Alisa paced the length of her room, boots wearing a path in the stone floor.
The class had ended hours ago. She'd returned here immediately after, sealed the door with more force than necessary, and hadn't left since.
Her mind wouldn't stop.
Harry's blush. The way her body had responded to it—immediate, visceral, hard. The intrusive thoughts that had followed were graphic and unbidden.
I thought about fucking a student, she thought, disgusted with herself. A boy. Just because he blushed.
Not really a boy, some part of her mind supplied. He was just a year younger than her.
Her dick stirred.
"Stop," she hissed aloud.
A knock at the door made her freeze mid-step.
"Alisa?" Tonks' voice, muffled through the wood. "You in there?"
Alisa's shoulders sagged. "Yes."
"Can I come in?"
She should say no. Should tell Tonks to leave, that she needed to be alone, that—
"Yes," Alisa heard herself say.
The door opened, and Tonks slipped inside, shutting it quietly behind her. She'd changed out of her auror robes into something more casual—dark trousers and a loose shirt that made her look even younger, softer.
Her eyes swept across Alisa's face, taking in everything with practised ease.
"You look like hell," Tonks said bluntly.
"Thank you," Alisa replied flatly. "Very observant."
Tonks crossed the room and dropped onto the edge of the bed, patting the space beside her. "Sit. Talk to me."
Alisa remained standing. "There's nothing to talk about."
"Right. Which is why you're wearing a hole in the floor and look like you haven't slept in days." Tonks tilted her head. "Come on. What's going on?"
For a long moment, Alisa didn't move.
Then something in her gave.
She sat—not on the bed, but on the chair across from it, maintaining distance. Her hands gripped her knees hard enough to hurt.
"I don't know what I am anymore," she said quietly.
Tonks' expression softened. "What do you mean?"
"This." Alisa gestured vaguely at herself, at her body. "The curse. The... dick. I'm not—I don't feel like myself anymore. I'm constantly aroused. Constantly thinking about—" She cut herself off, jaw tight. "Things I shouldn't be thinking about."
"Like what?"
"It doesn't matter."
"Alisa—"
"I thought about fucking Harry Potter today," Alisa said flatly, the words coming out like shards of glass. "In the middle of class. Because he blushed. Not once, but still!"
Silence.
Tonks didn't flinch. Didn't look shocked or disgusted. She just... smiled?
"He's a student," Alisa continued, her voice getting quieter. "A boy. And I sat there imagining what he'd look like underneath me, how he'd sound, how red his face would get when I—" She stopped, pressing the heels of her hands against her eyes. "What the fuck is wrong with me?"
"Nothing," Tonks said simply.
Alisa's hands dropped. "Nothing? Did you not hear what I just—"
"I heard you." Tonks leaned forward, elbows on her knees. "You had sexual thoughts about someone you found attractive. That's not exactly unprecedented."
"He's a student—"
"He's also seventeen, which makes him legal, and a year younger than you," Tonks interrupted. "And more importantly, you didn't act on it. You had a thought, thought it was inappropriate given the context, and you're now feeling guilty about it. That's called having a conscience, Alisa. Not being a monster."
Alisa shook her head. "You don't understand. It's not just him. It's everyone. Everything. I can't control it anymore. The urges, the arousal, the way my body responds to—" She broke off, frustrated. "And the demons. They keep appearing near me. What if I'm the reason? What if the curse made me some kind of beacon for infernal entities?"
"Then we'll figure it out," Tonks said firmly.
"How can you be so calm about this?"
"Because I don't think you're broken." Tonks stood, crossing the small space to kneel in front of Alisa's chair. "Listen to me. You're not a monster. You're not a demon beacon. You're just... unique. And yourself. Nothing else matters."
"Tonks—"
"No, listen." Tonks took Alisa's hands, her grip warm and steady. "The curse changed your body. Fine. You have a dick now, whatever. That doesn't change who you are. You're still Alisa—brilliant, careful, and sweet Alisa. Having a cock doesn't change that."
"But the thoughts—"
"Are normal." Tonks squeezed her hands. "You're dealing with a massive increase in testosterone and a curse probably designed to increase arousal. Of course, you're having more sexual thoughts than usual. That doesn't make you evil. It makes you human."
Alisa wanted to believe her. Desperately.
"What if I lose control?" she asked quietly.
"You won't."
"You don't know that."
"I do, actually." Tonks' thumb traced circles on the back of Alisa's hand. "Because if you were going to lose control, you already would have. Instead, you're here, beating yourself up over thoughts you didn't act on."
Something tight in Alisa's chest loosened slightly.
"I can help, you know," Tonks said after a moment. "With the... arousal problem."
Alisa blinked. "Help how?"
"Well." Tonks grinned, a hint of her usual mischief returning. "I could make it a daily thing. Help you take the edge off before it gets too overwhelming. Keep you stable."
"Tonks—"
"I'm serious." Tonks shifted, moving to sit fully on the floor, still holding Alisa's hands. "Until we figure out how to break the curse, you need relief. Regular relief. And I'm volunteering."
Alisa's face heated. "You can't just... offer to—"
"Why not? We've already fucked." Tonks shrugged. "This would just be... more structured. Therapeutic, even."
"Therapeutic sex," Alisa repeated flatly.
"Exactly." Tonks' smile widened. "And once you're more comfortable with it, we can even bring in other people to help. Share the workload, so to speak."
"Other people." Alisa stared at her. "You can't be serious. No one would want to—"
"I might already know someone who'd be interested," Tonks said casually.
Alisa's breath caught. "What?"
"A boy, actually." Tonks' eyes glinted with amusement. "Someone who could use a bit of... experience. Someone who might not mind helping you out."
The implication hit Alisa like a physical blow.
"No," she said immediately. "Absolutely not. If you're talking about who I think you're talking about—"
"I'm not saying anything definite." Tonks held up her hands innocently. "Just that I might know someone. If you were interested. Which you don't have to be."
"Tonks—"
"Think about it." Tonks stood, pulling Alisa to her feet as well. "In the meantime, let me help with the immediate problem."
Alisa's mouth went dry. "Now?"
"Now." Tonks' hands moved to the hem of her shirt. "Unless you'd rather spend another night pacing and miserable?"