocent bystander!"
Garfield glanced at Roy, who was still hopping in pain, and offered helpful advice.
"Old cowboy," Garfield said kindly, "Never explain yourself to an angry woman. It only guarantees a second hit."
Roy immediately clasped his fists. "Thank you."
Proctor's eye twitched. "Call him Mr. Garfield."
Garfield turned back to her, tail flicking smugly.
"So." He asked, "What did your so-called superior say about me? Something like~"
"'A rare genius cat capable of handling dead ghosts, maintaining the human world, and managing reincarnation across the Six Realms,' right?"
He paused, then added proudly. "Probably with the word great in there."
Proctor scratched her head awkwardly.
"…Actually." She said, pointing at the scroll, "It only lists your name and address."
Garfield stared at the scroll, thick enough to be used as toilet paper for an entire household.
All that parchment.
Four words.
"…This system really is trash." Garfield muttered. He thought for a moment.
"Alright," He said. "Then who exactly is in charge of this area?"
A familiar image flashed through his mind, a cloaked god of death from a manga, so handsome it made purple sweet-potato spirits lose their minds.
Is this a new reincarnation system under her jurisdiction?
…Actually, that's not impossible.
The gods had left. What remained was a crude reincarnation mechanism. Death itself was overworked. The universe was vast, and people died every second.
No one had time to micromanage.
Garfield looked up.
"So." He asked, "What exactly is my appointment?"
Proctor answered carefully. "Assistant to the Global Head of the R.I.P.D."
Garfield's face darkened instantly. …Wang Defa.
He slammed a paw on the counter. "Let me see who ordered this, I'll scratch him until he knows my capabilities! How dare he make me an assistant?!"
Proctor sighed helplessly and pulled out another scroll.
"There's one more thing." She said cautiously. "There's a lady being made the head."
Garfield blinked. "…What?"
Proctor cleared her throat. "Her name is… Pandora."
Garfield stiffened. "…Pandora?"
Garfield collapsed weakly onto the counter, one paw draped over the edge. He pointed at his own forehead without opening his eyes.
"Here." He muttered. "You can figure out how to contact her yourself. I feel weak all over. I need to sleep."
Hmph.
What kind of joke was this?
Why had this cat's Death position been taken away and handed tona tenant who didn't even pay rent?
Did they know each other?
It felt disturbingly familiar. Just like the first time Garfield had encountered Death itself, those strange words, being dragged over without explanation… and Pandora had known about it.
That alone was disgusting.
Pandora… who are you, really?
Why are you parasitizing me? What do you want?
Garfield wasn't a fool. He didn't believe in 'repaying kindness.' Nothing in the dark world came without a price.
A moment later… Pandora popped up from the top of Garfield's head.
She looked down at the orange cat sprawled on the counter and rolled her eyes.
"Short and weak orange cat," She mocked. "You'll die in a few minutes at this rate. Where did all that confidence go just now?"
Garfield said nothing. He pretended not to hear.
He had plenty of experience dealing with this Godzilla. As long as he didn't respond, she'd lose interest soon enough.
Sure enough, when the orange cat beneath her feet stubbornly refused to speak, Pandora snorted and turned away.
She looked at Proctor instead.
"This princess is Pandora." She declared arrogantly. "We have no interest in your so-called positions."
"When you go back, just say this monarch refused."
Proctor hesitated, clearly embarrassed. "…This—"
Pandora planted her hands on her hips, expression full of disdain.
"It's a broken system running on autopilot. If this monarch wanted to control it, it would already be playing in my palm."
With that, Pandora slipped straight back into Garfield's body, vanishing without another word.
Proctor had no choice but to accept the rejection.
Pandora was gone. The orange cat was "asleep." There was nothing more she could do.
She sighed. "Roy… I'll head back first."
Roy looked at Mildred, who had been turned away so cleanly, and felt a pang of sympathy.
But then he glanced at Garfield.
One being thought Assistant to the Global Director wasn't high enough. The other wouldn't take the Director's position even if it were handed over.
This cat was a monarch.
And with Anubis still standing silently in the corner, Roy decided it was best to leave while he still could.
He tipped his hat politely. "Garfield, I'll be heading out. Goodbye, everyone."
Garfield cracked one eye open, lifted a paw lazily, and waved. "Goodbye, old cowboy. Come play again next time."
"Sure. No problem." Roy nodded sincerely.
He followed Proctor out. The two climbed into their car and drove off toward the Police sub-station.
…
New York traffic flowed steadily around them.
Roy drove, eyes on the road. Proctor sat beside him, clutching her scroll. After a moment, curiosity got the better of her.
"Roy," She asked, "How did you even meet… them?"
Roy chuckled softly.
"It was a coincidence," He said. "I was chasing a group of dead ghosts who'd crossed into normal gang activity."
"Ended up passing that street." He paused.
"I noticed something strange. Pedestrians didn't seem to see the shop at all. Even people who were clearly short on money wouldn't glance at the gold in the window."
Proctor frowned, listening carefully.
"So I got curious," Roy continued. "I walked closer and sensed magic everywhere."
"The devices inside carried traces of power, similar to our spirit bullets, but stronger."
He smiled faintly. "So I went in."
Proctor was silent for a long time.
"…You really walked into a monster's den out of curiosity."
Roy laughed. "Yeah, guess I did."
꧁𓊈𒆜༺⚜༻𒆜𓊉꧂
PhantomDream