Chapter 200: For the Truly Strong, Brute Force is the Least Remarkable Thing.Walking out of Axel's city gates, sunlight filtered through the dense canopy, casting dappled shadows. What should have been a pleasant forest stroll felt heavy, as if Haru and Kazuma were heading to their own funerals.Miss Alice, on the other hand, was full of enthusiasm. Like a child on her first excursion, she lightly stepped over tree roots across the path and even observed the moss on the trunks with great interest."Everyone, be careful. We've entered the territory of the One-Hit Bears."Haru lowered his voice, his palms already slightly damp with sweat. His keen perception told him that the surrounding air was thick with a strong, wild stench."Kazuma, use your Lurk to scout ahead. Darkness, get your greatsword ready. Even if you might not hit anything, you can at least... er, use your body to block it.""I know, I know! You're so naggy! I'm trying my best to control my shaking legs here!"Kazuma shot back in a low voice, curling his body into a ball as he moved forward sneakily.At this critical moment, Aqua—who had been trailing at the very back with a face that screamed 'I want to go home'—suddenly let out an incredibly sharp and piercing scream:"Waaaaah! Help! It's slimy! So gross!! What is this thing that reeks of a lower life form and is a blatant desecration of the Goddess of Water?!"*Splat!*Everyone turned around to see Aqua's expensive boot firmly planted in the middle of a steaming, massive pile of strangely colored excrement.She shook her leg frantically, trying to fling the filth off. Not only did she fail, but her exaggerated movements caused her to trip, and she rolled several times on the humus-covered ground."You... you idiot! Shut up!" Kazuma hissed in terror. "Do you want to attract every monster within ten miles?!"However, it was already too late."ROAR!!!"A deafening roar erupted from the nearby bushes, accompanied by the crisp sound of snapping trees.A giant bear, two stories tall with bloodshot red eyes and muscles bulging like granite, charged out! Each step made the ground tremble. Its claws, sharp as scythes, glinted coldly in the sunlight as it charged straight toward the source of the noise—the crying Aqua sitting next to the dung!"It's here! A One-Hit Bear!" Haru's pupils shrank."Wow! So big! So cool!" Instead of being afraid, Aliceclenched her small fists in excitement, her eyes sparkling with admiration. "Lord Haru! Is this the trial where the outcome is decided in a single blow?! Please, let me witness your heroic figures!""Heroic figures my foot! We're dead! We're really dead this time!"Kazuma had a look of despair as he frantically pulled his bow and arrows from his waist, his fingertips trembling so much he couldn't even notch the string."Oh, ohhh! Is it coming? This suffocating pressure! If those thick claws were to strike my body..."Darkness had already entered some kind of holy delusional state. She even took a step forward proactively, puffing out her chest, a highly suspicious flush appearing on her face.The One-Hit Bear's massive paw was already whistling down with the sound of tearing air, aimed straight ahead!Facing the descending giant paw, Haru did not choose to meet it head-on. His calm mind, tempered by the other world, made an instant judgment."Kazuma! Stop shaking and get ready for the follow-up!"Haru lunged forward half a step, the staff in his hand emitting a faint azure light."Create Water!"A large amount of water appeared out of thin air, precisely drenching the support point of the One-Hit Bear's heavy hind paw. Before the berserk beast could react, Haru's second spell followed immediately."Freeze!"As the cold air swept past, the wet ground was instantly covered in a layer of ice as smooth and hard as a mirror."Roar—Whoa?!"The One-Hit Bear's strike, powerful enough to crush boulders, completely veered off course as it lost its center of gravity.Its massive body slid in a comically large circle on the ice, its limbs flailing like a windmill, before finally landing flat on its back in front of Aqua with a dull thud."Waaaaah! Stay away! Stay away!" Sitting on the ground, Aqua was so scared she kept her eyes shut and kicked wildly, flinging bear dung all over the One-Hit Bear's face."Now! Kazuma, put a hole in it!"Haru shouted the command while shielding Alicebehind him.Kazuma, who had been hiding behind a tree, saw this textbook chain of crowd control, and his eyes instantly lit up. His despicable... no, clever nature took over once again."Hehe, nice job Haru! You're the only reliable one in a pinch!" Kazuma rolled out from behind the tree, deftly notched an arrow, and a typical Kazuma-style villainous smirk appeared on his face. "—Strike while the iron is hot! Snipe!"*Whoosh!*The glinting arrow whistled through the air and accurately hit the One-Hit Bear's exposed, soft underbelly.The giant bear let out a miserable howl and tried to flip over and get up, but the ice Haru created turned every attempt into a comical ice ballet."I'm not done yet! Snipe! Snipe!" Kazuma laughed triumphantly while firing arrows as if at a stationary target."This is how a hero of Axel fights! Feel the despair, you stinky bear!"Alice, watching from the side, was completely stunned. Her mouth was slightly open, and her hands were clasped tightly to her chest."So... so amazing... Lord Haru used the environment to instantly strip the monster of its mobility, and Lord Kazuma used brilliant archery for long-range suppression... Such calm judgment and perfect coordination... Could this be the legendary clash between tactical masters?!""That's right, Alice." Haru tried to steady his breathing, making himself look as calm as a breeze."For the truly strong, brute force is the least remarkable thing. Using wisdom to toy with... ahem, control the enemy, is the essence of an Adventurer.""Ugh... waaaah... although that sounds cool, can you guys pull me out of this pile of filth first?"Aqua, lying at the edge of the ice, reached out a hand while sobbing."I can't take it! This smell is the ultimate insult to a Goddess's dignity!!"Just as Haru and Kazuma were preparing to steadily wear down the giant beast, Aqua suddenly let out a shrill scream.With tears streaming down her face, she raised her staff high. Her entire body erupted with a divine light far exceeding her usual power, bright enough to turn the dark forest into day."Sacred Purification!!"That was pure energy capable of purifying a Demon Kings Army General, and in an instant, it radiated outward with Aqua as the center.The effect was immediate—the excrement on Aqua's boot vanished, the mud on her body was gone, and even the primal wild stench of the forest was swept away.However...
Chapter 201: This is a Real, Life-Burning Battle!"Wait, wait a minute! Aqua, you idiot, stop right now!!"Kazuma let out a desperate wail, but it was already too late.Aqua's Purification Magic didn't just purify the dirt; it also completely purified the Freeze effect Haru was maintaining with mana back into its original water molecules, and then even that water was forcibly evaporated into nothingness.The ice rink that had left the One-Hit Bear helpless just a moment ago turned back into flat, solid, and high-friction ground in the blink of an eye.The One-Hit Bear, which had been comically flailing about, felt the solid ground beneath its feet. A brief flash of confusion crossed its blood-red eyes, which then transformed into an even deeper rage."Roar!!!"Without the Bind of friction, the One-Hit Bearlunged back onto its feet. It let out a forest-shaking roar, its muscles tensing like a restarted heavy tank, and with the madness of having been toyed with, it accelerated straight ahead.Standing at the very front was Haru, who was still trying to maintain his elegant image as a Tactical Master, but was currently in a mana vacuum."Ehehe?"Aqua tilted her head, looking at the giant bear that had stood back up and become even more ferocious, and gave an innocent smile."Haru, do your best! I've cleaned up the environment nicely; now it's up to you guys!""Do your best, my foot! You blue deadweight who only knows how to hold us back!!"Kazuma scratched his head in a frenzy of anger, his bow and arrow losing the chance to aim because of the giant bear's high-speed approach."Oh! The situation has reversed!" Princess Alice, far from being afraid, crossed her arms over her chest, her eyes sparkling with even more excitement."Is this kind of unexpected variable in a desperate situation also a challenge that Adventurers must deal with? Lord Haru's figure, standing fearless in the face of danger, is so cool!"Haru felt a vein throb on his forehead. He gripped his sword hilt tightly, took a deep breath, and looked at the bloody maw that had already reached him."Kazuma... although I really want to punch that goddess right now, it looks like I'll have to take this hit first."Facing the One-Hit Bear's terrifying charge, which was like a falling meteor, Haru didn't use some flashy sword technique for a head-on confrontation as Alice had expected.With a sudden burst of power from his toes, he moved like a flash of lightning. In the instant before the giant bear closed in, he performed an incredibly smooth and seamless horizontal shift, instantly ducking behind Darkness, who was standing there with open arms and a flushed face.Haru grabbed Darkness's shoulders with both hands and pushed this unbelievably tough Crusaderto the very front, whispering in a steady (and guilt-free) tone:"Now's the time, Darkness! Unleash your will that can bear any suffering and become our sturdiest shield!!""Oh, oooooh! Haru! Have you finally understood my value!!"Darkness let out a gasp that sounded like both pain and ecstasy. She even proactively dropped her Greatsword and puffed out her chest, encased in Silver Armor, to meet the bear paws that were strong enough to shatter rocks."Bang!!!"A dull thud echoed through the forest, and a powerful shockwave scattered the surrounding fallen leaves.The One-Hit Bear's full-power strike, capable of instantly killing an ordinary Adventurer, slammed heavily into Darkness.However, the expected scene of flesh and blood flying everywhere did not occur.Darkness's feet plowed two deep furrows into the ground, and her body leaned back slightly. But on her face, which was a bit disheveled from the impact, hung a chilling, almost intoxicated, distorted smile."Haah... haah... this... this heavy pressure, as if even my soul is being crushed... give me more! Harder! You useless bear, is this all the strength you have?!"For the first time, a look of fear appeared in the One-Hit Bear's blood-red eyes.Its strength, of which it was so proud, felt like it had crashed into an immovable mountain of flesh in front of this human woman, even leaving its own claws slightly numb from the vibration."See, Alice," Haru explained calmly to the stunned little princess from behind Darkness's broad (and reliable) back."This is the teamwork of top-tier Adventurers. I'm responsible for finding opportunities and luring the enemy, while our guard is responsible for exhausting the enemy's stamina with her unyielding fighting spirit. This 'using softness to overcome hardness' tactic is something non-professionals cannot understand.""Waaah..." Princess Alice's face turned red, her eyes filled with unprecedented shock."So... so amazing... to actually take the One-Hit Bear's full-power attack with her body, and even show such a... such a sense of mission on her face! Is this the resolve of a hero?! I... I feel the radiance of self-sacrifice!"Just as Haru was preparing for a final, cool finish, a shivering heat suddenly filled the air.The once-calm light in the forest became distorted. A massive, unreasonably large surge of mana rose from the shadows of the trees not far away. That pressure, which felt like it would burn space itself to a crisp, even made the berserk One-Hit Bear stop pushing against Darkness and look toward the depths of the forest, its fur standing on end."That's...?!" Princess Alice felt this pure and violent mana and widened her eyes in surprise.Accompanied by the sound of chanting, a small figure wearing a red and black robe and an exaggerated eyepatch slowly stepped out.A red light as dazzling as the sun condensed at the tip of her staff. Because she was trying too hard, her chunibyo tone sounded exceptionally high-pitched in the forest:"Darker than black, dark of Darkness, merging with the brilliance of true red... The moment of awakening has arrived! The laws falling into the abyss of error, reveal your true form of destruction!!""Hey!! Megumin! Stop it!!" Kazuma shouted in terror."We haven't retreated to the safety zone yet! You're going to cremate us along with it!!"Seeing this, Haru didn't hesitate. He tucked the dazed Alice under one arm, grabbed the exhausted Aqua with his other hand, and shouted at Darkness, who hadn't had enough yet:"Run!! Run upwind!!"Megumin completely ignored the chaos. In her one open eye, a frantic red light flickered—the absolute will belonging only to an Explosion Magicarchwizard:"The ultimate secret that pierces all things and turns them to ash! That spark that travels between the illusory and the real! This is—the strongest blow humanity can reach!!""EXPLOSION!!"BOOM!!!!!In that instant, the entire forest went silent, followed by an ear-splitting roar. A massive pillar of red light shot into the sky, and waves of explosive fire swept frantically outward from the One-Hit Bear.The giant beast, which had been so majestic just a moment ago, didn't even have time to let out a whimper before it was completely reduced to molecules in an explosion with power exceeding Lv. 100.A massive mushroom cloud rose into the air. The ground within a hundred-meter radius was forcibly shaved down by three layers, and the once-lush forest instantly turned into a charred crater.When the dust and smoke cleared, Haru crawled out from under a pile of fallen leaves, his face covered in soot, still tightly protecting the shocked Alice in his arms.As for our mage Megumin, she was currently lying face-down on the edge of the crater in an extremely stiff posture, with only her fingers able to twitch slightly."Phew... I... I got it." Megumin's weak voice came from the ground, carrying a hint of satisfaction as if a great grudge had been settled."Kazuma... quick, wipe the nosebleed for me... today's Explosion Magic is... is 100 points...""Is this... is this what Axel's Adventurers are like?"Princess Alice stared blankly at the hollow in the earth that was enough to rewrite the map, then looked at Megumin, who was lying immobile on the ground. Her voice was filled with an unprecedented yearning."This kind of decisiveness, disregarding the cost just for a one-hit kill... this spirit of perishing together with a powerful enemy... this is a real, life-burning battle!!"Haru sighed silently and brushed the ashes from his hair.Although the situation had spiraled out of control, at least the Princess seemed to... admire them even more?
Chapter 202: Entering the 'Acting Tough Under Protection' ModeThe smoke from the explosion had not yet dissipated when the rhythmic and heavy clanking of armor echoed from the shadows deep within the forest.Haru keenly sensed several sharp presences approaching at high speed; these were definitely not low-level forest monsters, but well-trained experts."Over there! Protect Her Highness!"With a cold command, two figures streaked across the scorched earth like meteors.One of them wore ornate white light armor, her deep blue hair fluttering in the wind, her eyes reflecting a cold, inviolable majesty—it was the Royal Guard, Claire.Following closely behind was Rein, who had neat short hair and an expression so calm it was almost cruel.The moment they landed, Claire blocked the way in front of Alice with incredible speed, her Rapieralready unsheathed, its tip pointed directly at Haru's throat."Vile commoner! Get away from Her Highness immediately!" Claire's voice trembled slightly with rage, her blade-like eyes sweeping over Haru and Kazuma."To think you would lure the noble Princess to such a filthy and dangerous place, and even get her involved in an illegal explosion of this scale... Just how many heads do you have to be executed?!""Um... Claire, it's not like that..."Alice tried to explain, but was forcibly shielded behind Claire.Rein turned slightly, her Staff faintly glowing with a dangerous light. Her gaze fell upon Megumin, who was playing dead by the edge of the crater, and the foul-smelling Aqua, before finally settling on Haru's face, her tone cold as frost:"Mr. Lin Jin, Mr. Satou Kazuma. Although you have certain achievements in the Guild records, today's overstepping and irresponsible behavior has seriously threatened the safety of the Royal Family. If Her Highness had suffered even a single scratch, you would be corpses by now."Kazuma was so terrified by this overwhelming pressure that he immediately raised his hands, whispering from behind Haru:"Hey, hey, Haru! They look like they really want to kill us! Quick, use your invincible eloquence to say something! I don't want to be sent to the guillotine just for taking a kid out to skip class!"Facing Claire's sword pressure that felt as if it could pierce his skin, Haru patted the dust off his cloak without changing his expression, offering a polite yet slightly helpless wry smile:"Ladies, please calm down. While the scene does indeed look like a crime scene... please believe me, this was just a slightly intense extracurricular practical lesson. Princess Alice is not only unharmed, but she has also just realized the most important part of the Adventurer spirit—the bond of companions and the art of explosion.""Silence! Who gave you permission to address Her Highness by her name!" Claire's sword tip moved forward another inch, and she spoke through gritted teeth."Especially you, Haru! I've long felt that a treacherous heart was hidden beneath that calm exterior. To think you'd let Her Highness witness such disgusting physical masochism (referring to Darkness) and an explosion devoid of any aesthetic! You are insulting the Royal Family's aesthetic tastes!!"At this critical juncture, just as Claire's Rapier was about to touch Haru's neck, Princess Alice, who had been shielded behind her, suddenly pushed Claire's arm aside and strode between Haru and Claire."Enough! Claire! Put your sword away!!"That originally soft and tender voice now carried an indisputable royal authority.Alice's small face was flushed red with anger, and her eyes, which usually sparkled with curiosity, were now stubbornly glaring at her most loyal guard."P-Princess?!" Claire was so startled by this sharp command that she froze on the spot, her sword hand trembling as the tip dropped slightly."Please understand, your humble servant is protecting you from these commoners of unknown origin and crude behavior...""I won't allow you to say that about them!" Alicespread her arms wide, shielding Haru like a mother hen protecting her chick, her voice clear and loud."Mr. Lin Jin and Mr. Kazuma are not commoners of unknown origin; they are friends who fought alongside me and never abandoned me at the most dangerous moments! They are true companions!"As soon as she spoke, the entire area fell into a dead silence.The light on Rein's Staff vanished instantly. She adjusted her glasses in disbelief, her gaze darting between Haru's "I'm actually quite surprised too" face."F-Friends...?" Claire stood frozen as if struck by lightning, her Rapier clattering to the ground.She stared at Haru with a look as if he were her mortal enemy, her lips trembling."Are you kidding me... This man who talks such nonsense and even pushes a female knight out to take the hit... has actually become the Princess's friend?! I absolutely do not accept this! Such a filthy friendship is absolutely forbidden!!""I don't need your acceptance!"Alice looked back at Haru, her expression instantly shifting from anger back to admiration and tenderness."Mr. Lin Jin's tactics are resourceful, Mr. Kazuma's sniping is decisive, Big Sister Darkness is valiant, and Megumin is the strongest! What they showed me is something the knights in the palace who only know how to bow and kneel could never show—a true adventure!"Haru looked at the princess's petite back and felt a wave of emotion. He then took the opportunity to sheath his longsword, adopting the air of a wise elder, and gently patted Alice's shoulder:"Alright, Alice, don't blame Lady Claire. She was only doing her duty. After all, for a guard who has always lived in a greenhouse, wilderness heroes like us, radiating an aura of freedom and wildness, are indeed a bit too difficult to understand."Seeing the situation reverse, Kazuma's back straightened instantly as he immediately entered his 'acting tough under protection' mode:"Ahem! That's right, Lady Claire, did you hear that? This is the power of friendship! Although things did get a bit messy just now, the result is good. Besides, acting so fiercely toward the Princess's friends will damage the Royal Family's reputation, you know~"Haru looked at Alice's determined little face, knowing that this was the perfect time to solidify their status as friends.He cleared his throat, setting aside his tactical seriousness and replacing it with a considerate and far-reaching smile as he stepped toward the dazed Claire."Lady Claire, since Her Highness has put it that way, it won't do for us to stay at a stalemate."Haru spoke in an extremely natural tone, as if he were commanding his own subordinate."Look, Princess Alice just spent a lot of mental energy to uphold justice. As a friend, I really can't bear to let her be troubled by these trivial matters anymore."He pointed at Megumin, who was still sprawled at the bottom of the crater like a dried fish, trying to dig into the dirt with her chin."This girl from the Crimson Demon Clan is the hero who saved Her Highness. Although her current posture isn't very elegant, it is a badge of honor for exhausting her mana. I must stay by Her Highness's side to prevent any remaining enemies from attacking, Kazuma's body is frail, and that Goddess over there... er, she hasn't even washed her feet yet. So, could I trouble the top-tier guard with extraordinary physical strength, Lady Claire, to temporarily act as this little hero's mount and carry her back to camp?"
Chapter 203: You've Been Added to Claire's Assassination List"What did you say?! Someone of my status is supposed to carry this dusty, strange brat on my back?!"A thick vein throbbed on Claire's temple, and she looked like she was about to explode on the spot from rage."You actually dare to treat me like a porter?! You insolent...""Claire."Alice suddenly spoke up softly, a certain kind of pressure known as 'expectation' shimmering in her large eyes."Megumin ended up like this for my sake. Is Claireunwilling to help my savior? I think Lord Haru's suggestion is full of the warmth between companions."Claire's words came to an abrupt halt.She looked at the expectant Alice, then at Kazuma, who was grinning mischievously while desperately holding back his urine, and finally at Haru's face, which was written all over with the expression 'I'm doing this for your own good.'"As... as you command, Your Highness."Claire swallowed her resentment, grinding her teeth. She tremblingly sheathed her rapier, every step she took feeling as if she were treading on hot coals.She walked to the edge of the pit and, with a look of disgust, lifted Megumin by the back of her collar, hoisting the loli—who had completely entered standby mode—onto her back."Ugh... such hard armor... uncomfortable..."Megumin muttered in her sleep."Shut up, you brat! If you complain again, I'll throw you into the nearby river to be purified!!"Claire roared in a low voice, her figure from behind looking both humiliated and indignant.Haru turned around with satisfaction and gestured for Rein to lead the way, as elegant as a royal master of ceremonies."Lady Rein, it's a long journey back. I'll leave our safety in the hands of a professional mage like yourself. After all... between friends, there's no need to draw such clear lines, right?"After a pleasant trek, the town that symbolized beginners and various strange rumors—Axel—finally appeared on the horizon.The setting sun cast a crimson glow over Claire's silver armor. It was hard to tell if it was from the afterglow or from the anger she had accumulated after carrying Megumin the whole way (during which Megumin had drooled quite a bit on her back).Just as they stepped through the city gates, before Haru could even suggest a feast at the tavern, Clairequickly shoved Megumin—who had already woken up but was still playing dead—into Kazuma's arms.She briskly tidied her messy cloak and knelt on one knee before Princess Alice with a solemn expression, her voice carrying a hint of irresistible urgency."Your Highness, the fun game of experiencing commoner life ends here. Since the One-Hit Bearhas been slain and your safety has been confirmed, we must depart for the Royal Capital immediately."Rein also stepped forward. Though her expression was softer than Claire's, her tone was equally firm."Your Highness, the royal palace is already in a state of chaos over your disappearance. If you don't show yourself soon, I'm afraid the Lord of Axel will be sent to the Tribunal. Please understand my difficult position."Princess Alice's excited little face instantly fell. She looked down at her small boots, which were covered in mud but served as proof of her adventure, and looked back at Haru with reluctance."Are we leaving so soon...? But Lord Haru hasn't taken me to see Axel's legendary water-spraying fountain yet, nor has he treated me to those Adventurer set meals that are cheap but filled with the taste of sweat..."Claire glanced sideways at Haru, the killing intent in her eyes enough to freeze the air."Your Highness! That fountain is full of that Blue-haired Madwoman's vomit and soapy water, and that set meal would only ruin your stomach! Please recognize reality: you are a noble princess, while some people..."She paused deliberately and gave a cold snort."...are nothing more than pebbles you happen to pass by in your life.""Hey! Who are you calling a pebble?!"Kazuma shouted indignantly from behind, but Harustopped him with a look.Haru stepped forward. Under Claire's wary gaze, he maintained a perfect social distance and gave Princess Alice a deep, adult-like gentle smile."Princess Alice, though good times are always brief, that is precisely the romance of being an Adventurer. All good things must come to an end, but there will always be a cup of wine for a reunion."Haru spoke slowly. His tone showed no anger at being offended; instead, it seemed very sophisticated."The Royal Capital has your duties, and Axel has our mission. But please rest assured, even when you return to the distant court, as long as you look up at the moon, you will remember that on this day, you were as free as the wind.""Lord Haru..."Alice's small hands tightly gripped her skirt, and her eyes reddened slightly."I... I will definitely remember! When I grow up... no, when I have time, I will definitely sneak... ahem, formally invite you all to the Royal Capital as guests!"Outside the gates of Axel, the luxuriously decorated royal carriage, pulled by pure white steeds, had already kicked up clouds of dust, gradually shrinking into a blurry speck in the afterglow of the setting sun.Haru maintained his "elegant farewell" pose, his right arm still in mid-air, with that hero's smile—practiced countless times and tinged with a faint sadness—hanging on his lips. Beside him, Kazumawas like a soulless stone statue, his entire being appearing in a grayish-white, semi-transparent state.A breeze swept up two withered leaves, which swirled past their feet."...They're gone." Kazuma maintained a dry voice, his eyes hollow as if staring into a void."My... my gold coins, my title, my dream life of being supported by the lovely Princess Alice and drinking premium sparkling wine every meal without having to work... it all just rolled away with the carriage wheels."Haru's perfect smile froze at that moment. He slowly lowered his arm, his movements stiff like a magic tool creaking from rust.He turned his head mechanically to look at the empty highway, his once deep gaze now as dull as a dead fish's."Yeah, they're gone."Haru's voice was airy, carrying a sense of nihilism after a great realization."What was I thinking? I was actually thinking about a cup of wine for a reunion? At a time like that, I should have taken the chance to ask her for a Royal Crest, or even an IOU that could be exchanged for tens of millions of eris in the capital... Was my high-IQ brain infected by Aqua at that moment?"The two looked at each other and simultaneously let out a long sigh, enough to make the surrounding Adventurers feel a chill down their spines."Hey, Haru."Kazuma patted Haru's shoulder, although he himself was also about to cry."Even though we didn't get any gold coins, at least... you've been added to Claire's assassination list. That's also a status symbol, right?""Shut up, Satou Kazuma."Haru glared at him sharply, his tone filled with desolation."Without the princess as a protective umbrella, Claire will definitely slice me into sashimi the next time we meet. Right now, we're just two ordinary paupers going back to face that Useless Goddesswho only wants money for booze and a pile of messes."From the distant tavern came Aqua's wails because she couldn't pay the bill. The sound was like a heavy hammer, completely shattering the last bit of heroic dreams remaining in their hearts.Haru took a deep breath of the air filled with the scent of poverty, then hung his head dejectedly, as if half of his spine had been carried away by the disappearing carriage.
Chapter 204: When Fortune Beckons, I'll Be the First to FlyThe night was deep and quiet. Inside the Adventurer mansion in Axel, everything seemed peaceful, save for Lady Aqua's goddess-defying, earth-shattering snores and the occasional suggestive sleep-talking from Darkness.However, Haru was tossing and turning in bed, unable to sleep.Whenever he closed his eyes, his mind would conjure up Princess Alice's luxury carriage—inlaid with gold and draped in silk—and the phantom of wealth and glory that vanished along with the carriage as it drove away.Opening his eyes again to look at his bedroom—which, though spacious, exuded an aura of poverty in every corner—the sense of disparity was almost enough to tear his sanity apart."No way. Why should I stay here and act as a babysitter for these three problem children?"Haru bolted upright in bed, a scum-like light called 'determination' flashing in his eyes."Her Highness Alice personally admitted that I am her 'friend'! Isn't it only natural for friends to visit the Royal Capital, stay for a few decades, and live off her? Sorry, Kazuma, but brothers are like birds in the same forest—when disaster strikes... wait, no, when fortune beckons, I'll be the first to fly!"He immediately rolled out of bed, lit a small candle, and smoothly pulled a travel backpack from under the bed. He stuffed in a few changes of clothes and his meager remaining secret savings. Then, he spread out a piece of parchment and, with a flourish of his pen, wrote a heartfelt farewell letter:"To my closest comrade-in-arms, Satou Kazuma: By the time you see this letter, I will have already embarked on a journey to find the true meaning of life. I leave Aqua's alcohol money, the cleanup work for Megumin's Explosion Magic, and the correction of Darkness's perverted behavior entirely to you, a man of supreme adaptability. Don't come looking for me; I will pray for you from a luxurious bed in the Royal Capital. —Your eternal brother, Haru."Folding the letter, Haru blew out the candle and crept out of his room like a ghost. Avoiding the creaky floorboard in the hallway, he felt his way through the pitch-black Darkness to the living room.He intended to pin the letter to the coffee table in the center of the room and then climb directly out the back window.Just as he fumbled his way to the coffee table and set the letter down...*Slap.*In the Darkness, another hand slapped a piece of parchment onto the coffee table at almost the exact same time.Their fingertips touched on the cold wooden table, and the air seemed to freeze in that instant.Haru's hair stood on end. He instinctively leaped back a step, while the dark shadow opposite him let out a startled "Eek!" and skillfully rolled behind the sofa, assuming a [Lurk] starting stance.Using the faint moonlight filtering in through the window, Haru narrowed his eyes and recognized the familiar figure hiding behind the sofa, wearing a night-suit and carrying a bulging travel bag."...Satou Kazuma?" Haru's lip twitched."...Haru?"Kazuma poked half his head out from behind the sofa. Seeing Haru also carrying a bag, the terror on his face gradually transformed into a magnificent display of awkwardness.The two fell into a dead silence for ten long seconds. Then, they simultaneously turned their gazes toward the two letters lying side-by-side on the coffee table.Haru was quick. He snatched up the letter Kazumahad put down, scanned it by the moonlight, and read it aloud:"To Haru: Brother, I'm leaving that blue-haired moron and the Crimson Demon brat to you. I'm heading to the Royal Capital to live the high life with little sister Alice. Don't miss me... Satou Kazuma, you piece of trash!""What right do you have to talk about me!"Kazuma jumped out in a fit of rage and snatched Haru's letter."Leaving Aqua's alcohol money to me while you pray for me from a big bed in the Royal Capital?! You hypocritical beast! To think I thought you were a responsible big brother, but you actually wanted to dump me and run off to be a kept man?!""Nonsense! Who would want to stay behind and clean up after those three idiots?!"Haru roared back in a righteous, low voice, "I'm going to the Royal Capital to develop connections! It's for the future of our party!""Bullshit! You're just craving the Princess's charity! Take me with you, you bastard!"Kazuma exposed him without mercy. In the dark living room, they grabbed each other's collars, their two scum-like faces pressed close together, neither willing to yield an inch.While they were at a stalemate, preparing to use Rock-Paper-Scissors to decide who got to run away to the Capital, heavy thumping footsteps suddenly came from the top of the stairs.A figure wearing light blue pajamas, with hair looking like a bird's nest, appeared at the turn of the stairs rubbing her eyes."*Yawn*... Haru? Kazuma? What are you doing in the living room with bags in the middle of the night? Are you playing some secret treasure hunt game? I want to play too. Also, I'm really thirsty, pour me a glass of ice water..."Aqua gave a massive yawn, looking blearily at the two men frozen in the center of the living room.Haru and Kazuma both sucked in a breath of cold air, cold sweat instantly breaking out on their foreheads.In this critical moment, Haru and Kazuma's gazes collided intensely in mid-air.It was a telepathic exchange of brainwaves that only true pieces of trash could understand.Haru's eyes: Listen, if this moron starts screaming and wakes up Megumin and Darkness, neither of us is leaving! You don't want to stay and clean up after them, do you?Kazuma's eyes: Obviously! But why should I let you have the chance to be a kept man in the Capital all to yourself? If we go, we go together! We split the Princess's charity fifty-fifty!Haru's eyes: Deal! First, let's work together to fool this big blue-haired nuisance!In just 0.5 seconds, the two reached the supreme strategic agreement of the Royal Capital Charity Alliance.*Gulp!*The two moved almost simultaneously.Haru snatched the letter back from Kazuma's hand, and Kazuma reclaimed his own. Under Aqua's confused gaze, these two men unhesitatingly crumpled the parchment—filled with backstabbing and hypocrisy—into balls, stuffed them into their mouths, chewed frantically like they were eating lettuce, and forced themselves to swallow."Uh... what are you eating? Paper?" Aqua rubbed her eyes, her face a picture of pure stupidity."*Cough cough!* N-Nothing!"Haru pounded his chest hard to swallow the parchment stuck in his throat, instantly adopting an expression of awe-inspiring righteousness, even tinged with a bit of emotion."Aqua, you're awake at the perfect time! Actually, Kazuma and I were just engaging in some profound self-reflection!""That's right!"Kazuma immediately caught on, slapping his own chest and saying with heart-wrenching remorse,"When we thought about how the noble Goddess of Water, Lady Aqua, couldn't drink the finest sparkling wine tonight because we have no money, our consciences were stricken! It was like a knife to the heart!""Therefore!"Haru pointed to the large travel bags on their backs and said in a highly inflammatory tone,"We decided to set out overnight, carrying these bags to the black market in the next town... uh, no, the late-night specialty liquor market, to procure a whole crate of the finest, gold-bubbled, top-tier vintage for you! This is our atonement as your followers!"The moment she heard the words 'top-tier vintage,' Aqua's half-closed, sleepy eyes snapped wide open like brass bells, and even the ahoge on her head stood up in excitement."R-Really?!"Aqua clutched her heart, tears of emotion even shimmering in her eyes."Waaaah! Haru! Kazuma! You really are my most devout and best followers! I knew I wasn't wrong about you! I want the strawberry-flavored one, and with ice cubes!""Leave it to us! Hurry back to sleep; staying up late is a major taboo for maintaining a goddess's beautiful skin!"Haru skillfully delivered the finishing blow."Mhm mhm! Then I'll look forward to your offerings in my dreams~ Hehehe, top-tier sparkling wine..."Aqua wiped the drool from the corner of her mouth and turned around contentedly, running back to the second-floor bedroom with light thumping steps, followed by the sound of a door slamming shut.The living room fell into dead silence once again.Haru and Kazuma both let out a long sigh of relief, leaning against the sofa as if exhausted, wiping the cold sweat from their foreheads."Nice one, Haru. That moron actually believed it." Kazuma lowered his voice, a lewdly wicked smile curling his lips."Likewise. Your acting wasn't bad either."Haru adjusted the straps of his backpack, his gaze becoming sharp again. He extended his right hand."Well then, let's re-introduce ourselves. I am Haru, soon to be heading to the Royal Capital to join Her Highness Alice and live a life of luxury and debauchery from now on."Kazuma immediately reached out, and the two filthy hands gripped each other tightly:"I am your partner, Satou Kazuma, soon to be a royal-sanctioned idle person whose only job is to count gold coins every day. The Capital's charity—we split it half and half!""Let's go!"The two smiled at each other, their smiles filled with infinite longing for a beautiful (and unearned) future life.They quietly pushed open the mansion's front door and, like two cats that had caught the scent of fish, merged into the deep night of Axel without looking back, heading toward the road to the Royal Capital
Chapter 205: Is This the Reversal of Fate You Spoke Of?After three days and three nights of jolting, Haruand Kazuma tumbled off a cargo carriage that reeked of cabbage.As they brushed the dust off their clothes and looked up, the grand walls of the Capital City and the castle spires piercing the clouds stood prominently before them."We're here... finally here!"Kazuma's eyes welled with tears, as if he could already see countless maids waving at him."Farewell, Axel, filled with Giant Toads and an Intellectual Disabled Goddess! Hello, Capital City, filled with gold coins and sugar mamas!"Haru also straightened his now-crumpled tactical cloak, trying his best to put on the composed air of a royal guest.The two of them marched spiritedly through the bustling streets of the Capital City, heading straight for the gates of the Royal Palace that symbolized the highest power.However, the hammer of reality always loves to strike when one is at their most triumphant.As the two stood before the massive iron gates of the Royal Palace, inlaid with gold leaf, preparing to swagger inside as Princess Alice's close friends, two crossed steel halberds ruthlessly blocked their path."Halt! This is the Royal Palace; unauthorized personnel are forbidden from entering!"The Royal Guard Knight at the gate looked expressionlessly at these two disheveled young men reeking of cabbage, his eyes showing blatant disdain."If you are here to deliver vegetables, please go to the back door. If you are here to beg, please go to the relief shelter outside the city.""Presumptuous!"Haru immediately adopted his bluffing stance, hands behind his back, chin slightly raised, speaking in an extremely arrogant tone."Open your eyes and look closely! We are close friends personally recognized by Her Highness Princess Alice! Step aside at once and go inside to announce that Lord Haru and Lord Satou Kazumahave arrived!""Exactly, exactly!"Kazuma chimed in from the side, borrowing authority to intimidate."If you delay the Princess from seeing us, can you bear the responsibility?!"The two Royal Guard Knights glanced at each other, then one of them sneered."There are at least eight or ten lunatics who come here every day claiming to be Her Highness's friends. Yesterday, some guy claiming to be a Demon Kings Army General even said he wanted to have tea with the Princess. Do you have a pass issued by the royal family? Do you have a handwritten invitation from the Princess?"Haru and Kazuma were both stunned at the same time."A pass? No.""An invitation? When the Princess left, she was too busy being reluctant to say goodbye and didn't even leave a single hair behind.""Uh... well..."Cold sweat began to bead on Haru's forehead as he tried to gesture with his hands."We have a deep bond! We don't need that kind of thing...""If you don't have it, then beat it!"The knight unceremoniously pushed them down the steps with the butt of his halberd."If you dare to talk nonsense here again, we'll throw you into the Capital City's dungeon to keep the sewer rats company!"With a thud, the two were driven out into the plaza outside the Royal Palace.Haru and Kazuma sat blankly on a bench by the fountain, looking at the luxurious palace that was so close yet so far. A cold wind blew past, and their hearts felt colder than winter in Axel."Haru..." Kazuma held his head in his hands, his voice trembling. "Did we overlook an extremely important problem?""Yeah..."Haru looked up at the sky, his eyes becoming hollow like a dead fish's again."We only thought about the Princess knowing us, but we forgot... the knights guarding the gate don't know us. Besides, even if we scream and shout now, with the Royal Palace's soundproofing, the Princess wouldn't hear us at all."For that ethereal dream of being kept men in the Capital City, Haru and Kazuma made a decision full of Adventurer spirit (actually just being thick-skinned)—they would stake out the place.Like two weathered stone statues, they squatted on either side of the fountain not far from the Royal Palace gates.From the morning dew to the midday sun, and then until the sun set in the west, their stomachs had growled countless times, sounding like the mating calls of Giant Toads."*Grumble grumble...*"Kazuma clutched his empty stomach, staring blankly at the ants on the ground, his voice so weak it seemed it might drift away with the wind."Haru... I think I see my great-grandmother waving at me from across the river... she's even holding a piece of freshly toasted buttered bread...""Hang in there, Kazuma."Although Haru was also seeing stars from hunger, he stubbornly maintained his deep tactician's persona, though he now looked more like a hobo trying to pull a scam."This is the darkness before the dawn. If Her Highness Alice even comes out for a stroll, our fates will instantly reverse. When that time comes, never mind buttered bread, we can even use roasted suckling pigs as pillows!"Just as the two were drawing imaginary pies to satisfy their hunger, the heavy pure gold gates of the Royal Palace suddenly let out a dull creak and slowly swung open.A squad of fully armed Royal Knights marched out in unison, followed by a majestic pure white warhorse.The person on horseback wore a suit of polished silver armor, a red cloak fluttering in the sunset. Their arrogant posture and sharp gaze seemed capable of piercing through anyone in their way.It wasn't Princess Alice, but the Princess's personal guard—Claire!Haru and Kazuma's previously vacant pupils instantly focused. Like hungry wolves spotting a meaty bone, they lunged up from the ground."It's Claire! We're saved!" Kazuma was so excited his eyes welled with tears, and he grabbed Haru's arm. "Even though that woman has a bit of a foul temper, at least she knows us! Quick, go say hello and have her take us in!"Haru also felt this was a godsend. He immediately straightened his dust-covered cloak, put on what he thought was his most charming and inscrutable smile, and strode forward, even waving flamboyantly."Yo! Isn't this Lady Claire?"Haru's voice was loud and full of passion, as if they were long-lost siblings."What a coincidence! How has Her Highness been lately? We traveled all the way from Axel just to respond to Her Highness's friendship! Hurry and take us to see her!"Claire, who was sternly patrolling the surroundings on horseback, suddenly yanked the reins upon hearing that familiar and extremely punchable voice.The warhorse let out a neigh and stopped in front of them.Claire looked down at these two guys, who were covered in the smell of cabbage and had hair like bird's nests. She was stunned for a full three seconds, as if she couldn't believe her eyes.Then, her originally heroic face distorted at a visible rate, and a tangible black killing intent erupted from her body."You... two... Axel... pests..."Claire spoke through gritted teeth, every word squeezed out from between them. Her knuckles turned white from gripping the hilt of her sword too hard."Why... why are you appearing in the Capital City?! Do you still dare to harbor designs on the pure and flawless Lady Alice?!""Oh, don't put it so harshly."Kazuma, lacking any situational awareness, stepped forward and said with a fawning smile as he rubbed his hands together."We are Her Highness's close friends; it's only natural for friends to drop by. By the way, does the Royal Palace provide meals? We haven't eaten for three days...""*Clang!*"A crisp ring of a sword interrupted Kazuma's words.Claire had already unsheathed the knightly longsword at her waist, pointing the tip directly at the tips of Haru and Kazuma's noses. The cold blade even reflected their terrified faces."Royal Guard Knights Order, hear my command!"Claire's voice rang through the plaza, carrying an unquestionable decisiveness."These two suspicious thugs are plotting against the royal family! Apprehend them at once! If they dare to resist... kill them on the spot! Absolutely do not let them get within half a step of Her Highness!""Yes!!" The surrounding knights unsheathed their swords in unison, surrounding the two in an instant.Haru's perfect smile froze completely on his face. He looked at the gleaming blades around him, then at the murderous Claire, and cold sweat instantly soaked his back."Wait, wait! Lady Claire, there must be some misunderstanding!"Haru raised his hands in surrender while frantically backing away."We really are here to visit a friend! You can't treat international friends like this!""Misunderstanding? I only believe that a dead pest is a good pest!"Claire sneered and leaped down from her horse, charging at the two with her sword in hand."Today, I shall carry out justice here and sever Her Highness's ill-fated connection!""Help! This woman is crazy! Haru, you bastard, is this the reversal of fate you spoke of?!"
Chapter 206: The Ecstasy of Surviving a DisasterFacing Claire's palpable murderous intent and the glistening blades surrounding them, Haru and Kazuma's initial attempt to flee came to a dead halt.A cold wind blew past, and the duo's shriveled stomachs once again let out a mournful growl.Hunger, that most primal of desires, completely triumphed over the fear of death at this moment.Haru turned his head, his eyes meeting Kazuma's, which were practically glowing green from starvation.Without needing a single word, their souls reached a high level of resonance in an instant."Kazuma, if we run now, we'll be stuck catching rats in the sewers to roast for dinner tonight."Haru's voice was low and raspy, carrying a hint of desperate madness."Are you kidding me?! I'm a man who's going to eat the royal palace's special buttered bread!"Kazuma gritted his teeth, his hands forming an incredibly lewd spellcasting gesture."Haru, this is our last chance to get dinner! Let's fight these guard dogs!""Fine! For the sake of the capital's easy life! For dinner!"Haru roared. In this life-or-death moment, he slammed both hands onto the ground and shouted:"Take this! Create Earth followed by Create Water! Compound Magic: Ultimate Muddy Skating Rink!"Though they were just the most basic Basic Magic, with Haru's intelligence boost, a massive amount of soil and water instantly mixed beneath the Knights Order's feet into a vast, incredibly slippery mud pit."Whoa!""What the hell is this! It's so slippery!"The once-orderly formation of Royal Guards instantly lost their balance. Clad in heavy armor, they tumbled into a heap in the mud like bowling balls, creating a cacophony of clanging metal."Nice work! Now leave it to me!"Kazuma, like a slippery loach, used the chaos to pounce directly on the nearest fallen knight.He grabbed the knight's helmet and yelled: "Drain Touch!"A faint blue light was forcibly pulled from the knight, flowing into Kazuma's body."Oh oh oh! My stamina is returning! It feels like I just ate a huge mouthful of roast meat!"Kazuma shouted excitedly. Then, he locked his greedy and extremely wretched gaze onto Claire, who was trying to steady herself in the mud."To catch the bandits, catch the leader first! Take this, you violent woman! Steal!"Kazuma reached out with his right hand and snatched at the air.A dazzling light flashed in Kazuma's hand.The entire field fell into an eerie silence at that moment.As a breeze blew by, a piece of fabric appeared in Kazuma's hand. It was a pair of pure white... female panties, with a bit of cute lace on the edges."..." Kazuma looked at the spoils in his hand, then at Claire, and swallowed hard.Claire froze on the spot.She slowly lowered her head, feeling the strange chill coming from beneath her skirt armor. Her heroic face instantly turned from pale to a deep, boiled-crab red."You... you lowlife perverted scum! What did you do to me? Ahhhhhh!!!"Claire let out a scream that echoed across the entire Royal Capital square. The shame and murderous intent in that voice were so intense that even the water columns of the nearby fountains were shaken into reverse flow.Her eyes were bloodshot, and tears of humiliation even welled up in the corners. She clutched her skirt tightly with both hands, not even bothering to pick up her sword."Uh, well... this lace is actually pretty cute. I didn't expect you to be so girly inside..."Kazuma made a death-defying comment."I'm going to tear you into ten thousand pieces! Right now! Immediately! Knights Order! Chop these two perverts into mincemeat and feed them to the dogs!!!"Claire fell into a total state of frenzy. Disregarding everything, she drew her longsword and charged at the two with an aura capable of destroying everything."Holy crap! Kazuma, you idiot, of all things to Steal, why panties?! Run!!!"Haru was scared out of his wits and turned to bolt."This skill is random, I couldn't help it! Help!"Kazuma stuffed the panties into his shirt and burst into a speed beyond his limits, sprinting right behind Haru."Stop right there! You two filthy maggots! I'm going to skin you and turn you into carpets!!!"Like a thoroughly enraged lioness, Claire struggled to her feet in the mud. Wielding her longsword with a murderous aura enough to split the square in half, she went straight for Haru and Kazuma. Her eyes, once full of knightly honor, were now bloodshot as if they were about to spit fire.Haru and Kazuma scrambled in terror. Just as Claire's cold blade was about to cleave them and the panties in half—"Stop, Claire."A cool, calm voice suddenly rang out over the square.The voice wasn't loud, yet it seemed to possess a certain magic, instantly piercing through Claire's deafening roars.A slender figure appeared between Claire and the duo like a ghost. She wore light guard armor similar in style to Claire's but in a deeper color. Holding a staff that emitted a faint magical glow, a pair of eyes so calm they were almost emotionless peeked out from under her hood.It was Princess Alice's other personal attendant—Rein."Rein! Get out of the way!"Claire's sword tip stopped abruptly less than an inch from Rein's nose. She was shaking with rage, pointing at Haru and Kazuma who were hiding behind Rein."These two death-seeking perverts actually dared to... dared to do that to me! I must carry out Divine Punishment on them here today!""I saw it."Rein's gaze swept indifferently over the bundle of pure white fabric in Kazuma's hand. There wasn't a single ripple of emotion in her eyes as she simply gave her glasses a slight nudge."Mr. Satou Kazuma used a Thief skill, causing you extremely severe psychological trauma and damage to your reputation. From the perspective of the Knights Order's laws, it is indeed unpardonable.""Did you hear that?! Even you say so! Move, I'm going to chop that pervert's fingers off one by one!"Claire raised her sword again, tears of humiliation still hanging from her eyes."However,"Rein lightly lifted her staff, and an invisible magical barrier instantly blocked Claire's blade. She turned her head, looking calmly at the terrified Haru and Kazuma."These two are friends personally acknowledged by Her Highness Alice, and were her companions during her adventures in Axel.""So what?! Her Highness has just been blinded by them!"Claire screamed hysterically."As Her Highness's guards, our duty is to protect her safety, not to decide for her what kind of friends she should make."Rein's voice remained flat, yet it carried an unquestionable authority."If Her Highness knew that the friends from Axelshe holds so dear were cut down in the streets of the Royal Capital square by her own personal guard, how would she feel? Do you really want to see Her Highness weep in sorrow, Claire?"At the mention of Her Highness weeping in sorrow, Claire's violent murderous aura instantly froze.She bit her lower lip, her face shifting between pale and blue. Her hand holding the sword trembled violently, clearly undergoing an intense internal struggle."Ugh... b-but... my... my that..."Claire was so aggrieved that tears were welling up. The kingdom's premier knight now looked like a little girl whose toy had been stolen."Please return Claire's personal property to her, Mr. Satou Kazuma."Rein turned her head, staring at Kazuma with a gaze that was cold to the extreme."Then, as a courtesy to Her Highness's friends, I will arrange for you to enter the Royal Palace. But if you dare to make any more untoward moves, I guarantee you will die a death a hundred times more painful than being cut down by Claire."Kazuma was so frightened by Rein's lifeless eyes that he shuddered and threw the panties out of his hand as if they were electrified."Yes, sir! I mean, ma'am! I'm sorry! I didn't do it on purpose! This skill really is random!"Kazuma pressed his hands together and bowed frantically in apology.Claire snatched her underwear, stuffed it haphazardly into the gaps of her armor, and then glared death at the two, as if trying to poke thousands of holes in them with her eyes:"You two remember this! As long as I have a breath left, don't even think about getting within half a step of Her Highness! I'll be watching you like a hawk!""Whew..."Haru let out a long sigh of relief and wiped the cold sweat from his forehead. He immediately regained his tactician's face, adjusted his cloak, and gave Reinwhat he thought was an elegant smile."Thank you for the intervention, Lady Rein. Now then, without further ado, can we go enjoy... ah, I mean, go have an audience with Her Highness Alice? By the way, what time does dinner start at the palace?"Haru and Kazuma glanced at each other, both seeing the ecstasy of surviving a disaster in the other's eyes.The easy life of the Royal Capital was finally within reach!
Chapter 207: Sending You to the Guillotine PersonallyPassing through a luxurious corridor covered with thick red carpets, Haru and Kazuma, led by Rein, finally arrived at the royal palace's private reception room.When the gem-encrusted mahogany door was pushed open, a dazzling array of jewels and the extremely enticing aroma of roasted meat wafted toward them."Mr. Lin Jin! Mr. Kazuma!"Princess Alice, dressed in a gorgeous and cute loungewear dress, hopped up from the sofa like a cheerful little bird, her golden eyes sparkling with undisguised surprise and joy."You really came to play with me! I'm so happy! When Claire told me you were outside, I thought I was dreaming!"Hearing this, Claire, standing behind Alice, saw her face turn as dark as a soot-covered pot. She gritted her teeth, her murderous gaze tracing across the necks of Haru and Kazuma.However, Haru and Kazuma had no time to worry about Claire's murderous aura at the moment.Their eyes were completely glued to the exquisite delicacies laid out on the long dining table in the center of the reception room—sizzling whole roasted pig, steaks drizzled with truffle sauce, and mountains of high-end seafood."Your Highness! It is our greatest honor to see your pure and flawless smile once again!"While praising her with extremely elegant words, Haru rushed to the dining table with lightning speed, grabbed a roasted pig leg, and stuffed it into his mouth."Mmph, mmph... Your Highness, we missed you every single moment in Axel!"Not to be outdone, Kazuma picked up a plate of lobster and poured it into his mouth, shells and all, eating like a hungry ghost who hadn't eaten in eight hundred years.Looking at the two of them devouring the food, Alicedidn't feel disgusted; instead, she looked pained for them:"You two must have gone through some very difficult battles during your journey, right? Please, eat more! After you're finished, you must tell me about your adventure stories in Axel! I really want to hear them!"Hearing the words "adventure stories," the two who were eating frantically both paused at the same time.An invisible smoke of battle suddenly filled the air.Haru swallowed the pork in his mouth, his gaze instantly becoming sharp.He knew very well that this was the perfect opportunity to establish his position as the chief guest eater in the palace.As long as he could make the princess happy, his future wealth and prosperity would be secured!Kazuma also put down the lobster shells, a blazing fire called "vying for favor" burning in his eyes.Across half a roasted pig, their gazes collided fiercely in mid-air, as if sparks were flying.Haru: Shut up, Kazuma. Telling your sordid tales will only make the princess think you're a pervert! Let me showcase the wisdom of a Tactician!Kazuma: Cut it out! I'm the legend of Axel! Little sister princess loves hearing underdog stories like mine!"Ahem,"Haru took the initiative. He elegantly wiped the corners of his mouth with a napkin and struck a profound pose."Your Highness, actually, since you left, Axelencountered an extremely terrifying crisis. And I, as the brain of the team, with my extraordinary resourcefulness, devised a shocking series of plans that not only resolved the crisis without shedding blood, but also...""He's full of it!"Kazuma ruthlessly exposed him on the spot, pointing at Haru's nose and shouting,"Your Highness, don't listen to his nonsense! His so-called'series of plans' is just hiding in the back and pushing his teammates out to die! The one who actually faced the monsters, flirted with death, and protected the town with his own body was me! Satou Kazuma!""Oh? Really?"Haru sneered and retorted,"And who was wanted by the entire city for stealing a female Adventurer's underwear?""You dare bring that up! That's because my skill was too strong!"Flustered and exasperated, Kazuma slammed the table and stood up."What about you?! Who was it that packed their bags overnight to run away from debt, only to bump into me in the living room and try to pin the blame on me?!""That was a strategic retreat! What do you know?!"The two of them went back and forth, exposing each other's flaws and spilling all the shameful, bottomless secrets from Axel.Alice rested her chin in her hands, listening with great interest, her eyes sparkling:"Wow! Is an Adventurer's life really so exciting and interesting? Mr. Lin Jin and Mr. Kazuma's relationship is so good!""Who has a good relationship with him?!"The two shouted in unison and then continued to glare at each other.Standing to the side, Claire was about to faint from anger. The veins on her hand gripping the sword hilt bulged as she gritted her teeth and whispered to Rein:"Listen to that! What kind of foul language is coming out of those two scumbags' mouths! Her Highness's ears are going to be polluted! Let me cut them down!""Patience, Claire."Rein adjusted her glasses, her tone remaining calm."As long as Her Highness is happy, even if they are just two buffoons, they have a reason to exist. However..."A cold glint flashed in Rein's eyes. "I will keep a close eye on them."The grand drama of vying for favor by exposing each other finally came to an end amidst Princess Alice's laughter, which sounded like silver bells.Although Haru and Kazuma had become cowardly, bottomless social dregs in each other's words, through Alice's thick "best friend filter," it was all automatically beautified into a deep bond and unconstrained heroism between Adventurers.Alice looked at Claire, whose face was so dark it could drip ink, and the expressionless Rein:"Claire, Rein, please arrange two of the most comfortable guest rooms for Mr. Lin Jin and Mr. Kazuma. You must treat my friends with the highest level of hospitality!""Your Highness! This..."Claire was about to protest, but after meeting Alice's expectant and innocent eyes, she could only swallow her words and bow her head in gritted-teeth obedience."As you command, Your Highness."Half an hour later, the East Wing of the Royal Palace, VIP Guest Room Area."These are your rooms."Rein pushed open two heavy carved wooden doors, her tone as cold as if she were reading a death sentence."Dinner will be delivered. Without permission, wandering around the palace is prohibited, especially near Her Highness's chambers. If the patrolling knights find you acting suspiciously...""Got it, got it! We'll definitely be on our best behavior!"Haru and Kazuma didn't listen to Rein's warning at all; their souls had long been drawn away by the luxurious sights in the room.Rein snorted, turned, and left, closing the door behind her.As soon as the door closed, Haru and Kazuma were like two wild dogs off their leashes, frantically diving into their respective rooms."Holy crap! Is this mattress made of clouds?! It's so soft!"Kazuma took a flying leap, sinking deep into the super-sized bed that could fit five or six people. He rolled frantically on the silk sheets, letting out an extremely lewd giggle."Hehehe... This is the life! That crappy stable in Axelwas basically a pigsty! If only there were a couple of maids to scrub my back, my life would be complete!"In the room next door, Haru's reaction was no better.He was facing the giant floor-to-ceiling mirror in the room, striking various poses he thought were handsome and profound."Hmph, so this is the'soft rice' of the royal capital? The taste is indeed extraordinary."Haru picked up a bunch of crystal grapes from the table, elegantly tossed one into his mouth, his eyes sparkling with ambitious light."With this status, not only can I live the high life, but when I go out to scam people in the future, who would dare not give me, the Royal Guest Haru, some face? This is a huge win!"After each enjoying their rooms for a while, they both happened to come out onto the luxurious balcony connecting the two rooms.As night fell, the lights of the royal capital spread out beneath them like a sparkling sea of stars.The night breeze blew, bringing with it the scent of flowers.Holding a glass of high-end red wine he'd swiped from the room's liquor cabinet, Haru leaned against the white marble railing and raised his glass to Kazuma, who had also walked out with a drink."Cheers, Kazuma. To our successful infiltration of the palace interior."At this point, Haru had completely forgotten that the two of them were exposing each other's flaws just a few hours ago, and had regained his composed demeanor."Cheers!"Kazuma gulped down the priceless red wine in his glass like it was plain water and smacked his lips."Haru, wouldn't it be great if we could live here forever? No need to fight those disgusting frogs, no need to listen to Aqua's complaining, just eating and drinking every day...""Don't worry."Haru smiled confidently."As long as we cling tightly to Princess Alice's coattails and keep her happy, this palace will be our retirement home. As for that violent woman Claire, as long as we act well-behaved enough in front of the princess, she can only watch helplessly."The two smiled at each other, their smiles filled with infinite longing for a beautiful life of living off others, and a sense of complicity.However, they didn't know that in the garden directly below their rooms, a pair of murderous eyes was staring intently at the two on the balcony.Claire gripped her sword hilt, her nails digging deep into her flesh:"Laugh, you two scumbags, laugh all you want for now... I will definitely catch you red-handed and send you to the guillotine myself!"
Chapter 208: Objective, the Royal Capital! Crusade Against Haru and Kazuma!Over the next few days, the VIP area in the east wing of the royal palace completely fell.Haru and Kazuma not only perfectly adapted to the life of a freeloading "soft rice" eater in the capital, but they even pushed this extravagance and debauchery to an unprecedented and perverted height.What was even more terrifying was that these two guys seemed to be secretly competing, launching a bottomless arms race to see who could be the royal palace's number one parasite.In the early morning, as the first rays of sunlight shone into the palace, the maid summoning bell in Kazuma's room would ring as punctually as a death knell."Hey, you there, Mary or Susan? Come over and help me roll over."Kazuma wore an extremely expensive bathrobe woven from special ice silk provided by the elves, slumped on a velvet bed like a puddle of mud.With his eyes half-squinted, he opened his mouth toward a royal maid whose face was practically screaming that she wanted to quit:"Ah... the skin on this grape wasn't peeled cleanly, do it again. Also, the pinky toe on my left foot is a bit itchy. Use your soft fingers to scratch it for me. Watch the pressure; I want that 'now you feel it, now you don't' sensation."Meanwhile, in the room next door, Haru was naturally unwilling to be outdone.As a self-proclaimed tactician, he pushed shamelessness to its limit. Under the guise of studying monster weaknesses and recovering brainpower spent on tactical simulations, he placed outrageous orders with the palace kitchen."For today's lunch appetizer, I want Deep Sea Kraken tentacle sashimi. The main course will be Red Lotus Volcano Dragon tenderloin steak. Remember, it must be grilled to medium-rare using only Elven Fire!"Haru, wearing a pair of solid gold sunglasses he'd acquired from who-knows-where, was soaking in a giant white jade bathtub.And it wasn't water in the bathtub at all, but priceless, High-Grade MP Recovery Potions emitting intense fluctuations of magical power!"Ah, bathing in this potion is so comfortable. I feel like every pore is breathing in the fragrance of money. Lady Rein, please play 'Return of the God of War' on the harp for me. I need to find some inspiration."Rein, who was standing at the bathroom door in charge of surveillance, pushed up her reflective glasses and expressionlessly made a note in her notebook:Haru: Wasting high-grade strategic materials for bathing. Recommendation: Execution during future settlement.By the afternoon, the two would even engage in a battle of showing off their wealth on the open-air balcony connecting their guest rooms.Kazuma, wearing a diamond-encrusted crown he'd scavenged from some storage room, held a glass of chilled hundred-year-old vintage and looked askance at Haru:"Yo, isn't this Brother Haru, the one who needs three layers of velvet on the toilet seat just to take a leak? What's the matter, didn't you have your eight personal chefs make afternoon tea for you today?"Haru was draped in a luxurious coat sewn from Polar Snow Fox fur (even though it was summer, he insisted on turning on magical air conditioning for the sake of appearances). He sneered and retorted:"Same to you. I heard someone had three maids take turns telling bedtime stories last night, and because he asked them to imitate the sounds of a succubus, he was almost hauled away by the Knights Order as a pervert?""Lies! That was to train my mental resistance!" Kazuma snapped, flushing with anger."Is that so? Then who was it that washed their feet with high-grade recovery potions, only to end up growing magical mushrooms instead of curing their athlete's foot?"Just as the two were exposing each other's flaws and competing to see who was more degenerate, a sharp sound of metal snapping suddenly came from below the balcony.The two peered down and saw Claire standing in the garden, holding a solid steel knight's halberd that she had snapped clean in half.She was radiating a visible black aura of resentment, her eyes bloodshot as she glared intensely at the two on the balcony, muttering like a demon:"Kill them... kill them... chop them up and feed them to the Slimes... I must kill these scumbags who desecrate the royal family...""Gentlemen!"Just then, Princess Alice ran onto the balcony like a cheerful breeze, completely failing to notice Clairedownstairs, who was on the verge of a mental breakdown.Looking at Haru and Kazuma's extremely exaggerated outfits, she didn't find anything wrong. Instead, she pressed her hands together, her eyes sparkling with admiration."Wow! Are Mr. Lin Jin and Kazuma-san performing some kind of special training? Using expensive potions like water and wearing rare armor as casual clothes... is this the transcendent realm of top-tier Adventurers who 'view money as dirt'?! So cool!"Haru and Kazuma glanced at each other and immediately, in perfect sync, dropped their scoundrel expressions and assumed looks of profound mystery."Ahem, Your Highness has a sharp eye," Haru said deeply, adjusting his gold sunglasses."This is precisely my original 'Extravagant Meditation Method.' By indulging in ultimate material enjoyment, one trains their mental resilience.""Exactly!" Kazuma puffed out his chest and straightened the crown on his head. "We are constantly undergoing grueling cultivation for the sake of protecting Your Highness!"Alice was so moved that her eyes turned red:"You two are working so hard! Tonight, I must have the kitchen prepare an even more sumptuous banquet to reward you!"From the garden below came the sound of Claireslamming her head into a stone fountain pillar and passing out.The Royal Capital, the exclusive infirmary of the Royal Guard Knights Order.Claire, her head wrapped in a thick layer of bandages, was sitting at a simple desk.Her right hand, holding a quill, was trembling violently. With every word she wrote, the tip carved deep grooves into the parchment, as if she weren't writing a letter but carving the flesh off Haru and Kazuma with a knife."To my most trusted dear friend, the young lady of Dustiness Family, Lalatina."Claire read the contents of the letter through gritted teeth, tears of extreme humiliation and anger stinging her eyes."I write this letter to you with a heart full of immense sorrow and despair. Those two scoundrels from your party—Haru and Satou Kazuma—have infiltrated the royal palace! They have deceived the pure Princess Alice with despicable lies and are now living grandly in the VIP guest rooms, leading lives of extreme extravagance and depravity!"Claire took a deep breath, trying to calm her skyrocketing blood pressure, but the moment she thought of those two bastards' faces, she couldn't control her hands:"Lalatina, you cannot imagine how shameless they are! That bastard Haru actually bathes in priceless [High-Grade MP Recovery Potions] every day! He even forced the royal chefs to grill volcano dragon steaks for him! And that scum Kazuma is even worse; he not only... not only used his lowly Thiefskills to steal my... my undergarments, but he also forces pure maids to imitate the sounds of a succubus every day for his amusement! Her Highness has already been corrupted by them, actually believing this is some high-level training to 'view money as dirt'! Lalatina, as a fellow noble of the kingdom, I implore you to come to the capital immediately and take these two scumbags away! Otherwise, the dignity of the royal family will be trampled under their feet!"After finishing the last word, Claire roughly stuffed the letter into an envelope, sealed it with wax, and handed it to the royal messenger pigeon outside the window.Watching the pigeon fly toward Axel, a vengeful light flickered in Claire's eyes:"Just you wait, you two scumbags. Your good days are over!"...Two days later, Axel.Darkness was sitting on the sofa, clutching the urgent letter from the capital.However, the expression on her face wasn't the noble's wrath or righteous indignation that Clairehad expected.On the contrary, Darkness's cheeks were flushed with an abnormal redness, her breathing became unusually rapid, her legs rubbed together restlessly, and even her golden eyes were clouded with a hazy mist."Haah... haah..."Darkness trembled all over, letting out heavy, suggestive gasps."To actually... actually force pure maids to make succubus sounds in the sacred royal palace... and even use high-grade potions for bathing in such an incredibly wasteful and punchable way to show off their nouveau riche status... these two are simply irredeemable, bottom-tier perverted scum!"She suddenly stood up, covering her burning cheeks with her hands, her body writhing like a fish out of water:"Unforgivable! How could such filthy and humiliating treatment be inflicted upon those innocent maids! If they have so many twisted, dirty desires inside them that need venting, they should come at me! I'm the Crusader of the party, the meat shield specifically meant to endure their brutal ravaging!"Just as Darkness was immersed in her irredeemable masochistic delusions, a hand suddenly reached out from the side and snatched the letter away."Let me see! What on earth are those two shut-ins, who left me behind without a word, up to!"Aqua's eyes widened as she skimmed through the contents of the letter.In the next second, her hair seemed to stand on end from anger, and her tears instantly burst forth."Deep Sea Kraken tentacle sashimi?! Red Lotus Volcano Dragon tenderloin steak?! And hundred-year-old vintage?! Waaaaaah! Those heartless bastards! They're actually eating such top-tier delicacies in the capital behind my back! While I'm stuck in Axel eating cabbage every day, they're using high-end wine as mouthwash! Unforgivable! I'm going to the capital to eat them into bankruptcy!""Wait a minute, Aqua."Megumin had appeared behind the sofa at some point. Her red eye gleamed with an extremely dangerous red light in the shadows, and her staff was already creaking under her grip."Did the letter just say that guy Haru is bathing in [High-Grade MP Recovery Potions]?"Megumin's voice was as low as a demon's from hell:"A single bottle of high-grade MP potion is enough for me to cast Explosion Magic three times in a row... and he's using it to bathe?! This is a desecration of magic! This is a provocation to the genius of the Crimson Demon Clan! I'm going to the capital to release the most perfect Explosion Magic into that potion-filled bathtub of theirs and blow them and the palace sky-high!"Darkness, Aqua, and Megumin looked at each other. Although their individual reasons were incredibly bizarre and unrelated, at this moment, they reached an unprecedented strategic consensus."Objective: the Royal Capital! Crusade against Haruand Kazuma!" the three of them shouted in unison
Chapter 209: Bribery!The Royal Capital, the exclusive private dining room of the VIP guest quarters in the palace's east wing.Sunlight streamed through the massive floor-to-ceiling windows onto a ten-meter-long mahogany dining table, illuminating the mountain of exquisite delicacies piled atop it.Freshly air-freighted Ice King Crabs emitted an enticing chill, while sizzling Red Lotus Volcano Dragon Steaks dripped with golden fat. Beside them stood several bottles of Secret Elven Brew, aged longer than the history of Axel itself.Haru, wearing his Polar Snow Fox Coat and pure gold diamond-encrusted sunglasses, held a goblet in his hand as he slumped into a velvet armchair in an incredibly punchable "Ge You Slouch."Sitting across from him, Kazuma wore a half-open silk robe, still sporting that ridiculous diamond-encrusted crown, and was picking his teeth with a small sterling silver knife."Sigh, the palace chef's skills are just so-so. This dragon steak was grilled a fraction of a second too long; the texture is completely ruined."Haru swirled his wine glass, letting out an incredibly pretentious sigh."Exactly. And this king crab meat isn't sweet enough; it's practically inedible."Kazuma casually tossed a priceless piece of crab meat into the nearby trash can and let out a burp."Calculating the time, the Royal Maid Massage Squad I ordered should be arriving soon. Today, I'm going to have them give me a full-body massage using elven essential oils, and while they're at it, listen to them imitate the cries of a succubus."Haru's lips curled into a wicked smile."Oh? Then have them give my shoulders a rub too, while they're at it."Just as the two were flattering each other and displaying the detestable faces of the nouveau riche to the fullest, a sudden "thump, thump, thump" of knocking came from the door.The sound wasn't loud, but it seemed somewhat urgent.Haru and Kazuma exchanged a glance, both breaking into a lewd "if you know, you know" smile.They immediately sat up straight. Haru adjusted his gold sunglasses, striking the cold pose of a domineering CEO.Kazuma intentionally pulled his silk robe lower, revealing his scrawny chest devoid of any muscle definition."Ahem, the door's unlocked."Haru said in an incredibly deep voice he thought was full of magnetism."Come in, lost little lambs. Are you ready to serve the great heroes who saved the kingdom?""Don't be shy, my dear maids, I will guide you very gently~"Kazuma followed with an incredibly greasy laugh.*BANG!!!*The heavy, carved wooden door wasn't gently pushed open as they imagined; instead, it was kicked flying by an incredibly violent force!The two heavy door panels flipped twice in the air before slamming heavily onto the luxurious carpet with a deafening crash.Standing in the hallway outside were three familiar figures that scared the living daylights out of Haruand Kazuma."Found you!!! You two selfish scumbags!!!"Aqua's eyes were locked onto the Red Lotus Volcano Dragon Steak and the Secret Elven Brewon the table, her saliva instantly gushing out like a waterfall.Without a second's pause, she lunged at the table like a crazed wild boar, grabbing dragon steaks with both hands and stuffing them into her mouth, wailing as she chewed."Waaaaah! This is so good! How dare you eat such good things behind my back! In Axel, I was eating cabbage and frog meat every day! Unforgivable! Everything on this table belongs to this Goddess!""A-Aqua?!" Kazuma was so startled he slipped from his chair, his crown falling to the floor.Before they could react, a staff topped with a massive ruby was already pressed against the tip of Haru's nose."I heard there's a clueless nouveau riche here who bathes in High-grade MP Recovery Potions every day?"Megumin's bangs fluttered without wind under the surge of magic power. A crazed red light capable of destroying everything flickered in her crimson eye as she glared at Haru through gritted teeth."Take me to that bathtub. I'm going to unleash the most perfect Explosion Magic inside it and send you magic-desecrating heretics, along with this entire building, into the sky!!!""C-Calm down! Megumin! That's a rumor! Someone is slandering me!"Haru broke into a cold sweat, raising his hands above his head, not even bothering to pick up his gold sunglasses when they fell.Just then, a set of incredibly heavy footsteps, accompanied by strange panting, came from outside the door.Darkness's face was flushed, her eyes were dazed, and her breathing was as ragged as a broken bellows.Clutching her cheeks with both hands, she wriggled into the dining room and then, with a *thump*, knelt before Haru and Kazuma in a perfect dogeza position."Haah... haah... I'm here! I'm finally here!"Darkness looked up at the completely dumbfounded pair with an incredibly longing, even somewhat crazed gaze."Please, don't mind my status! Just treat me like those maids you've coerced! No, please treat me ten times, a hundred times worse than them! Humiliate me ruthlessly with your lewd gazes, force me to make succubus cries, and then throw your leftover bones in my face! I beg you! Please, ravage this shameless Female Knight to your heart's content!!!"Facing this carnage that could destroy the entire palace guest wing, Haru and Kazuma's gazes collided intensely in mid-air after a brief moment of being stunned.It was a soul-level communication beyond words between two top-tier gigolos and bottom-feeding social scum.Haru: Kazuma, these three idiots might have off-the-charts combat power, but their brains don't work right.Kazuma: Got it. Hit them with the privileges little sister Alice gave us! Turn them all into our accomplices!In this life-or-death moment, their mental resilience reached its peak.Haru took a deep breath, forcing down his racing heart. He extended two fingers and, with great elegance, pinched the ruby staff pressed against his nose, slowly pushing it away."Calm down, Megumin. Has your wise Crimson Demon Clan brain not considered the deeper meaning behind all this?"Haru adjusted the gold sunglasses he had picked back up, his lips curling into an unfathomable sneer."You think I'm wasting potions? Dead wrong! I'm using my body to test the mana conductivity of the Royal Capital's high-grade potions! More importantly..."Haru lowered his voice, leaning close to Megumin's ear like a kidnapper."As Her Highness Alice's most valued guest, I have absolute right of passage to the royal family's private lands. There's an abandoned Demon King's Army front-line fortress there, with walls made entirely of mana-absorbing obsidian. If you're willing to put down your staff, I'll take you there tomorrow and let you unleash an epic Explosion Magic that absolutely no one will disturb. How about it?"Megumin's previously murderous red eyes instantly widened, and her ahoge snapped upright.She swallowed hard, her staff slowly lowering."An e-epic... Explosion Magic that absolutely won't be disturbed? R-Really? You're not lying to me?""I swear on my honor as a Tactician."Haru patted his chest solemnly.One down!Seeing this, Kazuma immediately turned to look at Aqua, who was still ravaging the dining table.He snatched up the most expensive, oldest bottle of Secret Elven Brew on the table and waved it in front of Aqua's eyes."Hey, useless goddess, stop gnawing on bones like a hungry ghost who hasn't eaten in centuries!"Kazuma pulled the cork, and a rich aroma of wine instantly filled the air. He spoke in an incredibly arrogant tone."Want this? If you sit down properly right now, call me Kazuma-sama, and promise not to cause trouble in the palace. As the princess's close friend, I'll have the royal kitchen send you ten whole roasted dragons immediately, plus the royal family's special reserve Bubbly Wine brewed from the morning dew of the World Tree—all you can drink!"Aqua's movements suddenly froze, half a piece of dragon meat still hanging from her mouth.She looked at the meat in her hand, then at the wine in Kazuma's, and her tears vanished instantly, replaced by an incredibly fawning smile."Kazuma-sama! You are my one and only faith! From this day forth, the tenets of the Axis Order shall be changed to 'Praise Kazuma'! Please, you must give me ten bottles of that World Tree Bubbly Winewhatever-it's-called!"Aqua sold her soul without hesitation, sitting obediently in her chair and even picking up a napkin.Two down!Finally, both of their gazes fell upon Darkness, who was still kneeling on the floor in a dogeza position, her face flushed as she panted crazily.Dealing with this pervert didn't require spending money at all; it only required abandoning one's moral compass.