The gold-leafed doors of the Royal Suite of the Heroes' Palace shut with a heavy, expensive thud.
Outside, the muffled cheers of thousands of fans still echoed through the streets of Oakhaven. They were chanting his name. They were weeping for her holiness.
Inside, the atmosphere was significantly less "holy."
Nick, the chosen one, slumped into a velvet armchair, ripping off his ceremonial white cape.
He looked like a man who had just spent six hours at a dental convention rather than a triumphant fan meeting.
Across the room, Saintess Lucy was already busy at the vanity, aggressively scrubbing the "Saintly Glow" makeup from her face with a damp cloth.
"My face muscles are cramping," Lucy muttered, her voice devoid of its usual melodic, ethereal chime. "If I have to bless one more snot-nosed orphan with a 'gentle smile,' I'm going to start casting Combustion on the peasantry."
Nick didn't answer. He was staring at a flickering blue screen hovering six inches in front of his nose.
"Something's wrong," Nick said, his brow furrowed.
"Besides your hairline?" Lucy shot back without looking up.
"The System," Nick ignored the jab, though his jaw tightened. "I'm getting a high-priority alert. Look at this."
He flicked his wrist, projecting the screen into the center of the room.
[SYSTEM ALERT: NARRATIVE ANOMALY DETECTED]
[CORRUPTION SOURCE: ALDMAX INFLUENCE SPREADING AT 400% PROJECTED VELOCITY.]
[HIGHER REALMS CHAT FEED: 'BORING! WE WANT BLOOD! 'NICK IS A COWARD!', 'WHERE IS THE MASSACRE?!' 'WHERE ARE THE 1 MILLION DOLLAR ANIMATIONS?!']
[ADMIN NOTE: THE AUDIENCE IS GETTING IMPATIENT, SWEETIE. IF YOU DON'T TRIGGER A MAJOR CONFLICT IN THE NEXT 72 HOURS, WE ARE CUTTING YOUR CHARISMA STAT BY 50%.]
"The Higher Realms are losing it," Nick sighed, rubbing his temples. "They want the showdown. They're bored with the 'Recovery Arc.' They want me to march into the Moors and start swinging."
Lucy finally turned around, her face halfway cleaned, looking more like a disgruntled office worker than a divine vessel. But then, her expression shifted. Her eyes glazed over with a familiar, hungry look—the one she usually reserved for expensive jewelry or particularly rare mana potions.
"The Moors..." she whispered. She wasn't thinking about the Demon Lord. She was thinking about the man she'd seen not so much time ago. The tired, rugged electrician with the sad eyes and the massive... screwdriver. "... That level 1 Kaitoyama."
Nick groaned. "Not this again."
"Nick, you don't understand," Lucy said, standing up and walking toward the window, her hands clasped over her chest in a parody of a prayer. "He had a soul like a cracked obsidian mirror. Tormented. Saddened. Destroyed. I could feel the pain flowing through my very veins... it was a heavy, delicious sorrow. It made my heart ache in a way your 'Heroic Aura' never could."
She turned back to Nick, her tongue darting out to lick her lips in a way that was definitely not canon for a Saint. "He's a reincarnated. I'm sure of it. Nobody born in this world has that level of 'Zero-Percent-ROI' exhaustion in their eyes."
Nick stood up, his face flushing with a mix of ego and genuine irritation. "Enough! You're still my girl, Lucy. Remember the contract? Remember the 'Golden Couple' branding? Do you remember that you cheated on that boring asshole? You're supposed to be in love with me. You must."
Lucy let out a sound that was halfway between a laugh and a gag. She looked at Nick with pure, unadulterated disgust.
"Your girl?" she sneered. "Nick, let's be real for a single second. Do you honestly think I'd be with you if the System wasn't holding a gun to my head? You're the living embodiment of a fantasy protagonist with chronic erectile dysfunction. You spend more time talking to your sword than you do actually... well, anything."
"It's not E.D.!" Nick shouted, his voice cracking. "It's a Narrative Constraint!"
As if on cue, a golden notification appeared between them, glowing with an obnoxious, judgmental light.
[SYSTEM REMINDER: PHYSICAL CONTACT RESTRICTION]
[REASON: THE HOSTS 'NICK' AND 'LUCY' LIVED LIVES OF UTTER DECADENCE, SHAME, AND INDECENCY IN THEIR PREVIOUS WORLD.]
[DEATH CAUSE: DYING LIKE ABSOLUTE BABOONS DRAGGED UNDER A TRACK BY AN ANGRY ELECTRICIAN.]
[PENALTY: ALL PHYSICAL INTIMACY IS PROHIBITED UNTIL THE 'PURIFICATION OF THE SOUL' QUEST IS COMPLETE (CURRENT PROGRESS: 0.02%).]
The room fell into a heavy, awkward silence. Nick looked at the floor, his ears turning bright red.
"I was distracted," Nick muttered. "The truck appeared out of nowhere."
"The point is," Lucy said, crossing her arms over her chest, "even if the System allowed it, I've seen your 'combat style,' Nick. You're all flashy lights and no substance. But Kaito..." she sighed, her eyes drifting toward the ceiling. "In his simplicity, in his previous life... I just know he was a master of the craft. He has the hands of a man who knows how to handle... delicate machinery. He was probably ten times better at it than you'll ever be. Cheating on him was the greatest mistake of my life." She added, with a menacing voice.
Nick's ego didn't just bruise; it shattered. He opened his mouth to unleash a torrent of 'Heroic' indignation, but he was interrupted.
BAM.
The doors to the suite burst open. A swirl of dark shadows and the scent of expensive perfume flooded the room.
It was Luna, the Dark Elf Shadow-Walker, who sashayed into the room, her ebony skin glistening under the magical lamps. She didn't even acknowledge Lucy's existence.
"Nick-sama!" Luna purred, throwing herself at the Hero. She wrapped her slender arms around his neck, her silver hair cascading over his white tunic. "I missed you! The meetings were so long! Your dark elf needs her recharge!"
Lucy didn't even blink. She just went back to the vanity and picked up a nail file. "Careful, Luna. If you squeeze him too hard, he might accidentally let out a 'Heroic Shout' and wake the neighbors."
Nick, desperate to reclaim some shred of masculinity after Lucy's verbal evisceration, leaned into Luna. He placed a hand on her waist, pulling her closer, his fingers dipping just below the hem of her dark leather armor.
Luna's face turned a deep shade of violet. "Ah! Nick-sama... so bold in front of the Saint..."
"She doesn't care," Nick grunted, casting a defiant look at Lucy. "At least someone appreciates the assets of the Hero."
Lucy just hummed a tune, filing her nails with rhythmic, bored precision. "Palpate away, Nick. Just don't blame me when the System gives you a 'Blue-Bolt' shock for violating the decency clause."
Luna giggled, nuzzling into Nick's neck, but then her expression turned serious. She pulled back slightly, her emerald eyes sharp.
"Nick-sama, I have news." She said, adjusting her hair. "Do you remember the scouts I sent to the Blighted Moors... to Fort Blackstone... the ones who stayed behind to witness the 'glorious victory' of Sir Aric?"
Nick's hand stilled. "Yes. I was told that they were dead just 2 hours after we sent them there. So? What happened? They told me to say these things. Maybe Sir Aric is alive and killed the demon lord?"
Luna bit her lip, looking genuinely confused—a rare sight for a cold-blooded assassin. "Not... exactly. The scouts returned an hour ago. They were... traumatized. They weren't wounded by swords or magic, Nick. They were screaming about 'Executive orders', 'Call of the Undead', and 'Spectral HR Departments'."
Lucy stopped filing her nails. She turned her head, interest finally piqued. "Spectral HR?"
"They said Sir Aric hasn't been killed," Luna continued, her voice trembling slightly. "He's been... hired. They saw him scrubbing the moat with a toothbrush in a grey jumpsuit. He refused to be rescued because he didn't want to lose his 'accumulated vacation days.' And Ignis the Grand Wizard..."
"The Master of the Seventh Flame?" Nick asked, standing up. "What happened to him?"
"He's a lamp," Luna whispered. "He's standing in a corner of the courtyard, glowing on command. I was told that there's a curse on him named [Lockjaw] and a name tag that says 'FURNITURE'."
The silence in the room this time was different. It wasn't awkward; it was chilling.
"And the Evil Lord?" Nick asked, his voice low. "Did they see him?"
"They said he didn't look like a demon," Luna said, looking at the floor. "He wore a black cap and robes. He sat on a throne and talked about 'Logistical Efficiency.' He didn't use a dark sword. He used... paperwork. He buried an entire guild in tax forms until they just... gave up and started cleaning the windows." Luna added. "But... the strangest thing that they said is that he is outstandingly beautiful."
Lucy's eyes widened. She stood up, her heart racing. 'Black cap. Beautiful. Logistical efficiency. Beautiful. Robes that look suspiciously like high-quality work-wear. Beautiful. It's him."
"Nick," Lucy said, her voice unusually sharp. "These are not words that you usually hear in fantasy worlds. Think about it. The way the guy in the guild hall spoke in the tavern. The way his companion humiliated you without any explanation from the system... maybe that Kaitoyama is..."
Nick's face paled as the dots started to connect in his head—the slow, agonizing realization that the man he had looked down upon, the 'peasant' he had mocked for his manual labor, was currently turning his best warriors into unpaid interns.
"It can't be," Nick muttered, his hand trembling as it rested on Luna's hip. "Aldmax is a monster. A creature of pure darkness. He's not a... a Project Manager! It can't be a level 1 magic electrician!"
"Well..." Lucy whispered, a dark, excited smile spreading across her face. "...Nick, we aren't facing a demon. We're facing something much worse. A reincarnation of an angry agency boss."
[SYSTEM NOTIFICATION: NARRATIVE SHIFT DETECTED]
[CURRENT GENRE: FROM 'ACTION/ADVENTURE' TO 'CORPORATE HORROR'.]
[HIGHER REALMS CHAT: 'LMAO!', 'NICK IS GOING TO GET FIRED!', 'I BET THE DARK ELF GETS AN NDA FIRST!']
[SYSTEM NOTICE: NDA IS A "NON-DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT".
[HIGHER REALMS CHAT (not visible to the Saintess, because flame is not allowed): 'HOW THE F*CK DOESN'T SHE REALIZE THE SIMILARITY BETWEEN KAITO AND KAITOYAMA? HOW CAN SOMEONE BE SO STUPID?!'
"We need to go," Nick said, his 'Heroic' persona finally cracking under the weight of genuine fear. "We need to call the King. We need the real reinforcements. If this guy starts auditing the Royal Treasury, the whole Kingdom is finished!"
"Oh, Nick," Lucy said, picking up her cloak, her blue eyes glowing with a renewed, predatory light. "I don't think reinforcements are going to help. You can't kill an audit with a magic sword."
She looked out the window toward the dark smudge of the Blighted Moors on the horizon.
"I told you," she whispered to herself. "There's no greater monster than bureaucracy."
Luna looked between the two of them, her ears drooping and twitching. "Nick-sama? Are we still going to kill the monster?"
Nick didn't answer. He was too busy looking at his hands, wondering if they were clean enough to avoid a 'Workplace Violation' if they ever met face-to-face.
Lucy licked her lips. "We're gonna go pay a visit to the guild way more often... from now."