She calmed down after ten minutes and simply leant against him, her breath hitching occasionally, and she frowned as she looked at the ends of his hair, realising how long it had grown. It now reached his collarbones and needed a cut.
Tugging gently on the strands, he grunted, and she looked up at him.
His face was soft as he met her eyes, and he pressed his lips against her forehead, relishing the fact that he could.
Lifting her chin, she tugged his hair to get his head to lower and her lips found his. He was still for an instant before he kissed her back.
Sliding her arms up around his neck, she pulled herself closer to him and he tightened his grip on her, the kiss deepening into a passionate, hungry and needing thing that had her heart racing. Something changed as his palm touched her wet cheek. He drew back from her and looked down at the black tears that glistened on his palm.
"No… no, this is wrong," he whispered.
She frowned at him, not understanding. Lifting herself slightly, she was disappointed when he turned his head away from her kiss.
"Etani, I want you like you can only imagine, but not like this. Not because Jaia hurt you."
Recoiling, Etani looked from his face to his hand and then pushed herself off his lap as his rejection stung her. He followed after her, but she clumsily avoided his attempts to catch her again, his face drawn.
"That's not fair; don't do that. I will not let our first time be tarnished by your loss. I want it to be because you love me and want me as much as I want you."
He was right, she knew he was right, but that didn't make it any less painful to be rejected twice in one night by the two men she loved the most in her entire existence.
Turning away from him, she headed back in the direction of the stairs. He sighed gently, following after her but staying well back from her to give her space.
She hated that he was right; hated that he was usually right in moments like that. She had wanted to feel something, anything that wasn't the pain of Jaia's words and of losing him when it was only yesterday that he had been telling her he would never love anyone else.
He had lied, or perhaps he simply believed it at the time and then realised he was wrong when she was gone. She didn't know what had happened, nor what she was going to do with the rest of her life.
The stairs proved to be too much for her, and she looked down to find her little ball of parchment against the bottom step. Kicking it away, she heard a scuff and looked around to see Daemon watching the parchment as it rolled away.
His golden eyes turned back to her, and he held out his arms in offer. She frowned, but accepted the offer, and he lifted her into his arms, carrying her up the stairs.
Setting her down again at the top, she let go of him and moved away, shaking her head when he made to follow her.
Growling softly, he was glaring at her in frustration as she looked at him and again shook her head, motioning him towards the door before she turned away and he allowed her to go alone.
Making her way around the castle, she climbed up onto the balustrade and settled herself there, out of sight of the main doors.
What was she going to do? Nayishma had moved on, Jaia had moved on. How many of the others now had their own lives that didn't involve her in any way?
How was she ever going to be able to catch up to them? To her it had only been yesterday, mere hours ago, but to them it was three very long years.
Closing her eyes slowly, she rested her arms atop her knees and wrapped them around her head with her eyes clenched shut, trying to figure out what might have changed and what the world would look like. She had no way of knowing, or even being able to imagine what it would be like now.
A scuff had her eyes opening though she didn't look up, simply listening as they approached in a way that made it clear they were trying to be heard.
The person hopped up onto the balustrade beside her, and a strong arm wrapped around her shoulder. His scent told her it was Sobek, and a movement at her other side told her Bast had come with him.
"It's going to be okay, Etani," Sobek said gently while Bast stroked her hair.
She wanted to scream at them, to beg them to tell her how it was going to be okay, but no sound came out of her throat.
"You focus on something else, give that your full attention, and your heart will eventually catch up," Bast said.
Etani lifted her head to look up at the Goddess. Bast's fingers were light on her cheek, wiping away her fresh tears.
"I hear your little king is starting a new war. Wars are always fun," Sobek said.
She snorted, unable to help but be amused by the warrior God.
Yes, perhaps a war would be good for her. Fighting and killing would be a good distraction.
Leaning against Bast's shoulder, Etani pulled Sobek's hand into her lap. He smiled down at her sadly, his warm fingers interlocking with hers.
"You are going to have to speak to Aurora. I feel she is unprepared for her role and may be losing her mind. You would be doing her a service by taking Winter back," he murmured after a pause.
Etani nodded and closed her eyes, lifting his hand and using his finger to tap her lower lip gently.
"Yes, when you can speak again," he said lightly, his finger lingering against her lower lip before Bast cleared her throat and he jerked, looking up at the Goddess with a sheepish smile.
***
The three of them remained there until the sun was starting to peek over the horizon, and they decided to head back inside, Etani's mind working over the things she would need to do.
Pausing Sobek, he looked at her curiously as she pointed first to him, then herself, and then she punched her palm. It took him a second, but then his grin turned wolfish.
"It would be my pleasure to beat you into a bloody pulp," he said, and she narrowed her eyes at him.
Bast only shook her head and sighed, "Warrior Gods…" as she walked away.
Etani turned on Sobek and lunged for him, but he allowed her to catch him, instead heaving her up and over his shoulder, laughing as he gave her a hard smack on the rump. They followed after Bast while Etani huffed and dug her elbows into his back, but he refused to let her go.
There was no malice in their game, and he knew she was barely able to walk, but when she was back on her feet, there would be no mercy, just the way she liked it.