The atmosphere was very soft… a beautiful night, with stars twinkling in the sky. We walked forward together, where? We didn't understand it ourselves. We didn't know where we were going. We were just walking… a night walk with a beautiful girl.
I smiled softly, a smile filled with love.
"Don't smile. When you smile, you look creepy… and this night atmosphere makes it even creepier."
"Are you scared?"
She Smirk.
She turned her head toward me, her eyes filled with calm. The reflection of the moon appeared on her face. She was shining.
"I… I'm not scared of you," she said, laughing.
The way she laughed made me smile too. We both laughed too loudly at this hour, in this empty place, surrounded by farms on every side. If someone heard us, they would probably assume we were ghosts.
"You like the night?"
"I like peace."
"What do you think?"
"About what?"
"Marriage…!"
She sighed.
"I can't do it. I can't act like I want something when I don't even know what I want. What do I want? Every morning I ask myself—Aria, what do you want? And Aria doesn't answer."
"Doesn't she know?"
"How would she know what she wants?"
"Ask her… until she gives you an answer."
"And you? What do you want?"
"I don't have any desires."
"Then you're lucky."
"What…?"
"At least you know that you don't have any desires."
"I had them once… many of them. I lost them all. I let them go."
"Where?"
"Far… far away from me."
"Then how do I let them go?"
"Close your eyes. Look at everything that has happened to you till now. Some memories will come back again and again deep memories. After that, you'll see other memories… other people's dreams… your own dreams… your desires. And in the end, when you open your eyes, you'll find yourself new far away from all confusion."
"You seem very calm."
"It's not about being calm. I'm giving you therapy."
"How do you know I need it?"
"Because I once needed it too."
"Do you still need it?"
"Yes… I miss my brother. My family. My parents. They were the most important people in my life, and I lost them. It's very hard when you end up alone, when there's no one around you, no one to say, 'Stop… we need you.' You just get up and walk away wherever you go."
"Your family… are they not here anymore?"
"No. Both my parents are gone."
"And your brother?"
"He lives abroad… far from me. We met. We had conflicts, but we talked and tried to close that matter. There was an incident between us something that was eating us from the inside, breaking us apart.
And slowly… we both fell apart. Especially me. I was trying to hold myself together, telling myself everything was fine, but in reality, nothing was. I was just tired tired of lying to myself."
"Then he came back. He returned from abroad, met me, talked to me after many years. And then I realized that making a call wasn't that difficult, sending a letter wasn't that difficult either. But when conversations stop, you don't have the courage to take the first step."
"You're different, Aria. We're different. You're sad because no one ever understood you. Everyone ignored you even when you were right in front of them. You wanted to be the best person in everyone's life. You wanted people to include you, but you were never included."
"I'm different. There's nothing in my life that would make you say yes, this is the reason I want you."
"I don't want you."
"So… then… you… forget it"
She started laughing.
Were you expecting that I… would want you? That I would need your support?
Until now, that's what I believed.
You misunderstood.
So what does that mean?
Yes… it's true that I want someone by my side. That part is honest.
But I don't want your support.
Yours… that arrogant face of yours… even if, strangely, I find it attractive.
When I saw you for the first time, I thought what even are you?
What do you mean?
I mean… you live here, in this strange place, yet you don't seem like you belong to it.
You probably have never worked in a field.
Your body has likely never been drenched in sweat from real labor.
You don't look like you're from here.
You don't belong here.
Oh… it seems you understand me better than anyone close to me.
Then why are you here?
I don't know.
We know everything. Sometimes we pretend to know nothing and reply, "I don't know," just to avoid the question.
How do you know if I'm avoiding it or not?
Oh, you have a point. Listen, I don't talk much with everyone. Very rare people grab my attention those whom I want to know, or perhaps those I've started to know… the ones who sound easy to understand.
You mean I'm easy for you?
What am I supposed to say now? I'm not a mind reader. I wish I had some power to dive inside the human brain. It would make things less messy…
Look at the sky. It's empty. Whenever I feel lonely, I look up, exhale a deep breath, and murmur to myself, "I'm not alone, Tej… I'm not alone."
Our conversation picked up speed. We kept talking for one hour, and still it didn't feel enough. It was the first time we shared something this deep with each other. I didn't find it that easy with her, yet she listened to me carefully as if I truly meant something to her… as if she was genuinely trying to understand me.
What kind of connection did we have? We both wanted to say many things, but we stood behind a line the line where if one person crosses it, they might lose everything they've built. A good relationship needs time.
My eyes landed on her lips soft and peachy.
I wished to hold her closer to me, to console her, to tell her the truth I had hidden… not hidden—just left untold.